Do you believe this: "As a woman, the more independent you become, the more difficult it is for you to find a husband or  (true and lasting relationship). It is better for you as a women to settle down before pursuing career. Unless you do not care about marriage"

Men have upper hand in sexual economy
It's not a new theory:  As women progress in educational and professional opportunities, their odds of finding a committed man appear to go down. Women in their 40s and 50s have long heard this, but new research finds it's true for women just entering adulthood as well.

http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/18/men-have-upper-hand-in-sexual-economy/?npt=NP1

MBG4Real:

It is better for you as a women to settle down before pursuing career. Unless you do not care about marriage"

^
Good advice

*rooooooolz eyez*

Men and their confusion . . . they don't want a liability and yet they don't want women with careers. SMH!

Ujujoan:

*rooooooolz eyez*

Men and their confusion . . . they don't want a liability and yet they don't want women with careers. SMH!

@Ujujoan, there is no confusion. Men really don't want a liability for sure. It is also true that most men don't want a second Boss. It is difficult, nearly impossible to find a cool-headed carrer lady. So real men will not want to gamble.

A career woman should not fret, for sure some gold-diggers are searching frantically for people like them. If you are
a woman with cash and looks, you will find plenty of them. (even without looks)

So which do you prefer, real men or gold-diggers?

@OP,agreed,especially from Nigerian men point of view.it is good for a woman to have a career and be independent,and it is also good for such a woman to control it,because most men feel inferior,when it comes to dating the career woman.

MBG4Real:

@Ujujoan, there is no confusion. Men really don't want a liability for sure. It is also true that most men don't want a second Boss. It is difficult, nearly impossible to find a cool-headed carrer lady. So real men will not want to gamble.

A career woman should not fret, for sure some gold-diggers are searching frantically for people like them. If you are
a woman with cash and looks, you will find plenty of them. (even without looks)

So which do you prefer, real men or gold-diggers?

By 'real men' you men men who have a little extra cash in their pocket to give them the illusion that they are worth something? Money does not define a real man or not and a man wanting a woman with a career is certainly not a gold-digger!

Like I said, you guys need to make up your mind on exactly what it is you want.

Ujujoan:

By 'real men' you men men who have a little extra cash in their pocket to give them the illusion that they are worth something? Money does not define a real man or not and a man wanting a woman with a career is certainly not a gold-digger!

Like I said, you guys need to make up your mind on exactly what it is you want.

No, I don't mean men with exra cash. By "real men" I mean committed men who are into a relationship with their heart not for what they will gain from it.

However, to answer your question directly; We, men need cool-headed and loyal companion. (Not a Slave) Someone who understands her position in a family according to the culture and tradition in which we found ourself. Peace of mind is what we want, period.

@ OP, it's rough for women out there. . . . . .personally I can't imagine having to downplay my achievements just so I can attract a husband or make him feel secure about himself. A man that is worthy is one that will not be intimidated by his woman's achievements, if he wants to be with her, it will happen regardless. . . . .women should stop nursing shattered men's egos otherwise they have to be happy to always play second fiddle. . . . . .

MBG4Real:

Do you believe this: "As a woman, the more independent you become, the more difficult it is for you to find a husband or (true and lasting relationship). It is better for you as a women to settle down before pursuing career. Unless you do not care about marriage"

Men have upper hand in sexual economy
It's not a new theory: As women progress in educational and professional opportunities, their odds of finding a committed man appear to go down. Women in their 40s and 50s have long heard this, but new research finds it's true for women just entering adulthood as well.

http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/18/men-have-upper-hand-in-sexual-economy/?npt=NP1

the problem is only there attitude

i alway ssay how men are top guns at work and got loaded pockets but are humble when it comes to dating and there women

in zimbabwe we say "a mad person just picked a whistle " these women are the mad person blowing the whistle like there is no tomorrow

if you are independent and humble you attract guys, those who are intimidated kick them self out from the race to have you so you dont need to worry about them

SA Goddess:

@ OP, it's rough for women out there. . . . .women should stop nursing shattered men's egos otherwise they have to be happy to always play second fiddle. . . . . .

