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My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With - Romance - Nairaland

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My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 11:12pm On Jul 10
This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.

I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.

But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.

A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.

I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.

I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.

Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by delugajackson: 11:19pm On Jul 10
You are dating a woman with so much ego and such woman will never make a good wife. Truth is, you can never control a woman with so much ego. If she can't apologize for little things, then she has no business being in a relationship. Take my word, she has little or no respect for you. The only reason she is with you up till this moment is because she is gaining from you, once she fulfills her aim of running you down, she will leave your áss for good.

I suggest you look for someone else with better attitude, character and finesse that will make life worth living for you, cause once you marry this particular girl, you will experience x2 of what you're suffering now. She will offer you a lifetime of misery! Who wants a stubborn, nagging, disrespectful woman with an over-bloated ego as a wife?

You need to re-consider this cause it seems you're gradually becoming a victim of emotional deficit. And the hard truth is that you both are not meant for each other.

1040 Likes 101 Shares

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by biafraisdead(m): 11:20pm On Jul 10
Raskasal:
This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.

I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.

But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.

A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.

I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.

I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.

Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all
Months back I was in a similar relationship before I finally call it a quit(I also intend to keep her as a wife, I have even introduced her to my people). I always apologise to her even while she was at fault and she will never admit been at fault or even say sorry, though she would stupidly tell me at times that her bad side is her being too proud and that she was working on her self to correct it. the day I ended the relationship was a day she insulted me and I just told her I won't call her again but she thought I was joking and since that day(over 7 months now) I haven't called her neither has she called me(because of pride). But I know she is seriously dieing now her problem is for her to call me and say 'I am sorry' she keeps calling me with unknown numbers and each time I pick she would end the call without saying anything but I know she is behind those calls, also she keeps stalking me on LinkedIn, she doesn't know LinkedIn sends u profile of people viewing ur profile. so my brother if u try to change her and she is not changing I would advise u to let her go; imagine what u would go through when u finally marry her, we shouldn't allow love to block our senses at times. any man or woman that can't say sorry is not worthy to be a husband or a wife. By the way where is she from cos we may be talking about the same girl.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by aaronson(m): 11:21pm On Jul 10
This is a tough one to deal with.

She is emotional selfish, Narssicist and rude but if you still do love her like you claim, Over look her flaws, loose your self esteem but don't loose your brain in dealing with her the matured way you have been doing. Or plan B, Call it quit, maintain your self esteem and keep looking for more decent girl.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by donstan18(m): 11:30pm On Jul 10
I'll advice you to break up with her and allow her learn the hard way from a hard and tough man.

But incase you want otherwise, then read.

She's taking advantage of you because you seems to be a good and caring guy, and one of the habit of a typical Nigerian lady is to take such men for granted.

All you need to do is to pay less attention to her nagging attitude for a while. Give her the same attitude in a higher measure. Allow her understand what "Correction" is all about by putting an end to your act of begging her after correcting her on something.


She's taking your kindness for a ride and indirectly wanting to turn you to a MUGU with her nasty attitude. Man up and go aggressive/less concerned on her for a while. Just a while.

She'll change if she really cared for you, but If after she fails to change. DUMP her for a respectful lady who will give you peace of mind with no nasty attitude.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by marooh: 11:31pm On Jul 10
delugajackson:
grin

Because God later add Extra teeth for you datz y u can't close them!


Bros! Sorry oooo
Ur case na matured case! And I forgot my matured mind before coming online!..
Hoping not to see matured mind like the. Guy above me with dot (.) as comment

6 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by medexico(m): 11:37pm On Jul 10
I have experienced this

See, girls like to exploit guys when they know the guy loves them and doesn't want to lose them. What worked for me was that I called her bluff and acted like I don't care about her any longer, bro things became normal and I was surprised.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Humchi(m): 11:42pm On Jul 10
biafraisdead:
.
receive sense in Jesus name

11 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by pocohantas(f): 11:44pm On Jul 10
donstan18:
cheesy

delugajackson:
grin

OP's relationship will definitely not survive after the advice from these two individuals. Wait for it... grin

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by pocohantas(f): 11:45pm On Jul 10
medexico:
I have experienced this

See, girls like to exploit guys when they know the guy loves them and doesn't want to lose them. What worked for me was that I called her bluff and acted like I don't care about her any longer, bro things became normal and I was surprised.

wink. Though I will suggest he breaks up. This one isn't a trait to manage cha cha!!!

38 Likes 5 Shares

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 11:46pm On Jul 10
biafraisdead:

Months back I was in a similar relationship before I finally call it a quit(I also intend to keep her as a wife, I have even introduced her to my people). I always apologise to her even while she was at fault and she will never admit been at fault or even say sorry, though she would stupidly tell me at times that her bad side is her being too proud and that she was working on her self to correct it. the day I ended the relationship was a day she insulted me and I just told her I won't call her again but she thought I was joking and since that day I haven't called her neither has she called me(because of pride). But I know she is seriously dieing now her problem is for her to call me and say 'I am sorry' she keeps calling me with unknown numbers and each time I pick she would end the call without saying anything but I know she is behind those calls, also she keeps stalking me on LinkedIn, she doesn't know LinkedIn sends u profile of people viewing ur profile. so my brother if u try to change her and she is not changing I would advise u to let her go; imagine what u would go through when u finally marry her, we shouldn't allow love to block our senses at times. any man or woman that can't say sorry is not worthy to be a husband or a wife. By the way where is she from cos we may be talking about the same girl.
I understand. Ohh she's from Ogun state

11 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 11:47pm On Jul 10
aaronson:
This is a tough one to deal with.

