It's a simple matter
Just make friends with ur some of your boyfriend's collegue
They will tell u the real truth and if possible , make the so-called-girl rival a friend.
Then the puzzle is solved.
Good luck girl

@ Anothaviv

four good years is definitely not a joke?? but what is four years compared to a life/marriage full of misery. Dearie you have to make hay while the sun shines

like i've always believed, no human being is above mistakes (those mistakes includes infidelity), so why not? everybody deserves a second chance sometimes even third afterall they say every good thing is three but your guy has even gotten to the fifth chance and from your story he'll be needing a lot of chances which might lead to your breaking down

now tell me sweetheart, is any guy on earth worth that?? comm'on girl you deserve more than that, don't you think??

Someone mentioned forgiveness, and of course its a good thing to forgive, no doubt about that but for how long do you continue forgiving the same person of the same mistake?? is it really called for when you can forgive him, leave him and embrace hapiness with someone that equally cares for your hapiness.

Can't you see this one obviously doesn't and if he does, not as much as is required.

someone said something about him having the right to keep his friends, oh yes, nobody is disputing that but when he prioritates the other girl's fellings above someone that should be his "one and only" then something is definitely not right

esp. when its his ex. and knowing girls too well i'm sure the girl wants more than "the-so-called-frienship" she's getting so why can't he try and keep the girl at arm's length, does he have to take her home everyday from work

Geez, he should at least give the girlfriend some respect. Its ok to have friends, but not to the depriment of your spouse

this somehing i think we all should learn, knowing when to stop, to avoid crossing the line. when you're with the opposite sex feelings can arouse, so why not prevent yourself from it??

_{He cheated on you thrice and you're still with him} This is serious! You deserve a better guy for marriage, that dude ain't just good for you. For your own good, BREAK UP WITH THE GUY!

lol cute_ass

The girl isnt even an ex, just one of the girls he cheated on her with. hahha

ThiefOfHearts:

lol cute_ass

The girl isnt even an ex, just one of the girls he cheated on her with. hahha

which even makes it worse why can't he keep his peace.

not even his ex, so what's all the loving all about. Like i said something fishy is going on and @anothaviv you sure as hell shouldn't sit back and watch.

a penny at hand is better than the one at distance, 4yrs! how stong it is means alot, did he love you maaters alot, how sure are you if he wanted to marry you very important. i think this friend of yours is a little bite like me, how we you expect me to stick to only you when we are not yet marry, you are a woman you can even done the worst if i decided not to do it at all, if you think he can joke with you just take your time to learn how to adapt this till you are married if not yor leaving him is a chance for another cheater. because man are unpreditable. but if you are fortunate to get a wuss man he will always do your wish before marriage.

quote:
a french woman, when double crossed will kill her rival,
an italian woman will kill her deceitful lover,
an englishwoman will simply sver relations,
BUT THEY WILL ALL CONSOLE THEMSELVES WITH ANOTHER MAN.

thats what you need to do.CUT YOUR LOSSES.

we have all made bad choices at one time or another and suffered the consequences.
he was a bad choice, its time to move on before he gives you more than just heartache.he could give you AIDS.

good luck.it will be very very hard.

Hey gal,
Its nothing new and your relationship is not the longest ever, i was with my ex for 4 solid years of bliss, trust and true love, we were sure of hitting the altar until he claimed he was tempted by my best friend (this girl was my room mate) and they were having an affair for close to 6 months before i found out.In 4 years i never caught or smelt him cheating but all the same i had to break up with him. Look the moment a guy cheats on you and sees u condone it by accepting apologies, he is going to keep cheating and apologizing, thats how men are.You have to be able to make firm decisions and stick to them, i usually say girls should think with their heads and not their hearts,Its not a do or die affair.A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.And from the sound of this guy, he will definitely cheat on you when u get married,that will be worse because there will be no going back for you. You will be surprised u will meet better guys and u will be overwhelmed with attention and love you have never experienced before(thats what am enjoying now). Then u will have to make a choice and am sure from your past experience u will make a good choice. Cheers

To everyone,

i appreciate you all being honest. ure all right ^{in ur own ways}. the truth is, ive known what to do all along, i just needed someone to help me out. a cheating man is HEADACHE!

theres no excuse for cheating on someone you love, if you truly love that person. Mistakes may happen, but a TRULY repentant soul wouldnt go into the same fire three times, and still leave himself exposed for a fourth burning. if i should really consider the time we've spent together, i wonder why that hasnt crossed his mind all thru the 3 times.

i believe everyone would stand before God ALONE. so i truly do not have to carry any man's baggage with my own. i'm only sorry because his mom has asked me to stay, and give her time to talk to him, but she really doesnt know the whole story.

