ono:

I've read about the the good, the bad and the ugly. Life's not a bed of roses. It's full of ups and downs.


I'm married. I got married 1st October 2005. That's some 5months now. Not much to say yet. But it's been a wonderful time with Arit all these while.

Good for you. Its good to see nija men talk bout marriage. Wish you the best.

wow, these stories are really great. wow. so sorry about all of your losses for all of those who have lost your spouses, may you find love again. for those of you who have lost pregnancies keep on being full of expectation and hope, do not give up. and i just got to say that i was plesantly surprised by nferyn's write up. very nice. hope to post my story soemtime soon.

@ nikinash
Why are you pleasantly surprised

well nferyn i guess based on your hard line stance on things sometimes (not that you don't have a right to your opinion) i didnt figure you'd be the kind togo falling head over,it being mushy and all that

@ nikinash
Oh I just like to debate and I'm passionate about some subjects. I would rather say that would indicate that I would very easily fall over and be mushy

i can never be a house wife and cannot marry someone without finishing ma education even if da promises 2 further ma education 4 me, i just don't like da concept, if u cnanot wait until i finish school. well go find yourself someone else

@ Hotstepper What an advice, 

@ prinseth2003 My dear pray about everything,  God always has a way with terrible situations

I think this is really the best thread ever. I started from the first page down to where it is now. I've been married for close to 2yrs now with a lovely baby boy but that story will come later.

@ Princess
My dear, spouse abuse is a very serious issue. I can't tell u to leave ur man but i'll tell u my mum's story.

She endured abuse from my dad for over 20yrs, precisely 23. Why did she endure it for that long? She endured because she kept thinking "What will i do", "how will i take care of my children", "what will PEOPLE say", "he's going to stop", "this is the last time i'll take it", etcccccc. She kept living in an illusion. The worst thing is that whenever my dad is angry, the whole house, every memebr of the family, is in trouble. He will beat everyone, from mother to children.

But you know what, at the end of the day, that thing she dreaded most happened. He beat her to a comma & she left the marriage & she will tell you that its the best decision she ever made in her life. I'm also glad she eventually saw reason and left him 'cos if not i'm not sure she will be alive today. She's alive today and happy. She even succeeded in training 3 children all through higher institution on her own. I'm very proud of her & i don't regret ever supporting her to leave my dad.

Although i've forgiven my dad, & even call him & send things to him from time to time i'm glad they are now apart. If they decide to come together today i will support it 'cos he is really a different person now, he's even born again. It took a divorce to bring him to his senses.

So dear, the decision is yours to make. Stay till you are abused to death or run for dear life till he comes to his senses( u do not have to divorce him immediately, a seperation might do the magic).

Whatever you do, i wish you the best.

Be fervent in prayers. The Holy Spirit will direct you onto the best path. I'll also say a prayer for you.

teefah, wonderful post. well done my sister.
he who feels it knows it!

teefah, wonderful post. well done my sister.
he who feels it knows it!

word!

teefah, wonderful post. well done my sister.
he who feels it knows it!

I second that, it was well said

wow, ive really enjoyed myself reading this WONDERFUL POST!!!

This is actually the first post ive come across on this forum, even on the web in general, i mean info that gives real life experiences and from which I have learnt many things about Life- real time, these kind of infos are more important than all the computer geek stuff most of us are interested in.

I was reading this post https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-9167.0.html and linked here from nferyn reference.

I must say im totally awed and speechless, many stories, and maybe sometimes we would wish that the lovely-God-made-in-heaven-fairy tale would just continue, but our hopes are cut short, For all those affected, i mean those who have had enough guts to share their life-stores - I give you a Thumbs up. For those who even went ahead to share their life stories that started quite well, but one thing or the other happened, and the love of their life was taken from them suddenly, I give you a bow. The fact that our sisters came out and shared those heart touching stories just shows that you are victorious already, satan has failed. He thought he could cut short your joy by taking the life of your spouse away, but you are giving us a testimony that you are still alive and kicking against all odds, i say it again, you are victorious.

yes, life is not a bed of roses, but all the same we should not remain in a fallen state after falling. The onus is on us all to rise and shine onces again, and to all sisters who have risen and have put the past behind them, please keep going on. I'm with yall in Prayers.

