mysticgal:
I know we are not supposed to wash dirty linens outside. But this happened with my mum and she shouted back. Like I remember her saying "orrrr, are you OK? Don't ever shout at me again" and even if my dad is mad, he would never do such.
I don't know if it's the right to do but I'd do the same thing my mum did. Besides you should know your husband and how he takes correction, and It's not right to scold you in public.
All the best....

you think that it works on your dad it will work on any man out there? Sandy thought!

kassy777:
These are the non wife materials and jet age ladies. Shout back at him. My mum did this and that. Highly indesciple and desrespectul lady be your name. Just read the few piece of advise below yours. The difference is clear. First class agboro house wife.

Don't be a big fool.. You should reread where I wrote that she should study how her husband takes correction.
Always quick to judge.. Mtcheww

Caseless:
you think that it works on your dad it will work on any man out there? Sandy thought!

Start reading from BESIDES

RadicallyBlunt:
Op be cautious of the way you follow the advises above me o. You just said ur hubby wasn't like this before but now he's showing his color at d slightest provocation. Who knows...you may think taking the above steps will calm him down but turn out to make things worse and these so called advicers would not be there to help your marriage. A man with a child can still remarry o but an after-one woman may find it difficult.

Even if you're young blooded with radicality i still advice you to use a better approach not because ur husband is d head blabla but because you dont want to go thru a long marriage palava so early in life. Because if he takes d matter to his family he will not say he started it first. And your own family have received your total bride price...eaten it sef. So

Calm your anger, talk to him heart-to-heart first, if that doesnt work, you can talk to your pastor or snr in-laws that have good sense of reasoning too...this is essential. Let them know you told them first so that when you take action, it will have deep effect and impression. Don't be deceived with the "no 3rd party" advice for new couples. There are some things you may actually need some one for. what matters is the kinda 3rd person you involve and of course not always.

Besides what you're going thru is normal in the first 1-2yrs of marriage. Both of you will stabilize soon

@thewife306 , listen to this advice. Reacting angrily won't solve it , not even when your husband is like me: when you run mad at me , I keep quiet and make the toughest of decisions.

Like Buddha said, "you can't prevent people from making you angry, what you can control is your reaction".


Who knows? Maybe the problem is coming from you. Check what you were doing pre-marital that you're not doing anymore or correctly( be it nice s3x , hairdo, cleanliness , drrssing etc).

kassy777:
These are the non wife materials and jet age ladies. Shout back at him. My mum did this and that. Highly indesciple and desrespectul lady be your name. Just read the few piece of advise below yours. The difference is clear. First class agboro house wife.

Did you eat food last night
OK, go back to where I said she should know how her husband takes correction.
Oya scoot

OP just give him one kain wicked look when he does that again, hopefully it will get him to pay attention but if not, omo ginger that man to calm down, wetin dey work am sef?

mysticgal:

Start reading from BESIDES

kimon!



Mysticgal? I think I know this person. A contestant? A bursty one at that?

favexx:
Sister if u hv any hint he is about to shout @ u in public, forge a fone call and leave that place he would end up looking like he is mad cos people would keep wondering y he is shouting...kuma dat ur house help beat am small na or check if hubby don dey press bobbi...nothing is impossible

Cute dp
You did not follow back

Shouting back at him will only make ppl in public think u are thw disrespectful one cos they do not know what is happening ..they will think u have been annoying him till he decided to shout ..he might even suddenly hit you and you dont want that (a man that shouts on his woman in public can also hit her in public).....
But since you have talked to him and he wont listen just calmly be finding your way or show him that
Marriage without respect on both sides is just useless

I trust my wife...... I so trust her.....and I'll tell u what she did that calmed me...That day I was kinda feeling like a boss and she was entertaining my friends...then she did sumn that made me shout. She calmly replied me. straight cold voice looking at me in the eye
...dem no tell me I turn water....advice...don't be scared.

phlamesG:

Cute dp
You did not follow back

sowie I hvnt checked it out..tks

Caseless:
kimon!



Mysticgal? I think I know this person. A contestant? A bursty one at that?

Hmmm.. Yea

Really? Who told you an "after one" woman can't easily remarry? My dear this is 2016 even after fours are getting hooked far too easy even easier that the singles so pls stop promoting that your narrow view about what a Woman's options are after shes had a child or children. In addition so you expect her to keep taking verbal abuse until it graduates to physical n psychological abuse right? I put it to you that she will just shoot herself in the foot by reporting him to his family cos they will side up with their son n probably worsen the situation. So best way to deal is to speak up n tell him outrightly she will no longer tolerate the attitude and tell him off next time he tries it with her.

RadicallyBlunt:
Op be cautious of the way you follow the advises above me o. You just said ur hubby wasn't like this before but now he's showing his color at d slightest provocation. Who knows...you may think taking the above steps will calm him down but turn out to make things worse and these so called advicers would not be there to help your marriage. A man with a child can still remarry o but an after-one woman may find it difficult.

Even if you're young blooded with radicality i still advice you to use a better approach not because ur husband is d head blabla but because you dont want to go thru a long marriage palava so early in life. Because if he takes d matter to his family he will not say he started it first. And your own family have received your total bride price...eaten it sef. So

Calm your anger, talk to him heart-to-heart first, if that doesnt work, you can talk to your pastor or snr in-laws that have good sense of reasoning too...this is essential. Let them know you told them first so that when you take action, it will have deep effect and impression. Don't be deceived with the "no 3rd party" advice for new couples. There are some things you may actually need some one for. what matters is the kinda 3rd person you involve and of course not always.

Besides what you're going thru is normal in the first 1-2yrs of marriage. Both of you will stabilize soon

mysticgal:


Hmmm.. Yea

I wouldn't mind meeting you.

I want you to come and use that your mum's method on me.

How about that?

My dear am Married am a guy. I found out I started shouting on my wife,not in public but that's how it starts. I didn't even know I was doing it until she told me. Your husband is suppressing some insecurities.
I had to analyse myself. at work am the perfect guy to very annoying people (people that need shouting at) then when I come back home I can become a monster to people I should nurture and pamper.
Have a heart to heart talk with him and let him know u respect him,but there is a line he should not cross. If he has issues he should allow u help him deal with it.

Thank You For Posting Your Concerned And How Hurt You Are, I Feel Your Pains. However, Kindly Apply The Following::::: Wisdom !! Wisdom !! Wisdom

1. Report Your Concerned To Your Pastor About Your Observation Of Your Husband Recent Change.
2. When He Loose It Again !!! Tell Him - I Love You Honey And I Pray That God Will Deliver You From Your Anger And Egooooooo. Amen,
3 Get Down On Your Kneels And Pray. Go To The Alter Of God And Summon The Spirit Behand His Behaviour. Made A Vow To God What U Will Do. Pray For Your Self For More Wisdom.

Ref: Job 34 V 24 -25 O Lord, You Know Their Works, Therefore Overturned Them In The Night And Destroy Them. Start Your Prayers 12 Midnite. Pour Out Your Heart - Go To Mount Zion ; Obediah 1 : 17 Decree And Claim.

Pls Others Add. Pls Pls Dont Report Or Complained About Your Husband's Attitude To Your Best Friends Or Workers. The God U Serve Will Guide You. Hosea 6 V 1 -2
God Bless You. God Bless Your Children God Bless Your Marriage. Amen

The truth is, something is eating him up and he does not want to tell u.
talk to him gently. he could be the economic recession.
men get touchy when there are a lot of issues on their mind. telling you from years of experience
pray about it too.

thewife306:
Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party.

When he shouts at you, how do you react ? Do you just act like it's okay or you're not moved ? Your silence might be encouraging him to do more.
When next he shouts at you in public, just walk away and ignore him for that period. If you guys are at a function, sit on a different seat. When you two get home, you talk to him about it. I don't think shouting back is the best. But when you give him the silent treatment for a while, he'll get the message.
But be honest with yourself. Hope you're not the one provoking him .

