tomi87014:
Help, Trouble In My Marriage

Hello Nairalanders.

I have been married for a year and half. I thought hubby and i have been living happily and i would've swore he was faithful. A few days ago i saw that a random lady messaged him on Facebook and they got talking. I was shocked at first to see that he was chatting her up. Fast forward to yesterday I checked his phone and saw that himself and the lady had more conversation and what started as facebook chat had progressed from phone calls to whatsapp chat. The content of their chat seems they were eventually planning to hook up.

I confronted hubby but he wasn't remorseful and told me he doesn't owe me faithfulness and went on to sleep in the other room. Hubby and I pray together and are looking towards a very bright future together, this is not something i really saw coming from him. I am very troubled in my heart and pregnant for our first baby. He dozent feel any atom of pity that the whole issue might cause me problems and I have been wondering what has come over him. I am 100 percent faithful to my hubby and want the union to work out. I am at work typing and holding back tears. Please i need advise from mature people in the house, how do i deal with the situation. I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s.

Edkoliba:


So u would have cheated on her. Mtchewwwww. All men are like that abi? Unfaithful. Nonsense and Apc

obataokenwa:
for him to be bold like that... my sister use prayer cos most girls nowadays use juju. I hope you're not based in PH,

Amberon11:
Why the bolded?

Daeylar:



I hope this your bitter truth goes both ways?
I hope you will also try and talk to your wife and also continually pray for her if she cheats,
i also hope you know that while you travel for a year and feel its normal to cheat then you won't have a problem with it if your wife also feels it's normal to cheat too
I also hope you let her know before marriage that you feel that all these are normal, and not that you expected her to just know.

if the answer to the above is yes, continue happily with your marriage,

I'm just tired of reading all these ridiculous statements, how can a man tell his wife that he doesn't owe her any faithfulness and someone comes out to defend such a statement and even says all men are like that. SMH

or op, did he state it explicitly or say something to that effect before marriage that he doesn't owe you faithfulness and you just overlooked it? or is there something you are not telling us? I'm trying to understand why he would feel so comfortable to say such rubbish to your face..

emmancecute:

Op pls disregard comments like this else you'll see your marriage crumble in no distant time.

ApostleJSuleman:
keep quiet my friend, what do u know Why should a woman cheat?? Is she mad?? Don't you know it is a man's world?? U better stop this stupid feminist idea of yours for your own good... Rubbish.
People are talking something reasonable you are talking of a woman cheating
Cheat ko, cheater ni

djon78:
But most importantly a man that had self control as a bachelor can never cheat on his wife because he has trained his body that way,except...

obataokenwa:
Runs girls in that town are desperate and can finish up a man

midehi2:

just keep shut, when i read your first comment on this thread, i immediately became scared of marriage.....men like you are most reasons women prefer success than "bondage marriage"

Eluwilussit:

Men are easy to manipulate.Trust me.

.

Daeylar:



I hope this your bitter truth goes both ways?
I hope you will also try and talk to your wife and also continually pray for her if she cheats,
i also hope you know that while you travel for a year and feel its normal to cheat then you won't have a problem with it if your wife also feels it's normal to cheat too
I also hope you let her know before marriage that you feel that all these are normal, and not that you expected her to just know.

if the answer to the above is yes, continue happily with your marriage,

I'm just tired of reading all these ridiculous statements, how can a man tell his wife that he doesn't owe her any faithfulness and someone comes out to defend such a statement and even says all men are like that. SMH

or op, did he state it explicitly or say something to that effect before marriage that he doesn't owe you faithfulness and you just overlooked it? or is there something you are not telling us? I'm trying to understand why he would feel so comfortable to say such rubbish to your face..

Amberon11:
That's true tho but if she was in PH it would be better cuz i wouldve adviced her to visit my church cuz testimonies like this are oft given in my church.Just this past Sunday, a woman testified of how her husband who had refused to make love to her for one year and who was about marrying another woman changed completely after the just concluded night vigil.

obataokenwa:
whats the name of the church?

Praktikals:

I have two questions for you. Are you male or female? Are you married for upto 10 years and have not played 'away match' since you got married? Thanks in anticipation of a truthful answer.

tomi87014:
Help, Trouble In My Marriage

Hello Nairalanders.

I have been married for a year and half. I thought hubby and i have been living happily and i would've swore he was faithful. A few days ago i saw that a random lady messaged him on Facebook and they got talking. I was shocked at first to see that he was chatting her up. Fast forward to yesterday I checked his phone and saw that himself and the lady had more conversation and what started as facebook chat had progressed from phone calls to whatsapp chat. The content of their chat seems they were eventually planning to hook up.

