helo nairalanders, just joined this forum and saw how some of u guys provided candid opinions to topical issues, what i'm about to share with U is happening to me rite now and I desparately need your advice, criticism or condemnation where U feel I went wrong.I used to hear of this and wave it with a hand till now.

I dont know why I shud find myself in this kind of mess but I thank God 4 everything,but I pray that God helps me to pull thru it, learn the lessons and forge ahead in life.I prayed to God for a submissive & God fearing wife but wut i passed thru is far from my prayers.I'm a young chartered accountant by profession working with an indigenious oil firm,I'm not wealthy but I'm comfortable believing God 4  advancement in llife.I'm always faithful in relationships but I hate lies in wuteva form

It all started in 2nd quarter of 2006 when i met a lady that was preparing to go for her NYSC programme,When I enquired about her relationship status,she explained that she wasnt in any serious relationship and with that we started. I trusted everything she said and b4 d year ran out,I proposed to her and she wholeheartedly accepted, I then told her to concentrate on the relationship and avoid every distraction and temptation since she is away on youth service.

When she came to Lagos on break from NYSC, i found out that a particular number was calling her always,when I enquired,she told one of such stories that there was nothing going on, that this particular guy gave him a lift from NYSC camp to her place of primary assignment and since then the guy has been a kinda pest,she said I shud trust her to which I did since that is what any relationship is all about, I even had to call the guy in her presence to stay away from causing damage to our relationship.

She travelled back to her place of primary assignment and by the time she returned again some months later,this same guywas calling her,when I asked her why this same guy, she said she just ran into the guy at the park when she was returning to Lagos.Surprisingly, two days later I saw a love text she sent to the guy,she pleaded for 4giveness and I forgave and warn her to stay clear henceforth,to which she made a firm promise to do.
About four months later, I travelled to the East during my annual vacation,we saw from time to time during that period.I woke up one morning to receive a shocking from this guy; the content of the text states " I am now through with your queen yo can now marry her,I f--ked her from back, front sideways and she is not even gud in bed,we have been living togeda like husband and wife since she came for youth service in this town but i'm now thru with her,tell her to return everything she spoilt in my house b4 she moved out.

I was confused,the problem with this lady is that she will never open up to u until she confirmed that she was actually caught red handed,anytime I suspect someting that will eventually turn out 2 be truth,she will say I shud learn to trust my lady.When I asked her about the text and cohabitation with the guy instead of her girl friend which she told me she was staying with, she denied and after i showed her the text from the guy she started crying and pleaded for 4giveness to which I 4gave and we forged ahead, few months after,her service year was thru and she returned to Lagos.

Back to Lagos, everything looks fine at the initial time till few months later when anoda number started calling her,she told me that the guy is a family friend,he comes to the house and the family members know the him,I agreed with her and told her to be careful cos my instincts doesnt deceive me.

We started searching for job for her, after few months,she was a bit sick but recovered afterwards.I went to her house one day,pick up her phone,we started dragging the phone from me,did everything she cud do 2 get bak d phone so that I dont access it, ordinarilly I wud have given up and left the phone 4 her but cos of her despiration to get back d phone,my instinct told me to hold on to the phone cos there must be something she was hiding,she cursed me and my family, used her nails on me,pour me spittles but i still held on,she let go wen she got tired and find out there was no way that was going to get back to her without me accessing it.I then scrollled to her sent msgs folder,lo and behold, she was telling the guy that the abortion went on well thru D & C with no complications, she arrogantly thanked the guy for not caring after puting her in dat condition and guess what,it was the same "family friend guy" that I warned her about.It was like the ground shud open and swallow me, we broke the relationship and on my way home, i receive a text from her telling me that she thanked God 4 delivering her from my bondage.

i was to carry drink to see the parents the next weekend,I called the dad to tell him that i might not be able to come cos i will not be in town and he agrreed, i never told him what happened.Two days later I went to their house to pick a book that I gave which I needed urgently,I stood at the balcony to collect the book from her and neva went inside as usual,at the balcony,we talked 4 sometime and I left with the book.The dad called me d next asking why I didnt come inside and I told her that I will come and explained some things to him.probably she overheard d daddy and she call me 2 ask if i was coming to tell d dad that she commited an abortion, i told her i wont but that any reason I give d dad as the cause of the breakage in the relationship,she should accept it to which she agreed.

