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I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate - Romance (5) - Nairaland

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Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Orikinla1: 11:41pm On Feb 12, 2017
Help him if you can. But I must warn you that Nigerians are among the most ungrateful people on earth. So, don't expect him to reward you with gratitude.

Poor people don't show you their true characters until they have some money.
I have seen many examples, from Mushin to Banana Island and from Lagos to London.

Ask billionaires, Femi Otedola and Mike Adenuga,JR.
Dogs have proved to be more faithful and loyal than humans.

5 Likes

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Nobody: 11:42pm On Feb 12, 2017
Op, if you want to help him, then help him for humanity sake.

Don't expect anything in return. Also,sit him down and let him know he shd not feel indebted to you because of the help.

Let him know you helped him because of humanity sake, and not because he is your bf.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by semasir: 11:42pm On Feb 12, 2017
One man's meat is another's poison. I hope it's the other way round though but let me advise that if you truly love him and have seen all you want in him then follow your mind but peradventure he goes the other way round and misbehave, please, move on because your part in his life might be the support after all women also misbehave in such situations if they want to.

Ill best advice that you go cautiously and if possible, get a link for him to get a job and don't indicate that you made it possible then you might see his true colour and commitment too.

If you have to test his love, do it without going to the extreme not to loose what you cherish.

esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Thecassanova: 11:45pm On Feb 12, 2017
mrjojo:
wow, am really surprised at the comment am seeing here shocked shocked Like what exactly is the big deal in helping someone you actually claimed you love for goodness sake? So it ok for guys to ditch out help without even thinking twice but when it is the other way around you ladies make an issue out of it. I had same issue with my ex, see we all human, sometimes we all need help. We were dating for over a yr plus, it was a serious, so i thought, I can't even count times I helped out even without asking, cos it not big deal, She was my gf, Well so it happens i needed help urgently and I knew she could or who else am I supposed to ask for hep if not for my gf right? well she started seeking advice from friends and her sisters, and i got to know. Well told her to hold her money, and i got somewhere else.

Well i think in this part if the world, Love is not Mutual, A lady will expect me to get gifts, "help" take her out etc,Which i will do without breaking a sweat, but when I actually needs help, she will start consulting her pastors. hmmm. Guys learn for real, If a lady is holding you like a pinch of salt, abeg don't carry her like a bag of rice.

@op, Madam I think you should keep your money, since you are even here to ask in the first place.(i doubt if you really love him though) God will surely provide another source for him,
100 likes. Bros I owe you a plate of pepper soup
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by CHIMSKY(m): 11:46pm On Feb 12, 2017
yomi007k:
undecided


Na wa oooo..




And we help our women without thinking twice or asking for people's opinion.



We learn daily.
Na true o!!! Guys do these things for babes without thinking. Now see how she is calling a family meeting because she wants to give tashere assistance!!!

2 Likes

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by donem: 11:48pm On Feb 12, 2017
Hmmm! Indeed We learn everyday, I have just learnt something today.

1 Like

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Nobody: 11:49pm On Feb 12, 2017
Don't help that boy. Men should not be helped by women. They are ungrateful piece of nonsense. Once u help him come there to Germany he will dump u and marry a white woman and tell everybody u are prostituting.
Men are very mean. No woman should ever help them in need.
They should struggle and be a man. If he can't get a job in Nigeria then something is wrong with him.
Don't associate your self with a failure.
Get a man with potential and decent future over there and save yourself heart break by these Nigerian men.

2 Likes

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Nobody: 11:52pm On Feb 12, 2017
You should render the assistance with no strings attached...it's high pressure where a man feels obligated to be with you as payback for some assistance.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by condomuser: 11:54pm On Feb 12, 2017
My dear where in Germany are you, i'm already in Germany let me come and meet you there now.

Forget about that guy let's start something serious here.

Delay is dangerous.


esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Centurion04: 11:56pm On Feb 12, 2017
Do the needful (with no sentiments)! cool
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by ojinkpo: 11:58pm On Feb 12, 2017
Help him ,what they will use to remember us in this world is our good work.,if he use it against you in future, nemesis wil catch up with him .
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by AmaechiLinus(m): 11:59pm On Feb 12, 2017
Pray to God almighty for directions


If you are not a Christian go and play the Oracle
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Nobody: 12:07am On Feb 13, 2017
donem:
Hmmm! Indeed We learn everyday, I have just learnt something today.
Which is?
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by catmmaann(m): 12:10am On Feb 13, 2017
olac21:
Well,for all we know you didnt tell us how the relationship was before you travelled..but then,tell him you want to lend him a certain amount so he wont feel he has gotten a cash cow..

Estthertk good idea above. But rather than tell him u want to lend, give the money to your bro and link him with your bro for the money.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by anyicash(m): 12:15am On Feb 13, 2017
who you epp?
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by donem: 12:21am On Feb 13, 2017
NotOfThis:
Which is?
wink To be more Wise henceforth.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by sameni123(m): 12:23am On Feb 13, 2017
esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused

If you love him and you sure of his feelings for you there no big deal in helping him ...who knows tomorrow he might become rich and am sure he would never forget you ...
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Toks2008(m): 12:23am On Feb 13, 2017
dingbang:
If he hasn't asked you for assistance yet, don't give him ..

Some men will never ask for money from a lady so the lady should use her discretion.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Egemeole: 12:27am On Feb 13, 2017
esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused
whether he asked you or not don't give him, the bible said woe unto him that trusteth in a man.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by InvertedHammer: 12:28am On Feb 13, 2017
esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused
/

Help without any expectations.

You may meet a better man in Germany or he may meet a better lady in his location.

