Dannyabu:
My Wife Lied About Her Age

Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist.

After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old ! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.

She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is.

I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception.

Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work.

I need matured and sincere advice please!

OH LORD!!! PLS DON'T LET ME ENTER THIS KIND OF TRAP KNOW AS "ONE CHANCE"

DUDE!! JUST MANAGE HER LIKE HOW YOU GO TAKE MANAGE TAXI CAR

peedeeasobie:
Am I the only one that is noticing something awkward here?

How was she able to tell you such huge lies?
47-35 = 12.

How young looking is your wife that she was able to deduct 12 years from her age and you didn't notice that something was obviously wrong?


Iget as this story be o! I don't believe this story! Sorry!

Read well and avoid hasty talk. Comment!!!!

Edusouls:
africans and lies, it is the water we drink and the air we breathe, lies are our very enjoyable hobby..talkless of an african woman who is a natural and ceasless liar...they beleive in lying so much that they trust in it more than God...

Preach it bro.

@ Op the issue is straight foward enough. You actually have two options. Leave or stay. In this case both are correct but let me make some points clear to you first.
1, She does not love you! Do not be decieved, she loves the social security of marriage not you as a person. She lied to protect what she loves.
2, She is not humble. She is proud. Proud people lie to protect their fake status. A humble woman will tell you the true situation. That is humility!
3, She is very selfish. She only cares about herself, only her hapiness not yours matters to her that is why she lied to protect ONLY herself!
4, Lastly, she is not loyal. Loyal people strive to protect the subject of their loyalty in this case you but it was never about you, it was all about her and how to manipulate you to marry her.

Now you have all you need to make the right decision and may God help you!

peeparty:



You need only one advice:

Have faith miracles still exist.

peeparty:



You need only one advice:

Have faith miracles still exist.

SO YOU WANT MAKE THE OP BECOME FATHER ABRAHAM ABI

AND HE WIFE GO PLAY THE ROLE OF SARAH

OP!! IF YOU LISTEN TO THIS GUY AND HIS LIKES, YOU ARE A LIVING DEAD MAN!

How sure are you that she reduced only 8 years?

that pastor will ruin you and dont be deceived twice by that woman. are pple now suggesting now that you cannot have ur own children due to ur wife's lies and untruthfuness. o boy wen dem finish enjoying themselves them go come de attend church service regulary and be very obedient to their young unfortunate husband. awon oniranu. abeg free urself and get another wife or die in silence and have to heir .

sonofananimal:
SO YOU WANT MAKE THE OP BECOME FATHER ABRAHAM ABI

AND HE WIFE GO PLAY THE RULE OF SARAH

OP!! IF YOU LISTEN TO THIS GUY AND HIS LIKE, YOU ARE A LIVING DEAD MAN!

Thank God for people like you.

mr man na ur wahala be that

Na your fault jari. Konji na im do u. You be mumu?
How 43 come look like 35 for your head?

OP, I know it hurts cos the age differnce is to much. But let's see it dis way, if you happened to be the one seeking her forgiveness wudnt u want her to forgive u so that both of u can continue as before.

I tink she must hav been a very beautiful woman for her age not to had shown (late 50's ). And u neva bother to know how her feminine side was doin ( irregula menstral period etc)

My advice wud be that u sit down with her and talk tins out, u can adopt (its not always bad to adopt, afterall is not all parent dat is proud to call dir biological kids dir own) or wait and seek God face. He alone gives children.

I hav witness a virgin lady that got married and didn't hav a child till after 7yrs. And hav seen older women givng births like Hebrew women.
There some situations where men take out a second wife or mistress to bare a child but the child did not live long enuf to bless his parents.

Pls Go down on ur kneels and ask God for direction. Pray with ur wife and wat ever decision both of u decides on will be the best.

You said she is a wife material and u love her. So do Wats best.

Yes, what your wife did was wrong since you have confess she is a virtuous woman, then forgive her and move on with your marriage. I don't advice you to look for another woman that could be very dangerous. I don't know if you get what i mean? So pls don't go there. Therefore i advice you to go for adoption, you can go to a distance place and adopt as much as you can, then while at it still waiting for your wife, you don't know what can do. So many have testify to this. Because of our eagerness to have a child of our own, has made our wives to sleep with pastor, alfa, and native doctors in order to satisfy their husbands. And you ended up carrying another mans child. The devil has use it to destroy many homes. thats why we have bad boys and girls around this days. But when you adopt a baby anywhere, then the hands of the Lord we be with you because of the baby and he will surely bless your marriage abundantly. Pastors we never tell these. And you and your loving wife will live peacefully, joyfully and God may decided to see your faithfulness and blesses you with one. What i have just told you is a secret, that only the wise can understand. forget about weather you are Africa or not. am also a minister of God. gnwaneri@ymail.co

