Davidylan:

It comes with experience. There is no rule book, just general tidbits every man shld know before committing to a woman. You claim all you want is love and be loved . . . well that is being simplistic. Compatibility, mutual respect, compromise e.t.c. are just a few things a relationship has to contend with outside of love.

`````````

When you are loved: You don't have to "break it down" - love encompasses many things automatically: mutual respect, compromise, - "compatibility" is an art form that you work towards - NO ONE is compatible across the board. It is a give and a take - a dance. Love encourages and motivates both partners to dance with each other. I'm not talking about "lust or like or really, really like." I am talking about LOVE.

Shy-One:

Davidylan:

It comes with experience. There is no rule book, just general tidbits every man shld know before committing to a woman. You claim all you want is love and be loved . . . well that is being simplistic. Compatibility, mutual respect, compromise e.t.c. are just a few things a relationship has to contend with outside of love.

`````````

When you are loved: You don't have to "break it down" - love encompasses many things automatically: mutual respect, compromise, - "compatibility" is an art form that you work towards - NO ONE is compatible across the board. It is a give and a take - a dance. Love encourages and motivates both partners to dance with each other. I'm not talking about "lust or like or really, really like." I am talking about LOVE.

my dear wake up from your dreams. All those couples who divorce later in their marriages, you think they didnt love each other at one point? Why didnt love "automatically" encompass everything else for the\m?

You're talking about "love" true but i think you're refering to a romanticised form of love. The kind you find in mills and boons stories. Let me ask a question . . . does your own version of "love" give room for losing your temper with your significant other?

Yes - of course - laughing, crying, venting - but keep it in perspective - don't take it to horrific levels - don't make your life a drama fit for the movies.

People get upset - and?? The sky is blue.

davidylan:

what happened? why did your blog end in 2009? is everything ok with you?

Shy-One:

Yes - of course - laughing, crying, venting - but keep it in perspective - don't take it to horrific levels - don't make your life a drama fit for the movies.

People get upset - and?? The sky is blue.

i mean can you truly love your man (in the way you claim) and still get very mad at him? Can he also do likewise? Dont be suckered by the mills and boons perspective on "love".

Shy-One:

davidylan:

what happened? why did your blog end in 2009? is everything ok with you?

I'm ok thanks for asking. I got busy with other aspects of life.

davidylan:

I wish you well. I need to retire for the night. Maybe later, nice talking to you. hmmmmmmm

harakiri:

In spite of all that has been said on this thread, only a handful of women have had the courage to drop a comment or two which proves that ALL of what has been said here is true!  It's funny how women always talk about wanting men to be "nice" to them, hold their hands and be sensitive to their emotions and any unfortunate man who conforms to this demand will be labelled by them as a sissy, not being man enough and too sensitive.Like i learnt a while back, what every woman really needs is a sensitive naughty person! ! !

@tai2

More grease to your elbows man.

If my memory ain't failing me, I remember directing you to this thread after reading your story around March this year, glad it's working for you. Tai2 must be proud.

no man is going to come to you and say "i've been maintaining and controlling my wife for 5 yrs" that is just impossible.
so you guys are prolly just young idealistic men looking to get laid. and there is no problem in that.
your "maintain and control" can only last for a few months max. 'cause it's all silly games.

the only advice is to be true to yourself.
do you have rules for making your friendship with your best friend last? are you trying to control him/her?
the only times u make rules like this is when you are being paranoid for no reason, or if you're trying to force a relationship that's not natural maybe due to benefits you're trying to get from it (getting laid/ social status/ what not). in which case, going out with a girl you don't love will be ideal. then you are left unscathed when she ditches you. or even better, you get the chance to dump her for another with a happy smile   because you definitely won't be married to a her for 10 years if your planning to live your marriage by rules on "how to maintain and control a woman"
you have to find someone you can be yourself with.

this thread reads as if women are aliens or something.
kinda like a student trying to form a superficial relationship with a professor in order to get a good grade.
natural relationships form naturally. superficial ones will always need rules to sustain it and keep it together.

