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Na Man You Be - Literature (4) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Na Man You Be (17965 Views)

A Tribute To Buchi Emecheta; N'odu Na Ndokwa. / Ufodu Ihe Ndi Igbo Ji Esi Nri Na Ulo Ha (traditional Cooking Utensils) / No Be Me, Na Baba God (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Na Man You Be by Nkysuccess(f): 11:37pm On Jul 15, 2017
Lols! So funny. Ride on Flow
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 11:38pm On Jul 15, 2017
Streetmade:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha flow u don kill person wit laughter oh ;DHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha flow u don kill person wit laughter oh

I promise not just to make you laugh, but to blow your mind also grin grin
Re: Na Man You Be by jaybee96(m): 9:21am On Jul 16, 2017
flowxxxx, abeg update us abeg
Re: Na Man You Be by SunFlow(m): 12:49pm On Jul 16, 2017
I joined Nairaland because of flow1759 (my moniker can attest to that grin). i haven't regretted (if this english hactually hesisted) or so i tot... grin grin

keep it up sire...we have don missed you
Re: Na Man You Be by Samsimple(m): 2:46pm On Jul 16, 2017
Hahahahaha...flo and him pple dey continu d legacy of EVANS
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 4:38pm On Jul 16, 2017
Now these are the mentions:

dayleke(m), BlackPikiN(m), adeola94(m), MsPweshy(f), stanjohn57, tosinjoe(m), schwerz(m), jaymichael(m), Emyo(m), justmenoni, Warlord3000(m), kwhiz(m), beycitee(m), TundE8, joey0358(m), kcreal(f), annexes, Itsalphaa(m), Coldfaya(m), pillzthadrugz(m), djteewhy, Mayor46(m), drsolob(m), donez(m), arizona145(m), Santi222(m), mosquitoNet(m), Senorita222(f), Alexgeneration(m), Cashkhiid(m), Leystra(m), Starboi10, NaijaExposed, seunblack(m), hyungwang(m), Olygal, Habybullah(m), rakumiii(m), Xtranoble, kimking(f), decoderdgenius, kingsleyd(m), PBeni(m), Reski(m), Kprice(m), ezekiel970(m), emmy99(m), YoungGame, Cashyguy(m), agidaizzy(m), Kingship001(m), Evablazze(m), geedup(m), Spoils(m), WCUB3(m), IHate9ja1(m), 10Billion(m), opeano(m), jydemyke(m), agentM(m), bykes(m), cally22, Hadeehart101(f), nnennaada1(f), ebubeoma(f), yindamola, macof(m), Stormisova(m), naziediamond(f), Activity77(m), Lollz(f), Olusharp(m), Ezeebube2(m), MemeInc(m), Mutaino7(m), nelxsantos(m), eunisam, Misolex(m), Olamilekan08(m), geogino(m), seankay(m), AmiableJay(m), ERF, ifeolad8, deji47, J0sh007, Pattey(m), Rajosh(m), Ifyx(m), adeswagsdmj(m), immortalvoices(m), 