I also give @nferyn a big thumbs up. I can see that you are a REAL-MAN. I mean, REAL-MAN!!! by sharing your life with us and even defending the other sister that was in a troubled marriage. God bless u as you make your wife happy. Your story reminds me of a drama I watched in Church some years ago, twas about how Jesus passes by some-people and they never know, the drama had featured Jesus Christ in the person of people we see daily, dressed like a beggar on the street, like a stranger who needed a home, like a lost child, like a blind woman, like someone out alone in the cold, like someone giving an advice we do not want to hear, the poor folks in our society, etc., and the common reactions of people. While some offered an helping hand, some didnt. For those who offered an helping hand to the poor man around them, their lives was blessed with happiness and joy.

I will not forget those passing through a painful marriage at the moment. I am not married, so I should not be talking. All i can do is to wish, pray and hope that things will change for the better in your home. !!! Amen!!

and for those of us, who are yet to be married, you know what, after reading this post, i wish ill just wake up tomorrow morning into my marriage ceremony. Its 11:57pm now, 3-minutes to midnite and the 11-pages of this thread were just captivating that i just couldnt do anyother thing till i finished reading, yes we still have a lot to learn, a long way to go, and I believe God will take us there.

gudnite!!!

kimba,
wow! you really did enjoy this thread. it shows!
thanks for all your comments.
goodnight.

go kimba

Thanks Kimba

Kimba, u've just spoken ma mind bout ds thread. I contributed sumtym last year bt totaly forgot bout it as i was away from the forum for a while. To say i enjoyed this thread is an UNDERSTATEMENT!!! I believe God 2 do 'exceedingly, abundantly, above all that u think or ask' for everyone who's posted here. Dablessed, gurl! I neva knew u were married before! Say me hi 2 ur kids.

Oh i was Dominobaby! I sure will give ma gurl your love. Thanks.

I must say, like others already said, this is the best thread! I was going to just browse thru it and keep it moving, but no, I just could not. I read all 11 pages and like others said, i laughed, i cried, i got pissed, i asked "why" and all that.

Big up to those that shared their painful stories. Definitely something good is in store for u all. Like a friend said, "it is always going to be ok at the end, if it is not, then it is not the end". Happiness is a personal choice and I pray u all find happiness in ur life and the life of the kids that came from the loving relationship.

But I really can't stop to wonder, how come the guys that were great and awesome and good, happened to be cut short? Why do bad things happen to good people? That is one question that kept on coming to mind.

As for me, i am a sworn player 4 life. just kidding. I don't intend to get married, not that i am against the whole marriage institution. I think it is a wonderful institution, if the two parties can perform their roles and do it diligently.

Your just plain scared out of your witts

Bhola:


But I really can't stop to wonder, how come the guys that were great and awesome and good, happened to be cut short? Why do bad things happen to good people? That is one question that kept on coming to mind.

I agree and its really scary to think that one day one spouse wld leave the other 4 ever

Men ! This the best thread in N/L so far. I read all the post not excluding any, the 11 pages were just great, I can't deny i went through the emotional roller coaster, like most readers.( from Laughter to tears, to rage, to sighs,) but i did one thing that i've never done before with any thread, I paused at some point and had to have a good time talking with God, the author of Good marriages, and i asked him for a very good marriage and long life with good health. It's been long i prayed fervently like i did tonight. Weldone to all that contributed, i pray God in His infinite mercies give us all an expected end. Jeremiah 29 vs 11

I kip sayn ds s ma best thread ever! Pls, married members, we need u to tel us bout ur marriages.

beautiful question,but am not married yet,

::

malaika:

This is the best thread I've read! Why has it died down - Please tell us more!

