sexybbstar:
Nigerian parents...

It is very wrong and sentimental to give birth to children and think the oldest will take care of them. They didn't force you to bring them into this world; you did the konji, you ushered them in, please it's still your work to take care of them and no, when you're taking care of your children, its not a privilege, it's their right, it's what they deserve, so do it with all manner of responsibility and commitment.

An acquaintance of mine was suicidal last week because of the burden of his family on him. He's the first child and is 38 yet unmarried and almost has nothing standing, why?
He started hustling at 23 for his ungrateful siblings. His parents said it's his responsibility to do so.
To fend for them..
To give them a life..
So it's made his life almost a waste of time for himself..
Working profusely for others, who don't even care, who own it up like it's their right..
He was supposed to get married at 29 but crucibles of life's experience in the confines of the pressurised burden of taking care of his adult siblings didn't let him.

Tell me,
What freaking culture validates this nonsense practice?

Many Nigerian parents just produce children and give one the responsibility of what they caused.
Give birth to one if it's one you can take care of..
Parenting isn't about how many children you have but how well you treat them, how much can you groom them?

Quantity is needless when resources is unavailable..
Stop producing children by faith.
Stop heaping needless responsibilities on children that should plan their lives and focus.
Give all your children equal opportunity to face their lives and career.
Ain't saying they shouldn't help each other,
It's called ‘HELP’ not ‘RESPONSIBILITY’
Help is out of love or compassion..It's voluntary.
Your eldest child is not an assistant parent.
Yes, they are supposed to do well, and have others follow their legacy..
But having them feel forcefully committed to solving the problems of their siblings; that's way too ridiculous.

Many first children don't live long because of the pressure, the load, the burden, and even on top of it, these folks feel so entitled to being fed and given everything they ask.
I understand that all these play out as a result of frustration and inability to fend for your children, and that's why I'm attacking the root cause: Bear children you can comfortably fend for.
It is highly painful having one of your children give up on their dreams and entire life's passion to spend his/her own life taking care of other siblings. That's a waste of destiny. We all are here for our individual purposes.




Culled from the Facebook Page of Buchi95

Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things keep re done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

fluxbush:
Wow! A very powerful topic. This is something that we have refused to address. I didn't grow up in a family where the first child is expected to take care of all the financial responsibilities, neither do my extended relatives behave thus. You can imagine my irritation when I married into one. My husband even sends money to his married elder sister, all in the name of being an 'Okpara'. His mum objected to our marriage because 'he hadn't settled her yet'. His siblings demand for everything you can think of,never mind if he is broke or not. And when he doesn't oblige them, they start with the emotional blackmail. It has gotten worse since marriage. Now if he doesn't oblige them, they say it is his wife.

The ironic thing about such families is that they monitor the expenses of their son's/brother's home. They never fail to 'advise' his wife to cut down on spending and they go as far as insisting that she gets her own means of income.

uminem02:
Aswear!!!...blike say na inside pressure cooker i dey

Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

judgedredd22:

haba... and you still never done?!

Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

femi4:
Lesbian my foot!

As at 2nd of March:

My bf of almost a year broke up with me recently, I cried for days, and was severely depressed, I ended all communications with him but lately I keep thinking about him and have this need to talk to him
I really don't know why I feel like speaking to him.

I still love him alot and don't know how to move on

Evaberry:




hahahaha
laughing so hard here
I love Nairaland too damn much

only a wise person can see I'm just looking for attention



but Bros Na WA for u ooo u really carry your finger go stalk my post

Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

femi4:
Lesbian my foot!

As at 2nd of March:

My bf of almost a year broke up with me recently, I cried for days, and was severely depressed, I ended all communications with him but lately I keep thinking about him and have this need to talk to him
I really don't know why I feel like speaking to him.

I still love him alot and don't know how to move on

Phut:


I agree, wholeheartedly. Nigerian's are racing pell mell toward rabid, individualism.