Later that evening,i went to their house and spoke to the parents,mildly telling them that I suspect their daughter is having an external affair,i said so many things including the fact that if i dint have a genuine love for her,i wont still be coming around considering everything that has been happening to which she is the sole cause,her mother defended her that the guy is a family friend(they never knew she has even had an abbortion for him till today)

Eight weeks after precisely on her birthday,around July last year we got back again, she promised me never to do anything that will hurt the relationship again, I foolishly 4gave her and we went on till, there were still traces of lies/unfaithfulness here and there but i closed my eyes cos 1ce I mentioned any of such she will say it was becos of whut happened in d past " that i have seen her finish" so i soft pedalled on monitoring her.

Meanwhile, I took drink to the family last december to renew my intention to marry her to which the parents acted so happily and told me they get back to me and up till now, i never heard from them. I took my frient to their house on 18th April with anoda drink to remind them, the father apologised and told me that i will hear from them by mid of May

Early this year, I observed she was just talking with 2 guys always on phone, if she sends text to one of them, she will delete it and if they send to her, she will also delete it, I cautioned her and warned her to learn from the past.She travelled on gud friday (promised to come back on Easter monday but it was on Tuesday she returned)which happened to be my birthday to see her sister that put to bed in March this year, i pleaded with her to be by my side during my birthday but she refused.I had my reservation for her travelling at that time but since she was adamant, I allowed her.Just find out this past week that she actually slept in that guy's house in Owerri before going to Abakiliki to see the nephew,Yeterday,I asked her as usual,she denied till i proved it to her,she now agreed. It was then that I learnt the guy has even seen the mother and talked to the father about marrying her.

It was lastnite she told me that her parents never and her sibblings was not happy with the way i came to their house to tell them that I'm suspecting their daughter,I honestly did that so that the parents can advice her to change 4 gud if she is still interested in the relationship which is what is done in d eastern part of the country.

My fellow nairalanders, i'm tired of writing,who shud be annoyed here? Is it me that despite their daughter's unfaithfullness still came back to marry her or the parents that i didnt even tell what their daughter actually did as in d abortion,they see her as the best/nice daughter while they now see me as the devil but my annoyance is that they shud have told me that they are not accepting me instead of pretending all these while.

Please where did i go wrong? i need your candid opinion and prayers cos i'm really going thru unimaginable emotional pains rite now, I cudnt sleep last nite but I know God is working out the best 4 me. OVER TO YOU

Am spechless for now cant believe anybody could be this foolish for love,

May God help you but left for me i will strongly advice you to end this relationship wth her and let her go this girl is not worth the stress.

And dear you dint go wrong anywhere and i dont believe her parents said those things, she might be lying again.

wow, your too trusting & naive i must say

somepeople just dont know whenthey have it good

you gave it your best shot & a lot more

my advice is forget her & move on. dont ever go back no matter what

God just saved you from hell. be grateful

@Poster,
You did no wrong by loving the wrong person BUT you will continue to Err if you don't call it quit with her.
Like I always say on this forum,
End The Nightmare and take some useful lessons from it, Goodluck With Your Next.

bro,
i think you shud just thank God that anoda dude is paying to legaly marry a prostitute.
the onl;y way i wud fault you is for reading her messages.
it shows some level of over-possesiveness inn ur part.

but all the same, i think you just let go of a time bomb waiting to xplode in some other guys home.

What a long pathetic story
I dnt knw may be this girl charm u, or may be u think u dnt deserve the girl and u want to marry her by force
Marriage is not something u just go in just like that,
It was clearly written that she is using u and u keep falling, she is not a wife material
I guess God is on ur side, he did not want u to make the BIGGEST MISTAKE of ur life
Just relax and pray to God for ur bone and flesh that which will not give u headache

tell me u look good enuff to approach a new chick,cos u ve been wasting ur tym.

sorry 4 wat eva pain pain u're goin thru which i blv with time is goin to heal,
never know or heard of a guy dat will do wat you did for her despite the fact
that u caught her times with out number.

the best thing will be just to forget about her and move on, and believe me
God has better plan for you, a better woman who will always love u even
more than d way u love her.

may be this particular girl was never meant to be but u where blinded by luv
not to see it clearly.

gud luck

look it was just a learning stage.
u done past it, so move on nd dont fall for that kinda girls again.

@Pinklady

Theres something funnying here u knw some1once  said the gal in question isnt good on bed why hm wnt die there.

Actually d only wrong u'v don was to be tooooo foolish just 4 d sake of love, u trusted this lady too much n she always took an advantage of that, u hate liars, n she is the liarst, u want faithfulness but she is infidel, commitment is out of the question.

my dear poster, i think u beta forge ahead n leave dat beach prostitute to herself. wait , how can u feel seeing ur wife wiv anoda man in ur matrimonial bed, huh

she is not urs n will neva be urs even if u go for her by all means, God has freed u from the unforseen bondage this lady may cause u in future.

go look for another woman, there are more to life than dis shit u r passing thru.