419nigga(m), DEllaluv(f), Sophiatabitha(f), tybobo75(m), Otamio, debayun(m), coonax(f), teetee92(m), CallMeFemi(m), Niyi12arsenal(m), underage(f), Ndkings1(m), kunlesehan(m), Piroskee(m), Daniel2802(m), Affable0709(m), MrTAnonymous(m), Xsenga(f), duffman(m), DisneyAngel(f), Swot26(m), kenneyyice(m), Eniqurl(f), olatunji390(m), modupeaderonke(f), Youngzicco(m), leonard509(m), segun544(m), oladistinct(m), Hackerjay(m), erniok(m), WorldGreatest1(m), niyosen, spicyuzo(m), Kingademos(m), Sheenor, kayojosephy(m), emmadejust(m), Jeanfortune(f), 1stimpression(f), Heymus(m), chinnygold, GodswillAJudins(m), Temmysexy1(f), Harrychocoberry(m), yungrashee(m), CharlieMaria(m), Omoalhaja7, Emmykul4love(m), MightyFortress, Donkunxex(m), drsolob2(m), Olansgee(m), mackmanuel, Trypa(f), mbagideon(m), Rajy00(m), Rounakid(m), ritababe(f), Darus05(m), toykathy, Ramwab94(m), fr3do(m), estelleivie(f), hammedm44, CrazyScientist, JigsawKillah(m), letsbet(m), emmabest2000(m), EpicOracle(m), Sondy(f), lildamzel2(f), gnykelly(m), skinnybleed(m), Idrhas(m), armadeo(m), Zonacom(m), vera031(f), marz007(m), vickyozohu(f), missstella(f), wyzgrace(f), follyshade(f), Thugnificent(m), jayhaywhy(m), Kylez(m), ben1jazman(m), hayurmidey(m), scentmarlc(m), IndecentStar(m), ajumaxbabe(f), rhoseti1(m), Coolboi05(m), Skykid1208(m), hendrixxx(m), Ndukings92(m), lammy197(m), brize(m), olamydey(f), Profmaojo, Dovie1240(m), Hybrid01, chykmoni(m), Deejavu1(m), jibrinzulkiflu, highbeetohbadt, lekinz(m), mackzydon9(m), Abiagirl777(f), kingofpool, raficki87(m), Realgana(m), StormAngel(f), Qaisar1, princesssusan(f), Alphafrank, scofieldsimba(m), candy(f), Seun(m), jditimiya, rachiks(f), generaliy07(m), Science4me(m), horpe132(m), Tgold1(m), yemi2plus(m), Therock5555(m), plainmirror(m), Nduki, 4kizo(m), fujirice, Larrylarex(m), adegwurulez(m), slimfredo(m), Mynd44, Idowuogbo(f), texanomaly(f), SexyDuby(f), Rapmaestro(m), Ishilove, kelvin1191(m), vision2050, Nduking92(m), YOUNGKAHUNA, opeoluwa2(f), alfablondy, ifyalways(f), fittty(m), FoxyRebirth(m), cdamsel(f), Tgirl4real(f), Odunnu, Rocktation(f), vivianc(f)
Re: Na Man You Be by boffinjay(m): 4:46pm On Jul 16, 2017
flow1759:
Now these are the mentions:

