My Wife Absconded With Our Kids - Family (7) - Nairaland
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| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Nobody: 8:10pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
totorimi: Best reply on this thread. Unfortunately excuses are easier than taking responsibility. Like Adam in d garden of Eden. The op doesn't yet realize he is the head of his house. From his replies he's clearly just a mamas boy parroting mamas opinion about his home. Good luck wt ur divorce. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Rozaystunna(m): 8:12pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Gaborone:savage   |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by mecussey(m): 8:12pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
taiiremide: my bro ...you are too cold for her liking...man up. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Nobody: 8:13pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Jabioro: Smh 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Adefemiaderoju1: 8:13pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Bro the honest truth is look for good woman and start another family shap shap 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by adepiero: 8:13pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
steppin:Well said! Better to be divorced than live like familiar strangers. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by tallfish145(m): 8:14pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Sometimes it is not too good to over pamper women,esp when things were still rosy 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Nobody: 8:16pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
At op I really feel bad considering what u are going through. U seem to be a good person however u made some mistakes along d way. I took time out to go through u're post. U mentioned how she called u one night concerning d promises of a car and supermarket u made her before u guys got married. For me d only thing a man should promise a woman before marriage is love and fidelity. Marriage should be unconditional. Although she rejected d 450k due to her pregnancy it is obvious her true feelings for u started showing when u were no more financially stable. The truth is that at times some women tend to behave like children they just don't know what they want that is y she compelled u to move to is is osogbo and she's now tired of d town. I think u should have stood u're ground and not obliged her. I've been married since 2010 so I know exactly what I'm. Saying. I don't know if u're kids are still with her mother. I said u don't want to go to D house because something evil might happen to u. I suggest u should take time out to pray and fortify u're self and go to D house. Are u going to avoid seeing u're kids because of fear of d unknown. I know d efficacy and potency of prayers so I suggest u prayerfully go to D house. I don't know how strong u are spiritually darkness never struggles with life. When a woman is fed up there is nothing u can do about it that's d truth. Think of how u can get custody of d kids. All d best. 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Nobody: 8:16pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
sukkot: Lmao! |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Kpac(m): 8:18pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
I would give my response JUST by hearing you side of the story..... Situation Currently First, i am sure your wife is not a Yoruba lady. As a culture, our ladies are not trained and taught to leave their husband's house unofficially or abscond with kids from the marriage. Whatever you were thinking, that was the first mistake. Secondly, your wife must be a beauty queen and one which you have fought so "HARD" to win and even marry. You have lived all your decisions for her, to please her and to keep her. You have made hefty promises while you were convincing her to marry you and its unfortunate you can really keep them. You spend almost all your resource and energy to make her happy and for the past few years things have been hard, all your goal was to make it up and prove a point. Unfortunately, that goal sent you even deeper into more troubles than your plans could reveal. I am sure you took the "lucrative" printing job just because of her, she might not be the reasons you gave everyone and yourself, but in your hearts of heart, you know you took that risk to make it big, make her happy, prove a point, keep her quiet and give you confidence as a man. That decision got you deeper into troubles. You bought the car to get contracts and get effective in your business is another reason you gave everyone and yourself, you knew how you fantasized the happiness and hug from your wife when the car first gets into your compound and she sees it. You bought that car to gain confidence you have lost and the indirect and direct embarrassment she was giving you from comparisons. Against what is good for you again, you moved to oshogbo to please her yet again. You wrongly thought oshogbo would "tame" her and give you some peace. Another major decisions taken to please your wife again and because you have lost the power to make the right decisions to solely please your wife, all those decisions never lasted as intended. I wouldn't know what more you did and that you know just for your wife and to keep her. I respect your wife because i respect you but some women are best left for the consumption social media, for photo shoots and cover pages of magazines. Choosing a wife is entirely a different course and i cant teach you more than you have learnt. Your kids would still be your kids if you have married any woman, They are your gene, your chemistry and contains your DNA. Choosing who gives birth to them is what they require you take in their best decisions. Your