Good luck

INFACT AM SHRT OF WORD , I CANT BELIEVE THAT THER ARE STILL SOME MEN LIKE YOU OUT THERE, YOU REALLY HAVE A KIND HEART , FOR YOU TO GIVE HER EASILY AND STILL BEHAVE LIKE THAT ,

I CONCLUDE THAT SHE IS NOTHING BUT AN ANIMAL

HOW CAN SHE TREAT YOU LIKE A PIECE OF TRASH

I DONT EXPECT HER TO BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN

JUST LOOOK FOR A RESPONSIBLE GIRL TO MARRY

SHE IS NOT WORTH IT

You did nothing wrong what so ever and If I were you I will be thankful to God for showing me the kind of woman that girl turned out to be. That woman does not love you.

That woman does not deserve to have you.

I also felt that you showed have told the parents the whole truth and put the girl on the spot before her parents.

I am certain time will heal your heart and faith will heal the rest.

Thanks to you all for the wonderful comments.I'm greatly encouraged. I need ur prayers also cos it hast been easy for me since the day.

@izeek
I understand under normal circumstance its not gud to have read d text,If i didnt read those texts, how wud I have known of her hideous acts, I dont jst pick up her phone to read her texts, i do that weneva my instincts directs and trust me, i will always see something appaling.Thanx all the same.

She even told me last nite that she narrated wut happened that caused the 1st breakage(as in the D & C)  to her friends and all of them told her that no matter wut happened that I dont have any right to come and tell the parents anything. I'm still wondering wut kind of friends she has.

Ladies, cud this be true that my meeting the parents to advice her to sit up with the relationship is could be condemnable by both parents and all her friends?

Are you expecting us to read through that ocean of text!!!!!

@ poster

how come u had no good friend to advise u, long before this stage?

I just cant pity u. pick up the pieces and move on.

sincerely, just move on and severe all form of contact with her.
if u keep communicating, u wi.l end up being the other guy and her present will now see u as the one trying to break his relationship.

@Feelitx
I didnt tell the parents the whole truth and she continue saying that I disgraced her, U can imagine the rest, I'm even wondering that if I had told the parents the whole truth, they wudnt have believed cos they trusted this girl to the last.Anytime I visit their home,the father always tell me how lucky he is to have brought up his children in the fear of God at a time like this wen children re going haywire;I always look and smiled cos they never knew wut they have at home.She has this innocent look that deceives anybody but its just God and the Spirit of God in me that helps all the time to expose all these.Funny enuf, she is d 1st daughter, 26 by june this year and the immediate younger sister married last year when she is rounding up her degree exams and she now has a son,she manipulates all of them to support her in wuteva she does.

I agreed I must have trusted her so much but wut is d essence of relationship if total trust is missing.Everybody in my family knows her,my friends even my club meeting.

@teeowl;
pls dont tivialise this issue cos its my life.If U cant read thru it,just leave d post.Do u think its easy 4 me to post leaving my job this morning, i told U i'm a chartered accountant meaning i have serious work on a monday morning, but wut is work without sound mindset? pls i beg of u

@noetic;
My work is so engaging from mon to sat that i barely have close friends,besides I didnt tell the distant ones cos i i really want to settle down and tot i cud work it out but now i know beta

Another broda lost in loveland. Love shouldn't make you blind. you better count your loss and bail out 'cos u if you go ahead with the marriage you will continue to doubt her which most probably will lead to you being miserable and also having to continue worshipping the in-laws (remember parents will always support their children no matter what)
writing is already on the wall, let it go and God will surely provide you with your own other half.

this is just your own side of the story and to tell u the truth, it has too many holes. how can a woman do all those things and the only thing that hurts u is the fact that her parents were pretending to accept ur drink. there must be something so good about this lady that despite everything u still want to spend the rest of ur life with her.

Sometimes we ask why bad happen to good ones. Life has its ups and down, you tried by hanging on for so long. Marriage is not what you jump in and out at any time, it is for life till death do you part. I was told that beauty of marriage is understanding, beauty of a woman is not facial but inward character.

I may not blame her parents b/c they don't know the truth behind the dispute, you promised to keep the abortion secret while they judged you from what they heard; just as we are judging from what you told us. We have not heard her own version of the story, if you think this is going to cause you truble in the future, tell them the truth for only the truth can set you free; but I don't think two of you're compatible.