dayleke(m), BlackPikiN(m), adeola94(m), MsPweshy(f), stanjohn57, tosinjoe(m), schwerz(m), jaymichael(m), Emyo(m), justmenoni, Warlord3000(m), kwhiz(m), beycitee(m), TundE8, joey0358(m), kcreal(f), annexes, Itsalphaa(m), Coldfaya(m), pillzthadrugz(m), djteewhy, Mayor46(m), drsolob(m), donez(m), arizona145(m), Santi222(m), mosquitoNet(m), Senorita222(f), Alexgeneration(m), Cashkhiid(m), Leystra(m), Starboi10, NaijaExposed, seunblack(m), hyungwang(m), Olygal, Habybullah(m), rakumiii(m), Xtranoble, kimking(f), decoderdgenius, kingsleyd(m), PBeni(m), Reski(m), Kprice(m), ezekiel970(m), emmy99(m), YoungGame, Cashyguy(m), agidaizzy(m), Kingship001(m), Evablazze(m), geedup(m), Spoils(m), WCUB3(m), IHate9ja1(m), 10Billion(m), opeano(m), jydemyke(m), agentM(m), bykes(m), cally22, Hadeehart101(f), nnennaada1(f), ebubeoma(f), yindamola, macof(m), Stormisova(m), naziediamond(f), Activity77(m), Lollz(f), Olusharp(m), Ezeebube2(m), MemeInc(m), Mutaino7(m), nelxsantos(m), eunisam, Misolex(m), Olamilekan08(m), geogino(m), seankay(m), AmiableJay(m), ERF, ifeolad8, deji47, J0sh007, Pattey(m), Rajosh(m), Ifyx(m), adeswagsdmj(m), immortalvoices(m), 419nigga(m), DEllaluv(f), Sophiatabitha(f), tybobo75(m), Otamio, debayun(m), coonax(f), teetee92(m), CallMeFemi(m), Niyi12arsenal(m), underage(f), Ndkings1(m), kunlesehan(m), Piroskee(m), Daniel2802(m), Affable0709(m), MrTAnonymous(m), Xsenga(f), duffman(m), DisneyAngel(f), Swot26(m), kenneyyice(m), Eniqurl(f), olatunji390(m), modupeaderonke(f), Youngzicco(m), leonard509(m), segun544(m), oladistinct(m), Hackerjay(m), erniok(m), WorldGreatest1(m), niyosen, spicyuzo(m), Kingademos(m), Sheenor, kayojosephy(m), emmadejust(m), Jeanfortune(f), 1stimpression(f), Heymus(m), chinnygold, GodswillAJudins(m), Temmysexy1(f), Harrychocoberry(m), yungrashee(m), CharlieMaria(m), Omoalhaja7, Emmykul4love(m), MightyFortress, Donkunxex(m), drsolob2(m), Olansgee(m), mackmanuel, Trypa(f), mbagideon(m), Rajy00(m), Rounakid(m), ritababe(f), Darus05(m), toykathy, Ramwab94(m), fr3do(m), estelleivie(f), hammedm44, CrazyScientist, JigsawKillah(m), letsbet(m), emmabest2000(m), EpicOracle(m), Sondy(f), lildamzel2(f), gnykelly(m), skinnybleed(m), Idrhas(m), armadeo(m), Zonacom(m), vera031(f), marz007(m), vickyozohu(f), missstella(f), wyzgrace(f), follyshade(f), Thugnificent(m), jayhaywhy(m), Kylez(m), ben1jazman(m), hayurmidey(m), scentmarlc(m), IndecentStar(m), ajumaxbabe(f), rhoseti1(m), Coolboi05(m), Skykid1208(m), hendrixxx(m), Ndukings92(m), lammy197(m), brize(m), olamydey(f), Profmaojo, Dovie1240(m), Hybrid01, chykmoni(m), Deejavu1(m), jibrinzulkiflu, highbeetohbadt, lekinz(m), mackzydon9(m), Abiagirl777(f), kingofpool, raficki87(m), Realgana(m), StormAngel(f), Qaisar1, princesssusan(f), Alphafrank, scofieldsimba(m), candy(f), Seun(m), jditimiya, rachiks(f), generaliy07(m), Science4me(m), horpe132(m), Tgold1(m), yemi2plus(m), Therock5555(m), plainmirror(m), Nduki, 4kizo(m), fujirice, Larrylarex(m), adegwurulez(m), slimfredo(m), Mynd44, Idowuogbo(f), texanomaly(f), SexyDuby(f), Rapmaestro(m), Ishilove, kelvin1191(m), vision2050, Nduking92(m), YOUNGKAHUNA, opeoluwa2(f), alfablondy, ifyalways(f), fittty(m), FoxyRebirth(m), cdamsel(f), Tgirl4real(f), Odunnu, Rocktation(f), vivianc(f)
no mention for me?no probs
Re: Na Man You Be by boffinjay(m): 4:47pm On Jul 16, 2017
abegi cum shack us one update
Re: Na Man You Be by Flames33(m): 5:10pm On Jul 16, 2017
So I dey alive flow return?