wife would always keep you on your foot even if you earn 10 million naira every month excluding tax. If you had thought there are levels an insatiable woman gets contented and quiet, you were wrong. They would continue to grow in their in-contentment and their taste and expectations would get to an advanced level as your worth increases. Way Forward Please visit your in-laws, seek audience and if possible request for a meeting. Get to know what your wife's expectations are and what time she would give you to achieve them, seek to know what your in-laws expectations are also of you and the time to achieve them. Seek to know the consequences of you failing to achieve them all. Seek to find out if your wife really sees the marriage as compulsory or optional. Seek to know if there are options of separations on the table from your in-laws. This would let you know the "EXACT" situation you have gotten yourself into and give you the broad view to analyze if you can achieve them or not. If you cant achieve them, make the best decisions for your kids and please get your life back and stop living to please anybody. Its a journey that never ends. No matter how hard you try, you cannot satisfy an insatiable wife and its all your faults here because you went into the marriage for selfish reasons and now you have to face it. Its hard but sincerely, this truth would send you back into the path you should really be. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by sukkot: 8:19pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
taiiremide:people live and prosper in ekiti too but that dont mean I would let a woman take me to ekiti. and yeah i would let her decisions stand when it is about what clothes to buy for the kids or what to eat for lunch lolzzzz. i aint going to ekiti or osogbo for no woman. i dont care if she is queen elizabeth lolzz . osogbo is where nostalgic old niggaz go to retire after they have made it and not a place for a young nigga who wants to make it. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Nobody: 8:19pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
ItsQuinn: Alright. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by discman2k2(m): 8:19pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
skuribeebo: My friend on what are you thinking? Wetin u drink or smoke? i dont some pipu dat harras dullards with harsh words, hoe can u advise som1 to get married "before getting a good job, to know who loves..." Pls re_ read ur post & slap urself 16 times to bring bck ur senses, dats if u realy have some. ;-):-P no vex oh!:-):-):-) 2 Likes |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by Weedcrusher: 8:21pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
@OP, They say there are 2 sides to every story and if your wife is given the chance to talk, she will probably say something different. Though, I feel that at least 80% of what you said is true from your responses to questions asked. However, what I can deduce from your story is that your wife never respected or have very little regard for you, and the reason she was able to stay for over 4 years was because of the good job you had. You lost her the moment you lost that job and venture into a business that resulted into another lost. Only you, her and God knows the reason why she never respected you but I may be right to say there are some underlining factors. Some of the factors could be that she thinks she is too beautiful or smart to be stuck with you, or you always show that you won't survive if she leaves you and that got into her head or she sees you as a weak man. Talking about being weak, I can feel that you are a gentleman, but I can also feel that you are a man easily influenced by women around him. I don't mean to demean you bro, but my reasons for saying this in order of events are, firstly, you said your wife slapped you while she was pregnant but you never retaliated but when you spoke with her mother, she endorsed you beating her. This shows that your action of beating her was influenced by her mother. Secondly, you said you wife went to spend some time with your sister in Oshogbo only to come back and persuade you into moving there. You need not say it, things are better for your family in Lagos where you are hustling than Oshogbo, you succumbing to that persuasion shows some weakness. Also, by moving to Oshogbo where your family lives can make her feel that she is being put in the middle on most issues. Lastly, you said you wanted your kids back, but at the same time you decided not to go to her family house because your mother said so. Bro, if you really want your kids back I think you should do whatever it takes. My advice, Taking her back or not is something entirely left to you. But if you do wanna forgive and take her back, I think you must set some rules she need to abide and consent to, and show her that though you're a gentleman, but you will not tolerate her disrespecting or disregarding you. If you however insist that it's over, I think you need to gather your evidences and head to court ASAP because if you don't do so, everyday your kids spend with her will always be a big concern to you knowing the wickedness what she's capable of doing to them as she doesn't love them. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by ifeomaekol(f): 8:24pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Op u spoilt your wife, yielded to every of her whine, even before marriage and u weren't observant enough to know the kind of woman she is before u took d relationship futher. If ur mum says u shouldn't go, then dont-----whats the issue here that her family ll ask u to come over if u wnt to see ur kids? A good family -in- law ll send her back, as long as they kw she's just misbehaving and u don't beat her. She's holding those kids to hurt u n get to u cos she kws hw much u love them, be patient--- play calm n see wia d whole thing leads, na she go take her hand bring those kids back. Be careful op, the heart of ur wife is deep, so u hv to be vigilant. Don't be surprised when she comes back n acts like nothing happened. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by dapsycool(m): 8:27pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
