MissJoy29:

We are human beings. No matter how careful one is, one can still misbehave. Then you need to genuinely show remorse & make amends.

Note that this is completely different from the person who constantly errs and expects to be taken back all cos he always says the truth.

I don't know if you get me

MissJoy29:

Amen o! A very big Amen.

Yeah. And the irony of it is that those ones are the most imperfect. That's why I run away from a man who's unreasonably possessive. Chances are that they are doing worse things than they are suspecting you are doing. I see it this way: if I know I don't delete questionable text messages or call logs from my phone, it may never cross my mind to suspect you are doing same. But if I'm doing them, I will always be sceptical any time I see you on your phone.

Most times it is the bad ones that expect the best from others.

My day? Moving on well thank you

cassyrooy:
I see your points, I've adjusted myself to give everyone their own kind of required behaviour, you neglect or behave badly towards me, I don't bother you as long as its not anything major in my life.

Possessive people don't find their way with me, I shut them down easily, I had a life before knowing them and I'm going to still have one after knowing them.

pantherblack:




oh fake repentance. Now i get, but blaming people not been able to handle the truth is what i disagree with, if we conduct ourselves properly they'll be fewer stories to tell

We should conduct ourselves wisely so we don't have stories to tell and blame hearers when they become intolerant of our baggages.



In life, we're always quick to blame people cause we place people on scales but exonerate ourselves. If we treat others how we desire to be treated, the world will be better. But no way, there's always a " user " feeling smart, and the used. When these pairs meet it can lead to a series of events, anything short of a give and take is unhealthy and bound to explode at some point


We should conduct ourselves well and expect less from people.

MissJoy29:

Yes. Fewer stories to tell but there are stories nonetheless. You know why? Cos we are imperfect beings who are susceptible to mistakes.

It's good to be careful & mindful of what you do to others (The Golden Rule which by the way,is my watchword). But in the event that someone close to you(I mean your partner) does something really bad, would you prefer she tells you or keep it from you until you find out from another source?

That's where being able to handle the truth comes up.

pantherblack:





I wanted to comment further but the Lord has sealed my lips and has warned me not to say anything on this thread beyond my last comment. So, i'll pass, this subject matter has a knife somewhere in the corner

MissJoy29:

Exactly! I treat people the way they treat me. Life is simplier that way.

ILol @shut them down easily. How exactly?

So true @you had a life & will continue to have one after meeting them. That's something they obviously overlook.

cassyrooy:
Yes definitely, you don't check up on me and expects me to regularly see how you're doing? Hell no, I'm equally important to myself, I play busy too.

I don't think its that big, I just outgrow them or get too cold towards them. Sincerely, as a nerdy guy(you never will know), my introverted sides will kick in, I'll become the listener, until you see I'm no longer interested in the interaction.

They obviously don't get me, I mostly change my habits if the person is not always a complainant, imagine you changed and later found out the person is a cynic, trying to alter everything about you in two weeks.

Lemme tell you this, I met a girl last year March, she collected my number and sent me a message, we got talking and emotions came in, she started telling me things I have to change about myself, long hair, calling always, chatting always, she never wanted to continue in my roles in politics(in school in particular), and of all keeping off female friends. I unknowingly grew cold and that was it o.

I work hard for everything but let advises be gradual not immediate demands.

MissJoy29:

That's it. For someone who used to put other people's needs above hers, making the decision to treat others the way they treat me restored my sanity. Life is now easier & better

Exactly @grow cold towards them. Same tactics I use.

A lot of people want your life to revolve around them the minute they come into it. I just don't get it. Some people could be so unreasonable. A lot of things to be said here but I will leave it here for now.

I can relate to the story. I'm generally not a call or chatting person. You have to be really good with conversations on interesting topics to get me to do either of those two for long. Now, a new guy comes along & starts whining within hours how you don't give him attention and all. Lol. Except it's a love interest(that can make me adjust), the excessive complaints will just get on my nerves.

Yeah. Study the person first. Understand who he/she was before trying to change the person in one day. I had a guy who asked me out once. Then I was rocking a low-cut. He saw me on the low-cut & asked me out(I have always loved it. I would curl it & dye/ tint it. So beautiful! ) Within days, he started whining about how he loves girls with long hair and weaves and all. He was on my neck about it all the time. Now ordinarily, I could have adjusted. No biggie. After all, adding a weave-on won't stop me from being on low-cut once I remove it. But the way he went about it. He never complained about my hair before asking me out. He probably thought he then owned me just cos he asked me out.

cassyrooy:
Lol! I'm beginning to see another dimension about you.

Sincerely it's not always we should play the all round person, give me some distance to think and sort things out, trust me, many of the people playing cool everyday might not be cool, some just get bored and start seeking attention. Come on, apply yourself to something and watch it blossom into a beauty. Just disturbing others upandan.

For me being smart and very open to discussions are what makes me want to adjust and do things with someone, love can come and go, but intelligent and smart people are hard to find.

I do long calls and chats only with few guys. This is where being smart comes in, I mean the person you're conversing with gotta be smart.

