harakiri:

@ujujoan. . . I'm sorry but i'm not one of those desperate,insecure,unfocused,niave and societal pressured men who reduce themselves to begging MGBEKE'S like you for marriage.

ROTFLMAO      

Leave me out of the picture cos am waaay past ur league!    

It's got nothing to do with 'desperation' my friend . . . . . . . Just a deep-seated inferiority complex which doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out in you.    

@ujujoan. . . Like they say "EMPTY BARRELS MAKE THE LOUDEST NOISE". You don't know me and yet. . .in that fantasy island of delusion you call a mind, you are "way out of my league". I won't descend to the level of blowing my trumpet but i know i would NEVER date your type 4 anything. At best, you are good for "chop, clean mouth" and nothing more. Even if you are mistakenly blessed in finances, you remain a morally bankrupt cheap girl fit for the trailer park.

Nekai:

If the poorer wife cheats and she wants a divorce, then she is also entitled to half (although, like I stated, if there is proof of adultary a judge takes this into consideration when dividing the assets.

My apologies. I did reread your post and realised you said "managed to get half of the estate she has contributed to".

Nekai:

Adultary is punishable by fine/jail time is some U.S. States, even though it is rarely done.).

These are also the states that have it in their penal code that it is a crime to have carnal knowledge outside wedlock.

Lets face reality, these are moooronic laws, hence the lack of usage. The supreme court disagrees too.

Nekai:

I never stated that the division of properties was meant as a punishment for cheating.
To clarify, half does not mean half of everything a man has worked for his entire life. Half is simply half of the assets that were gained while married. A marriage is a union of two people. They become one and whatever one has, the other should have too.
A divorce settlement isn't compensation for wifely duties or childrearing, it is a recognition of a wife as half of the union. Women these days are capable of successful careers as well, but often put these things on a lower priority level than the husband, all for the sake of the union. Most men woudn't want to deal with a wife who was never home due to the demands of her job. Who would take care of the household? Not to mention take care of the babies?
Marriage is serious business. Tiger Woods deserved what he got because he took his wife for granted by throwing a 7 year marriage away. If he wasn't ready to share his life/assets with her then he should have stayed single until he was ready. Maybe he didn't see her as a true partner and only as a trophy wife to have a couple of kids with. Either way marriage is marriage and the vows should have been respected.

Now, I observe you are only stating the law.

My question to you is, do you approve of the law and why?

Nekai:

I don't share your view that a man is doing a woman any special favors simply by virtue of marrying her. Or vice versa. Marriage has it's challenges whether man, or woman. This topic of who benefits more in a marriage has been debated on here before.

This is where I hum like Nelly: He's right you know. Heee's right!

Marriage (especially in the West) is for women. They benefit more than men throughout the entire lifecycle.

Before Marriage: It is the girl that wants to settle down. Her Biological clock is ticking and her looks will also be diminishing. A guy normally can attract a mate with other things than mere looks and is not as desperate as a woman for companionship. Most are just desperate for booty calls. Women offer sex for companionship, men offer companionship for sex.

On the Marriage day: It is completely for the girl. She has dreamed of this day and how it should be from puberty. A guy is perfectly happy to go to a registry and within an hour, it is done and dusted and he can go home and watch Premiership. It is the woman that wants the expensive, "fairy-tale", romantic fanfare to show off to other girls. Most times, we contribute majority of the funding. Ideally, we should be contributing the percentage relative to activities we have interest in. F me. Perfection!!! A wedding will only cost an average bloke £2K if this happens. 

In Marriage: The woman is the one that mainly wants the company and is most likely satisfied with monogamy. Men have to fight their biology and demonstrate discipline to not go how nature pushes them. If he was single, he would not have to fight any biology.

After Marriage: (In the West) She milks you for half of your asset (if you are affluent) under the moooronic legal assumption of contribution by having kids (she wanted), cleaning, pillow talk and the most annoying of all "she is used to that standard of living so a man should be forced to maintain it". Things that are not worth the value being allocated. Worst still, you might be instructed to do it for life.

