there are a few things that u can always bear in mind to help u deal with problems like these

1 your dream of today could turn out to be your worst nightmare tommorrow

2 Life is full of uncertainties and sudden harsh realities, there are no guarantees

3 You have to love and hold yourself in high esteem if you want others to do the same for you. Dont look down on yourself 4 any reason

4 Ur best friend today whoever that is today could turn around tommorow and use and abuse your trust in them.

5 No lifelong commitment is easy. It takes a lot of hard work each and every day from all parties involved

6 Two similar paths might not produce the same result. Check what is best for you

7 And my favourite, in making decisions in life,life is complex everything is not all white and black, there are some gray areas to it too

I don't buy any simplistic idea to the success or faiilure of a marriage. And if u are a good christian bringing God into your marriage helps a lot

sage,
you're indeed a wise man. i feel you, my brother.
now that girls story you told touched me, deeply. i hope a lot of young girls learn from it.
well done, brother.

True sage u 've made a point. If ur partner starts abusing you, isn't it better u leave with ur life than for u to end up dead. Why hold on to the past when it no longer exists?

Na wao . One can never get it all. theres always a comma somewhere

Single Lioness!

true word, lioness,
thats why one needs to shine his/her eyes well well.

Sage, you are a very wise man! I hope there are more Nigerian men like you and I hope this serves as some sort of lesson to so called "good" girls believing in a fantasy that doesn't exist.

how much shinning can one do? Marriage is all about Faith oh, thats what i feel.

[Insert Quote
true word, lioness,
thats why one needs to shine his/her eyes well well./quote]

viviansam:

My dear, i will not advise you tp leave your marriage. It is for better or for worse. I tell you remember some positive sides of your marriage before you totally condemn the ugly side. i agree with the comment that you should also look out on things u do that makes your husband beat and batter you. Remember the vow.Please seek God's face. I tell you in no distance future you will enjoy your home. You can never be happy packing out of his house. it is never the solution. You can make your marriage to work. Dont listen to the devil. defeat him please. marriage is not a bed of roses. Bring back the happy moments in your life. we women have the power to do it. Please heed the wise counselling and Listen to God.

Yes,its for better or for worse but its life we're talking abt here.The man has made her suffer too much.For how long is she going to endure?Pple dont go by that (for better or for worse) again.Its for better for stay,for worse for go.
Like in one of the stories i read here,she said when she saw that her husband has changed,she had to pack her clothes to leave but instead of her husband to allow her go,he begged her and they settled it all.Maybe if she can do such thing,the man will come back to his senses as it has been said that u'll neva knw the value of wat u have until u looses it.So i think she shd just go cos wats d essence of a marriage u're not enjoying?10yrs is not a child's play,she has tried enof.

THAT U ALL FOR THE THE REPLY U SENT...

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REPLY..I REALLY APPRECIATE

@ viviansam

Sometimes I cannot get you people. You are advising someone to stay in an abusive marriage, where the husband beats his wife, where he does not leave her any room for self realisation, where he even does not provide for her and her children while at the same time not allowing her to take care of herself. On top of that he even made implicit death threats.

By doing so you are condoning a situation of violent abuse, a trampling on women's rights.

@vivian Yes,''winners don't quit'',dts even my watchword but think about this thing 10 GOOD YEARS,haba its too much.We are all made of flesh n blood,u should be able to knw what she's going through or don't u read what she wrote at all?If it were to be me (i pray its not going to happen to me)i wont even wait dt long.This lady here has tried alot,she has sacrificed alot.We're in a civilised world,we all have our freedom.Why then should she be living in bondage?Why?She really needs to be liberated.So she's got to leave immediately or else...........!!!
If the man sees that d woman he's maltreating is no more there to be maltreated, he'll think twice and go after her.


@nferyn  i just dey feel u my bros.

There are certain things in society that are never acceptable. Partner abuse is one of them. Unless Princeth is lying about her situation, she should bring herself and her children in physical and mental safety asap. You can hope the man will change his ways, but I wouldn't count on it.
Marriage is a bond between two people; the man did not fulfil his obligations and broke that bond through his behaviour. He is the one that destroyed the marriaeg bond by strangulating the personality development of his wife and keeping her in a bondage that is no better than slavery.

Seun - Such information can only generate fuel for scammers! not the best thread you started!!

This is one of the most wonderful threads here on the board. Read it from the start, you'll be touched

@ sibli do exactly as nferyn has said,u'll know dt its one of d best thread n u're going to be touched.

kenflavor:

Wife battering is a very serious case in your place. I am not saying it isn't in Nigeria but wife are always advice to endure over here, until relatives have tried all their best to solve the problem.