taiiremide: First of all, be wary of a woman's advise here or anywhere. Don't ask me why and... Guy it is not your responsibility to pay all bills, house rent, diapers, food, clothes, hospital bills, etc [/size] You weren't born to take care of anybody. You support each other to raise a family. Don't be an African foo.l This is why African women behave like gorillas. Foolish African culture. Why did she go to school? why is she called human? (She is nothing more than a se.x doll if depends on you 100%) [size=10pt]Live your life, you weren't created to take care of women. Stop this mad and retarded culture. 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by mecussey(m): 8:27pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
taiiremide: That woman no like you one bit...i wonder why you no see all these during courtship. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by taiiremide: 8:28pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Kpac: I'm speechless, you know it all. Thank you sir. 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by seangy4konji: 8:29pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
My brother...You have to take full charge of your life...why drag you to oshogbo in the first place because your sister is doing well there only for her to want to go back to lagos after some weeks  she is confused and needs to get busy...As per your kids,where is she staying iin Lagos now alone or with your sisteronce you confirm this,let her be,after some weeks?she will realise its not easy or probably she has another man ready and doing well to be footing her bills since she is only interested in the people who are doing rosy and well but life is about up and downs...Pray about it or consult AYILALA DIETY...By the time AYILALA BEATS HER ONE MONTH STRAIGHT while sleeping telling her to return the kids, Nobody will tell her before she returns it..you cant spend more than 1k to consult AYILALA...maximum 2 k. PS..As the poster above me said,you spoilt her and always do her wishes all the time so it has gotten to her slim skull. 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by multicolored(f): 8:30pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Remain where you are. The kids will come back to you. So long as they are boys . 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by ted1741: 8:31pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Those advising you to move on and the kids will come back obviously do not have kids. Your kids need you just as much as you need them. The kids need the nurturing from both parents. Fathers raise kids differently from mothers because we come from two different perspectives in life. Your kids need that balance and benefit of upbringing from those two perspectives. More importantly, the way she left implicitly means that she is habouring animosities towards you based on her own imaginary and utopian world devoid of your circumstances and reality. She is dislusioned that you are not delivering the "good" life for her. Perhaps she married you under those expectations or based on promises you made or she perceived. It doesn't now, if you do not intervene now, she is likely to poison the kids' minds towards you by saying uncharitable things in both subtle and verbal ways. If you do not intervene in a timely fashion, don't surprise the hostile attitude towards you from the kids, believe me, it will happen and happen very fast. Consequently, the kids will perceive you as a run a way father and may not forgive you so easily. Once the bond is elastically over stretched, the disconnect may never be reversed when they are matured. Put differently, if you are absent in their lives, they will resent you and you have from now before they turn 14, a teenage age when most of our lives' attributes are formed and shaped. Human beings begin to internalize events in their lives as early as three years. They will remember how their mother suffered and sacrificed to raise them and wonder what kind of dad you are and no amount of explanation from you can disabuse them of that ingrained memory. I strongly suggest you meet with her mother and diligently make effort even to a fault and speak with her. She is your wife, she may not be rational in this regard but as a man, she needs your effort to bring her back to reality because she is going through a phase. I suggest you ignore friends who may laugh and call you unprintable names because they are not in your shoes and don't understand why you the dogged effort to bring her back. A philosopher once said that, "in every relationship, one person must play the fools part" for it to succeed. Every family has issues and until they confine in you, you may never know what they are going through. My father once said that, "until you sleep with someone on the same bed, you will never know how their mouth smell", literally. Go and get your family. That is what a good husband/father does. It may take a lot of persuasion to get her to come on board either out of pride or irrationality, but persist for the sake of the children. Confine on someone she respects and listens to if all efforts fail and let the person speak with her. It is imperative you raise your kids or you will be sorry in no distant time. Goodluck. 1 Like |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by 2mNaira: 8:31pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