Chaiii... flow nwanne, okwa gi mere m bata nairaland... Your stories dey tori die... Person go laugh hin rib com dey pain am...

Daaluoooooo
Re: Na Man You Be by queenitee(f): 5:21pm On Jul 16, 2017
OMG, lwkmd
Re: Na Man You Be by Streetmade(m): 6:19pm On Jul 16, 2017
Flow1759,foxyflow and the rock5555,make una kwantinue life as a naija thug nah dat tori too sweet ehn foxy hw u see am
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 7:30pm On Jul 16, 2017
"Guy where you dey! Hello! Ola! Who am i speaking to? Pls i need to speak to the owner of this phone" Ogbonta tried reaching Ola.

"Walahi the owner of this pone i don die! I no gree wake up"

Presidentiail hotel Port Harcourt, located in the heart of the Garden City - Port Harcourt 'Capital of Rivers State', Nigeria, less than an hour drive from the international and domestic airport. Along Ph-Aba expressway a stone throw from Port Harcourt Libration Stadium there lies Ola in the shop of one Bureau the change agent adjacent the hotel.

"Muhammed! Wetin you say i dey happen to this man?" The shop owner asked his sales person.

"I see the man dey waka like person wey i wan die, naso him com yamutu por plont of our shop, i think say him don even caput sef"

"Mohammed! Walahi Talia! This man mouth dey smell Burukutu, e be like say him go drink buruku ooh"



Earlier

12:41pm Ola reached Presidential Hotel to sell the Gold necklace they stole from Dornu Mum's room.

"Oga na Gold i wan sell?" One tall dark young man on white caftan asked.

"Yes ooh, how you dey sell am?" They both located a sitting position.

"Make i see am first, how many carat gold e be?"

"Carat?" Ola lost his brain, "wetin be carat?"

"Carat na! How many carat gold e be na?"

"Me? Carat? I no sabi fight carat ooh! Na Gidigbo i sabi fight!" Ola smiled, "abi you no know say i be Yoruba boy"

"Hahahaha! Oga you funny ooh! I mean carat na!" The man percieved he could cheat Ola.

"Okay! Carat? E be like say na 45 carat ooh!" His brain returned.

Negotiation began immediately Ola brought out the Gold. I mean Goldes.

"See them this Goldes na correct Goldes" Plural of Gold is Goldes, don't you know.



"So i go pay you 85 thousand naira for all the gold" The man counted the money he held.

All the while the corner of Ola's eyes was on one liquid mixture by his side.

"Take the money! Na 85 thousand naira be this" The man handed over the Goldes - i mean moneyses according to Ola the "pluralist"

"This meneyes complete?" The pluralist turned Spanish.

"Yoo mehn! It is completed" Our Malam spoke French in return.

Ola pocketed the money and asked, "wetin be dis thing wey this man dey mix?" Ola asked what he had longed to ask.

"Na BKT na! Burukutu! You dey drink am?"

"Why not? I be professor of Burukuology Washington university?"

"Ehen! You mean am?" The gold man was surprised.

"Yes na! Na me be oniburukutu one of Ilesa" Oloriburuku Ola was off guard.

"Oloriburuku!" The man hailed.

"Baba e ni oloriburuku! Gbogbo family e ni oloriburuku!" Ola cursed.

"Oloriburuku ba! Me sef be oloriburuku, me and you be oloriburuku" Our malam was smiling.


"This BKT taste like pammy ooh!" Ola was on his second cup.

"No! Haba! E no taste like pammy, e taste like Fura de Nunu" The malam was still on his first cup, "taste my own na!"

He offered Ola his cup of BKT and smiled.

"Oooh boy! Your own sweet ooh! Wetin you put inside" He asked.

"I mix am with Fara de Nunu"

Fura de Nunu and BKT equals Barleys. Try it. #Just try it#

Ola tried it and he almost didn't live to testify.

Second cup mixed with Fura, third, fourth, fifth and sixth. Ola was mad, he could barely breathe.





"Oga the man don move! Walahi Him dey alive!" Muhammed at the Bureau the change where Ola lied noticed.

"Alah is great! Carry am stand up" The shop owner said.

"Where i dey so?" Ola questioned.

"Where you dey? You dey Buru de change!" Muhammed informed Ola.

"Buru? I no buru ooh, i good! I be good boy!" Ola stood up.

"You wan dey go house?" Muhammed asked him.

"Yes na! I wan go house Abi na here i go sleep?" Ola could barely feel his legs, "where my leg?"

"Ahan! See your leg here na" Muhammed showed him his leg.

"Where am na?" Ola was wiggling.

"See am na"

"Okay i don see am!" Ola mentioned, "abeg help me fix am make i waka!"

"Oga i no fit fix your leg for you na!" Muhammed was lost.