Swints:
Really? Who told you an "after one" woman can't easily remarry? My dear this is 2016 even after fours are getting hooked far too easy even easier that the singles so pls stop promoting that your narrow view about what a Woman's options are after shes had a child or children. In addition so you expect her to keep taking verbal abuse until it graduates to physical n psychological abuse right? I put it to you that she will just shoot herself in the foot by reporting him to his family cos they will side up with their son n probably worsen the situation. So best way to deal is to speak up n tell him outrightly she will no longer tolerate the attitude and tell him off next time he tries it with her.

You should learn from life experience not from grammar speaking on NL

I detest men like that!

mysticgal:

Don't be a big fool.. You should reread where I wrote that she should study how her husband takes correction.
Always quick to judge.. Mtcheww

Nor be your fault. Many things including close watch of you were completely absent while you were growing up. Final fulstop.

RadicallyBlunt:
Op be cautious of the way you follow the advises above me o. You just said ur hubby wasn't like this before but now he's showing his color at d slightest provocation. Who knows...you may think taking the above steps will calm him down but turn out to make things worse and these so called advicers would not be there to help your marriage. A man with a child can still remarry o but an after-one woman may find it difficult.

Even if you're young blooded with radicality i still advice you to use a better approach not because ur husband is d head blabla but because you dont want to go thru a long marriage palava so early in life. Because if he takes d matter to his family he will not say he started it first. And your own family have received your total bride price...eaten it sef. So

Calm your anger, talk to him heart-to-heart first, if that doesnt work, you can talk to your pastor or snr in-laws that have good sense of reasoning too...this is essential. Let them know you told them first so that when you take action, it will have deep effect and impression. Don't be deceived with the "no 3rd party" advice for new couples. There are some things you may actually need some one for. what matters is the kinda 3rd person you involve and of course not always.

Besides what you're going thru is normal in the first 1-2yrs of marriage. Both of you will stabilize soon

I like these one, u ve it right there and to add to it dear, please if ur husbnd's mother is alive, pls go to her,she's in the gud position to put solution to this. Pls don't go to ur pastor's wife o or any other person. But to ur mother-inalw

Show more submission to him. Stop arguing with him. Give your suggestions when he ask for it, and when you do, do it with respect. You have not being satisfying his ego!

next time he tries it shout at him back nd give him beta warning. is he d only one with a temper. u both are best friends na . shuuh

Tellemall:



Everything is wrong with that man on the bus.


What sort of man gets on a crowded bus with his family?


What sort of monster will sit his scaly hide down while his wife and children are left standing?


What sort of stupid creature doesn't let the wife carry the children but screams at her to let them sit and that she should stand, when she had the aim of getting them all to sit since he didn't in the first place?


Is that really a man? Oh, wait, I almost forgot. African men and Asian men must be the most horrid creatures ever born of woman to roam the planet. I guess culture has reduced their reasoning to the lowest levels. Figures.

Conclusion: Many lowlifes are to be found on crowded buses. The ones who drive are a menace to only themselves, thankfully.

It wasn't a crowded bus. There were just about 6-7 persons standing, including the woman and her children. It was on a Sunday morning and they were probably running late for Church and couldn't wait for the next bus.

I agree the man personifies uncouthness.

ferhyntorlah:


This is the reality on ground.

I've formed the habit of observing couples, and I've noticed that the wives look way older than the man.

The stress an average Nigerian woman goes through in her marriage is mind-boggling.

its until they introduce their wives like meet my wife Helen that you realise o really?

In my mind I'll be like see the wife looking like the man's elder sister or sometimes mother. You will see the man looking slim smart and younger then the wife looking so obese tying George wrapper big enough to be a bedsheet for me with bottled up stress and tensions written all over her face and you begin to wonder they don't even look like couples

You saw all these signs and still went to marry him, well you just have to live with it.

Hope he does not gravitate to physical abuse.

DarkRebel101:
I witnessed something similar about two weeks ago in a BRT bus. A man, his wife, and their two children boarded the same bus as did I; and it so happened that while the man found a place to sit, the wife and the children did not and so had to stand.