taiiremide: Some people don't show 'emotiona love ' because they were not brougt up that way or sonething happened in there growing up years and they stoppd showing emotional care. Its more of a backgroud, growing up environment thing. It does'n mean they don't love you. Complaining is also an intrinsic part of some people's character. My guese is that your wife is very beautiful which is the most important thing that attracted you to her in the first place and so you did not pay attention to her character. She most likely have always been like this even before you married her. On her own part it is most likely that the most important reason she was attracted to you was you financial buoyancy. She most likely is of humble background and saw you as an escape from hardship which she seem to be now experiencing or she grew up in comfort and has become used to it and now she is not getting it again..Or because of your financial buoyancy she already has great dreams that seem to have been dashed and she is now feeling frustrated. It is likely that she doesn't mean it when she said she is not interested in the marriage again but only said that out of immaturity to manipulate you.She probably has told some stories about you to her parent and was hoping when she tells you she is not interested in the marriage again you would come down from your high horse and come to her parents place to beg.She just wants her parents to talk some senses into you becsuse she believes you are more likely to listen to them than to her. In my own opinion, you do not yet understand how your wife is and you do not know how to manage her. Also, reading in between the line.I sense that you and your wife often disagree and she often have her way but recently she doesn't always have her way often again and she needs to get you more in line now, hence the manipulation. I believe your wife stil loves you.She is just somehow immature. She feels your love for her has waned and is trying to whip it up through manipulation. You need to find a way to manage your wife well without.enstranging her , without making her feel feel less loved and without allowing her to succeed at manupulating you. What you need to do is find a way to resolve the impasse by meeting her half-way. You shoud continue to be nice, loving,caring and kind to her thus tactically maintainig cordial relationship with her but let her continue to take care of the children alone. When the burden gets too much for her she will find her way back.After all, you did not send her packing. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by akinszz: 8:31pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Since u no dey put mouth inside husband n wife matter, y u com comment? Chai! Women n notice me syndrome peculiar32: |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by cyrilamx(m): 8:35pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Tnx bro for the advice. I loathe when people resort to divorce at the speed of light. It hurts that some Christians resort to this to resolving marital hiccups. Divorce unfortunately rampant is never an option...the kids bear the burden and society at large is doom for it. It's atrendant consequences are enormous. It should never be encouraged. Gaborone: 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by emerged01(m): 8:36pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
This is serious. Op,you just have to meet them for your children sake. Your children are your happiness. Do everything within your capacity to make sure you give them the life they deserve. Dont give your wife the privilege to make you look like a bad father to your children. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by friendl: 8:36pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
Na you spoil your wife ,truth is always bitter ,there are some mens she can't try this with ,..some men's don't even have jobs yet they are in control of their home,it is not about the money ,it is about you being a man in your home ,not just having two balls between your legs TAKE CHARGE |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by dapsycool(m): 8:36pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
First of all, be wary of a woman's advise here or anywhere. Don't ask me why and... Guy it is not your responsibility to pay all bills, house rent, diapers, food, clothes, hospital bills, etc [/size] You weren't born to take care of anybody. You support each other to raise a family. Don't go beyond your means, cos you will die and the world will continue and she will enjoy her life after u This is why African women behave weird and feel entitled to be taken care of, I can only lol to that. Obsolete African culture. Why did she go to school? Why is she called human? (She is nothing more than a toy if depends on you 100%) [size=10pt]Live your life, you weren't created to take care of women. Stop this old-fashioned culture. |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by cescky(m): 8:37pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
ItsQuinn:Ur wahala is plenty |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by kaboninc(m): 8:39pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
sisisioge: Hmmmm... |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by johnsonjosbles(m): 8:43pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
taiiremide:run as fast as you can to social welfare and police station and declare ur kidds wanted b4 she sell those kids. dont say i dont warn you on and rember to thank me later |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by shehuolayinka(m): 8:43pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
This story seem like a typical yoruba movie |
| Re: My Wife Absconded With Our Kids by keandre: 8:44pm On Oct 03, 2016 |
mengho: Lol, marriage is a scam, there's no such thing as happily married, it's a damn oxymoron . Check some reasons why one shouldn't get married here 1 Like |
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