It is better to dust yourself up and continue with your life. Even if she comes back to marry you, her past will keep coming back to you, future of that marriage can never be guaranteed as you think. I don't think she deserve you.

yea u work from Sat.-Mon doent mean anything, in ur office u can still pick up a colleague worth ur taste 4 a friend atleast to share some tots, Hyper go kill uooooooooo if u no unburden d burden sometimes, Instruction number 1: Always share ur bad experiences with som1 to lessen d ur heart.

well all i knw is u shud carry on n leave behind ur sad past

nah only d expereince dem sake me u share oooh!
no go spread pass like that cos i know wat sympathy can allow.

@poshangel ;
please read my story over again, I didnt say the "only thing" that hurt me is d parent's pretence.I narrated wut happened btw us seeking to know where i faulted,wut i narrated is nothing short of the truth,i'm even brief in order not to bore u.Did i condemn her all around? definitely there are so many gud things about her, she can cook very well, she is a gud home keeper etc but the very bad thing about her is a critical  that is tolerable,no man wants to share her woman with any1 else.

@Ejike3
I dont want to fool maself again in d presence of her parents and sibblings,they will surely think I just want to tarnish the image of their daughter.It wont cause me any trouble in d future cos I'm picking the pieces of my life and move ahead.

@bblacky
God bless u man, hyper is not my portion, I communicate my problems to God all the time and HE always sends me help from the sanctuary.

@izeek
Dont really understand ur last post

guy u try shall wat a luv u have 4 an hallot, prostitude,cheat,fleater,killer,rottle, and hrt broker. men fly far becus may be d parent may even kill u b4 ur time and the girl will eat up ur muscle instend of burial. so guy pls be very far frm her.

Iam happy that you are ready to move on with your life.
There are may beautiful, intelligent and wife materials out there.
I know that what you are thinking about now is the wasted years, that is what comes with life.

Did you expect the girl's parents to believe you over their daughter when you have the evidence and you did not share it with them ? Thats front-loading my dear and you needed to let them know the truth.

@poster

I hope your story is true, cus its sounds too good to be true considering everything you said.

If your story is true, then please note:

- She cheats on you repeatedly, hence its her character and not just a one-off , thus there is a very high chance that she would do the same again and again.

- You are a man hence you have time on your hands to make the right choice, thus you have no excuse to rush into marriage.

- Her family is not trustworthy, hence your life would  be a living hell if you marry into them, cus your experiences should be enough evidences for sensible families to know that there is something really wrong with their daugther.

- The next time her family accuses you of lying about their daughter, then please kindly tell them of the abortion she has already had.

- At least she has aborted once (that you know of), infact she might have aborted more than once since she was good and heartless enough to keep the one you know about from you.

- Her sex escapades and subsequent abortion means there is a danger that she might get to a point where she is no longer able to give birth to a child, hence leaving you with a cheating barren woman and an unhappy marriage.

- Love is a two way street, hence that you love her is not enough , she also must love you enough not to cheat on you.

- There is no trust between the two of you so please don't even make the mistake of marriage to her, cus trust and love are foundations of a peacful and loving marriage.

- She is definitely not wife material.

- You are a little bit naive (i don't mean that as an insult).

- The fact that she's sleeping around means that she's bound to have spiritual problems, hence going ahead to marry her means you are willingly subjecting yourself to a live of misery as a result of the spiritual problem baggage that she is bound to come along with.

- DUMP HER, CUT OFF ALL CONTACTS WITH HER AND HER FAMILY, AND GO AND SEE A PASTOR FOR THEM TO PRAY FOR YOU SINCE ITS SEEMS ITS POSSIBLE YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN JAZZED.



You have been advised and warned, hence if you go ahead to still maintain the relationship, then it becomes your problem to suffer in and solve alone,

@poster
u did the right thing by meeting the parents to advice her to sit up with the relationship

@No2Atheism
Thanks so much for such a wonderful advice, i'm most elated ,ur piece of advise is valuable to me and quite expository. Wut i narrated is nothing short of the truth, infact I had 2 remove some details since d story is getting too long.

@pinky lady
Thanx, i was made to luk like a fool for meeting the parents.
I asked her one day wen d issue came up that if i dont meet ur parents now 2 advice u, is it wen we get married that is beta 2 meet them?

poster

are you ugly? or is that no other girl has agreed to date you? or is that women dont find you attractive? did she jazz you?

can you please tell me why u wanna be a victim of AIDS , d girl u r dating is a slut, still u dey chook head

seriously wat advice do u need? are u still in the kindergarten?

come to think of it onyeoma,have  u gome for HIV, gonorrhea, and syphillis test?