Shy-One:



It comes with experience. There is no rule book, just general tidbits every man shld know before committing to a woman. You claim all you want is love and be loved . . . well that is being simplistic. Compatibility, mutual respect, compromise e.t.c. are just a few things a relationship has to contend with outside of love.

`````````

When you are loved:  You don't have to "break it down" - love encompasses many things automatically: mutual respect, compromise, - "compatibility" is an art form that you work towards - NO ONE is compatible across the board.  It is a give and a take - a dance.  Love encourages and motivates both partners to dance with each other.  I'm not talking about "lust or like or really, really like."  I am talking about LOVE.

best post.

oyinda.:

no man is going to come to you and say "i've been maintaining and controlling my wife for 5 yrs" that is just impossible.
so you guys are prolly just young idealistic men looking to get laid. and there is no problem in that.
your "maintain and control" can only last for a few months max. 'cause it's all silly games.

the only advice is to be true to yourself.
do you have rules for making your friendship with your best friend last? are you trying to control him/her?
the only times u make rules like this is when you are being paranoid for no reason, or if you're trying to force a relationship that's not natural maybe due to benefits you're trying to get from it (getting laid/ social status/ what not). in which case, going out with a girl you don't love will be ideal. then you are left unscathed when she ditches you. or even better, you get the chance to dump her for another with a happy smile   because you definitely won't be married to a her for 10 years if your planning to live your marriage by rules on "how to maintain and control a woman"
you have to find someone you can be yourself with.

this thread reads as if women are aliens or something.
kinda like a student trying to form a superficial relationship with a professor in order to get a good grade.
natural relationships form naturally. superficial ones will always need rules to sustain it and keep it together.

best post.

I've said it severally that most people tend to judge this thread all too often by the title which I admit wasn't rather well chosen. Control is not about playing games, or turning your woman into a zombie or being a monster. It's about controlling yourself and your actions so she doesn't control you. People say you can't plan the way you handle love, that's a romantic and idealistic lie, people learn to drive, ride a bike, have s-ex and everything else, there's nothing that stops you from learning to love - the right way. We can't all be jumping on couches like Tom Cruise , without women seeing the opportunity to take advantage of you.

Since this thread started, I have received numerous emails, from guys in relationships or out of them who state that it has truly changed their lives. I had even abandoned this thread more or less, until a couple of emails convinced me otherwise.

To those who keep talking about games, yes artificial control is more of a game, it takes a bit of planning here, scheming there, which is why I don't advocate it much. True control on the other hand is a way of life and once you achieve it, it truly works. Lose control at your own peril.

We certainly don't need women's all-too-predictable views here.

Hmmmmm.

Women want a man in control, they just hate to admit it.

Think why it's a normal thing for a woman to stay home while a man makes all the money, but try being a stay-at-home Dad in Nigeria while your wife goes to work, lol, you won't hear the end of it from her, her friends, her family members etc. ("That lazy man!"

Even women who work and earn more than their husbands hold it over them and belittle them ( all those Nigerian men killing their Nurse wives in America for example, them don chop emasculation tire until frustration carry them enter murder. From artificial control where he tells his wife-to-be " follow me to America, I'll change your life" to no control where she's now working in America, earns more and asks you "do you pay the bills in this house?" and comes and goes as she pleases).

Equality does not work, women don't want to be treated like zombies and they shouldn't, but as far as relationships go a man has to be in control of himself or he's headed for a ditch.

If you have true control and self-respect, even when a woman earns more than you do, she knows who's in control of the relationship.

It's too much artificial control that makes a women who finds her liberation through her salary, come home to cuckold her man and tell him his life history. Nigerian men will use money control, age control and even job control and other forms of artificial control to maintain women, once such control goes, the women go.

True control on the other hand is a permanent thing and like someone here said it applies to everything in life.

tai2:

Women want a man in control, they just hate to admit it.