I second that. I just hope more married people will come here and actually tell the truth though. I have been reading and listening to people talk about their marriages. It seems a lot of people are suffering and smiling. True, nothing in life is good, 100%, but if the married people could just be honest, so that we 'yet-to-marry' people can learn and know what to watch out for.

Just came across this thread. Here is my story:

Saw my wife in the church for the first time. In 1989. Was worshipping one Sunday, when my eyes locked on this lady. That's your wife something in me said silently. NO WAY was my instant reply (not when I'd seen taller sisters) as I looked to the pulpit and continued with the fellowship. I'm over 6ft and always dreamt of having a companion of the same height. Anyway, a wife wasn't my priority then- Not when I had just come out of a life of drinking, smoking and the ladies; coupled with a definite implant of what a standard woman would be for me.

And that's when my troubles started.

I found her always in my thoughts and no matter how much I tried to think on other 'profitable' things. Thinking back now, I sure didn't find it funny. To make matters worse, we began meeting even at the house caring fellowship and I was usually uneasy and fidgety at those times. There was no running away from my inner torments. I shared my 'problem' with a married friend who, rather than help me out tried to match make me with his sister in law.

This wasn’t the Christianity I bargained for.

But then I began to take a closer look at her. She was (and still is) pretty. At 5ft 9ins, she wasn’t short either and we were age mates. I began to rationalize. I wasn’t particularly getting younger also. Love (?) set in. Realized (and pleasantly so) that my inner torments were no longer there. Months later, I proposed.

We did our traditional marriage in Port Harcourt June 16th and formalized the same in Lagos about 3 weeks later – July 7th 1990. We have 2 kids now, a girl (15) and a boy (12).

The marriage has been progressively getting better over the years. Our immaturity of earlier years has given way to matured hearts that act like lovers, friends, siblings etc. I trust this will go on till death separates us.

Has it all been rosy rosy? Nope. We’ve had our funny/hilarious, sober, argument/quarrelling, happy times. But in the main, it’s been a blessed relationship and I couldn’t have asked for a better person for a wife.


This is getting too long already and I sure don’t want to bother you good folks of N/L with an epistle. Perhaps, some other time I will share some of our happy and not so happy times.

And Seun, thanks for this beautiful thread. And to Nairalanders, thanks for making me learn about the varied beginnings of marriage.

God bless you all.

Wow, feelgood, thanks for sharing. I just hope we'll get more from the married peeps here.

Me, I don't want to get married and it seems everytime I am about to cross the line, I hear something or find out something about a "happy" couple and I question, the reason for getting married.

I am so happy for you and I wish you the best in your marriage. Maybe, ten years from now, if I get married, I can look back to this thread and put one or two things I have picked up into practise.

P.S: Is your church, Family Worship Center?

@Bhola
Nope, I do not fellowship at Family Worship Centre. I met my wife at TREM, Lagos in 1989. But now we've been
fellowshipping at Deeper life Bible church since late 1990.
Please don't give up on marriage; it's a great institution and very cool. I'll be sharing some of my experiences later,
both the good and the ugly. To keep a marriage going requires trust, communication and REALISATION. Realising and knowing
that you and your spouse are different beings, from different backgrounds (and possibly cultures - like mine), different
upbringings, different attitudes, etc. The challenge is in bringing out the best from the same - AND THAT CAN BE DONE IN ONE WORD - LOVE.
Not the love at first sight stuff. This love is worked on and grows as you cherish and nourish it. I tell you, it is a
wonderful experience. If you can make and keep friends with varied characters and attributes, why not a marriage?

When you grow old and the kids have gone their ways, how wonderful it will be to have someone to talk to and remember the
'good ol' days. Because, at that time of your life, the kids may not find it convenient to visit always or leave the grandkids for
you to play with. But your spouse will always be there.

More on my experiences later.