She is emotional selfish, Narssicist and rude but if you still do love her like you claim, Over look her flaws, loose your self esteem but don't loose your brain in dealing with her the matured way you have been doing. Or plan B, Call it quit, maintain your self esteem and keep looking for more decent girl.

Hmm. Nice one bro. Thanks so much

1 Like

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Raskasal(m): 11:49pm On Jul 10
marooh:


Because God later add Extra teeth for you datz y u can't close them!


Bros! Sorry oooo
Ur case na matured case! And I forgot my matured mind before coming online!..
Hoping not to see matured mind like the. Guy above me with dot (.) as comment
Lol.

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by donstan18(m): 11:49pm On Jul 10
pocohantas:




OP's relationship will definitely not survive after the advice from these two individuals. Wait for it... grin

I'm also waiting for them to comment.

21 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by biafraisdead(m): 11:50pm On Jul 10
Raskasal:
I understand. Ohh she's from Ogun state
mine is from the eastern part.

30 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by pryme(m): 11:53pm On Jul 10
Raskasal:
This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.

I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.

But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.

A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.

I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.

I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.

Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all

If you can read between the lines I believe everything is presented clearly to you.
This is exactly what you will have to put up with for life, if you marry her, it's as clear as night and day.

She has shown you who she is, so I don't think she is confused on that, the confused one here is you. Cos you are confused if you are to accept her the way she is or walk away.

Anyway for you to open this thread shows you are not down with it. The question is are you strong enough to take a big decision? And such decision involves leaving her.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by oyb(m): 11:53pm On Jul 10
Raskasal:
This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.

I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.

But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.

A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.

I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.

I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.

Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all

are you ready to cope with a lifetime of this? everyone of us has traits that do not show when we are dating. if she is showing this while you are dating, i don't want to think of what she will show when you are married. a woman who is easily provoked and keeps malice for days on end is a very very difficult person to live with.

think of marrying a person like Ceec of the recently concluded BBN. do you have the patience for a lifetime of aggravation?

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by pocohantas(f): 11:59pm On Jul 10
biafraisdead:

Months back I was in a similar relationship before I finally call it a quit

So, are you (still) single now? smiley

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by walesalak(m): 12:03am On Jul 11
Raskasal:

I understand. Ohh she's from Ogun state
ijebu shey?

4 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by femidejulius(m): 12:05am On Jul 11
OP, love is just a temporary emotion that will wane. Even married people sometimes temporarily stop loving their spouses and then later start loving after days or weeks or months. What usually return the love is the character of the spouses.

Forget about your love for her and think of what matters the most- character. Does she have the character that can rekindle the love you have for her after that love dies? I don't think so.

Forget her and start looking for another lady. A failed courtship is better than a failed marriage. Besides, she is going to regret losing you one day. Her lose, not yours.

Over and out.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Frankicent(m): 12:53am On Jul 11
Chei . Singing: Hold somebo hold somebody...

Nawa ooo why date such woman with pride or what ordinary sorry it's hard for her to say ... My advice japaa if you marry her she will show you things you wish not to see.

This might be the cause of her attitude.

1: She probably came from a rich family.
2: She was trained that way...
3: She hasn't been with someone who correct her mistake.
4: She's a dominant woman- dominant women can't keep a relationship. Especially, in 9ja which man would want a bossy woman?
5: Maybe she have someone she's submissive too. Women are good @ keeping secrets. Research bro


Bros if you can't keep up end the relationship with style
. A friend maybe an expert in womanlogy department grin Doc osas a.k.a passionate grin told me and other if it's hard for a woman to apologize that mean she doesn't respect you, and she feels no guilt.

Bros my advice just don't date 1 gal or trust anywoman else she's your mom...


Fron your words I don't think you got another gf... Find another gal and compere

13 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Gentlevin: 12:57am On Jul 11
Raskasal:
This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.

I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.

But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.

A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.

I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.

I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.

Pls, How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all
My bro if you want to have a happy marriage, pls end this relationship and move on...... I don't know what is always wrong with these type of girls. I once had this type too. I found it had to end the relationship but I had to summon the courage to end it because A FAILED RELATIONSHIP IS BETTER THAN A FAILED MARRIAGE.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by DonroxyII: 1:29am On Jul 11
Raskasal:

Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.

Thank you all
Some girls are like that especially all these lack of exposure girls ..... immediately you teach her something or correct her assertions , she will feel worthless , in secured and insulted ... GBAM, Malice has started until you reexplain yourself again via apology cheesy ...

The thing is that , her attitude ain't enough to dump her especially if she has other areas/aspects she excels like :

Career/Professional/Academic oriented,
Home management skills ,
Financial management skills,
Social skills,
Kid raising skills,
Bedmatics,
Level of Spirituality etc


There is no perfect person anywhere but you need to confirm the key indices you want in a woman .....
and her ability to learn .... The above yardstick are mine .....

My first gf/fiancee was a Medical student now a medical doc with poor family/social skills but averaged and aced some other yardsticks .... she fights over little and most stewpid things if not with Okada rider, it may be a taxi driver , her colleagues at school or her nuclear/extended family member, If it were me she's having issues with, She will rake, rake while I will just be smiling and telling her how beautiful she is when she is angry ...... If she was reporting any incident to me, I dare not blame her nor question her judgment else, she will transfer all aggression to me cheesy ....

So, anytime she was reporting anyone to me , I dey follow her insult that person ooo grin .... (Na psychology), at that moment of reporting (Chai, thunder fire me if I don't , else she will tagged me as aiding and abetting that person grin)

Then, after a day or two that sweet nonsense would have happened between us like outing, movies, lovey-dovey (Like immediately after some Sxx) ..... I would now revisit the issue and sternly recommend appropriate course of action she should have taken in that scenario and avoid any such occurrence in the future.......
I'd let her realised how much she embarrassed herself even her profession simply because of lack of patience or for as low as "I'm sorry" or #50 disagreement .... you would hear :
"yes sir, yessur " .... she tend to listen better at that moment .....

Since we broke up in 2013 , she still ain't find a man to manage her and me too on relationship holiday since then (Book ti take over) grin

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by kingkakaone(m): 2:21am On Jul 11
aaronson:
This is a tough one to deal with.

She is emotional selfish, Narssicist and rude but if you still do love her like you claim, Over look her flaws, loose your self esteem but don't loose your brain in dealing with her the matured way you have been doing. Or plan B, Call it quit, maintain your self esteem and keep looking for more decent girl.
Bors na lie o.
That kind of girl will make this man old on time.

His plan A should be to quit. (Marriage decisions should be based on reality and not emotions)

Nobody should be too arrogant to apologize to those they claim to love, mostly when they are at fault.

24 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by DonroxyII: 2:48am On Jul 11
aaronson:
This is a tough one to deal with.

She is emotional selfish, Narssicist and rude but if you still do love her like you claim, Over look her flaws, loose your self esteem but don't loose your brain in dealing with her the matured way you have been doing. Or plan B, Call it quit, maintain your self esteem and keep looking for more decent girl.
Overlook flaws Nah ooo .... Correct Flaws , if she failed to yield corrections and the matters involved are significant ones .... it's a plan B, QUIT.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by consultancy: 2:49am On Jul 11
read half way and stopped. my advice is this, find yourself a woman who loves you and has you at heart. if she has you at heart, she cannot afford to stay a whole day with you in same house and keep malice all day. this attitude she gives you, you feel is nothing will snowball into a serious problem for you if you eventually marry her. to be on the safe side, find one who always calls for the peace talk, while u chose to accept or not. not the one that can stay days without talking to you, until you beg her even when she is at fault

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by boiz2men(m): 2:57am On Jul 11
pocohantas:


So, are you (still) single now? smiley


angry I haven't deactivated and you are flirting with another man.....

And you are supposed to be my nl babe.... angry
Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by LivingFree(f): 3:00am On Jul 11
You sound overbearing, is this not an adult who has lived all her life governing herself? How do you come along and start telling her what to do? I think you should let people live their life how they see fit and if you have a problem with the way they're doing things you should recognise that it's your problem and you should reflect on how you can manage it or if it's a deal breaker for you then move on with you're life. Imagine telling someone to close the door when they're using the toilet. It's not everybody that closes the door when they're pissing and they live with their partner. I find it uncomfortable personally so I close my door instead of telling them what to do. You don't sound like a fun person to be around always correcting people upandan like you an eraser. Learn to chill and deal with your control issues.

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by ednut1(m): 3:07am On Jul 11
Raskasal:

I understand. Ohh she's from Ogun state
u asked the same question last year , and still continued with her. U dont look lik a serious person abeg

18 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by rex444(m): 4:33am On Jul 11
U see , girls are graduates of psychology right from birth..it's their natural gift.. The best way to handle them is reverse psychology... The minute they step into ur life,they start watching u to know ur lose ends. Once they see one,the cling to it like leeches... Never let them know u love em more than they love u otherwise u become toilet mop stick

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Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by jeff1607(m): 4:44am On Jul 11
why do most ladies behave this way? most guys might have had this eyepiece one way or the other, the down side to it is that the ladies only get to notice it as they get older.


being a good guy sucks sometimes.

15 Likes

Re: My Experience With A Lady I Intend To Settle Down With by Olalan(m): 4:56am On Jul 11
Need to have some serious talk with her, either she changes her bad attitude or the relationship ends.
BTW truth is people like this hardly change completely thus count your costs well, can you deal with this attitude all your married life days.

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