@ lioness
Marriage? Indeed, quite a funny experience when you look back. Especially during the earlier years. Learn't a hard lesson then too.

I had been brought up to believe that women were supposed to be at your beck 'n call. So one time we were having one of those
quarrels and as usual, I refused to eat. I expected her to beg me as always though I was at fault. Had planned not to eat her food
no matter so as to 'punish' her.
Food's ready, she called out to me in her fave endearment;
Hugh, I barely uttered a grunt in acknowledgement, but didn't move, my face in a scowl. 5 minutes later, she called again. This
time I declared I wasn't eating, my voice a li'l bit sharper. Any moment from now, she should come begging, and I will remain adamant
I planned.
But wait a minute; she's already eating and not waiting for me as usual. That got me angrier. Worse still, I was hungry and my
stomach began to 'grumble'. But how can I go to the table when I'd already declared I wasn't ready to eat. PRIDE.
But you can't go to bed hungry, I reasoned with myself - meanwhile my stomach was rebelling and the ol' girl appeared not
to notice my predicament. If only she will beg, I will 'reluctantly' go for my food - but no way. She was even enjoying her food
when you look at the way she smacked her lips. Please beg me now so I can come over, I pleaded wordlessly. No way.
Ok, don't beg - just call me again,pleeaaaasse, for my stomach's sake. I can't bear going to bed in this situation, with my
stomach ready to give me trouble. But Pride ( and shame) wouldn't allow me. And the woman even REFUSED to look my way.
I became angry. I'm not going to marry her again. Nope, I will ( what excuse will I give to my mother? because she didn't beg me?
My mama will 'kill' me. Two women? Me alone? Can't take that risk). I won't talk to her - ever again.
That night was a most harrowing night for me. Sleep wouldn't come because of my biting hunger. Did I hear her snore? This woman must be
wicked.
I went to work the following morning angrier (with every body) and hungrier. I didn't wait for her 'lousy' breakfast - I doubt if she even
noticed my departure. What are these women turning to? At work, I went straight to the canteen. It was not the same as home food.
Later that day, back home - and still scowling - she called again: 'food is ready'. Don't go said one mind; she has to apologise for yesterday's
wickedness. Thank God my legs didn't listen. I ate my food jo o, after all, na my money. What is she laughing at - couldn't see anything funny.
Maybe she's gone gaga. That's her problem as I attacked the food.
I have never forgone my food because of anything since then; and the good lady has been kind not to remind me of that foolishness.

@feelgood, thats some story you got up der bro, love your write up man true to a life story could see me acting the way you did men,

@everyone else, this is so great a thread and i really really wished i was married wouldnt have wasted a second in penning down my own experience,

My heart goes out here to all sisters (dablessed,angela and bagoma)who lost their spouses, your stories brought tears to my eyes but always remember not to forget to take consolation in the fact that your spouses are in a better place and keeping a watchful eye over you and your kids, My prayers are with you all,

And for those of us who are yet to get married may ours be once and for all and nothing to be regretted, Cant wait for my nairaland spouse, oya where u dey,

Am enjoying this forum, i never knew there is such

life is up and down like wise marriage

Marraige is full of the blue and the red part,

pls keep posting am learning, actually i wasnt planing to wed now i still ve a long way to go.
all the same i read some post like dablessed,angela and bagoma, i was crying.

I wish the 3 of them happy and joyous life

Life u all

@feel good

This is one good piece. LOL!
Thanks for sharing your bit with us.
I guess this is one out the numerous that goes on in marriage.
I pray God gives me the spirit of tolerance

@gaby - not to worry, you will get your partner and both of you will have fun. Just ensure you are tolerant
and remove pride from your dictionary.
@ lioness
Quite funny,huh? But it wasn't then. However, marriage itself is a wonderful experience. It's better with God in it.
But not all quarrels should be like the one I posted earlier.

I had learn't my lesson about refusing food because of quarrel and vowed never to fall for that 'trap' again.
There was this time we had another quarrel and we didn't talk to each other that day. And there lies my
problem - I HATE IT WHEN WE DON'T TALK because MY WHOLE DAY BECOMES USELESS! So what to do?

