Dannyabu:
My Wife Lied About Her Age

Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist.

After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.

She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is.

I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception.

Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work.

I need matured and sincere advice please!

mechanics:
Sir, since she has told u d truth, den u need to 4give n 4get, u talked abt beauty,

Which truth? The wife did not tell him the truth, she accidentally opened up to the fertility specialist in the presence of the husband probably because she felt it my aid the specialist to profer solutions to her problem.
'We began consulting a fertility specialist.
After she (i.e the Fertility Specialist) started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.'

did u marry her base on beauty, if dats d case u need to pray to God to bring back d luv u had 4 ur wife b4 u got weded, divorce is nt d issue, believe God ur wife wil cari her baby, hw old was Sarah wen she gave birth to Isaac, read Gen 11:30, 16:1, 18: 1-15, 21:1-8, oda women who were barren and God answered their prayers were Ruth, Rebeccah etc, dey waited patiently on God, and dey didnt divorce their husbands, pray without ceasing, 1 Thess 5:16-18.

Gurgle:


Mehn...although I am also guilty of this sometimes...please don't allow whatever may have happened to you in your life to cloud OP's actions.. his life is at stake here and you sound personally pained

mnguz:
And u have never told her a lie? I know younger couples who have no children God is d giver of children o

kevinberry:


Am not pained,I just want everybody to be responsible for their actions and this is a golden opportunity to preach the message,I won't want to be love out of pity,that why I believe that If I could try as much as possible to be healthy and fertile in terms of fertility,I see no reasons why I should put up with your short-coming,love or no love....I want that to be part of our life,that way people will learn to be cautious of their life and how the decision they make affect people....

Orkpekyandega:
Sonofananimal where are you?
We need you to come and give your counsel here.

peeparty:


You need only one advice:
Have faith miracles still exist.

seedgrows:
op don't leave her if she is loving and caring as u have written on ur post please if you let her go you will regret it sooner or later, she made a mistake out of desperation cos she truly wants to be with somebody I think God has blessed u with such a woman be happy with what u have who knowns what will happen if u let her go.
one thing u have to understand out there in the world nothing as a perfect woman. lot of comment here that u should get a young lady please do not be deceive u can't tell what the next woman will look like
God bless u and ur lovely wife take care of her she deserve the best from u as u have always supported her

Abugab:
If you love her as you said stick with her.
Forgive her from the dept of your heart and show this to her so that she will be relaxed. Due to her age she doesn't need to be under any tension so she can conceive and give birth without any issue.
She is obviously a wife material and I am confident she will make a good mother too. Just make her relaxed and put the past behind.
Wish you the best

kevinberry:
[b]Nairaland females and hypocrisy,seeing the title of the thread I know their advise would be “forgive and keep loving her"more like dinning with the devil,,,and please,nobody should drag God name into this,God won't listen,infact god has distance himself from the woman.....

After her years of youthful exuberance knowing fully well how she was created,knowing that are eggs are not that much....

And you mr man is stupid,infact calling you stupid will be an insult to stupid people,blinded by love the though of doing a fertility test just flew far from you....you know what you wants,you want a beautiful. Young lady that will bear you a child,a lady whom you will be proud of walking with down your street....once a slu,t wants to settle down she amends her ways,so your story about her being this and that is out of the picture....

Seek for divorce,then sue her for fraud,make sure she repays you back all you lost all these years,financially,emotionally and mentally.....

Then lokk for a young lady to marry,don't even consider surrogate or IVF,if you can't keep up with her old age....


This should serve as a lesson to men don't be blinded by love...

Should you ignore this,then it simply means you are ready to accept and dine with a devil..[/b]

Gurgle:


He married her when she was 43, shes now 47

Orkpekyandega:
Sonofananimal where are you?
We need you to come and give your counsel here.

Dannyabu:
My Wife Lied About Her Age
The relationship built on falsehood would end up crash, there's nothing wrong if ur wife is older than you but not as much as 8 years, I will advice you to get married to a younger lady who can give you children. A lesson to all don't be too desperate on whatever you're seeking, out of desperation caused this
Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist.

After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.

She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is.

I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception.

Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work.

I need matured and sincere advice please!

buygala:
Op should stop crying over spilt milk and move on to try and impregnate a younger damsel....There are a lot of them these days who are ready to be baby mamas for the right price .... ask Olamide, Davido, Wizkid, etc

This is one of the few situations where Cheating is not only advisable but absolutely necessary..... A woman who can hide such a sensitive matter isn't worthy of being faithful to ..... op might as well divorce the woman and marry some younger blood if his conscience is too soft to allow him cheat


And for all those acting here all 'mature' and shitt , Being 'mature' by forgiving his wife isn't going to give him kids or undo the lie .... That marriage is irretrievably doomed because the dude will even start questioning the woman's 'Good Morning', and the woman will always feel guilty and victimized if any argument comes up in the house. ... THE PASTOR ISN'T GOING TO BE THERE WHEN ALL THE BAD BLOOD STARTS COMING OUT AFTER THE 'FORGIVENESS' ...... A WOMAN WHO CAN LIE LIKE DAT CAN EVEN KILL, AND DOESN'T DESERVE FORGIVENESS OR ANY SOFT LANDING OF ANY KIND

seedgrows:

now I understand ur pains, you don't have to destroy someone's happiness due to frustration my friend the op need ur help read his post very well she is not a nagging wife she is loving and caring. do u have any suitable woman for him if u do introduce her to d op am only trying to give the best advice at of experience what do u know about marriage and relationship? okoro be very careful don't destroy someone's happiness due to hanger pls one love

Dannyabu:
My Wife Lied About Her Age

Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist.

After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.

She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is.

I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception.

Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work.

I need matured and sincere advice please!