I confronted hubby but he wasn't remorseful and told me he doesn't owe me faithfulness and went on to sleep in the other room. Hubby and I pray together and are looking towards a very bright future together, this is not something i really saw coming from him. I am very troubled in my heart and pregnant for our first baby. He dozent feel any atom of pity that the whole issue might cause me problems and I have been wondering what has come over him. I am 100 percent faithful to my hubby and want the union to work out. I am at work typing and holding back tears. Please i need advise from mature people in the house, how do i deal with the situation. I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s.

demefa:
Nt all men, only he goats take the easy way out.

chuksbogus2001:

Be careful with thus advice

selflessmaya:
[b]OP, i'm so sorry to hear this, the disrespect is just astounding. you sound like a very smart lady with her finances in order. u dont need this man dragging you down. the whole thing about telling him you'll also owe him no faithfulness is unnecessary you did not settle down to play mind games. i'm sorry to say this but a man who cheats on you and shows no remorse when confronted is a lost cause, it's one thing to cheat and even if not remorseful, at least pretend to be... and it's another to openly rub it in and that to a woman who's with child.

talk to your husband and tell him that u will NOT settle for such treatment, you earn good 6 figures, you will be just fine, nigeria is full of men and finding one is not hard... dont accept this treatment, it'll not stop, you're still in your 20s and u have your whole life ahead of you, with or without him. i honestly wish i could tell u to talk to him but for a man like u described, it wont work. either make plans to accept this treatment for the rest of your life or make plans to leave and enjoy your beautiful life and move on. it's a very open and shut case.

you're lucky you're well-established, dont fall victim to the married and crying troupe, it's better to be happy and ppl think you're not. than to be sad and ppl think you're happy, you're the one who has to live with yourself so do right by yourself and talk to your husband and make it clear to him that if he ever cheats on you again, you wont forgive, he'll still cheat though cos he's that kind of person but the blatant rubbing it in your face is dehumanizing. this is a man not ready for marriage and if i were u, i'd walk away.. but no pressure, if u ever do decide to leave, just know you're losing nothing. this man is no prize.[/b]

chuksbogus2001:
its not good to beat your wife but wives to push your husband to beat you! its both ways .for the fact they say men should not beat their wives doesn't mean you woman should be misbehaving !!

chuksbogus2001:

My dear The lady deceived the guy into that marriage .its like a guy coming to marry you and told you he works in Chevron as personnel manager taking you to his friends house as his until you guy wedded only for you to go home to his one room abode.sister are you telling me you will just pack in as its something u will overlook ? yes you love him I know but he lied and deceived you.its not for the money here but if you had know him for who he really is you would have been prepared for what ever that comes. The wife is totally wrong and any sane human being must feel bad and hurt about this .that is the appropriate reaction not incongruity of affect

chuksbogus2001:

we are not talking about how grievous it is or how its a small sin .what we are talking is that it is WRONG !!!

chuksbogus2001:
All those that comment didn't address the issue at hand .you guys are absolving the wife of any wrong doing making it look like the guy I not suppose to feel bad after finding out this.what is there are other things this guy is yet to find out.I expect people to first condemn the wife for lying to the husband .in fact she deceived the guy into the marriage.if the guy is aware of the age then he can make an inform decision .

chuksbogus2001:
I don't know how Saudi deals men beating women .let me tell u when we were small my mum used to be very arrogant and rude to my dad cos he is a quiet man not until my mums mother I mean her own mum told my dad to beat her .After my dad gave her a better beating peace ,love respect came to our house since 1984 till now my mum has never raise her voice against my dad. Am not advocating women battery but a times small spanking does the magic

herveze:
[s]Hmmmm,truth is bitter and I know that some of u are still single or u are still enjoying the best part of good relationship,I pray that u will not face what this woman is facing in future,that time u will know that all men are the same,ask ur mum how she keep ur dad,she will tell u is not an easy task, and next time u don't av to call someone names (puppy) to pass ur message,that shows that u are not mature enough[/s]

spiritedtete:

99.9% of men are like that. I am a man.... And I see things. Perhaps you don't have extra money to throw around... Once you have that and you have an active social life.. Infidelity is guaranteed. Its takes Fear of God not to catch the bug.

Prevho:
Don't follow that advice above.

All men are not like that! Quit generalizing.
Some men are so disciplined that you are think they are aliens.

Your husband claims he does not owe you faithfulness, that there is the problem. So what did you do after that statement?

He owes you all that, but I think this bothers on trust already, have you given him a chance to suspect you before? I think your husband knows something about your past which is very dark, but he should have voiced out except you lied.

He was not like that, something has triggered him and it may be from you or the friends he keep.

This is why you need a little drama in your relationship.
_______

You have to seek out his friends, your husband is keeping bad companies and I mean it. They are influencing him negatively.

____
All those talking about trust, you don't just get people to trust you like that. There is nothing like trust at first sight.

Trust is like a phone battery, you charge and it can also deplete.

Trust has to be earned, it is not inherited. If the woman is checking his phone, I see no problem, her trust meter was needing a recharge due to his behavior, and he proved her correct.

nkpommpko:
Man is not wired to stick to one woman, it's not natural, even David God's very good friend had lots of wives and concubines, if you are a man and you have only had a woman , please check yourself, something is lacking.

PDPGuy:

If I were you, I wouldn't endorse infidelity. People who can't guarantee faithfulness during a marriage have no business getting married in the first place.

herveze:
To be sincere with you,all men are like that including me,but I will just say women cause most of it,let me ask some questions,what are the things u av stop doing to ur husband? Are u still attractive to him? My experience I av with my wife was that when she got pregnant she started refused me sex and dress anyhow she likes, and to be frank with u don't expect men to forget all the enjoyment when he was single just like that,I will advice u not to fight with him but know what he want from you and also pray to God to bring him back to u,I know he will come back to you,that was what my wife did and I av changed now and we are happy

jashar:



why don't you pray to God to grant you self control and fear of God?



no offence oo.... but i have an issue with what you're saying. i have met faithful men in this life ooo...

i don't like this sort of reasoning... you're making the unmarried ladies to think that they have to settle with cheats and that's not fair.

cococandy:
Disgusting crop of creatures