It is not about "shattered men's ego". No matter how stronge and rich a man can be, the wrong woman can keep him miserable for life.

ZIM DRILL:

the problem is only there attitude

if you are independent and humble you attract guys, those who are intimidated kick them self out from the race to have you so you dont need to worry about them

That is where the problem lies. How many of this independent women can be said to be humble. They are very few and far inbetween.

MBG4Real:

It is not about "shattered men's ego". No matter how stronge and rich a man can be, the wrong woman can keep him miserable for life.


That is where the problem lies. How many of this independent women can be said to be humble. They are very few and far inbetween.

I think it is about the ego for men. . . . . .especially if the woman bring home more bacon than he does!

So what you are saying is that men want meek, weak women to stay happy?  I am not saying women should be challenging men unnecessarily just to show how independent they are but surely a strong man can take and understand a strong, hard working woman.  When women are totally dependent on men, some if not most men don't like this and when women can do things for themselves, then it is a problem again, no winning, SMH!!!

....

@ujujoan. . . I read ur comment classifying men with little money in their pocket as not being "real men". What then is ur criteria 4 defining a real man? I might be wrong but from my true life experiences and what i see going on in the world today, a man is judged and valued by his success and achievements and not necessarily morals and virtues. Its a vain society we live and it would be naive to pretend not 2 see the obvious.

@post. . . The make up of a man and a woman are totally different. It might be easy 4 a man to be successful and keep a low profile but i am yet to see or hear of a self made woman that doesn't blow her trumpet at every slight opportunity she gets. D only time they make an attempt 2 behave themselves is when they are in d company of wealthier men. I guess its best 4 birds of a feather 2 flock together.

Greggj:

look at the days of our fathers and grandfathers when women where submissive and compare how long marriage lasted then and now.
for all you ladies claiming 'miss independent' you're truly gona be 'independently alone' till you die

that one should be a thread on its own

many married for status and stayed because society looked down on divorced or single ladies of above what was marrying age

the society was based on no woman shall leave alone if she is of marrying age no woman shall gather wealth on her own etc

One more thing. . . A lot of women are of the opinion that men feel inferior and intimidated by successful women. This might be true for a small fraction of men who lack self confidence but for the most part, what they hate and avoid d most is how those women rub it in their faces any chance they get. About five years ago while i was still struggling 2 find my footing in life, i had a brief relationship with a lady who at d time was an operations manager in a new generation bank. When i asked her out, i didnt look at her success or consider her out of my league. All i saw was a single woman i was attracted to. Fast forward 3 months and i was already dead sick of d relationship and thinking of calling it quits. She acted as if she was doing me a favor by "coming down 2 my level". She always insinuated i wasn't trying hard enough 2 achieve my ambitions and all that cheap talk. This was a lady who had all the job seeking done by her extremely rich uncle. This is someone that doesn't know about the frustrations of the average job seeker in 9ja. Everything was handed to her on a gold platter and she had the nerve to talk down on me. Anyways, thats old news and past experiences but my point is. . .this is the kinda crap most guys choose 2 avoid. Ego and self pride plays a role here. My 2 cents.

I am independent, make my OWN MONEY, have a career, and MARRIED.

^^^
The more is the key word suga

Independence is good but too much of it is bad.

Excuse you? Are you speaking from your kondo AGAIN? What is MORE? There is no such thing as MORE INDEPENDENT. It is independent or not.

I don't have the strength today suga. . . . The more is a quantifier and it's valid in the OP's stance.
An example of a highly independent woman is one who chooses/chase career/money over family
We are not talking about the regular ones that will offer to pay for dates or buy own things

Well, it not my fault that you opted for the early morning special with a significant other maybe evenings is more of your forte.

Now getting back to the topic at hand, if a woman chooses her career/job over marriage does not make her independent. She decided that marriage isn't her priority at the time. Independent is more so a person not being dependent on another person nothing to do with careers nor jobs.

I think you guys getting the definition mixed up. Independent and choosing not to get married are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

harakiri:

@ujujoan. . . I read your comment classifying men with little money in their pocket as not being "real men". What then is your criteria 4 defining a real man? I might be wrong but from my true life experiences and what i see going on in the world today, a man is judged and valued by his success and achievements and not necessarily morals and virtues. Its a vain society we live and it would be naive to pretend not 2 see the obvious.

You are 100 percent right . . .  Men are 'judged' by their material worth, but that doesn't mean they deserve the ranking they get. This obvious mistake give rich men the wrong impression they are 'real' men! Don't get me wrong, I respect hard work and success, but I don't expressly classify all rich men as 'real' men . . . . and vice versa!

harakiri:

One more thing. . . A lot of women are of the opinion that men feel inferior and intimidated by successful women. This might be true for a small fraction of men who lack self confidence but for the most part, what they hate and avoid d most is how those women rub it in their faces any chance they get. About five years ago while i was still struggling 2 find my footing in life, i had a brief relationship with a lady who at d time was an operations manager in a new generation bank. When i asked her out, i didnt look at her success or consider her out of my league. All i saw was a single woman i was attracted to. Fast forward 3 months and i was already dead sick of d relationship and thinking of calling it quits. She acted as if she was doing me a favor by "coming down 2 my level". She always insinuated i wasn't trying hard enough 2 achieve my ambitions and all that cheap talk. This was a lady who had all the job seeking done by her extremely rich uncle. This is someone that doesn't know about the frustrations of the average job seeker in 9ja. Everything was handed to her on a gold platter and she had the nerve to talk down on me. Anyways, thats old news and past experiences but my point is. . .this is the kinda crap most guys choose 2 avoid. Ego and self pride plays a role here. My 2 cents.

I understand the point you are trying to make and believe me, I can totally relate to this.

But there's one mistake I have to point out to you. Your ex is no doubt a hard working lady who though she got to where she is with some help would not have been there if she didn't work hard herself. You writing off her achievements as being handed over to her on a platter of gold is a bit insensitive! (no offense)

Granted, she was wrong to think that she was doing you a favor or 'coming down to your level' but from my personal experience, I think that maybe you mis-judged her. Your conclusion must have been influenced by your own inferiority complex which anybody in your position would have felt.

There, I tell you, lies the trials of successful women who choose to date men they love for who they are and not for what they have. Every action is mis-understood and every intention is mis-interpreted. You have to continuously watch what you say and do so the young man won't end up feeling the way you felt . . .  How healthy do you think that can be for the woman?  

Mrs, Chima:

Well, it not my fault that you opted for the early morning special with a significant other maybe evenings is more of your forte.

Now getting back to the topic at hand, if a woman chooses her career/job over marriage does not make her independent. She decided that marriage isn't her priority at the time. Independent is more so a person not being dependent on another person nothing to do with careers nor jobs.

I think you guys getting the definition mixed up. Independent and choosing not to get married are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

Word!

Wow wow wow

All my independent ladies if you feel me
Throw ur hands up at me ( ),

Lol, not all men are intimidated by rich, accomplished single ladies. The real men even love and value a woman who can make something of themselves without the man's help. With the right attitude, any successful woman will find a suitor who knows the value of a hardworking woman!!

The original topic to this thread is THE MORE INDEPENDENT A WOMAN BECOMES, THE MORE DIFFICULT IT IS TO FIND A HUSBAND.  

This applies that a woman can't be independent and have a husband.  That is why I said what I said.  I am independent, have my own career, and married.  The statement the poster claimed is invalid because independent has nothing to do with CAREER or MONEY.  It is an adjective describing who the person is.  The definition of independent is classified as not depending on another for x, y , and z.  

Some people say that you can't be independent in a marriage.  Bullshit.  Both people are out making the money and taking care of things outside the home then come together to take care of things inside the home.  The dependent will be a person who totally depend on the well being from the head.   A woman making sure that she is able to provide for herself before settling down is wise and there is no promise that the man she married will support her.  

Women get caught up with thinking a man will protect, provide, and profess to them for the rest of their natural life and realize they are left with nothing but bad memories and come stained panties.

An elderly lady depended on her husband for 40 years and he decided that he wanted a younger woman.  He filed for divorce and a year later they gotten divorced.  She is now in the government run nursing home being mistreated because she didn't have any insurance nor savings.  She depended on them TOTALLY and she is suffering.

Mrs, Chima:

The original topic to this thread is THE MORE INDEPENDENT A WOMAN BECOMES, THE MORE DIFFICULT IT IS TO FIND A HUSBAND.

This applies that a woman can't be independent and have a husband. That is why I said what I said. I am independent, have my own career, and married. The statement the poster claimed is invalid because independent has nothing to do with CAREER or MONEY. It is an adjective describing who the person is. The definition of independent is classified as not depending on another for x, y , and z.

Try to read the link I posted with this topic. I said it is difficult to find a husband. What i called "real man". I did't say it is impossible to get married if you are independent. It is the type of women who are ready to rubb their progress on their husbands faces at little opportunity that we are worried about.

If you tell me that with your career, that you still give your husband the amount of respect he needs from you, such that he hardly complains, then you are among the 1% of career women that exist. The other 99% of career women are arrogant.

I have a question, are you male or female?

Shoes on my feet
I bought it
Clothes I'm wearing
(I bought it)
Car I'm driving,
(I bought it )
Cos I depend on meeeee,

(Lol no vex my pple I just love that Destiny's Child song )

Thats not tru, independant women are more desireble than those that cant do for themselves. Then again it always refers back to the calibre of men were talking abt!

Mrs, Chima:

The original topic to this thread is THE MORE INDEPENDENT A WOMAN BECOMES, THE MORE DIFFICULT IT IS TO FIND A HUSBAND.

This applies that a woman can't be independent and have a husband. That is why I said what I said. I am independent, have my own career, and married. The statement the poster claimed is invalid because independent has nothing to do with CAREER or MONEY. It is an adjective describing who the person is. The definition of independent is classified as not depending on another for x, y , and z.

Some people say that you can't be independent in a marriage. Bullshit. Both people are out making the money and taking care of things outside the home then come together to take care of things inside the home. The dependent will be a person who totally depend on the well being from the head. A woman making sure that she is able to provide for herself before settling down is wise and there is no promise that the man she married will support her.

Women get caught up with thinking a man will protect, provide, and profess to them for the rest of their natural life and realize they are left with nothing but bad memories and come stained panties.

An elderly lady depended on her husband for 40 years and he decided that he wanted a younger woman. He filed for divorce and a year later they gotten divorced. She is now in the government run nursing home being mistreated because she didn't have any insurance nor savings. She depended on them TOTALLY and she is suffering.

the difference is this

some women marry to get away from her poor family or to upgrade herself socially or financially --- this one are the one sometimes called GOLD DIGGERS they need someone to work for them while they sit around doing nothing or are traditional they think its a man's job only to bring in food on the table or to look after her

then some marry becoz they want a partner to share life or whatever she has in her life ---- in this case the husband knows your career or whatever and he knows that thats what made/makes you who you are and will support you in anyway, which might be called being INDEPENDENT

As soon as a lady startz takin care of her rentz, billz, taxez and can get a car,go shoppin wit her own money nd mayb send a little 4 d upkeep of her siblingz nd parent witout d help of a man or if married her partner, den 2 her itz her nd her only, She bcomes rude n lackz respect n even 4get d normz n virtuez of a lady, We see some NL sist who talk ill bcoz dey receive some thin change nd tag themselve independent ladies, lol, except some very few who wit all dis dey re still humble n full of respect, anyway God will help them nd Us all,