"Ola stand well! Na man you be!" He was flying like a flag as he stood at the bus stop.

"Abi you wan chop Rice?" He saw a local fast food nearby.

"Eeeeeeh! Wey that 85k wey dey my pocket?" He checked to find it under his feet.

1 Like

Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 7:32pm On Jul 16, 2017
Flames33:
So I dey alive flow return?

Chaiii... flow nwanne, okwa gi mere m bata nairaland... Your stories dey tori die... Person go laugh hin rib com dey pain am...

Daaluoooooo

Daalu! Kee kwanu
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 7:35pm On Jul 16, 2017
queenitee:
OMG, lwkmd

Babe you fine sha. Gimme your digit na? Abi how you see am? kiss kiss

I dey look for wife.

#Single and Searchet water
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 8:24pm On Jul 16, 2017
Kimkadashain dey read my story oooh!

I sight her
Re: Na Man You Be by Kimkardashain(f): 8:36pm On Jul 16, 2017
Flow1759 u don kee me, i don laf tire
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 8:39pm On Jul 16, 2017
Kimkardashain:
Flow1759 u don kee me, i don laf tire

Kimkardashain damn! You are pretty!

The last update was dedicated to you
Re: Na Man You Be by Kimkardashain(f): 9:18pm On Jul 16, 2017
flow1759:

Kimkardashain damn! You are pretty!
The last update was dedicated to you
lol, am nt oh tnks tho
Re: Na Man You Be by Precial419: 9:41pm On Jul 16, 2017
Bros u fit make person crase o.
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 9:51pm On Jul 16, 2017
Precial419:
Bros u fit make person crase o.

Thats my job!
Re: Na Man You Be by Countrygirl(f): 10:11pm On Jul 16, 2017
lol @"where my legs "
flow no make me laugh like mad person oo
Re: Na Man You Be by Tgold1(m): 10:59pm On Jul 16, 2017
flow1759:

Babe you fine sha. Gimme your digit na? Abi how you see am? kiss kiss
I dey look for wife.
#Single and Searchet water
Crazed
Re: Na Man You Be by chuks000(m): 11:23pm On Jul 16, 2017
I don reach here...parking well sure pass...ride on flow
Re: Na Man You Be by queenitee(f): 5:32am On Jul 17, 2017
flow1759:


Babe you fine sha. Gimme your digit na? Abi how you see am? kiss kiss

I dey look for wife.

#Single and Searchet water

grin grin grin thank you but I ain't fine.


This ola will not kill person
Re: Na Man You Be by jaybee96(m): 1:44pm On Jul 17, 2017
grin grin flowx, i dey hail
Re: Na Man You Be by Samsimple(m): 4:52pm On Jul 17, 2017
My belle ooohhh *rib cracks* hahahahahahaa i have died
Re: Na Man You Be by EmpresFIDEL(f): 7:41pm On Jul 17, 2017
pls update oh... tanks for d previous update
Re: Na Man You Be by kayspark27(m): 9:30pm On Jul 17, 2017
FLOW pls dnt stop flowing like menstrual FLOW na
Re: Na Man You Be by queenitee(f): 10:11pm On Jul 17, 2017
kayspark27:
FLOW pls dnt stop flowing like menstrual FLOW na
Hihihi, menstrual flow no be the whole month o, na just 3-5 days
Re: Na Man You Be by Mylestone(m): 10:21pm On Jul 17, 2017
flow1759:
Its flow again. You remember me? The one that cracked so many ribs, right from Barrack boy to Ibo boy wey like Yoruba to Man wey dey reason to Flow and Snow to Brother Wale and so many co-labos with other Nairaland writers.

Here i am with this rib cracker tithed "Na Man you be"

PS: Due to my busy schedule i might not post as regular as you want me to, but i will do my best.

Still d same Flow

Still i Flow

Please if your name is Olaniyi Olanipekun i am not referring to you in this story.





my GOD..NA U B DIS..m your biggest fan..u actually made me signed up 4 nairaland..abeg I need ur autograph 4 ma FOREHEAD
Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 10:32pm On Jul 17, 2017
"But guy you be goat ooh, how you go sell gold, the money wey you take sell am you no bring am come back!" Day six of Dornu's kidnap.

