Umm, lol. Nice try. But I don't believe in searching for love.

ElsonMorali:


Somewhere in the universe, searching for [ Mr. Right? ]

-

DarkRebel101:


I have read all his plays.

My signature is an excerpt from Hamlet. I'm sure you've read that, yeah?

Berbierklaus:

He might not he should.

And yes she should avoid physical altercation with him,cos he he batter her,she will suffer the body pain and harm alone,worst still,get blamed

smh.


Another one on the loose

Yieldings:
Yes, I've read Hamlet.

Then you would know Hamlet was trying to tell Horatio than even though he – Horatio – believed the scope of his knowledge to be of unparalleled width, it was still a germ when juxtaposed with all the knowledge in the world.

I think Shakespeare through Hamlet sought to bewray the conceitedness of those with high pretensions to knowledge.

I haven't read ALL his plays but I've read most of them. I've read all his comedies, most of his tragedies, and I'm yet to read his histories/history plays. Merchant of Venice, Pericles, Timon of Athens and The Tempest being some my top favourites. One of my siblings bought all his books (sonnets included) back in high school, so I have every one of them in a bookcase, along with his sonnets, but ironically I'm yet to read ALL of them.

Nice! I love women who appreciate literature.

Have you read Julius Caeser? I began re-reading it on Thursday.

Why'd you memorize his sonnets?

LOL. I effaced that part of my post because I thought it sounded arrogant, not knowing you've already seen it.

Urggg, I was bored out of my skull that very week and decided to put my mind to good use. Does that seem a good enough reason?

Yieldings:
Umm, lol. Nice try. But I don't believe in searching for love.

Hehehehe...really?

Does that mean that love searches for you then?

OP your husband is very stupid. and a goat sorry to say

meanwhile, i go with the ishilove's advice..

dangotesmummy:
well I guess you're a war proponent.e.g IT takes a full scale war to bring about peace. But don't forget that if she must use such approach she must have back up plan bcdefghi.......because those countries going into war have already counted their cost.the question is is she ready for such which will likely takes years before IT ends and it won't just be her,families will be involved. And like the good old Yorubas say we always know the beginning of war but we don't know when and where it'll end

Wars aren't for cowards.

RadicallyBlunt:


Besides what you're going thru is normal in the first 1-2yrs of marriage. Both of you will stabilize soon

I have to disagree with you here. No! It is not normal. Not in the 1st yr not in the second year, not in the 10th year nor is it in the 50th year. It is not normal in any version of any civilized relationship whether, just friends, family member, spouse or just dating.

You should NEVER do that to your partner, never in public, and NEVER in the presence of your domestic staff nor your children.

If you disagree, slag it out in private. If you disagree with the instructions given to the help, you NEVER undermine your spouse's authority in their presence that they loose the respect of your domestic staff.

You also never berate your spouse in the presence of your in-laws nor friends or any other family member.

thewife306:
Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party
cc lalasticlala

You can only take so much before you yourself will snap back one day! So i suggest after one shouting episode, when you get into a private place, you tell him straight up in a calm and controlled voice, that he should not speak to you in that manner, not in public, not in front of your staff nor in front of the inlaws. It does not show you any regard as his wife.

Your hubby seems to have some anger management issues and if he doesnt see the the wrong in his behavour then there is a big problem.
Stress or no stress, there is a line you draw and there is a limit of external bullshi.t one can bring home with you.

If anyone have aggression issues, it is not wise to dump it on your spouse.

Go for proffesional counselling as you both need the help. As he may not be aware of it but this is emotional abuse. ( please dont go with all those churchy version of counselling that everything has to be the woman's fault and they will start quoting submit to your husbands. ) if anyone says that to you..... quote the second bit that says husbands should love their wives and re-inforce it with thw passage that gives the atttributes of love..... see boldened below.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

God bless and direct you.

AlphaHandMaiden:


You can only take so much before you yourself will snap back one day! So i suggest after one shouting episode, when you get into a private place, you tell him straight up in a calm and controlled voice, that he should not speak to you in that manner, not in public, not in front of your staff nor in front of the inlaws. It does not show you any regard as his wife.

Your hubby seems to have some anger management issues and if he doesnt see the the wrong in his behavour then there is a big problem.
Stress or no stress, there is a line you draw and there is a limit of external bullshi.t one can bring home with you.

If anyone have aggression issues, it is not wise to dump it on your spouse.

Go for proffesional counselling as you both need the help. As he may not be aware of it but this is emotional abuse. ( please dont go with all those churchy version of counselling that everything has to be the woman's fault and they will start quoting submit to your husbands. ) if anyone says that to you..... quote the second bit that says husbands should love their wives and re-inforce it with thw passage that gives the atttributes of love..... see boldened below.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

God bless and direct you.

Thanks a whole lot. Av actually beenwaiting to read from u, tearoses n onegai.

RoadsAndGreen:
OP your husband is very stupid. and a goat sorry to say

meanwhile, i go with the ishilove's advice..

No i wont take dat frm u. Pls take ur dirty mouth somewhere else. Sorry for yourself

-

DarkRebel101:


Then you would know Hamlet was trying to tell Horatio than even though he – Horatio – believed the scope of his knowledge to be of unparalleled width, it was still a germ when juxtaposed with all the knowledge in the world.

I think Shakespeare through Hamlet sought to bewray the conceitedness of those with high pretensions to knowledge.



Nice! I love women who appreciate literature.

Have you read Julius Caeser? I began re-reading it on Thursday.



LOL. I effaced that part of my post because I thought it sounded arrogant, not knowing you've already seen it.

Urggg, I was bored out of my skull that very week and decided to put my mind to good use. Does that seem a good enough reason?

RoadsAndGreen:
OP your husband is very stupid. and a goat sorry to say

meanwhile, i go with the ishilove's advice..

Haba oga! how can you qualify someone's husband like this, its uncalled for. Seeking advice here does not mean we should disrespect the husband.

This is very rude of you.

dangotesmummy:
There are something's I'm beginning to see here.so in Nigeria Wife = slave that you can disgrace anyhow and anywhere and she should just continue being sweet.isokay

Solution @ Op the next time he does that crap walk out on him
Or

Don't go to public places with him and if he asks you why tell him to avoid disgrace

If you go to church sites separately. After church enter a cab and go back home. When you're with him in public avoid him as much as possible

Gbammmmmm.

This is exactly what I will do if I was in her shoes.

Avoid him like a plague publicly completely until he changes his ways.

Cc thewife306
Have a one on one chat with him about it and tell him he needs to change his ways. If he doesn't, then simply adopt the method above. You need to get rid of that househelp though.

tearoses:


If you are sure that this is a new pattern and he didn't do this or show any signs of this whilst you were dating then you need to get to the bottom of this sudden development
You need to understand why he is doing this, then you can tackle it appropriately and take things from there.

Find time to talk to him
Do not give him any opportunity to go off
point as "sit down and talk" conversations can easily go tangent if care is not taken
Do not shout, cry or get emotional
Just remain focussed on the topic and do not relent until you get to know/have an idea of what has caused his sudden change in attitude.

If he wont tell you, then wisely select one wiser and mature person who can talk to both of you.

BTW Who employed the househelp?

At d bolded. We both did. We got her From our family friend. Initially I wanted to be the one paying but he insisted dat it's his responsibility to pay.
The househelp issue is another issue that I wouldn't want to discuss on this thread. The lady in question isn't with us anymore. I intend doing the payment for the next one and telling him not to interfere.

helovesme:


Gbammmmmm.

This is exactly what I will do if I was in her shoes.

Avoid him like a plague publicly completely until he changes his ways.

Cc thewife306
Have a one on one chat with him about it and
tell him he needs to change his ways. If he doesn't, then simply adopt the method above. You need to get rid of that househelp though.

Double post

helovesme:


Gbammmmmm.

This is exactly what I will do if I was in her shoes.

Avoid him like a plague publicly completely until he changes his ways.

Cc thewife306
Have a one on one chat with him about it and
tell him he needs to change his ways. If he doesn't, then simply adopt the method above. You need to get rid of that househelp though.

Was going to do dat by year end but She left on her own... For greener pasture

Yieldings:
Yep, I read Julius Ceasar last summer. It didn't sound arrogant at all. I did wonder why you deleted it. Are you self-conscious?

Yes, I am highly self-conscious but that wasn't why I effaced the post. Many of the skirmishes that I've had with people – both offline and online – were a result of them feeling intimidated about the things I could do and which they couldn't -- such in recent times have necessitated me to hide my lamp under a bushel.

Honestly, that was why I edited my post.