Fifteen minutes later, someone alighted from the bus thus creating a vacant seat which the woman immediately sat on; and just as she was beckoning her two kids to come sit on her laps, her husband exploded in a fusillade of rage and commanded his wife to stand so that his children could sit.

That instant, my face creased into a deep flesh canyon of disbelief, and even more so when the woman sheepishly cowered in humility characteristic of a Catholic nun.

Who knows how long the woman has been subjected to such harassment? I pitied her greatly because she seemed completely resigned to her fate.

[...]

OP, your husband is just like the man in that story, and that is immature, insensate and proud.

Lao Tzu once said that, “All streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are. Humility gives it its power.”

One of the things your husband needs to learn is how to be humble.

...

Now to the main issue: my advise is that you investigate the activities your husband has been involved in as of recent.

I also need you to answer these questions:

On a scale of 1-10, how physically attractive is your husband? Could it be that his physical ‘uninterestingness’ is the cause of his frustration? Perhaps he hasn't been receiving sufficient attention from the opposite sex?

Is he ankle-deep in a financial pinch? Is he in debt? Such can make a man-woman frustrated and, consequentially, depressed.

Do his family members constantly put the squeeze on him so that he might cater for their needs? He might just be overwhelmed and feel boxed in by the pressures put on him.

Has any of his family members, colleagues, or close friends died as of late? Death tends to inflict a heavy toll on a person's mood and so that might be the cause.

Has he any history of violence? And please do away with those ingenuous sentiments about how he was a saint during courtship.
Courtships are hardly where the true character of a man-woman is revealed.

...

As they say, ‘‘frustration begets anger; anger begets aggression”.

I think your husband is frustrated, and might just be suffering from a phenomenon which psychologists call displaced aggression’, or as those in the military would put it: ‘stress-rolling’.

Displaced aggression is when someone for lack of being capable of challenging the source of his frustration due to the fact that he-she feels that he-she cannot conquer it, directs his-her anger instead to someone perceived to be weaker and less capable of reprisal.

For example: my boss may have hauled me over the coals for a task poorly executed, and knowing fully well that I can't yell back at my boss or impugn him, I would rather suppress my anger and take it out on my wife or child. That's what displaced aggression means and I think your husband is going through just that.

...

And OP, have you tried talking to him?

Have you expressed to him, the discomfiture that his actions are causing you?

If not then that should be your first line of action. If that doesn't work then you should ask his family members or trusted friends to have a tête-a-tête with him; and if that still proves abortive, then you should perhaps consider a belt-and-braces approach — though I wouldn't advise such as fire can never be quenched with fire.

Temporal separation until he turns over a new leaf could also be a last resort.

Did you not read her story well? It says that he has been yelling at her since there courtship stage. He had already been showing her who he was but for some reason or the other ignored the red flag: maybe she was one of those naive girls that taught that after marriage he was going to change for the better not knowing that that was just the tip of the iceberg and that
he was already giving him glimpses of his true character.
They say that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time around.

dangotesmummy:
ok good but have you realised the negative consequences of emotional abuse? It's a scar that doesn't heal IN 2 days or a week I hope you realise that

Consequences include depression
insomnia
Paranoia
Psychotic disorder
loss of sex drive
feelings of worthlessness
suicidal tendencies
Loss of apetite and enthusiasm
She begins to depreciate e.g loss of physical beauty

Unfortunately your kids are at the receiving end of her tantrums. I'm now seeing why Nigerian women look like their husband's elder sister after marriage

Who will marry a narcissist and not age before her time. By the way what is the difference between her and a slave

Yes, you have said everything I had in mind, everything. You're beautiful in your mind.

thewife306:
Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party.

Call him one on one or in u private just talk to him in a peaceful way or gentleman way. Pray to God b4 u talk to him. let him see reason. let him know that the househelp dosen't respect u. talk to him with emotion I believe by God's grace he will listen.

DarkRebel101:


It wasn't a crowded bus. There were just about 6-7 persons standing, including the woman and her children. It was on a Sunday morning and they were probably running late for Church and couldn't wait for the next bus.

I agree the man personifies uncouthness.

Sunday... Morning