Guys were really on hideout; they all passed every night in Flo's spacious hideout room for the fear of God knows what aside Nnamdi that always sneaked into his room on returning from work everyday - He stopped talking to neighbours since the kidnap.

"Na you be Goat! You no know say them drug me! I swear them drug me"

"Who drug you? When dem go say make u dey come coke studio come take Egusi you no gree" Egusi was another name for coke.

"Guys shebi Nnamdi say him go buy us more shaks if him dey com this morning?" Ade reminded.

"Buy you more shaks? The one wey you drink yesterday night make you wan jonz for where my girl dey abi?" Ogbonta cautioned.

"I no do anything na, as your babe Dornu say she no well say she no fit baf, nahim i volunteer to baf her na"

"Chief bafer!! So na from n'yash dem dey start to baf person abi?" Ogbonta was furious.

"No ooh! Na she say her n'yash dey pain her say make i help her massage am na!"

"Chief massager! Na person babe n'yash you wan massage"


"Guy i hear say them police dey com Baba street dey look for us!"

"Eheen! Make them dey look for us na! Them no fit know say na here we dey" Ola said, "abeg bring shak make we shak jor!"



Meanwhile at the restaurant;

"Oga Flo why we dey pack na? Shey we no dey do business again?" Nas was surprised.

"Nas! Nas! Nas!! How many times i call you?" Flo was pissed.

"Oga! Oga! Oga!! How many times i answer you?" Nas so hated such questions.


"Oga wait for me make i finish to lock the shop!"

"Do quick!" Flo signaled from the Volk wagen car waiting.

"Wahun! Waaaaaa! Wahun! Waaaaaaahun!" Flo could hear police siren from market junction.

"Guy abeg drive this motor fast, we need to leave this Rumuigbo fast!" He said to the driver.

"Oga Flo wetin dey happen? Why we dey leave Rumuigbo?" Nas curiouly asked.

"Guy when we reach where we dey go you know why we dey leave" Flo answered.

"But oga i wan s'hit ooh! Heavy s'hit dey catch me"

"Nas you be big f'ool i don talk am! I dey tell you say town dey on fire you say you wan s'hit! Oya come down go s'hit na! Abi you wan s'hit inside this motor?"






"S'hit for my mouth na!" Ade said to Ola, "Abi you no know where toilet dey?"

Ola had barely shut the toilet door when;

"Toooookpooom! Tomooooooop!" Gun shot everywhere.

"Wetin be that? Na Knockout abi?" Ola wished "Yes" was the response

"No ooh! Na gun ooh!" Ogbonta could tell.

"Ghoooooog! Gvoooooh! Gbooooooh!" Ola's spirit left his body.

"Na Police oh! Dem don surround us!" Nnamdi saw from the window view.

"Gtooooooom! Gbotoooooooom! Gpaaaaaa! The gun shot was alphabetical and closer too.

Ola instantly slipped and stamped his face on the opened toilet sit; submerging his face on holy water- unflushed p'oo water.

"We are doomed!" Ade was on Dornu's a'rse. Her big a'rse was his Mouka foam and he was reasoning fine albeit the rest us under pressure except Ola who was under-water bubbling.

"Gbooooar! Gbooooooar! Gboooar!" We know you are there! Open the door!"

"Ogbo baba! Go open the door na!" Nnamdi mumured.

"You why you no go?"

"Open this door! You have been surrounded! You will all die!" One half baked police officer announced.

"You will all die die die die die die die!" Echoed in Ola's head as he chewed Vanilla favoured bubble gum and swallowed.

"We and breaking in in 30 seconds if you don't open!" Ola was now chewing Strawberry flavoured chewing gum.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Na Man You Be by flow1759: 10:33pm On Jul 17, 2017
EmpresFIDEL:
pls update oh... tanks for d previous update

There you go!

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