There was this day I was discussing a movie with someone and he was like, "e make sense!", to me I was like that's all? A seemingly interesting topic can be watered down by just one comment, you get me?

You're his na! Lol!

I look at folks claiming to love, and I ask what do they love about these people and some just say she/he is beautiful or handsome! I don't talk, I leave them to themselves.

If its just love, everyone would have been where they were.

See how from loving you as he met you earlier, to remodeling you to his ideal expectations.
I've changed someone before, it took 3yrs to make it happen, I can't imagine myself trying to do it in one month, I'd failed.

MissJoy29:

Lol...what dimension, pray tell?

Exactly! I keep saying it. I don't joke with good friends. They are always there through the thick and the thin. Now if you add intelligent and smart to that my good friend, I'm hooked to him or her.

Yeah, i get you. Nowadays, if you chat me up sef & say "good morning" & I respnd & you don't follow up with a "how are you? or "hope you slept well?, I don't stress myself continuing the convo. Especially if you have a habit of doing that. People should learn how to carry conversations along biko.

No I'm not. If every man I ever dated "owned" me, I wonder what would have been left of me now
Love? A lot of people don't understand LOVE. What they experience is just fleeting emotions. That word has been abused so much that everything stupid and hurtful and deceitful and painful is done in the name of love. A husband cheats on his wife, he LOVES her enough to look outside so as not to get bored with her. A jealous man/woman kills her/his lover, it's cos the lover was LOVED so much that he/she shouldn't be happy with no other person than the murderer. I get hurt & lied to by my partner & it's cos he LOVES me so much that he wants to shield me from hurt. Love!!!!!

You can change for someone. It's normal. But it should be gradual. Not forced. Otherwise it becomes abusive and manipulative.

Except the person didn't stay long enough or is narcissistic & arrogant, I'm not the kind of person that comes into people's lives and not leave it better than I met it. I have that gift to influence positively.
That being said, if I'm not gaining anything positive from you, I leave. It's that simple. So, I change people & also get changed by them too.

MissJoy29:

Lol...what dimension, pray tell?

Exactly! I keep saying it. I don't joke with good friends. They are always there through the thick and the thin. Now if you add intelligent and smart to that my good friend, I'm hooked to him or her.

Yeah, i get you. Nowadays, if you chat me up sef & say "good morning" & I respnd & you don't follow up with a "how are you? or "hope you slept well?, I don't stress myself continuing the convo. Especially if you have a habit of doing that. People should learn how to carry conversations along biko.

No I'm not. If every man I ever dated "owned" me, I wonder what would have been left of me now

Love? A lot of people don't understand LOVE. What they experience is just fleeting emotions. That word has been abused so much that everything stupid and hurtful and deceitful and painful is done in the name of love. A husband cheats on his wife, he LOVES her enough to look outside so as not to get bored with her. A jealous man/woman kills her/his lover, it's cos the lover was LOVED so much that he/she shouldn't be happy with no other person than the murderer. I get hurt & lied to by my partner & it's cos he LOVES me so much that he wants to shield me from hurt. Love!!!!!

You can change for someone. It's normal. But it should be gradual. Not forced. Otherwise it becomes abusive and manipulative.

Except the person didn't stay long enough or is narcissistic & arrogant, I'm not the kind of person that comes into people's lives and not leave it better than I met it. I have that gift to influence positively.
That being said, if I'm not gaining anything positive from you, I leave. It's that simple. So, I change people & also get changed by them too.

Toks2008:


I have been following up on your convo and as a sapiosexual I am enthused to have you as a friend.

Unfortunately I don't send PMs so of you don't mind you can send your mobile# to olakoredeh@gmail.com and let me add you to my contact.

Even if you are married no worries...it's just friendship and I'm extending same to cassyroy.

MissJoy29:
Thanks a lot Do you reply?

cassyrooy:
Okay, I might be wholly wrong but your optimistic sides are waning out, although you're still far from being pessimistic.

You just can't remove that from my friends, although some think I'm weird or something, but I'm just me.

I like guys who can explicitly discuss one issue and are well detailed about it, not touch it and have it over with, come on, we're discussing not mentioning/listing things.

@the bolded, firstly, I was being sarcastic, not implying he actually did owned you.

Second bolded, it happens! Just hope it doesn't degenerate to abuse.

LOVE!!! Indeed we've completely derailed the meaning of love to suit whatever we want it to be.

The hood were I was raised comprised so many things that scares me about marriage, cheating, abuses, unloved marriage, abandoned pregnancies, single motherhood and many things you can imagine.

Lemme just say love is still a myth, only certain people understands it and can truly show it.

I like it when people try to change other people, I only don't like when they try to impose.

Its good for you to try to change people.

And like you said, if you don't learn positive things you quit, hope you get to teach me positive things too.

@Toks2008, I'll email you, or you leave me a message on WhatsApp via the number in my signature.

Modified: Ms. Joy if don't mind, you can PM me as well.

Toks2008:


I will add your number to my contact n send you a message.