Love..love..love every were...cnt you see its all a game from the start..nawa o,..1)she knws the age gap..2)she kept quite knwing her chances of making babies is thin,.and wnt let u decide if u wnt that too...here is her game sumary bro..:play 100% good to trap his hrt and emotion 4ever weakening him to his feet..then shut-up and get married..allow years to passby to make divorce seem like a childsplay..then burst the truth bubbles..now he is week and down by the unrecoverable yrs/my goodnes and tears that wl still keep me in his house..everytin stil going wrng? I stil has his hrt as he wl 4ever be weak so i still dictate and my resolve is we adopt a baby and i raise it,this mother and child display will finally smelt his hearth in my palms that now its vivid am going no-were.............sorry u featured in 'GAME OF MARRIAGE BRO'....bt vacancy for the producer stil exist....try this game:.rent a woman with a bit grown child teling her they are 4rm ur past or ua sorry u hv bn cheating all these yrs and this is the result and see everyting u thought exists in her is a mirage....i likia iburu ihe na esi,anyi akpo gi ori mai-mai.

melodies:
If the tables were turned and you were the one needing forgiveness and a listening ear, would you ask these questions? You r not the first man with an older wife in Africa! Don't subject your wife to mockery for nothing. Be kind!

Please in this situation, childbearing could b risky, adoption remains d option. Some biological kids turned out to murder their parents, while some adopted became d cornerstone of the parents. I wish you all d best in your decision.

...gy dia is noting as good as having a child of your own....why should he suffer bcause a woman has decided not to be sincere to him...he should and marry another one....if he dies today thats the end of his line...lets be fair pls..love is not everything...

It's a very critical time for u. This is a situation of deceit. She forcefully imposed herself on you. You now have full right to accept or reject. You may accept if u wish. But for the sake of children, you may call it off because the reason of marriage is for procreation and in this context, u have been fooled. My advise is that you speak to your doctor to find out her chances of giving birth first since I can pinpoint u want kids. If there are chances, then give her a chance. If chances are slim, don't waist time. Call it off. But remember ! God is the giver of life. Dont kill. Since she fully understands the implication of her action, and she has been crying which shows remorse , u guys should talk about peaceful dissolution as the case may be. I wish u guys best of luck.

And I keep asking myself since kids are the glue that holds Naija marriages, why don't Naija couples go for fertility test b4 marriage

nzeobi:
How sure are you that she reduced only 8 years?

Lol..i swear..lie na lie..as she said reduction case closed..she fit be the mama age sef..

Dannyabu:
My Wife Lied About Her Age

Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist.

After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.

She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is.

I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception.

Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work.

I need matured and sincere advice please!

pls I beg u don't divorce her simply bcus she lied 2 u, jst 4gve her frm ur hrt. U meant b lookn @ her dat she is old or sumtin, but nside her is urg n strong 2 carry 2win babies 4 u. We all sin evriday, evry min, evri hour yet our creator 4gve us all, den who Rr we nt 2 4gve each oda. Wat I want u 2 do is dat , u n ur wife shud b vry prayaful n 2ok 2 GOD abt ur hrt desire he wil surely grant u guys.

buygala:
Op should stop crying over spilt milk and move on to try and impregnate a younger damsel....There are a lot of them these days who are ready to be baby mamas for the right price .... ask Olamide, Davido, Wizkid, etc

This is one of the few situations where Cheating is not only advisable but absolutely necessary..... A woman who can hide such a sensitive matter isn't worthy of being faithful to ..... op might as well divorce the woman and marry some younger blood if his conscience is too soft to allow him cheat


And for all those acting here all 'mature' and shitt , Being 'mature' by forgiving his wife isn't going to give him kids or undo the lie .... That marriage is irretrievably doomed because the dude will even start questioning the woman's 'Good Morning', and the woman will always feel guilty and victimized if any argument comes up in the house. ... THE PASTOR ISN'T GOING TO BE THERE WHEN ALL THE BAD BLOOD STARTS COMING OUT AFTER THE 'FORGIVENESS' ...... A WOMAN WHO CAN LIE LIKE DAT CAN EVEN KILL, AND DOESN'T DESERVE FORGIVENESS OR ANY SOFT LANDING OF ANY KIND

If you are saying someone should not forgive, then you yourself can kill. And if you cannot forgive, dont bother ask God to forgive you your sins. Please give the man a better advice.

NOE: The weak will never forgive; forgiveness is the attitude of the strong

Thank You

RickRichards:
Listen to your pastor. As you can already see, there is a dearth of matured comments on here, and it's not going to get better with time. You'll do well to post this in the family section.