Sure wasn't going to refuse food - out of the question.So?
The following day, in the room, I began to open drawers etc and pretended I was looking for something. She
didn't give me a second thought; that raised my adrenalin somewhat and I began to make it apparent that I
was searching for something by scattering all drawers/cupboards.

'What are you looking for?' I heard her ask exasperatedly
Aahh, at last. I've found it - Your voice! I knew the quarrel was over when I heard her laugh.

There I learn't a new lesson: How you react to any particular situation is determined by you. You CHOOSE your own behaviour.

Let me point out however that marriage is not all about quarrels ( which when you look back on hindsight, are usually petty),
and I hope I'm not giving that impression. There are wonderful experiences during and after pregnancies, growing up kids,
finding out all of a sudden that you are no longer as young as you thought ( like when my kids began to confuse me with slangs
like 'chill' that mean't something different to me, or talking so fast, staccato like, and call it rapping), strangers all of of a sudden
calling you daddy when you are not their father, etc.

Marriage? A very blessed institution indeed. Nothing like it. My prayer is that God will make your marriages an even better one
and the mistakes we made, you will avoid. So, don't give up on marriage ( Bhola, I beg you) but look forward to it as an
adventure with manifold blessing s and every one a winner. Perhaps you are married and facing some challenges; pls don't
give up on it. Rather take up the challenge and with God on your side (He usually is if you want Him to), you'll look back with
happiness, satisfaction and gratitude to the Almighty who initiated the institution in the first place.

God bless you all

@gaby - not to worry, you will get your partner and both of you will have fun. Just ensure you are tolerant
and remove pride from your dictionary.
@ lioness
Quite funny,huh? But it wasn't then. However, marriage itself is a wonderful experience. It's better with God in it.
But not all quarrels should be like the one I posted earlier.

I had learn't my lesson about refusing food because of quarrel and vowed never to fall for that 'trap' again.
There was this time we had another quarrel and we didn't talk to each other that day. And there lies my
problem - I HATE IT WHEN WE DON'T TALK because MY WHOLE DAY BECOMES USELESS! So what to do?

Sure wasn't going to refuse food - out of the question.So?
The following day, in the room, I began to open drawers etc and pretended I was looking for something. She
didn't give me a second thought; that raised my adrenalin somewhat and I began to make it apparent that I
was searching for something by scattering all drawers/cupboards.

'What are you looking for?' I heard her ask exasperatedly
Out came my immediate reply: 'Aahh, at last. I've found it - Your voice!'. I knew the quarrel was over when I heard her laugh.

There I learn't a new lesson: How you react to any particular situation is determined by you. You CHOOSE your own behaviour.

Let me point out however that marriage is not all about quarrels ( which when you look back on hindsight, are usually petty),
and I hope I'm not giving that impression. There are wonderful experiences during and after pregnancies, growing up kids,
finding out all of a sudden that you are no longer as young as you thought ( like when my kids began to confuse me with slangs
like 'chill' that mean't something different to me, or talking so fast, staccato like, and call it rapping), strangers all of of a sudden
calling you daddy when you are not their father, etc.

Marriage? A very blessed institution indeed. Nothing like it. My prayer is that God will make your marriages an even better one
and the mistakes we made, you will avoid. So, don't give up on marriage ( Bhola, I beg you) but look forward to it as an
adventure with manifold blessing s and every one a winner. Perhaps you are married and facing some challenges; please don't
give up on it. Rather take up the challenge and with God on your side (He usually is if you want Him to), you'll look back with
happiness, satisfaction and gratitude to the Almighty who initiated the institution in the first place.

God bless you all

wao! @ feelgood!
what a brilliant way to write an experience.
I really enjoyed the gist!!!!!!