Thank you girls, Ayeisha and cute-ass especially, u sho know how to drive it deep, but hey, the truth is bitter but it shall always remain the truth.

God bless you all.

anothaviv:

To everyone,

i appreciate you all being honest. ure all right ^{in your own ways}. the truth is, ive known what to do all along, i just needed someone to help me out. a cheating man is HEADACHE!

theres no excuse for cheating on someone you love, if you truly love that person. Mistakes may happen, but a TRULY repentant soul wouldnt go into the same fire three times, and still leave himself exposed for a fourth burning. if i should really consider the time we've spent together, i wonder why that hasnt crossed his mind all through the 3 times.

i believe everyone would stand before God ALONE. so i truly do not have to carry any man's baggage with my own. i'm only sorry because his mom has asked me to stay, and give her time to talk to him, but she really doesnt know the whole story.

Thank you girls, Ayeisha and cute-ass especially, u sho know how to drive it deep, but hey, the truth is bitter but it shall always remain the truth.

God bless you all.

Darling you just made me so proud and you won't know how good it feels to know you'll be ok.

The mum loves you but thats not enough because she ain't going to live with him and you ain't going to be spending the rest of your life with her, are you? if he did love you enough, why will there be need for the mum to talk to him, if before the marriage she has to talk to him to make him come to his senses, what happens after the marriage, when he knows it will be even more difficult for you to leave

and i love the way you put the "baggage" theory, it makes me very convinced of the fact that you do understand and know what to do

they say no one is worth your tears, and those who are will not make you cry, this guy made you cry one time too much, and he has done that which broke the camel's back

sweetheart, now go out there and embrace true love and hapiness, after what you've gone through i'm sure God has the best in stock for you, you just have to be careful so you see the "good" stock. Tomorrow dearie might be the happiest day of your life, but you have to makeit happen

take care of you darl

Congrats you have woken from your slumber.

Lol.

Forgive him this last time and be careful. But he must stop fraternising with this girl in whatever way. If he doesn't change, dump him for good.

Well all's been said and I'm glad you've arrived at a firm decision. All the best girl!

well, for those saying forgive dis & dat, blah,blah, blah, helloooooooooooooo,second chances are for those who can undastnd it or are at least are tryin to. in this case its not so. its obvious that ur relationship with him does not out-weigh the friendship he has with the 'flingticket" and thats sad! he's had the second and third,what the hell is a fourth chance for?? my dear, u got a bad habit! u hold on to things u obviously do not need.

you people really make me laugh - oh well, I will be on the look out for another topic
that may read something like this:

"I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. Now he wants me back, what shall I do?"

Girl, this is the classic case of 'make the girlfriend appear foolish and make her loose her mind',

This is not a healthy relationship
This is not what you want for yourself.
You are too good to end up with this kinda life.
Your parents invested too much money to put you through school for this.
You are a good person ad deserve a good man.

If you marry him,you are only signing your psycho ward certificate cause he will drive you mad and you ill end up fraustrated and probably in a mental house.

Release him to go to that 'bit on the side' that will be the best thing you will be doing for yourself for life.

My Suggestion- DUMP HIM!.

3 times forgiven means he sees your strength & ability to forgive as a weakness and he's manipulating the situation. After his indiscretions, he should be doing anything and everything possible to make you comfortable and regain your trust.

It seems however, that he REALIZES that any relationship (friendship or otherwise) with this other woman is disrespectful to you, so he lied about it! Meaning he'll lie about anything else that may or may not happen with her. That's why its so sad, he obviously knows its wrong but continues to do it!


It will be difficult after 4 years but think- how many of those years were you truly happy and satisfied and secure in feeling like the only woman in the world for him?

You can't change him, but you can change you- So either deal with it or walk away.