I live in America, a bastion of individualism and I can tell you that it isn't all that great.

Here, people die and decay with no one checking up on them. Neighbors can even go years without as much as a "hi" to each other. Now coming to the family, parents make it all about the kids. On the train you will see a 65 year old grandma with her 10 year old son - if there is only one seat, she will give the seat to the grandson, while she stands. The end result is that you have self absorbed and maladjusted kids, who think the world revolves around them. When they are young adults, they promptly put their parents in old people's homes because they do not want to be bothered. Koreans, Japanese, Chinese etc have certain customs that they have maintained for thousands of years, but Nigerians are too quick to copy everything Western. In a few hundred years, Nigerians are going to be a strange hybrid people - who do not have a native language yet speak English with a strange accent. A people who are not from the western hemisphere, but have only a mangled version of western culture, as their guide for daily living.

P.S. There was a thread about a guy and his mom who went to thank K-cee for the money he had given them. One of the commenters was asking (in a condemnatory manner) why they took off their shoes before entering the house. This was pretty common place, back in the day. But now you have the average Nigerian turning up their nose at it, in the name of "modernity". Now, trying entering a Japanese persons house without taking off your shoes. They (Japanese, Chinese and Koreans) are unabashedly themselves. And that is worthy to be emulated.

gypsey:
yes! men are scum including your father, uncles, brothers grandfather that's if you have any, you are a lesbian because you have failed as a real woman and potential mother and a human being and no man wants you! you are disgusting and i think you will be better off slitting your wrists.

gypsey:
Absolutely! one of these people lives in one of my properties he hasn't paid me any rent for nearly 2 years he already has 4 children he can barely take care of and his wife is pregnant again. he tells me that he has no job therefore cannot pay rent. I don't know what to do with this guy i am fed up with him.

Coldfeets:
I see so many firstborns complaining.

I am the firstborn.

But I don't just give a fück what the "society" expects from me.

I am on my own.

I let everyone around me to know they are also on their own.

sexybbstar:


Source: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1160758180695208&id=100002831124159&refid=17&_ft_=top_level_post_id.1160758180695208%3Atl_objid.1160758180695208%3Athid.100002831124159%3A306061129499414%3A2%3A0%3A1498892399%3A8503553852613613052&__tn__=%2As

Culled from the Facebook Page of Buchi95

Sirheny007:
@Op thanks for this exposing this fact..
I am 23, and the responsibilities on my shoulders no be here!
Being an Igbo, I am already expected to start preparations for building a house..and as the first male son of the family, I am forced to sacrifice my academic ambitions in order to provide for my younger brothers...
I had to drop out from a University to settle for a Polytechnic..I traded a 6 year course for a 2 year national diploma..
Anyway, I have learned to put one step at a time.

I am not ranting or exposing my predicaments, but parents might not know these things depresses us..
Parents should watch out lest we die before our time.

Nyceguy92:
I don't know how the OP arrived at her conclusions but I beg to disagree.
In every family, there is hierarchy and each level, from the oldest to the youngest child, has its expected roles and responsibilities.

I do not agree that a parent would, without some form of empowerment in the form of education or vocational training, totally transfer the burden of catering to the younger ones to the eldest. You would be talking of a family where the man is a loafer, a drunkard.
Or a case where both parents are debilitated and can no longer earn a living.

The case the OP quoted must be a very peculiar one.

The first child is a mini parent. He/she guides and looks after the younger ones, including buying them items.
These are roles they happily assume, even without being asked to do so.

But that does not mean the parents have taken their hands off their statutory responsibilities.
Or what would they be doing with their money if they have it?

gokuu:

Oga, that's why you have what is called "SAVINGS"
Even if you need help from the working child, it'll be highly limited since only two kids are involved. OP is not saying there should not be any help, it just should not be totally consuming and unbearable.

Electroweb:
This is very true. A funny one is when a nephew tells you that you have to train him because his father or mother put you through school.