Think why it's a normal thing for a woman to stay home while a man makes all the money, but try being a stay-at-home Dad in Nigeria while your wife goes to work, lol, you won't hear the end of it from her, her friends, her family members etc. ("That lazy man!"

Even women who work and earn more than their husbands hold it over them and belittle them ( all those Nigerian men killing their Nurse wives in America for example, them don chop emasculation tire until frustration carry them enter murder. From artificial control where he tells his wife-to-be  " follow me to America, I'll change your life" to no control where she's now working in America, earns more and asks you "do you pay the bills in this house?" and comes and goes as she pleases).

Equality does not work, women don't want to be treated like zombies and they shouldn't, but as far as relationships go a man has to be in control of himself or he's headed for a ditch.

If you have true control and self-respect, even when a woman earns more than you do, she knows who's in control of the relationship.

It's too much artificial control that makes a women who finds her liberation through her salary, come home to cuckold her man and tell him his life history. Nigerian men will use money control, age control and even job control and other forms of artificial control to maintain women, once such control goes, the women go.

True control on the other hand is a permanent thing and like someone here said it applies to everything in life.

Bros, don't you think you're taking this true control thing too far? Control or no control, a woman who earns more than her man is likely to subject him to varying degrees of ridicule. Only patience and tolerance would make a man in that abominable situation weather the storm. And ONLY TRUE LOVE would make a woman respect and continually adore a husband that she's wealthier than, not 'true control'. Lest we mix things up, don't forget that the main element of true control (as described by you) is a certain self-absorbed aloofness and mind games that sends mixed signals to the woman of interest. I don't see how such mind games would work forever, especially when you are no longer 'mysterious' to her (after years of marriage, she go don see you finish).

The truth is that if you seek permanent CONTROL over a woman (i.e. all through till the very end), you have to unite elements of both artificial control and true control, and then pray that the vicissitudes of life do not rock the boat for you at any point in the future. So called 'true control' will be nothing but a farce in the long run if one does not make headway financially, socially and otherwise. How much 'true control' can you have when you can't provide a comfortable life for your wife and children? We live in a real world man, where reality rules. I know super-stud husbands who are held in scorn by their wives because "na so-so koboko he sabi, he wan break my waist for nothing, lazy stingy man - see him friend as he dey spoil im wife with money. . .she dey change cars like play".

We must understand that all these our schemes (true or artificial control) are essentially meant to boost our game - in the short term, to score with women, sow our wild oats, and enjoy our youth. Suggesting that 'true control' alone (without the elements of articial reinforcements) is the key to long term success will be patently fallacious. With women, there is no rule for long term success. That's why even the greatest seducers and playboys in history did not have successful marriages. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can guarantee a woman's devotion, loyalty and faithfulness to you in the long term. Not koboko, not charisma, not attention, not care, not even money. Nothing! Who doesn't know how fickle and insatiable women are? You may be a Koboko King but that wouldn't stop her from falling blissfully for the heavenly charm of her new colleague - and bleeping him for the emotional satisfaction it engenders. You may have all the money but give her little attention, and she'll find it in the arms of her daughter's lesson teacher. It goes on and on. . .

For long term relationships, you can't help but be yourself (warts and all), and the over-familiarity inherent in such close, long term unions necessarily eliminates the mystique factor upon which 'true control' depends. Only luck can give you a heavenly, down to earth woman that is capable of respecting and loving you, for good or bad, for eternity. When it comes to long term unions with women, only luck (or a great deal of tolerance) can bring success. Nothing else. . .certainly not 'true control' as defined here.

@Pro01, true control is all about freedom. Freedom from sexual manipulation and fear of losing a woman because you refuse to be controlled by her. One golden rule I have learnt in life, is that people are always eager to give you what you want when it looks like you don't need it. That is why a banker will fall over himself to advance a loan to a billionaire and slam the door in the face of a desperate petty trader pleading for a few thousand naira. Same with women.

@poster
dis is it , when i was a player no bi*ch ever tried to fall out of line . Then I let myself fall in luv with a daughter of Jezeebel, well d rest is history, NLers, guys especially di is d real formular unless u luv being someones mugu. D choice is urs