I vote that you walk- you deserve more than this- every woman does

Aiyesha, i really envy ur medula oblangata----

Well i think lot of ladies are facing the same challenges this days but we are yet to understand that if u date a quy for 2 weeks is will be fun all through, 1 month will be clumsy, 3 months will be arguments, if u date a guy for 6 months and u seems to be enduring the relationship then, u are in for a big future torsure, how much more four solid years relationships, i advice u quit cos relationship is not to be endured but to be enjoyed,

In a not-shell pls quit the relationship and make sure u keep him at total armslenght.

Note: make sure u look more beautiful and attractive for u to get the best "FISH" frm the ocean AND BE MORE PRAYERFULL COS DAT IS D REAL KOKO.

an average guy wuld make his woman go tru all that anyway------------though might not b to hurt intentionally.

@razor
d best thing u can do to ur friend is to try n kip some distance 4rm d guy involved.
though he's bn ur friend b4 they started dating,u sincerely dont need anybody to tell u d difference between a single guy n anoda in love, d time frame is different so u need to give room 4 their affair to b successful.

my point,
@topic
please dont dump ur guy.always giv him a blind trust n another chance.

@razor
allow ur friend to enjoy her relationship plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Hello,

My advice to you is that if you can may be contract your male cousin that is not known to your boy friend to play a role of a boy friend to you as well. Watch his reactions towards that; if he really loves you as you said earlier. He will do everything not to loose you by dumping the other girl. Guys don't like competition.

But please forgive him.

Dinosky

MARRY HIM!!

Well, well, well. After all said and done, I think you need to really sit down and ask yourself whether u can live with him all your life. I mean a man who cheats, He does not deserve you girl.

Please ignore the retarded guys screaming that you should "forgive him"

Like they would forgive a girl who would cheat on them once not to talk of three times. Hypocrites.

.

exactly thiefofhearts. all screaming forgive, forgive seem to be missing something.
i do believe in second chances depending on the situation. but when a man or woman squanders a second chance which they have been given to redeem themselves them im sorry, its a deal breaker!  

igbonla:

You guys have issues to talk about, 4 years is no joke! You may draw a line and see if he will keep to it. Going ahead to dump him now is not the solution to your problem - the next guy may not be any better.

So she should stay with some lousy bastard in "fear" that the "next guy wont be any better", so what you are saying is that as a guy yourself, you arent any better than her boyfriend, right?

Please be sure to say the same to your sister or any female relative in case they find themselves in the same predictament.

Lunatics.

igbonla:

@ anothaviv

I wonder what the other side of the story is - his story. He cheated 3 times or were they suspicious moves where you added 1 and 1 together and got 4 instead of 2?

You guys have issues to talk about, 4 years is no joke! You may draw a line and see if he will keep to it. Going ahead to dump him now is not the solution to your problem - the next guy may not be any better.

she said he cheated. she didnt say he was acting suspicious. she didnt stutter on that one. she also caught him in another lie when he said the girl had travelled out of the country meanwhile she was still in the same office with him. isnt it obvious that he cant be straight? trying to have a sit-down heart to heart talk with liars is difficult!  

i don't believe that any man will support this lady on this thread not until i saw some crazy ass men or let me say boyz who actually ask her to dump him, for what?

@topic, i think you are very jealous, too sensitive and not secure.maybe you also have a low self esteem. what makes you think you can control or dictate to a grown up man. yes he loves you but that doesn't mean he should kiss your ass whenever you want him too.i believe he has some friends before he met you, and he won't leave them because of you. don't be too nossy because what you don't know will not hurt you. and even if is dating her, how about the one's he's dating and you didn't know. he won't even marry you if you won't let him rest when you are just a girl friend now.and if you want to break up a four year relationship because of a stupid girl or because of your jealousy, go head girl and i will tell you who will be the one to find another spouse first. guys who have seen you together with him will never date you but girls who have seen you guys together will want to taste the thing that kept you for four year with just one guy. get yourself busy girl and give him a space to do his thing. you need to start realizing that he is a man.

Someone's been smoking the crackpipe way too long apparently.

Btw it's girls with LOW self esteem that stay with guys that treat them like crap in "fear of losing them". If you dont think you are worthy of anything good of course you will stay with trash.

OP, you can add mubowa to the list of people you should also ignore.

mubowa is definitely a man disguising as a female. your post makes no sense.

spoilt:

mubowa is definitely a man disguising as a female.

I can only hope so cos knowing that a girl would actually write that crap makes me wanna get a sex change so as not to be associated with such.