If it were only battering in this case, then you might have a point, but it isn't. The man is trying to excercise total control over the humanity of his wife, denying her to grow as a human being, he is even acting at the expense of the children.
Cultural differences in these cases are really a smokescreen, human dignity is a universal value, not something that is uniquely reserved to men or subject to cultural variation.

i just dont see why the woman shd pay for her wrongs and that of the man too. Good or bad, the axe still falls on her.

lioness:

i just don't see why the woman should pay for her wrongs and that of the man too. Good or bad, the axe still falls on her.

Exactly. It shouldn't be like that

Read my account here for starters
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-2598.0.html#msg91683
It's in several parts, so it might take you a while

I think i've been stupid to suggest tht u quit ur marriage.Something is wrong somewhere and it needs to be corrected.Ur husband might have seen/heard abt sth dt u neva told him which makes him to be misbehaving.Maybe u take it to the Lord and ask him for divine intervention or u quit but on one condition;and dts to remain alone i.e. u not gonna marry anoda hussy cos the bible doesn't approve of tht so far ur partner is still alive even not after having kids.
I'm saying all this cos now i know the consequences in marriage as i was being lectured.I'm sorry for suggesting tht u quit in the first place.

repentant Christyne


y'all shd give me a break abeg

And no sex too cos that wld be adultery

[r u quit but on one condition;and dts to remain alone i.e. u not going to marry anoda hussy because the bible doesn't approve of that so far your partner is still alive even not after having kids./quote]

but what do you think and suggest lioness?

We can all say what we know & not know but at the end of the day, only SHE can make a decision.
No one can tell her this is wrong or right cos she's the one whose feet are in the shoe.

we advise, she uses her head.
Maybe we shd open a prayer thread to pray over such issues

that sounds like a working plan, i agree with you

Hmm...Lioness very wise comment

thank ya

I'm enjoying these...

Waoh! Nferyn
u hve such a juciy story and it's amaing to see a man like you standing solidly y somoen u harldy knew.
U r indeed a good exaple of a wonderful man,
ur wife is indeed very lucky!
keep loving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually i needed someone to help me get over my ex and he was there at the nick of time... The plan was to have some fun that way i 4get the ex and then move on (my usual style).... But behold it wont be... plans don't work all the time....

The catch: We used the fight a lot (not physically ooh )argue and all sort but we cld not just stay apart from each other... one minute we are breaking up the next he is at my place or i am at his.. I think what really attracted me was the fact that he was very helpfull... used to help me do even the smallest things.... But what really melted my heart was how he would call me endlessly whenever i travel on vacation... the last time he woke me up from sleep and he was like " Pumkin i miss u so much can't wait for you to come home" and boy i cried.....

My sisters would tell me "shey u say u no like the boy how come u are either on the internet with him or the phone"

Who proposed: It just came natuarlly... there was really no flowers or rings and the usual "will u marry me" thing... he would ask me when would my mum come back and that was how i knew the thing done they take another form... and when she came the next week we did the Intro and then 1mth after the wedding..... Did my Registry sometime in Sep 2005 and My Traditional sometime in Nov 2005... We got married after one and half yr of dating ... so i am still very fresh in the business.

Who opossed : Nobody ... my Siblings where all happi.... (actually i am the last) though they have never seen him except my immediate senior brother, and he likes him. His parents are okay no stress inshort i would rather eat his mothers food than mine...

Wedding and Honeymoon: The registry was quiet ,s trictly family... and My traditional was equally small... Just family and a few friends...

Honeymoon::: We went to london two days after the wedding 4 10days... it was nice ... had plenty of fun...

Regrets: I have no regrets he is nice and i am stubborn ,.... i think he is the right man 4 me.... knows how to cool me down and keep me in check.... even though sometimes i feel like screaming and yelling.... but i guess its okay...

Unfaithfull: We i just got married and my man is still hot in the bedroom so why on earth would i be unfaithful to him.... nah!!!

Well i think we would be together till the end.... Thats what God said it should be now abi

And to all those that lost loved ones on this forum... i am so sorry.... it actually got me worried and thinking especially since i am still fresh in the biz... Please take heart okay.... Its well....

Okay now thats my story.... not thrilling abi but thats how it went

I've read about the the good, the bad and the ugly. Life's not a bed of roses. It's full of ups and downs.


I'm married. I got married 1st October 2005. That's some 5months now. Not much to say yet. But it's been a wonderful time with Arit all these while.