@tai2
if you want to change the topic, go to your original post, click on 'modify post' and change what's written in the subject tab. . .

i noticed you mentioned changing the topic a couple of pages back and on this page as well, maybe if you did it'd reduce the incidences of people misunderstanding what you're trying to pass across.

now to business. . .lol

i'm with pro01 when it comes to his last post about not making true control a magic formula for marriage and all. . .however where i'd like to modify his submission is that the 'theory of control' serves to change the way you think/act and hence it's like going to school, it doesn't make you a success automatically, what it does is give you a better shot at success.

true control is good.
I have said this before and saying it again y do u need to bleep random gals to keep your senses together if you really are in control?and this goes to all the guys no emotionally well developed woman wants to keep a sissy as a guy nevertheless it dont mean she also wnts a mean guy for her man this is where learn to strike a balance. and really maybe the word control should really be taken out cos then it sounds like a game.

I think if most people see this thread as a guide<not a rule> to an 'inner game' within and not a device for feminine manipulation, these claims and counter claims might reduce.
And for God sake, what works 4 Mr A might work quite differently for Mr C, and so no one is bound to it. Personally, I don't agree with it entirely.

pro01:

Bros, don't you think you're taking this true control thing too far? Control or no control, a woman who earns more than her man is likely to subject him to varying degrees of ridicule. Only patience and tolerance would make a man in that abominable situation weather the storm. And ONLY TRUE LOVE would make a woman respect and continually adore a husband that she's wealthier than, not 'true control'. Lest we mix things up, don't forget that the main element of true control (as described by you) is a certain self-absorbed aloofness and mind games that sends mixed signals to the woman of interest. I don't see how such mind games would work forever, especially when you are no longer 'mysterious' to her (after years of marriage, she go don see you finish).

The truth is that if you seek permanent CONTROL over a woman (i.e. all through till the very end), you have to unite elements of both artificial control and true control, and then pray that the vicissitudes of life do not rock the boat for you at any point in the future. So called 'true control' will be nothing but a farce in the long run if one does not make headway financially, socially and otherwise. How much 'true control' can you have when you can't provide a comfortable life for your wife and children? We live in a real world man, where reality rules. I know super-stud husbands who are held in scorn by their wives because "na so-so koboko he sabi, he wan break my waist for nothing, lazy stingy man - see him friend as he dey spoil im wife with money. . .she dey change cars like play".

We must understand that all these our schemes (true or artificial control) are essentially meant to boost our game - in the short term, to score with women, sow our wild oats, and enjoy our youth. Suggesting that 'true control' alone (without the elements of articial reinforcements) is the key to long term success will be patently fallacious. With women, there is no rule for long term success. That's why even the greatest seducers and playboys in history did not have successful marriages. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can guarantee a woman's devotion, loyalty and faithfulness to you in the long term. Not koboko, not charisma, not attention, not care, not even money. Nothing! Who doesn't know how fickle and insatiable women are? You may be a Koboko King but that wouldn't stop her from falling blissfully for the heavenly charm of her new colleague - and bleeping him for the emotional satisfaction it engenders. You may have all the money but give her little attention, and she'll find it in the arms of her daughter's lesson teacher. It goes on and on. . .

For long term relationships, you can't help but be yourself (warts and all), and the over-familiarity inherent in such close, long term unions necessarily eliminates the mystique factor upon which 'true control' depends. Only luck can give you a heavenly, down to earth woman that is capable of respecting and loving you, for good or bad, for eternity. When it comes to long term unions with women, only luck (or a great deal of tolerance) can bring success. Nothing else. . .certainly not 'true control' as defined here.

I couldn't have said it better. Bad guy.

pro01:

Bros, don't you think you're taking this true control thing too far? Control or no control, a woman who earns more than her man is likely to subject him to varying degrees of ridicule. Only patience and tolerance would make a man in that abominable situation weather the storm. And ONLY TRUE LOVE would make a woman respect and continually adore a husband that she's wealthier than, not 'true control'. Lest we mix things up, don't forget that the main element of true control (as described by you) is a certain self-absorbed aloofness and mind games that sends mixed signals to the woman of interest. I don't see how such mind games would work forever, especially when you are no longer 'mysterious' to her (after years of marriage, she go don see you finish).

The truth is that if you seek permanent CONTROL over a woman (i.e. all through till the very end), you have to unite elements of both artificial control and true control, and then pray that the vicissitudes of life do not rock the boat for you at any point in the future. So called 'true control' will be nothing but a farce in the long run if one does not make headway financially, socially and otherwise. How much 'true control' can you have when you can't provide a comfortable life for your wife and children? We live in a real world man, where reality rules. I know super-stud husbands who are held in scorn by their wives because "na so-so koboko he sabi, he wan break my waist for nothing, lazy stingy man - see him friend as he dey spoil im wife with money. . .she dey change cars like play".

We must understand that all these our schemes (true or artificial control) are essentially meant to boost our game - in the short term, to score with women, sow our wild oats, and enjoy our youth. Suggesting that 'true control' alone (without the elements of articial reinforcements) is the key to long term success will be patently fallacious. With women, there is no rule for long term success. That's why even the greatest seducers and playboys in history did not have successful marriages. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can guarantee a woman's devotion, loyalty and faithfulness to you in the long term. Not koboko, not charisma, not attention, not care, not even money. Nothing! Who doesn't know how fickle and insatiable women are? You may be a Koboko King but that wouldn't stop her from falling blissfully for the heavenly charm of her new colleague - and bleeping him for the emotional satisfaction it engenders. You may have all the money but give her little attention, and she'll find it in the arms of her daughter's lesson teacher. It goes on and on. . .

For long term relationships, you can't help but be yourself (warts and all), and the over-familiarity inherent in such close, long term unions necessarily eliminates the mystique factor upon which 'true control' depends. Only luck can give you a heavenly, down to earth woman that is capable of respecting and loving you, for good or bad, for eternity. When it comes to long term unions with women, only luck (or a great deal of tolerance) can bring success. Nothing else. . .certainly not 'true control' as defined here.

There's a reason it becomes true control, its true control because it becomes part of you. Its worked for me for 5 years and I have no intention of changing, I have a long-term relationship and she's as  happy as the word and I don't pretend about squat because control has become part of me. When you say you can't help but be yourself in a long-term relationship, you just don't get it, it's like you are still talking of something artificial something planned.

When I say true control, I mean be that person in control, do not pretend to be. It's not a mask, it's life changing surgery. Some skills you learn, some you are born with. True control is about unlearning the years of dumb things you thought would work and learning the things that do.

If you think I take it too far, well fine, but that's just the truth and the way life is. Just because you find women sexy, doesn't mean you try to screw everyone you meet. Just because you're in love, doesn't mean you have to act the fool. Just because you have money doesn't mean you should spend it all on something impulsive. If there was no control every man would have at least 10 kids and AIDS would have wiped away half the planet already,  there are rules to everything in life.

I think I understand what the poster means.
But the topic seems quite harsh like women are some mechanical machine.

But I have seen situations where a jobless man has 'controlled' a woman
where an ex-convict has 'controlled' a woman.
These women would be the last to admit where this control lies, but they love it.

The true control mentioned is really just self [/b]control. We all learn to control ourselves as we grow up (I hope) according to our observations and experiences:

How to [b]control yourself so she doesn't perceive you as an easy mugu.
How to control yourself from wanting to please her so much (like every gentleman [/i]wants to do) that she grows trully stup1d from knowledge of the fact.
How to control yourself from being so caught-up in fulfilling her needs that she ultimately enters [i]princess-mode and determines that your needs don't matter anymore.
How to control yourself, specifically your mind, from thinking you don't measure up to the competition because of external factors e.g no money, etc.