That's a very good reason to memorize his sonnets, lol. I read when I'm bored too. I practically used to sleep at the library when I was a kid. What better way to put one's time to good use than to memorize Shakespeare's sonnets?! One of these days, you might have to prove it to me though. I'll pick a sonnet and you'll start reciting them right away. Is that a deal? lol.

One of these days? LOL. Let's make it Friday. Do you Skype? I must warn you though, that you would be sorely besotted with me once you catch a whiff of my awesomeness.
...

Are you a bibliophile, Yieldings? You must have a large collection of books, don't you?

If you like sonnets, you should look into Thomas Wyatt's. Chaucer is another good one, though his are not in the form of a sonnet (I'm sure you're familiar with the structure and form of a sonnet).

-Have you read Beowulf? I actually just finished reading it last week and loved it.

If you liked Beowulf, you would like Sir Gawain.

Yup, I've read Beowulf.
...

My poetic taste is eclectic, not only do I read sonnets, I also read Haikus, free verses, etc.

Have you read any work from Oscar Wilde and William Blake?

I enjoyed Wilde's ‘Ode To Liberty’, and I find Blake's ‘Tyger, Tyger’ to be particularly instructive -- it tells of the destructive nature of a creation as beautiful as the tiger and questions the morality of the creator in creating such a savage beast.

“Tyger, tyger, burning bright;
In the forest of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?”

-Who's your all-time favourite writer/author? Mine's Dostoevsky. No one can touch him!

Arggg, I can't say for sure. I don't have an all-time favourite, but I very much fancy Dan Brown and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

-So, what else do you read?

As I said, my taste is rather eclectic. I read whatever comes my way and which I think could be useful. Everything except chick-lit and those unrealistic romance plays, novels, and novellas.
...

Pray, have you read Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy?

I sent a PDF of the Inferno to a female Nairalander about two months ago, but I highly doubt she found it easy to read, or that she could read it at all.

-Have you read any philosopher's works? John Locke, Aristotle, Nietzsche, Kant, Sartre, to name a few?

I just finished re-reading Plato's Apology yesterday, I've read Cicero's De Oratore and Xenophon's Memorabilia; I've read St. Thomas Aquinas' cosmological arguments; I've read the works of Rene Descartes, John Locke, Karl Max, Bertrand Russell; I've read some works of Aristotle – who by the way was also a giant misogynist? -- were you aware of that?

He – Aristotle – claimed women were deformed versions of men, and that while light-skinned women were capable of squïrting, dark-skïnned women were not. You can confirm this if you think I'm making stuff up.
...

I also watch crash courses on works of prominent philosophers on YouTube.

comtem2011:
Haba oga! how can you qualify someone's husband like this, its uncalled for. Seeking advice here does not mean we should disrespect the husband.

This is very rude of you.

OK OK am sorry but how can a sane human disrespect his wife in public? also in front of their maid.

thewife306:


No i wont take dat frm u. Pls take ur dirty mouth somewhere else. Sorry for yourself

OK I apologize for that.

now you were quick to attack me but your husband disgrace you publicly no retaliation. very funny. I am sad for you because your self esteem would have been dropping like sky divers by now. sorry babes.

I wish you the best.

Yes.

Usually when a female tries to look for love she would find the wrong one or the man will not would just want to take advantage of her. So imo, it's better to let it come to you. I've learned to put my blinders on because most men out there are no good. I'm waiting patiently for my missing rib. I'm sure when the universe says it's time for us to meet, we will meet. Other than that, I am not searching. If anything, he searches for me.

ElsonMorali:


Hehehehe...really?

Does that mean that love searches for you then?

-

DarkRebel101:


Yes, I am highly self-conscious but that wasn't why I effaced the post. Many of the skirmishes that I've had with people – both offline and online – were a result of them feeling intimidated about the things I could do and which they couldn't -- such in recent times have necessitated me to hide my lamp under a bushel.

Honestly, that was why I edited my post.



One of these days? LOL. Let's make it Friday. Do you Skype? I must warn you though, that you would be sorely besotted with me once you catch a whiff of my awesomeness.
...

Are you a bibliophile, Yieldings? You must have a large collection of books, don't you?



Yup, I've read Beowulf.
...

My poetic taste is eclectic, not only do I read sonnets, I also read Haikus, free verses, etc.

Have you read any work from Oscar Wilde and William Blake?

I enjoyed Wilde's ‘Ode To Liberty’, and I find Blake's ‘Tyger, Tyger’ to be particularly instructive -- it tells of the destructive nature of a creation as beautiful as the tiger and questions the morality of the creator in creating such a savage beast.