MissJoy29:

No you are not wrong at all. I'm not a hopeless optimist & neither am I a pessimist. Just that I try to guard my heart so that the evil happenings do not affect me my outlook on life.

Yeah, I like people who can carry hold down intelligent conversations. For most men though, the only time you get them to be interested in a long term conversation is if you are discussing sex styles. I mean, on a normal day, the chatting can last for just 10 minutes & the light is quenched. Lol...Some even attempt to turn every meaningful question you aksk them into sexual talks. If you don't respond accordingly, you are boring, stuck up & uptight. I once met a sex starved creep from here(have actually met quite a few here). Then I was just responding to pms anyhow with recklessness. I was new to the forum. I realised that all this guy talked about was sex. After I complained & all, he decided to allow me ask questions. I asked him , " so tell me about your area of strength". How this guy turned this answer into a sexual talk amazed me. He said, " well, I have self-control. I can decide to romance and caress and do every other thing to you without penetration". That's how self controlled I am". I was shocked!

Ok...glad you were being sarcastic.

Same thing here. Have seen so many shit when It comes to marriage and love relationships that I developed a phobia for marriage(gamophobia).

Unfortunately, I don't know how to do pms here .

cassyrooy:
Lovely, don't lose it yet, else I'll follow suit o.

Hahaha! hahaha! hahaha! I'm having a very hard laugh here! Imagine what the dude had in mind. Only God will keep those type of guys out of ones life path.

He really had himself under control indeed. Biko, what's with sex talk and the likes? Perverse psychos scattered everywhere on the cyberspace.

@bolded, I mean, via the number on my profile, I rarely check my mails these days.

Thanks for the word, gamophobia.
Back in January, a friend had issues with her boyfriend cos he was seriously complimenting another girl's body(and overdoing it) even when the gf was obviously offended by the gesture.
Later, her bestie came around and started advising her to get a back up just in case the present dude messes up.

We're living in a messed up world!

MissJoy29:

Where is the number?
I can't post it here o.

That's why I asked if you reply pms

Toks2008:


Just send it to olakoredeh@gmaul.com and I will add it to my contact n send u a message.

Thanks

MissJoy29:

I will try not to lose it. It's difficult though. But I will try by God's Grace.

Amen o! My dear, you can never imagine the kind of mental abuse an average girl goes through everyday from these psychos on cyber space. Now, another one, imagine adding someone to your WhatsApp contact & the first comment he makes is about your boobs. I mean who does that! A lot of them too are married and yet hiding behind their keyboard to lure innocent ladies.

Yes, gamophobia. I have it. In fact, a lot of people including you have it. Who wouldn't? The stories we hear make it seem like the disadvantages of marriage are greater than the advantages. Infact, someone once told me that the only advantage he sees about marriage is children (that is if you are not into "babymamaism". But you know what? That's why I guard my heart cos I refuse to give up. I refuse to believe all men are the same (in a negative way ). There are still genuinely good people out there and I Pray God guard their hearts also & cause two beautiful hearts to meet.

Oh! Your number on your profile?

cassyrooy:
Great!

I'm not surprised o! A lot of guys just suffer from WOMB ENVY, but they're just misapplying it.

Lemme not go deep into another social problem that has perversed our world, another time. But its really becoming too annoying.

You're really creepy and weird, I seemingly avoided talking about my gamophobic sides and you just dived deep into my thoughts and now splashed it all over the place.

No lies, when my nice arrived in 2012, I just wanted a baby but avoiding marriage but I looked deep into myself and resigned that I MUST never attempt it, I'd practice serial monogamy than settling for "babydaddyism".

All men can never be the same, some are big, others small, some kind and some others the opposite, etc.

Scammers can't even near my side.

MissJoy29:

Ok...let's not go into it. Another time perhaps(like you said).

Weird? Hell yeah! Creepy? You are confusing me with someone else cos I'm not . Oh you didnt avoid anything. You thought you did. It was cos you said it fleetingly that even made me say it about you. Do you feel ashamed that you have gamophobia?

Yeah, being around babies and little children have brought out these maternal instincts in me. But still, things have to be done the right way, dont they?

Amen @your declaration.

cassyrooy:
You're just super weird, how you managed to articulate that from all my posts that I'm a gamophobic still eludes me.

@bolded, I can't say a definite yes, I just don't talk about it much self.
Yeah, definitely, things ought to go the right way. Win-win for everyone.

MissJoy29:

Yeah, I'm that sensitive & observant honey. Actually, no one likes talking about it. Not even I.

It's late. I gotta go to bed. Have a good night's sleep. Talk with you later

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
So what's the way forward?

Toks2008:


Just send it to olakoredeh@gmaul.com and I will add it to my contact n send u a message.

Thanks

MissJoy29:

Good evening & happy Sunday.
Did you receive the mail?

Toks2008:



I never see am o..Maybe you should resend

MissJoy29:

Seen it?

Toks2008:


Are you sure you are sending to the right address?

olakoredeh@gmail.com

Please resend one last time and send a copy to forexrefuge@yahoo.com

Thanks

MissJoy29: