understanding? im sure he's thrilled

And so we went for a 3 week honeymoon. It was fantastic! Absolutely wonderful! My husband was the best man in the world. He was a friend to behold, everyone admired our union. Shortly after our wedding, he was promoted at work and everything was working for our good. It was indeed the best time of my life. We decided not to have kids immediately so we could know ourselves more and generally enjoy our lives before kids start rolling in.

About two years after we got married, we had our first child and we named her oluwadara. Her delivery was smooth, my husband was in the delivery room from beginning to end, he helped me thru'

By now, i was feeling over the moon! A mother! Wow! My husband got so excited about being a father, he put our baby's picture everywhere, office, study, car, etc

These are really good stories. Makes me wanna get married and start sharing my story.
Too bad the boys they give birth to nowadays are mostly assholes. Thank God some of them are still normal. At least a girl can still dream of marrying prince charming.

Oh yes HA, u can do it! Keep your dream alive girl.

Thanks for the advice. More of your story. I'm enjoying it... how's dara? I bet she's a cutie.

And so our marriage was blissful! Marriage made in heaven. Everything went absolutely fine and you better trust me when i say that.

However, tragedy! Tragedy! Tragedy!  One thuursday morning, my husband was driving home from work and he fell victim of accidental bullets. Some robbers had been operating and began to spray hapharzardly hitting over 15 cars and from what we heard, all the occupants died.

MY husband and best friend was gone! My world was torn apart.

No dablesssed. Noooo!!! Awwwww....... I'm sorry. I really am sorry. WHy would a sweet story just turn arround and become bitter?

I pray you find another man that'll love you and your child.

Accept my condolence

Thanks HA. Life is full of mysteries that we may never understand.

We are doing great! Its been four years and indeed the lord has proved faithful and true to his word.

Four years? How's your child doing? Hope she's fine.

Yes dear, my girl is doing absolutely great.  Thanks a bunch for your love.

You r most welcome.

..............God damn it. How ? and Why should you face this misery..... Not to worry God knows best... Am sure in the nick of time... he will restore your peace and love by giving you a man that will Love u and ur baby...

oh Dablessed, what can i say? what can anyone say? i'm speechless. but you do know that our God is good. surely He will bring sunshine back in your life again. give my love to your daughter. we are survivors.

OMG...................i'm so sorry dablessed. Oh no what a sad end. I hope God continues to strengthen u and your kid. Stay blessed.

awww, dablessed the lord is with you

@dablessed
Take heart my sister. The almighty God will always be with you, in Jesus name

This is about my marriage.I LIVE IN LAGOS NIGERIA..I met my husband in a bus on my way to LAGOS..What attracted me was his gentle looks and his sense of humour during our discussion..he acted to be God Fearing..he took me to a beach and proposed to me..my families didnt want me to marry him.but i prevail..with God intervention and prayers..cos he was consistent and never gave up...I have been married for 10years.. our wedding and honeymoon was actually unique..things were really moving fine but i think i made a big mistake marrying him... A

fter my first son's birth and my daughters...but problems starts cripping in when my husband started making money..right now my marriage is crumbling.and i think i need an advice on this issue...he beats me,,,throw my things out of the house...he makes some statements like...me not succeeding..that i do not like my fineface..and even telling me if i remeber how a man slaughterd his wife...i dont understand the meaning of the..i have never been unfaithfull to my husband though am beautiful..i believe that when one is married you dont need to be unfaithful but focused.

why i said i made a mistake is becos..i have tried to achieve so many thing but he wouldnt allow me cos he thinks am beautiful and that other men might see me if am too expose..thats why he stopped me school.cos there are lots of men there...closed down my shop cos they pentronize me and even seized my handset.he is quite jealous..and so many others..he has turned me into full time house wife..the worst of all is that he doesnt provide me with money even for the kidz cos he feels i will go out if he is not around..

please my fellow friends i do not know the reason for all this..how can you leave with a wife or woman if you cant trust her.. the owrst of all is that i have caught him several times with womwn even up to going to the hotel where he lodged..he come back feeling cool and telling me that only men are allowed to do that...Pls how can i love so a man..i even got an inormation that he is in a cult...he keeps late night and bad friends..he is not even a christian as he claimed..

PLEASE IS IT RIGHT TO PULLOUT BEFORE HE KILLS ME IF WITHIN THE BREAK OUT CAN I REMARRY..WHAT HAPPENS TO MY FOUR KIDS..THEIR SCHOOL..HOW AM I SURE THEY WILL BE TAKING CARE OF PROPERY AND NIN GOOD SCHOOLSHOULD I GO TO THE WELFARE??

Right now..am feed up and tired of the whole thing and need a break..

I think we need a break...

please i need all of your advice Soon??

CILLIA

@prinseth2003
Get out of that marriage. There are never any excuses for that kind of behaviour.
Make sure you plan everything properly so that you won't be suffering even more because you left.

OMG prinseth, is this really happening to you? Am so sorry. Like nferyn said,you have to bolt and do it smartly. Remember the former minister of Education Jibril Aminu? He was mean like that to one of his wives and she had to escape. She said she moved her things gradually over A period of about 1 year, till she got everything out. She also saved alot. I guess the best advise would have been for you to try and work things out but not when voilence is invovled. No man has the right to beat up another mans daughter. What about your kids? Do they witness his wickedness to you?

sorry gurl 4 da troubles u r going through..diz is da time u will regret u would have listened 2 ur parents right....well da mistake has been done so we need 2 find a solution 2 da problems...perosnally, i can neva be a house wife and cannot marry sum1 without finishing ma education even if da promises 2 further ma education 4 me..i just don't like da concept..if u cnanot wait until i finish skool. well go find urself sum1 else.....gurl, jsut find a way 2 move and u can imagine, now cheating on u and won't let u out cuz he knowz wud up....every lady needs 2 be working cuz SOCIALIZATION is a key cuz its a process of learning and if u were a working class woman, he wouldn't have da guts 2 treat u anyhow and 2ndly, u have a source of income in case of incacity which u r facing now.....I hope dat God will interven soon..keep praying and look 4 wayz 2 disappear..good luck sista

Prinseth, it's a shame your husband batters you. I am so sorry about that. Personally, i don't counsel wives to leave their matrimonial home but this one pass me o. It appears your life is in danger, why not seek pastoral counsel as a matter of urgency?

So many mistakes have been done. For instance you should have waited until you received your parent's consent before marrying him. Parental consent is very, very vital ( even if your parents are witches )

He does not seem to trust you because one way or the other, trust was betrayed when you were courting - sex was probably not in control during courtship.

Anyway, the deed has been done and there is no point crying over spilt milk. However, for our singles, you have many lessons to pick from prinseth's case.

Wisdom is profitable to direct. May the wisdom of God avail for you in this situation.

All the best.

kenflavor:

Dear Cecillia, I wouldn't advice u leave this man for now. I will advice you seek God's face (intervention). Everyone has his or her own CROSS, may be this is yours, so, u need go see a very good man of God in your area or most especially the one you think your husband respects a lot and explain your problems to him. May be through this God might intervene on your behalf and see you through your present predicament. After enough prayers and men of God interventions, if he refuses to change then you can now leave him finally, but make sure u have a good preparation and plan for yourself before u leave his house.

Kenflavor, I [b]strongly [/b]disagree with you here.

Cillia, If you are a strong Christian, by all means go and seek out spiritual help but [b]never [/b]let your husband know that you are considering to leave the house in any way. Make your preparations, but ensure that he does not know. If you think that guidance by your pastor can help him change his way, try it out. At the same time, prepare to leave him. If it doesn't work out, don't let that man destroy your life. He is not worth having you as a wife.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. And do not waste any more of your precious time.

Also, seek out legal council immediately. You should know what your rights are and what his obligations are.

kenflavor:

@Nferyn
I had never said she should let her husband know about her packing

I thought the implicit message was: wait to act untill you've passed through all counceling sessions with your spiritual advisor, including sessions to make your husband change his ways.

My advice is: act immediately.
She cannot live in such an abusive situation. That man is a egoistical monster on a power trip, pure and simple.
One thing made me think that this situation was beyond redemption: what self respecting man can leave his wife home alone without even enough money to take care of the children. The man is not fit to be in a relationship with anybody.

nicetohave:

I agree with you nferyn but you cannot make categorical statements about the man based only on what the woman has said, you may however give her counselling on what she should do but not about the man himself, that is both unfair and unwise.

Obviously, I can only go by what she has said, but consider the following (if she wasn't liberal with the truth):
* he beats her
* he throws her stuff out of the house
* he makes implicit death threaths
* he stopped her in her education
* he prevented her from making her own money
* he seized her mobile phone
* he does not give her enough money to take care of the kids

If all of that is true - regardless of what she did/does - I stand by my statements on the man.

@Nferyn
what if the man apologises to his wife and promises not to repeat same again after spiritual counselling? I don't believe there is an error in trial and nothing is impossible!!!

If all she has said happens to be true,then i think she needs to follow nferyn's advise cos she's gone thru alot.

I'm so sorry u had to go thru all ds.

Hearing abt some pple's marriage,i feel like gettin married immediately cos of the happy moments they share and on hearing abt some other marriage stories,i hate it to the core.

she said she's been in this marraige for 10 years and i guess this didn't start today. if that is the case then i think she must have tried counselling, etc.
so i conclude that nothing has worked.
yes, i agree with nicetohave that we've not heard the man's version of the story and its very true that the woman has some portion of blame in this whole sordid tale.
[b]nevertheless, no man should treat a woman the way this man has been doing.[/b]My advice to the woman is to leave him immediately in a very sensible very calculating manner. his likes will not change overnight. she must act for her own safety.
seek all kinds of help/advice, legal, welfare etc.

As per getting married again, @kenflavor
i say marraige is not only about having kids.
Now this depends on her beliefs and religious inclinination. if she is a christian, then i guess she isn't permitted to marry again.
i wish you the very best as you make a wise decision (probably the most important in your life so far)

christyne:


Hearing about some people's marriage,i feel like gettin married immediately because of the happy moments they share and on hearing about some other marriage stories,i hate it to the core.

I feel u

Marriage is not as simple as most people at times percieve it to be. Its not what most teenage girls dream about bliss and forever after. It is an institution that requires commitment [i][/i]from both parties to progress. People in marriage alwayz discover that life still remains the same, the monotony and boredom is there, everyday problems to deal with but now accompanied with a complication ie involving another persons thoughts in all u do. I don't support physical abuse in any form so il advise this lady to discretely find a way out. Entertaining physical abuse just to preserve a marriage is not worth it.
      I can also understand her fears about getting married again. Most african women feel that way b/because they think no other man will want an already 'overused' article with a lot of baggage. Such a mentality is self defeating and usually does mostly harm and little, if any good. There are men out there who would love to take care of you in any case so you should feel free to meet other people. You are not alone in your plight, many marriages are undergoing the same thing today. You need to keep a strong mentality and a positive outlook. Ur outlook can help shape the way things turn out for you. Life takes diffrent turns at times and anybody that is sincere enough will tell you that your best friend today (i don't care if it is your husband, wife etc), can turn around and use and abuse the trust that u have in them and turn your worst nightmare. Its hard to move on i know but at times lingering behind does more harm.

ive seen so many cases where women tend to do themselves more harm than good by clinging at something that has already sunk. One of our family friends got married to a man 4 a few months b/4 the man started to abuse her and threw her out while she was pregnant. The girl and her family thought the guy would come back to beg but he did not. He did not even show up after the birth of his son. After a while the girls family decided to go and meet him. The original cause of the break up was that the guy was chasing and sleeping with other women and she wanted him to stop. He felt she had no right to tell him that and when her demands continued, he started to abuse her and then threw her out. The girl's family were schoked that he already had another woman in the house. When he was asked to state why he did not want her back, afterall, he had married her a virgin, the bastards cold blooded reply was "she no longer does it 4 me, i dont care what she was when i married her, i never cared, she simply does not do it 4 me and i simply dont want her in my life anymore. The girl and her family was devastated. They could not belive that this was the same guy that had come begging 4 their daughter b/cos she was a good and innocent girl and that he did not want any of the 'wild' girls that had been sleeping with men b/4. Now he was actually living with such a 'wild' girl and was planning to marry her.
The girl in question still refused to move on even after several pleadings (most of which my own mom was involved in) were made in her behalf to this guy. She let 5 valuable yrs of her life go by and refused to meet other people (i guess the feelings stemed from the idea that she was of less value now and had an extra baggage. She was one of the girls that dreamt of wedding nights, and happily ever afters. She could not bring herself to accept the fact that faced her. She didnot want to imagine that the guy probably decided to marry her just b/cos he wanted to sleep with her and then kick her out just like that as she had alwayz refused to sleep with him through out their dating and shatter all her life long dreams of spending her life together with the first man she knew). its now over 5 yrs and she has decided to start moving on again even though her feelings of less worth is still there

I dont see any reason why any woman should continue to cling to a marriage that involves an abusive partner just b/cos of the fear of the unknown. If it has failed, u can alwayz move on. There are people out there that would alwayz cherish u, even if ur present partner does not