Two days after my wedding, I received a letter from my Company redeploying me from the Headquarters in Lagos to Katsina, which was then a new state. I felt devastated – especially as the office was aware of my wedding and even sent representatives, with a gift. The deployment was immediate.
I called the Katsina office and they were sympathetic and we agreed that I could resume in one week. Honeymoon? Didn’t have one. I felt so sorry for my bride. How on earth did I get her into this? I bet she didn’t bargain for this. But then we made the best out of a harrowing situation – though it wasn’t particularly ‘heavenly’, the good lady didn’t show it. I suppose her attitude gave me courage and determination to face this unwholesome situation.

A week later, I was in Katsina, a dry, dusty town – more like a local government. I spent a week and took my annual leave earlier than scheduled to enable me have more time with my spouse while trying out new places foe employment.
Back in Lagos, my spouse and I agreed to try for a kid immediately since after the leave, it may take awhile before we come together again. Then a new problem occurred.

That night as we came together, my pecker refused to get up. Imagine my consternation and confusion. This didn’t happen even that week I got my deployment letter. We tried every trick in the book ( smoocheroos, pre-intimacy, etc) but no way. That night I felt humiliated and downcast. My wife attributed it to stress as a result of the long journey from my station to Lagos. (There was no functioning airport in Katsina then in 1990 and the closest was in Kano, which was 3 hours away. At that time, there was no guarantee that any booking would be confirmed and flight cancellations were frequent.) A good rest will resolve this. I reluctantly agreed and pretended sleep. Of course I did not sleep the whole night through – if only the bloody pecker could be wacked without causing myself harm, I would have smashed the bugger.

Experience continues in a short while,

This went on for days. My wife was beginning to get concerned and I could see the signs on her face; she wasn’t hiding it anymore especially as that was her ovulation time. The fourth day, I was literarily at my wits end what to do. God was very far away from my thoughts then. All I ever wanted in the whole world at that time was nothing but ARISE O COMPATRIOT! Jesus, I can’t be impotent at this time of my life. Am I paying for all my escapades of yore? But my friends didn’t go through this, I reasoned. Why me? Have I committed sacrilege by becoming a Christian? Who introduced Christianity to me must have hated me with a passion. Is this what all Christians go through in their marriage? How come they have children?

Questions, questions, questions. But no answers.

The night was fast approaching and I looked forward to it with trepidation. I went to bed early and immediately pretended sleep. I was afraid. My wife came to bed later and turned on her side. While I felt relieved by that, however, there was a tinge of sadness (perhaps humiliation is more appropriate) in me. This sleep seemed to be too long.
But wait a minute. What was that? I thought I felt a stirring between my legs. Couldn’t be. Must be in a dream already. Afraid to touch before it ‘disappears’. Hey this is no dream! I know the ol’ boy when it stands at attention and ready for inspection. It’s back I shouted. My wife turned - so she wasn’t sleeping too. No time for niceties or postulations about love making. This is different! Hurry up, hurry up before it …, but it did not go back. That night was when our honeymoon started. Sixteen years after, the honeymoon is on.

From that day onwards, my steps changed plus everything about me. I felt like a conquistador. The world cannot stop me. Laughter came easily and my mien became easy. My outlook and approach to life changed. Even my colleagues in Katsina noticed when I got back weeks after. Funny what a little experience can do to some one which years in school could not.

My wife became pregnant and …oops; sorry folks. I’m beginning to write an epistle. This thread is not all about the marital life of ‘feelgood’ alone. Gotta give other folks a chance to say their piece also. Many thanks once again Seun for this beautiful thread. Hope I’ve not made a fool of myself. Sure enjoyed writing this piece – some catharsis it is. Maybe some other time, I’ll have an opportunity to share some funny aspects of my marriage.

Be cool y’all, be cool.

Wow, feelgood, this is surely interesting. Hmmm, glad your wife did not make such a big deal about the "issue". I bet, some of the present ladies we have nowadays will almost chop off your head.

I definitely enjoy reading your posts. Seems there is a lot to learn and I am willing to read on and learn more. Not enough to convince me to get married anytime soon, but still good to know.

All the best.

marriage

Hmmm, ma favourite thread is back!

Feelgood, Pls don't hesitate to fill us in on more. . . . I really am enjoying your 'epistle'