How to control yourself, specifically your mouth, from showering her with too much praise or lovey-dovey talk, lest your word quickly loses it's value to her because she knows you'll kiss her backside regardless of what she does. To praise her only if she has done something to deserve it lately.

It is that self-awareness, confidence, resolute firmness and inner-strength that attracts women to men (be it a crook, woman-puncher or genuine gentleman).
These are characters they wish they had in their own lives or want to share in the life of another.

We give people too much control over our lives. If a girl/guy breaks your heart because you were nice, continue being nice it is who you are, if people maltreat you because you are considerate, continue being considerate. The world is too big a place to break your head over an individual or individuals. If you want to establish control do so on who you want to be as an individual, one who can add value and make a difference in peoples lives. If because of the actions or inactions of others you change from being a decent person (which everyone should aspire to be) then you have lost control.

degubi:

We give people too much control over our lives. If a girl/guy breaks your heart because you were nice, continue being nice it is who you are, if people maltreat you because you are considerate, continue being considerate. The world is too big a place to break your head over an individual or individuals. If you want to establish control do so on who you want to be as an individual, one who can add value and make a difference in peoples lives. If because of the actions or inactions of others you change from being a decent person (which everyone should aspire to be) then you have lost control.

Because you are a nice person, would you always give your child what they want?
Continue doing so and you'll end up spoiling that child silly and the child will end up having no respect for you since it knows you're always going to do whatever it wants you to do. The case is not so different with women.

Control is neccessary, most importantly, control of yourself and your tendencies to be over-nice. You can be nice, but be nice with wisdom.

If you think I take it too far, well fine, but that's just the truth and the way life is. Just because you find women sexy, doesn't mean you try to screw everyone you meet. Just because you're in love, doesn't mean you have to act the fool. Just because you have money doesn't mean you should spend it all on something impulsive. If there was no control every man would have at least 10 kids and AIDS would have wiped away half the planet already,  there are rules to everything in life.

tai2,
this is a very good remark.
in other words: true control is self control.

that's why i don't understand how you guys are interpreting this to be a control over a girlfriend. because that is definitely not possible.
one can only have control over his life. he doesn't have it over another persons' although he might get the illusion that he does (and this illusion always will soon disappear). That's why the topic title should be changed. it's quite degrading toward women.

i like that this topic provides motivation. but i think it sends the wrong message about women. 
if men can gain confidence and control over their own lives, they will have no problem in relationships period (whether it's a relationship with a coworker or friend or a spouse). that's the message you should be sending. and this applies to females too.

this control training sounds like terribly hard work
cant i just continue being a jerk 

2buff u r 2 much! Topic understood and summarized precisely.

Oyinda, I agree self-control is the aim on different levels but it's also a bit more. When I say control your woman, I mean control her reactions towards you, I don't mean control her like a zombie.

When you achieve true control, you earn respect from your woman and everything else follows.

tai2, would you agree with the following as representing your message in a nutshell:

Respect yourself and others including women of all ages, shapes and sizes will respect you.

Thank you for what has been an absorbing, stimulating, interesting, enlightening and passionate post about the human condition.

You may not believe it, but you are destined for great things my brother.

I'm happy. Happy with the way i feel after reading your (though lengthy) report. I would put myself in shape.


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oyinda.:

i like that this topic provides motivation. but i think it sends the wrong message about women. 
if men can gain confidence and control over their own lives, they will have no problem in relationships period (whether it's a relationship with a coworker or friend or a spouse). that's the message you should be sending. and this applies to females too.

It is not often i find myself agreeing with oyinda but she is right. The first step to "controlling" your woman is to develop SELF CONFIDENCE and show her that you have pretty good self discipline coupled with responsibility. No woman seeing that will dare disrespect you.

But then, i've seen women stay in relationships with abusive men and i just wonder . . .