I thought i was the only onw who noticed. I dont understamd wat this place is turning to these days

I do not know if people are just plain judgemental that all sense of reason flies out the window or they just are immature and unexposed but I sense it's a combination of all these things.

Now I do not excuse what your wife did but please let he who is without sin cast the first stone. She has begged your forgiveness and sincerely I see no reason why she cant be forgiven, after all to err is human and to forgive is divine.

Marriage is not just about procreation but also about commitment and most of all companionship and I believe it's the latter that brings about procreation. However, suppose fathering your own child is quite important to you and you have a right to that but not at the expense of your marriage! Besides there are so many ways of achieving that right now with the limitless opportunities science has provided. Asides IVF which might not be encouraging due to your wife's age, you can employ a surrogate to carry the pregnancy to term for you. If gay people can have children of their own, I wonder why a straight couple cant. Its all about making use of all the information readily available and being OPEN MINDED about its use. I sincerely hope and pray you can find it in your heart to really FORGIVE your wife and move on to achieving your goal of having and raising your kids together. PS it could happen to anyone as even a 21 year old virgin could have issues with child bearing! KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

love is all that matter's there's nothing like a wife material op
there's is nothing like a perfect woman out here, u guz still have the chance of having ur own kids
show her more love and care
forget about the past people will always talk the fake life we live is the people, love ur wife no matter what she have done, as long you guz are happy together
there's nothing like being happy. have faith all will be just perfect in time bless u both op

Huh... I feel bad about your story. Some women are not loyal. Too bad.

****picks up mic and clears throat**** What should you do?? Send her packing if that's what you want to do.


But listen, the did has been done, all you can do is love her, cherish her(afterall you made a vow) and be there for her instead of seeking for "what to do about her case" ****drops mic****

redcliff:


I thought i was the only onw who noticed. I dont understamd wat this place is turning to these days

Pastors are not experts in family and marriage related issues!

I lied about my age too. I'm not proud of it but after we got married my husband found out I was 3 years younger. He wasn't angry it was no big deal cos I opened up.

Forgive her and move on. She did the wrong thing for maybe the right reason...

[b]Nairaland females and hypocrisy,seeing the title of the thread I know their advise would be “forgive and keep loving her"more like dinning with the devil,,,and please,nobody should drag God name into this,God won't listen,infact god has distance himself from the woman.....

After her years of youthful exuberance knowing fully well how she was created,knowing that are eggs are not that much....

And you mr man is stupid,infact calling you stupid will be an insult to stupid people,blinded by love the though of doing a fertility test just flew far from you....you know what you wants,you want a beautiful. Young lady that will bear you a child,a lady whom you will be proud of walking with down your street....once a slu,t wants to settle down she amends her ways,so your story about her being this and that is out of the picture....

Seek for divorce,then sue her for fraud,make sure she repays you back all you lost all these years,financially,emotionally and mentally.....

Then lokk for a young lady to marry,don't even consider surrogate or IVF,if you can't keep up with her old age....


This should serve as a lesson to men don't be blinded by love...

Should you ignore this,then it simply means you are ready to accept and dine with a devil..[/b]

@op
I am surprised you didn't observe 8yrs difference in age of your spouse from onset, abi no so love the shark you. if is 1 or 2 yrs is excuseable but 8yrs. Anyway I wish you luck I whatever decision you take.

Always look b4 you leap next time

sweatlana:
I lied about my age too. I'm not proud of it but after we got married my husband found out I was 3 years younger. He wasn't angry it was no big deal cos I opened up.

Forgive her and move on. She did the wrong thing for maybe the right reason...

He probably wasn't angry because he got what he wanted,if not it won't have been funny,you built your marriage on lies..

kpolli:


No, it would have delayed this topic.... It would have been how her menopause suddenly started in her mid 30s then they go to the doctor who reveals that she is way beyond 30....

Yeah that's true. Maybe because I know how it feels to be in denial.

But youre right, she would have been caught nonetheless

FIRSTLY YOUR PASTOR IS A CRIMINAL there is divorce in the bible and if you have not read it go to Ezra and see it there and it is permitted that you go your seperate ways in situations like this for God said increase and multiply and if you marry it is definitely the will of God for you to have children and if this is not happening then there is not any need to remain in the marriage more so when the woman has lied to you about her age and cant bear children which may be spiritual and your so called pastor also has children and he is telling you to be patient and die in your patience without having your own children,it means the pastor must be called to questioning and enough of all this nonsense about my PASTOR SAID ?how about if this is a spiritual problem and attack on your person and life existence and your pastor dont have spiritual power to deal with it and he is telling you to be patient based on what the your wife is telling her spiritually to tell you ?how do you know because you are spiritually blind and as am seeing it your wife is more spiritual than you so you must wise up and look for an escape route and save yourself before it is too late:do not say you where not warned as this is instruction direct from heaven