Everyone you help in life will not necessarily lead into a serious relationship just as you would not expect your helpers to ask for fringe benefits.
\\
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by ibawon(m): 12:28am On Feb 13, 2017
Babe! i wish my so called girlfriend could reason like you.. Bless you for thinking like a potential life partner.
There is no harm in helping people especially your loved ones, but please let him know your mind and respect his decision. Trust me it would be fine. smiley
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by MrEgbegbe(m): 12:36am On Feb 13, 2017
esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused

You don't deserve that guy

If you were in the same situation, he wouldn't open a thread to seek advice from strangers who are probably teenagers to know his stand

I wish i know who that guy is, i will make sure he dumps your and find someone who deserves him

You have the money and you don't want to help him because you're a kid

My then girlfriend i have been with for only 2 weeks gave me a large amount of money to start a business, we're happily married and have two kids and today i have the money to buy her the world, that's why i will never ever ever leave her

Your selfish ass don't deserve that dude

Now, let me ask you this, before he had problem with his job, how many times have he given you money ?? How many people did he consult before giving you the money ??

3 Likes

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by citadels(f): 12:46am On Feb 13, 2017
A friend in need is a friend indeed. please sister if you wanna help please do without a strings attachment. please do not have marriage at the back of your mind, rather let it be love flowing down from a pure heart to avoid lamentation. its God that will reward you OK. Thanks and God bless you.

1 Like

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by hunkydory(m): 12:49am On Feb 13, 2017
Women are very wicked. Imagine asking for public opinion before you decide whether to help a friend or not. So if majority of people say you should not help him then you will leave him to die in his problem? The fact that you are asking this question means that you have the pecuniary capacity to help him. Why not just help him as a friend.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by CreativeBot: 12:59am On Feb 13, 2017
Direct him to MMM head office grin


But seriously, why is this an issue in the first place? Only u and him know what sort of relationship is between y'all. If u guys are the type that communicate well, u probably wouldn't even need to seek advice here. Cos u go don thrash the matter man to man ( whatever! U know what I mean) So that's my first observation.

Solution:

Does it look lyk u guys are gonna get married? No sentiments - just asses ur relationship for real. If u are already headed in that direction then discuss this issue with him boldly, openly stating ur concerns the way u wrote it here. Tell him that u don't want it to look lyk ure trying to bribe him or anything; that u just want the best for him as a friend and lover. So he better not allow any fooolish thots into that his big catfish head o! If he's a cool guy (like me, thank u, thank u cool ) he'll surely respect that, appreciate your efforts and love u more for it. In his eyes u are a PARTNER indeed.

But if u guys have a very careful, uncertain, "sensitive" kind of relationship then u have to be more cautious: as in, GIVE ONLY IF YOU EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN! AGAIN, IN THIS SECOND INSTANCE, GIVE ONLY IF U EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN. No be say em go betray u like dat, but as ur relationship no dey sure, anything fit happen o!

1 Like

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Nobody: 1:12am On Feb 13, 2017
pocohantas:

Bless you.
I dated this guy that was really low on cash, I would always give him cash and buy him gifts.
Did that keep him? No. Life goes on...I don't regret the things I did for him and it won't stop me from doing for another tomorrow.

Stereotyping is the problem, I used to also assume that all pretty ladies were dumb back then in sch. Until i started working, I met lots of females that look very well above average, doing their job excellently & earning their pay. Not cuz of any other reason. My mindset changed.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by elshizzy(m): 1:16am On Feb 13, 2017
Get an opinion from this.......

1 Like

Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by stagamagadasca(f): 1:16am On Feb 13, 2017
girls can be funny...imagine seeking for advise b4 u help?but the guyz Dnt do DAT in return...its high time guyz get it to their braib
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by scoobyblogspot(m): 1:23am On Feb 13, 2017
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Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by Phonefanatic: 1:48am On Feb 13, 2017
OP I'm not concerned if he is your boyfriend or not, if he loves you or not, if he will marry you or not..... Here is my advice.

Help without expectations that way you won't be disappointed, give what you can afford without regrets and be selfless.
When you drop all your seeds on a land that isn't fertile none may germinate but when you drop a single seed on a very fertile land it produces beyond your imagination.

I had a girlfriend like you who helped me when things were down even when I never asked. She did without expectations and when I ended the relationship she had no regrets mind you this is someone I gave to selflessly when I had.

4 years gone by she has never called once but I call her once in a while to make sure I don't lose contact completely. She has moved on and probably forgotten she did anything for me or she counted that as nothing but I'm the forever grateful type and her nice gestures can never be forgotten.

She ain't doing so well now she doesn't even know the little seed she dropped has turned a gigantic tree grin. She has always wished to be a business owner but none of her plans worked as she never had the capital but by God's grace I will help her achieve that beyond her imaginations. God is my strength and she will continue eating from the gigantic tree she unconsciously planted.
Re: I Want To Help My Boyfriend But Scared It Might Be Termed As Being Desperate by AreaFada2: 1:51am On Feb 13, 2017
Kondomatic:
I hope the male idiots that give money to them ladies anyhow and anywhere have learnt something from this.

Word!

Men never think twice before giving. If a guy asked this same question, I'm sure about 90% of guys would say yes even if just to form "gentleman" to Nairaland ladies. grin cheesy And 99.999% of ladies here would say help of course. shocked shocked

@OP:

If you want to help the guy make it a "loan". That way he will wake up every morning striving to succeed and pay back.
But only give what you can afford to easily forfeit should the business fail. AND NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN. If you help also do not make him feel indebted or remind him of it at the slightest provocation.
But ensure he's the business-minded type. Because of lots of people are natural salary men.

What could happen is as the business grows or struggles, he might ask for more loan to expand or prop it up. If you give, it might still fail. If you don't give it could be perceived that you wanted him to fail. It would depend on his character & attitude to life.

If all goes well, all will be happy.

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