“Tyger, tyger, burning bright;
In the forest of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?”



Arggg, I can't say for sure. I don't have an all-time favourite, but I very much fancy Dan Brown and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.



As I said, my taste is rather eclectic. I read whatever comes my way and which I think could be useful. Everything except chick-lit and those unrealistic romance plays, novels, and novellas.
...

Pray, have you read Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy?

I sent a PDF of the Inferno to a female Nairalander about two months ago, but I highly doubt she found it easy to read, or that she could read it at all.



I just finished re-reading Plato's Apology yesterday, I've read Cicero's De Oratore and Xenophon's Memorabilia; I've read St. Thomas Aquinas' cosmological arguments; I've read the works of Rene Descartes, John Locke, Karl Max, Bertrand Russell; I've read some works of Aristotle – who by the way was also a giant misogynist? -- were you aware of that?

He – Aristotle – claimed women were deformed versions of men, and that while light-skinned women were capable of squïrting, dark-skïnned women were not. You can confirm this if you think I'm making stuff up.
...

I also watch crash courses on works of prominent philosophers on YouTube.

Yieldings:
Yes.

Usually when a female tries to look for love she would find the wrong one or the man will not would just want to take advantage of her. So imo, it's better to let it come to you. I've learned to put my blinders on because most men out there are no good. I'm waiting patiently for my missing rib. I'm sure when the universe says it's time for us to meet, we will meet. Other than that, I am not searching. If anything, he searches for me.

Wow. That's an interesting POV. Nice one. But I think its you who is the missing rib bone of somebody. You're not the one who's missing the rib, its the man. That's why he's the one searching for his missing rib bone. We are in agreement then.

I guess you'll furnish me with the answer to your puzzle in due time then, right?

[size=1pt]Yes, you're right. But I'm skeptical sha, that I'm someone's missing rib. I think when you've been single for eternity you start to lose hope lol, and I'm not the type to just settle for anyone, so yeah. Yes, I will let know you. I'm sure I will find out by the time I'm 80.[/size]

ElsonMorali:


Wow. That's an interesting POV. Nice one. But I think its you who is the missing rib bone of somebody. You're not the one who's missing the rib, its the man. That's why he's the one searching for his missing rib bone. We are in agreement then.

I guess you'll furnish me with the answer to your puzzle in due time then, right?

Yieldings:
[size=1pt]Yes, you're right. But I'm skeptical sha, that I'm someone's missing rib. I think when you've been single for eternity you start to lose hope lol, and I'm not the type to just settle for anyone, so yeah. Yes, I will let know you. I'm sure I will find out by the time I'm 80.[/size]

Can't be that bad. 80? No way. There's someone for everyone. That's for sure. You complete someone perfectly. And when you meet that person, you'll know.

Let's just hope you won't start forming too hard to get when that person comes your way.

Yieldings:
Your comment about getting into skirmishes with people on and offline because they're intimidated by what you know makes me wonder what your mbti is. Have you ever taken a test? What about your enneagram?

What is ‘MBTI’? Help me out here.

I took a pseudo-personality test one time; but I thought it was applesauce, I consider myself protean and unpredictable; no series of tests can have me bucketed in category A or category B. Even if I took enneagrams with a cubic metre of salt, I wouldn't share it on a public forum where walls have ears.

But I'm curious, B.F. Skinner, from my teeny-weeny snowflakes of quirks that have studded your winter grounds, what personality would you say that I fit into?

I definitely consider myself a bibliophile, a bookworm, a chronic nerd. I would probably be here all day if I start writing everything I've read.

Do you read for fun or for academic purposes/school?

Nerdie-birdie.

I've always pondered what people mean by reading for fun.

I read to learn, and to entertain myself, and when the time calls for it, to breeze through exams. So yeah, I read both for academic purposes and as a personal obligation; it all depends on the timing -- you sure won't find me buried in a Nora Roberts novel if I had a History test tomorrow.