What do folks really mean when they say to make God a part of their marriage?
i get confused about that statement

@lioness
Prayer, m'lady, prayer - to God, that is. Start your day with prayer together and end it with prayer. Together.
Without God in my marriage, sure don't know how I could have coped. O yes I've heard of folks who have lasted
much longer than mine and without God in their marriage. But then, I can only talk about my marriage and not
someone else's.
Pls be cool

@izoneb
Your compliments make my head to swell. Many thanks. Do pray that your own marriage will be an even better experience
than mine. God bless you

@feelgood

Thanks alot. you've been helpful

hehe, i think me to get married?? i still got a decade to go.

A loud AMEN!!!!to feelgood's prayer!God Bless u too Sir!

Nice to read all that's been said about marriage.

But I learnt a long time ago, that there are different strokes for different folks.

Don't think I'll ever get married, but to those who are in it & are enjoying it, have fun!

@ laudate
Why don't you think you will ever get married? Heard nasty stories or seen bad marriages? Because of a lot of accidents on the way doesn't stop from going out. So also with marriage. God will give u a good spouse 2 love n cherish. Be cool

Wow feelgood, thanks o for the write-ups. You are doing good and I am sure the Mrs. is happy.

Me, still holding out for now.

@ feelgood,
i enjoyed your story very much, like someone said here, its brilliant, the way you told the story. fun to read. thanks for sharing.
@christiana and gaby, thanks for your prayers. the Lord will bless you with beautiful long lasting marraiges when the time comes.

@ everyone,
lets keep the stories flowing in, i aint tired of reading. lol. cheers.

God bless you and yours Bagoma

bagoma:


@christiana and gaby, thanks for your prayers. the Lord will bless you with beautiful long lasting marraiges when the time comes.

she has such a kind heart
i have missed you ma

@bagoma
I'm honored by ur compliment. Words fail me- I do admire ur strength of character. My God will envelope u in His love
@ Bhola
I Luv ur sincerity. The God of glory will gv u a spouse specially made 4 u. Your testimony is sure
Regards

*Now i feel like getting m . . . . . *

All,

This thread happened to be one of the very best on Nairaland! It's such a rollercoaster of emotions from joy to sorrow. My heart to all who have lost dear ones. Take courage and forge on. To the single who desires to marry, yes, you can be happily married. And to those who have shared their stories, well done. It's been such an experience reading your stories. To the new person to this thread, endeavour to read all the posts from the beginning. It's well worth the time spent.

I'm trying to take up the challenge and post my own little experience too.

Blessings to all.

The best thread on here so far, keep dem stories flowing plsssss

The help needed is kinda linked to this topic, n i'm sure most ppl dat we visit dis topic r probably married or engaged.

Ur help will be really needed.

The link is below,

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-32173.0.html

hi! I'm new to this forum, in fact this is the first time ive ever posted on a forum. but ive been lurking on nairaland for a while and find it really addictive. i came across this thread yesterday and it's so interesting, it's the first one that actually inspired me to post. anyway, i have a wedding story of my own, if anyone is still watching this thread!

quite interesting thread, sure go ahead sista.

Well, i noticed him the first time I saw him. It was my first day at a new school, we had just moved back to England after 5 yrs in naija and i wasn't happy at all. I was only 13 and had just left all my friends behind. But I noticed him, he was tall, had wavy brown hair and blue-green eyes and I thought idly, he looks nice. Anyway, we didn't talk much after that, I eventually settled in and made friends, when we were 15 one of my best friends decided she had a crush on him and spent every minute talking about him. By this time I had discovered he was really nice but very very shy, unlike my very loud friend! she tried every trick in the book to get him (you know 15 yr old girls) but no luck, I think he was afraid of her!
So the school I was in was a very small private school, the 6th form (as in a-level class) was very small. a lot of people in my year left and went to college to do their a-levels. When I walked in on the first day of term, he was sitting in the common room playing his guitar, I remember feeling pleasantly surprised. Over time we found out we had a lot in common, the same music, films, beliefs (both christians) and we soon became really close friends. There were only about 15 of us in the year, so we were all pretty close but I always looked forward to seeing him. At the time I had a boyfriend who I'd met in naija that summer so I still thought of him as just a friend.
Anyway, as time went on I realised that I was developing feelings for him, I sill had a boyfriend so I tried not to think about it. I couldn't help feeling sad when he started going out with another friend of mine in class although I was really careful not to show it. They ended up splitting up after a few weeks, she broke up with him and I ended up consoling both of them as they were both my friends.
Stay tuned for the next instalment!

This is the best thread I have ever read on nairaland. I am a visitor to your country and am sometimes bored if there repeats of Nigerian movies running on tv, then I go to nairaland. I just love your humour, vast experiences and culture. Been blissfully married for 25 years I thought I knew and had it all in a marriage but today I learned many new ways that will further cement our union much firmer. Thank you.

I agree with you all, this is by far the best thread here.

Loving your story, flakylady. Waiting patiently for the second part.

Welcome too, damatiti. I am sure, your 25yrs of marriage, has been filled with love and joy and maybe sometimes, sadness. But it's all good. Reading from people like you, give us single ladies, hope.

hi again! sorry ive been away a while. back to the story,

So as I said they broke up, and by this time i had (i thought) gotten over my feelings, I was concentrating on my long-distance relationship (although it was fizzling out to nothing). But, over time I started getting close to him again, and we spent a lot of time together. what was really special was that as i said earlier he was very quiet but i felt like we really connected and he let me see him in a way he didn't let most people. he used to show me poems and songs he had written (he was very artistic!) and we'd always find each other first when we came into class in the morning. So, over time those feelings started reappearing again but I told myself he definitely didn't feel the same way and I didn't want to look like an idiot, so I didn't say anything.
This would probably have gone on forever (you know how it is when you're 16!) but luckily a friend of ours realised what was going on. She called me, managed to get me to admit I liked him, did the same thing with him and then told us both what the other had said. The next day we were really shy with each other but eventually got it all out in the open. This was in the middle of the week. We vowed not to do anything until I'd broken up with my boyfriend in nigeria which I did on the friday. On saturday (valentines day, coincidentally!), we went out on our first date to pizza hut (very romantic, I know) and we started going out officially!

We became very close very quickly, i think because we were friends first. We could each tell the other everything and anything (and still can!). When we went to university we didn't get into the same one, I went to study Dentistry in Newcastle and he went to Manchester. We were devastated at first but we managed to see each other as often as we could.

more of the same tomorrow!

I thought the book was long closed - glad to see I'm wrong. Flaky ol' lady, keep the stories coming. Damatiti, in Nairaland, you're no stranger but part of the house. So let's hear it from you- how the 25 yrs started and was kept going. Still have some new experiences to share with the folks at some future date. For now, you are in charge Flaky ol' heart.

hey feelgood, thanks for the encouragement, inspires me to keep going!

We were both 18 when we started uni and the first time we had to leave each other there were tears (not just from me!). But as I said as time went on it got easier, as we were just poor students we had to save and take the train to see each other as much as we could. But the funny thing was, we were at university for 5 years and even though it was really hard being away from each other we never wanted to break up, it was never an option. In fact we just grew closer. Of course we spent a lot of time praying about our relationship as well, so it wasn't just down to us!
Anyway at the end of 5 years we wanted to move closer to each other but it didn't work out, i ended up doing my vocational training (kind of like working as a dentist but still training) in carlisle while he stayed in manchester.

How he proposed:
First of all, we talked about marriage about 2 months after we got together! It was pretty much a given. We always said, after uni. One weekend when he came to see me in Carlisle he said he didn't think we could get engaged for a long time because he wanted to put all his money into his business and couldn't afford a ring. I was so upset! a couple of weeks later was our anniversary weekend and we rented a cottage in the lake district. I didn't suspect anything right up till the moment we went for a drive along the coast. on a deserted beach he sat me down on a rock, got down on one knee produced a beautiful ring and said "Will you marry me?"
It didn't take me long to say yes!

Flaky m'heartie, story's not over yet, abi? After ur acceptance, what next? How did the ceremony go? How long have you been married now? And how was the initial period of coming together? Your story is quite interesting.