Aristotle had controversial views on women (or views we would call controversial today) such as women being inferior to men, were to be ruled by men, were more shameless than men, etc. Plato, his mentor, also had similar views, although Aristotle was a bit of a rebel because he disagreed with Plato on a bunch of other things (e.g. disagreed with Plato's Theory of Forms; their views on the best way to obtain scientific knowledge or just knowledge in general greatly differed; their views on rhetoric greatly differed, etc). The beliefs of most of the citizens in ancient Greece with regards to women were similar to theirs, though. In the Athenian legal system, for example, women weren't allowed in courts. You couldn't even say a woman's name in court, no matter how respectable she was in the society but had to identify her as the wife or daughter of a man whose name was given. If a woman was accused of a crime, she had to enlist the aid of a male to defend her in court too, but men (both the prosecutor & defendant had to speak for themselves). I didn't dive into Aristotle's views on sexuality, so I'm not aware he said that but I can't say I'm surprised because he never hesitated to share his views and tell you that yours is wrong, lol. Would I consider him a misogynist? A bit, but again many men back then were. He laid the foundation for many of things we know today with regards to science, persuasion, rhetoric, ethics, the environment, art and much more. Also, much of Trump's campaign rhetoric that many of us hated, that allowed him to persuade others and obviously win their votes dates back to Aristotle's rhetoric and Cicero's too). I could go on. I know all about those philosophers you mentioned up there and more, lol. I think I would be here all day if I start talking! Did you know that there're different branches of Philosophy? There's philosophy of mathematics, philosophy of mind, philosophy of science, philosophy of engineering, philosophy or art, etc. It made way for many of the subjects we learn today! How cool is that?

Showoff!, or as the Germans would say, “What a Besserwisser”.
Arggg, I for some seconds thought you were writing a rounded dissertation on the Antiquities. Kudos!!

I'm falling in love already. Please tell Cupid I've had enough of his dumb-äss arrows.

Yes, I definitely skype, but I've school and work during the week, so friday won't be good for me. Probably sunday? But that gives you about a week to start memorizing

You actually think I'd use the whole week in memorising sonnets just to impress – no, not impress –, just to prove a nonfictional point to a chick I met on Nairaland? Hehe. That's cute. What do you think I am, 12?

My schedule is too crowded for me to pull that stunt, even if I wanted to. I am no ten-dollar charlatan; if I say I can do something it's because I can.

Yes, I definitely skype, but I've school and work during the week, so friday won't be good for me. Probably sunday? But that gives you about a week to start memorizing, tho , so I'm indirectly doing you a favour by giving you an extension . I'm just still so skeptical you memorized all of Shakespeare's sonnets.

I never said all of his sonnets; I said 20 of them.

...

Mike Tyson said that everybody has an opinion until they get punched in the mouth.

Read my version: “Every skeptic waggles a tongue until the knuckles of a daunting revelation knocks the socks off their feet”.

You seem to know your onions in matters related to the Antiquities; I must say that I'm am nonplussed that an apparent aficionado as yourself is unaware of a mnemonic technique which dates back two thousand years to ancient Greece; and which Greek rhetors, politicians, lawyers and all those whose business intertwined with public speaking, have used to memorize tons of speeches.

A mnemonic device known as memory palace. Really? You've never come across this while you were reading the works of Aristotle and co.?

How else do you think I could have pulled such a memory feat? By way of rote memorisation? Hehe. That would have been like honeymooning in Gehenna.

helovesme:


Gbammmmmm.

This is exactly what I will do if I was in her shoes.

Avoid him like a plague publicly completely until he changes his ways.

Cc thewife306
Have a one on one chat with him about it and tell him he needs to change his ways. If he doesn't, then simply adopt the method above. You need to get rid of that househelp though.

lol.the house help isn't the issue here or the problem .the house help is a minor matter. Even the yorubas say charity begins from home.the way you treat your wife is the way outsiders will treat her.if you see a man that is always ridiculing his wife in public e.g yelling in public or slapping in public, one day the brother inlaw who didn't have the nerves for such will do it because the husband has created a fertile ground for disrespect in the house.

And so if she begins to earn her respect by avoiding him gradually he'll begin to come back to his senses and the house help will act accordingly

byvan03:



Wars aren't for cowards.

I agree

shout back na

Madam shout back at him so both of you will be mad in public. But seriously there is a spirit that's in your hubby cus when he sees u, he gets angry. sorry you hear bah?

thewife306:
Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party.

JeffreyJamez:
This is simple... I'm sure you have your own "craze"..since you have talked to him about it and he has refused to listen, show him that small "craze" ..if he shouts at you, shout at him back... He go calm down!

Good advice bro...and I hope u av a cabstar or hummer vehicle to help her pack her things too when her marriage is over?