So who does marriage benefit the most?

Nah. He is right when he said men are doing a favour by getting married. It might be annoying to hear. But it is fcking cold facts!

Claus:

Having said that, the Nigerian (or maybe African) situation is extermely bad. A man can tell his wife that he wants her to be a housewife since he's earning enough to take care of the whole family. Ultimately, if he wants to end the marriage, he can just kick her out. That is a situation that certainly needs to be addressed. Although these cases can be pursued in court, the social stigma and slow legal process means that some women don't bother and then just end up suffering in silence.

I agree.

Africa has some daft and biased laws too.

It is a pity that we sometimes find it difficult to be objective because of our position on some matters, let me give an example of what happens at my place of work, I live in Nigeria anyway so for people who work and live in other parts of the world it may be different, I do not know.

Anytime I need to go on a course out of the country or even out of town, I develop a headache and it is the same with other female colleagues of mine, I will need to ask for the course schedule for the whole year and see what run of the course would have minimal impact on my family if I attend, will need to check the school schedule, check hospital appointments, check the whether (if it will be during the raining season when there will be many mosquitoes thereby needing extra anti malari care or during Harmattan when cough & Catarrh will be the issue) and if it falls within the period that I am having house maid challenges, then wahala dey

When I eventually get my acts together to go for the course, I make use of every tea break to call home and I am asking 1001 questions on the phone at the ame time

It is not the same with my husband or my male colleagues, you can tell them there is a training in Kafancha  tomorrow and they carry their bag (probaly packed by the woman)and are set to go why?

There is a woman at home (even if she is working) to bother about all that! and someone thinks the woman has not contributed to the man's success?


There was a time my house help left all of a sudden and there was no one to stay with my son after school, I had to make do with just anybody I could find because it was a peak period of activities in the office, I could not put in my best because I was not settled, but the moment a trusted  family finished her exams at school and took over in the house the difference was clear, I had so much peace of mind that I could stay in the office late and deliver quality work, I compensated the girl well because I knew she contributed to my achievements at work that year.

Even if the man is super rich and can afford to hire the best of nannies and house maids, the peace that comes with knowing that the mother of those children is in charge cannot be bought, except  the  man it is type who believes that children will always survive anyhow.

Shinatu:

It is a pity that we sometimes find it difficult to be objective because of our position on some matters, let me give an example of what happens at my place of work, I live in Nigeria anyway so for people who work and live in other parts of the world it may be different, I do not know.

Anytime I need to go on a course out of the country or even out of town, I develop a headache and it is the same with other female colleagues of mine, I will need to ask for the course schedule for the whole year and see what run of the course would have minimal impact on my family if I attend, will need to check the school schedule, check hospital appointments, check the whether (if it will be during the raining season when there will be many mosquitoes thereby needing extra anti malari care or during Harmattan when cough & Catarrh will be the issue) and if it falls within the period that I am having house maid challenges, then wahala dey

When I eventually get my acts together to go for the course, I make use of every tea break to call home and I am asking 1001 questions on the phone at the ame time

It is not the same with my husband or my male colleagues, you can tell them there is a training in Kafancha  tomorrow and they carry their bag (probaly packed by the woman)and are set to go why?

There is a woman at home (even if she is working) to bother about all that! and someone thinks the woman has not contributed to the man's success


There was a time my house help left all of a sudden and there was no one to stay with my son after school, I had to make do with just anybody I could find because it was a peak period of activities in the office, I could not put in my best because I was not settled, but the moment a trusted  family finished her exams at school and took over in the house the difference was clear, I had so much peace of mind that I could stay in the office late and deliver quality work, I compensated the girl well because I knew she contributed to my achievements at work that year.

Even if the man is super rich and can afford to hire the best of nannies and house maids, the peace that comes with knowing that the mother of those children is in charge cannot be bought, except  the  man it is type who believes that children will always survive anyhow.

Good example and point.

But my point is, despite the fact that you voluntarily entered the agreement knowing such consequences, you should still be compensated. The compensation is just not and can never be worth $100m.

You should be compensated for your opportunity cost based on the sacrifice, and your opportunity cost, under a sane law, should be calculated based on your realistic potential.

Some dumb nanny marrying a golfer that has trained since the age of 2's sacrifice for him can never be worth $100m, not even $500K. I am just using that as an example although I know he willingly and dumbly signed it off.

harakiri:

@ujujoan. . . Like they say "EMPTY BARRELS MAKE THE LOUDEST NOISE". You don't know me and yet. . .in that fantasy island of delusion you call a mind, you are "way out of my league". I won't descend to the level of blowing my trumpet but i know i would NEVER date your type 4 anything. At best, you are good for "chop, clean mouth" and nothing more. Even if you are mistakenly blessed in finances, you remain a morally bankrupt cheap girl fit for the trailer park.

ROTFLMAO!      

Okay . . . easy big fella . . .  I'm not out to dull your 'game' _{whatever that is}    

If you weren't so quick to offer your twisted unsolicited views on how women were the worst beings on earth, some gullible fella might actually believe  your do-you-know-who-I-am tirade.    

And like I said . . . leave me off this okay? Even in my 'morally bankrupt cheap girl fit for trailer park' state, you can only dream of being with someone that remotely equals me!    

@shinatu. . . And the chronicle of your post is that women MUST be compensated for their sacrifices to the family. Good talk! Now tell me, who compensates the man for his efforts? Men go out to war against forces of lack and poverty everyday. They labour day and nite to put bread on the table and a roof to cover his family. He is forced to cut off a lot of associations with people to make "time" 4 his family. Watching premiership and sipping beer becomes a rare priviledge because there happens to be a favorite show of her's going on AT THE SAME TIME he wants to watch tv. He is gradually ostracized from his family and friends he's known ALL HIS LIFE, meanwhile the doors remain open to HER OWN family and friends. He quits drinking,smoking,clubbing,pleasure trips and much more all in a bid to make her happy. Who compensates him for all these loses? Ehn? Don't serve it if you can't take it abeg.

@ujujoan. . . Two words : WAKE UP! ! !

^^ And here's two for you . . . GET LOST!

Shinatu:

It is a pity that we sometimes find it difficult to be objective because of our position on some matters, let me give an example of what happens at my place of work, I live in Nigeria anyway so for people who work and live in other parts of the world it may be different, I do not know.

Anytime I need to go on a course out of the country or even out of town, I develop a headache and it is the same with other female colleagues of mine, I will need to ask for the course schedule for the whole year and see what run of the course would have minimal impact on my family if I attend, will need to check the school schedule, check hospital appointments, check the whether (if it will be during the raining season when there will be many mosquitoes thereby needing extra anti malari care or during Harmattan when cough & Catarrh will be the issue) and if it falls within the period that I am having house maid challenges, then wahala dey

When I eventually get my acts together to go for the course, I make use of every tea break to call home and I am asking 1001 questions on the phone at the ame time

It is not the same with my husband or my male colleagues, you can tell them there is a training in Kafancha  tomorrow and they carry their bag (probaly packed by the woman)and are set to go why?

There is a woman at home (even if she is working) to bother about all that! and someone thinks the woman has not contributed to the man's success


There was a time my house help left all of a sudden and there was no one to stay with my son after school, I had to make do with just anybody I could find because it was a peak period of activities in the office, I could not put in my best because I was not settled, but the moment a trusted  family finished her exams at school and took over in the house the difference was clear, I had so much peace of mind that I could stay in the office late and deliver quality work, I compensated the girl well because I knew she contributed to my achievements at work that year.

Even if the man is super rich and can afford to hire the best of nannies and house maids, the peace that comes with knowing that the mother of those children is in charge cannot be bought, except  the  man it is type who believes that children will always survive anyhow.

This is hilarious. So a woman should be compensated in CASH TERMS for taking care of HER OWN kids? Even so, you purport that such compensation should be worth say, even N100million if the man is worth about N500million? And where the man is very rich, it is OBVIOUS that more often than not, his wife would be one lazy 'oliaku' who would rely on a legion of domestic servants to do all her child-raising 'hard work' for her. So upon divorce, what stuupid compensation would she be entitled to? I dont understand you people at all.

Claus:

The principle behind the divorce settlement is that if one partner is reliant on the other financially (for whatever reason) during the marriage, then if the marriage breaks up, provisions should be made for the dependent partner.

It becomes even more important when the dependent partner made some sacrifices and where there are kids involved.

Unfortunately, it has become an avenue for SOME in the western world to get entitlement to money that they knew nothing about.

Having said that, the Nigerian (or maybe African) situation is extermely bad. A man can tell his wife that he wants her to be a housewife since he's earning enough to take care of the whole family. Ultimately, if he wants to end the marriage, he can just kick her out. That is a situation that certainly needs to be addressed. Although these cases can be pursued in court, the social stigma and slow legal process means that some women don't bother and then just end up suffering in silence.

For the first part in bold, I have to ask again: what kind of 'sacrifice' does a multi-millionaire's wife have to make that entitles her to his millions after divorce? What 'sacrifice' did Tiger Woods' sillly wife have to make? Since when did raising one's children in an atmosphere of supreme comfort and luxury. . .surrounded by cooks, cleaners, garners and assistants become a 'sacrifice'?

As for the second part in bold, I don't see what is the 'sacrifice' in being a housewife to a billionaire (for instance). Many of such housewives earn more (by way of allowances) than female executives in good companies (ask Oluremi Tinubu, Sade Okoya, or Daisy Danjuma). And husbands in Nigeria don't just end marriages because they are bored with their wives; it is often as a consequence of infidelity on the wives' part (e.g. Caroline Danjuma, nee Ekanem), which makes the husbands kick them out justifiably without a penny. These issues should be put in proper perspective. The only situation that warrants divorce settlements are such that involve joint acquisition of the fortune by the couple (e.g. Cosmas and Charity Maduka, i.e. Coscharis).

BUT: If the wife was just the typical 'I must marry a rich man' kind of harlot, then under NO circumstances whatsoever does she deserve even a slice of the man's fortune in the event of a divorce.

@REALITY101 Men have to work for a living but women(btches) spread their legs for a living.

I guess dat statement is for all d women in your life abi? If u have a problem with marriage or a phobia 4 it, leave it d hell alone cos nobody will hold a gun 2 your head & force u 2 do so, so I dont see d reason why u have 2 resort 2 childish insults 2 vent your frustrations wit d female folks

i think we are being caught out on the 100m
this was about 10% of Tigers worth (a billionaire)

The woman rightfully deserves half of the assets of the partnership obtained after marriage

Shinatu , good point

In some courts, spousal support of $400 monthly is awarded until she is economically able to take care of herself.
time spent as a housewife is opportunity lost to earn income or develop marketable skills

Our men treat our women here in naija like rubbiish and its wrong

@biolabee. . . On what grounds must a woman have half the assets a man toiled night and day to acquire? Is it because he was dumb enough to sign a legal binding document all in the name of marriage? If the woman was the rich billionaire who married a poor struggling guy, would you still hold this argument that she must part with half her assets? Please be honest with yourself for once. The same women screaming for equal sharing of assets would label such a man a gold digger. Picture this, a man single handedly built himself up to billionaire status,he marries a lady,all she does is phuck him and goes out on shopping sprees,she has a kid after 2 years, wants a divorce. How on earth can you rationalise splitting his wealth 50/50 with a woman who has no idea how he made his money,runs his business or acquired the assets. She met him as a MADE MAN! All these western brainwashing, biased laws and total corruption of the foundations our forefathers laid down for marriage is the reason why i choose to avoid it like a cancer. Men gain NOTHING from marriage. If anyone feels different,then try thinking just ONE thing marriage "offers" a man that he can't get WITHOUT marriage. At the end of the day, it all boils down to yielding to societal pressure and personal insecurity. Shikena! ! !

Once again, i agree with my man PRO1 that equal sharing of assets WITHIN the time of marriage should be applicable ONLY IF both parties jointly built the fortune together and not some gum chewing barbie doll who has candy bars where a brain should be and the only thing she understands is what family,friends and lawyers have brainwashed her to believe she would get after divorcing him. I mean face it, the idea of kicking a man out of mansion,driving the best of his cars,unlimited access to half of his cash,trust funds,benefits including being free to phuck as she pleases is a great temptation to pass up.

Everyone knows that a good man can be made even greater by a supportive wife. Being a wife and mother is a 24/7 job and some women give up the best years of their lives to rearing children and helping create a peaceful home. How much money is that worth? That's a double overtime job with no time off. No woman wants to end up a divorcee especially with children in the picture. 9 times out of 10 it's the man who sends the woman out because of his cheating behavior.
Must the woman be thrown out on the street after all the hard work is done putting a household together and rearing the children?
I applaud every woman who has a cheating/abusive husband and managed to get half of the estate she has contributed to.

Typical gold digger.

Why didnt the supportive woman use her support to enrich herself? Or doesnt she have a brain and the needed skills to make money for herself?

That is the dumbest law in town.When a woman is leaving you;she should leave you and your money.Shikena. Thank God dis na naija. I feel for naija man.

That is the dumbest  law in town.When a woman is leaving you;she should leave you and your money.Shikena. Thank God dis na naija. I feel for naija man.

Why cant these women use all their supportive skills to support themselves and make money for themselves

Sagamite:

My question to you is, do you approve of the law and why?

Nah. He is right when he said men are doing a favour by getting married. If might be annoying to hear. But it is fcking cold facts!

Yes, I agree with the 50-50 split because everything a man or woman works for during a marriage should be for the benefit of the union. After the union is dissolved, each party should get the benefit of a division of assets. If the man has contributed more financially during this time then so be it. It's up to a man to find a wife that can contribute 50-50 in a marriage. A woman that can match his financial contribution with other useful skills that you can't put a price tag on.

The problem these days is that both men and women have faulty views on who gets the benefit of marriage. When the man thinks that he is doing a woman a favor by getting married, he will harbor resentment towards his wife that is sure to surface eventually. When the woman thinks that the man gets all the benefit of marriage, she will also harbor resentment towards her husband.
Resentment leads to having a spirit of entitlement, which is why women feel entitled to nag, argue, complain, and make her husbands life miserable. This same spirit of entitlement leads men to feel entitled to have affairs, reclaim his 'lost' independance, become controlling or other abuses.

Shinatu:

It is a pity that we sometimes find it difficult to be objective because of our position on some matters, let me give an example of what happens at my place of work, I live in Nigeria anyway so for people who work and live in other parts of the world it may be different, I do not know.

Anytime I need to go on a course out of the country or even out of town, I develop a headache and it is the same with other female colleagues of mine, I will need to ask for the course schedule for the whole year and see what run of the course would have minimal impact on my family if I attend, will need to check the school schedule, check hospital appointments, check the whether (if it will be during the raining season when there will be many mosquitoes thereby needing extra anti malari care or during Harmattan when cough & Catarrh will be the issue) and if it falls within the period that I am having house maid challenges, then wahala dey

When I eventually get my acts together to go for the course, I make use of every tea break to call home and I am asking 1001 questions on the phone at the ame time

It is not the same with my husband or my male colleagues, you can tell them there is a training in Kafancha  tomorrow and they carry their bag (probaly packed by the woman)and are set to go why?

There is a woman at home (even if she is working) to bother about all that! and someone thinks the woman has not contributed to the man's success?


There was a time my house help left all of a sudden and there was no one to stay with my son after school, I had to make do with just anybody I could find because it was a peak period of activities in the office, I could not put in my best because I was not settled, but the moment a trusted  family finished her exams at school and took over in the house the difference was clear, I had so much peace of mind that I could stay in the office late and deliver quality work, I compensated the girl well because I knew she contributed to my achievements at work that year.

Even if the man is super rich and can afford to hire the best of nannies and house maids, the peace that comes with knowing that the mother of those children is in charge cannot be bought, except  the  man it is type who believes that children will always survive anyhow.

^Exactly

^^ How about both parties using their intellect and brains to make money for themselves. And not leeching off the other?

Unless you are saying one party is brain dead and a complete m0r0n who cant think and make money for themseleves rather look for unsuspecting victims to milk

dayokanu:

Why cant these women use all their supportive skills to support themselves and make money for themselves

We are the same people who will condemn and be ready to crusify the woman for neglecting her 'roles' as a woman.

I still say both partners make sacrifices in a marriage,sacrifices which i've mentioned previously on this thread.
If a man is not rewarded for the sacrifices he makes,i don't see why a woman should be.

biolabee:

i think we are being caught out on the 100m
this was about 10% of Tigers worth (a billionaire)

The woman rightfully deserves half of the assets of the partnership obtained after marriage

Shinatu , good point

In some courts, spousal support of $400 monthly is awarded until she is economically able to take care of herself.
time spent as a housewife is opportunity lost to earn income or develop marketable skills

Our men treat our women here in naija like rubbiish and its wrong

I listen when men like u talk.

@him  who grow some nuts in place brain, sprewing ur miser live  here as if women ruin ur miserable and
aggressive live. I only pitty the woman that bring u into this world, i pray she has other son to take solace. i wish i cud send u to the planet mercury where u will never smell the scent of a woman

Shinatu:


We are the same people who will condemn and be ready to crusify the woman for neglecting her 'roles' as a woman.

What are these roles that stops her from using her brains to make money?

She went into marriage for money or what.

Dont you think marriage also inhibits the man? Or why should the man? Not able to stay out with the boiys, screw any female he wants, enjoy his freedom without being questioned?

Both make equal sacrifices in marriage and should leave with what they put in. Unless they run a joint business together as partners

dayokanu:

^^ How about both parties using their intellect and brains to make money for themselves. And not leeching off the other?

In a union there is no need for you to feel like your wife/husband is leeching off you if you have found an equal partner.

Atreides:

I still say both partners make sacrifices in a marriage,sacrifices which i've mentioned previously on this thread.
If a man is not rewarded for the sacrifices he makes,i don't see why a woman should be.

Agreed. Neither party deserves a reward for doing their part in a union, but in the event of divorce neither party deserves to be punished to the point of being thrown out on the street either.

Shinatu:


We are the same people who will condemn and be ready to crusify the woman for neglecting her 'roles' as a woman.

Yes! We can't win either way. If we go to school for many years and build a career instead of accepting the first marriage proposal that comes our way, we will suffer. If we pursue our carrers and money while we are married then our husbands complain that the housework is neglected, or the kids need more minding, or there isn't enough kids, or we are too tired for intimacy.

Guys are showing up at the courts with glitches.The Divorce attorney and Judge are on the run via back door.

pro01:

For the first part in bold, I have to ask again: what kind of 'sacrifice' does a multi-millionaire's wife have to make that entitles her to his millions after divorce? What 'sacrifice' did Tiger Woods' sillly wife have to make? Since when did raising one's children in an atmosphere of supreme comfort and luxury. . .surrounded by cooks, cleaners, garners and assistants become a 'sacrifice'?

As for the second part in bold, I don't see what is the 'sacrifice' in being a housewife to a billionaire (for instance). Many of such housewives earn more (by way of allowances) than female executives in good companies (ask Oluremi Tinubu, Sade Okoya, or Daisy Danjuma). And husbands in Nigeria don't just end marriages because they are bored with their wives; it is often as a consequence of infidelity on the wives' part (e.g. Caroline Danjuma, nee Ekanem), which makes the husbands kick them out justifiably without a penny. These issues should be put in proper perspective. The only situation that warrants divorce settlements are such that involve joint acquisition of the fortune by the couple (e.g. Cosmas and Charity Maduka, i.e. Coscharis).

BUT: If the wife was just the typical 'I must marry a rich man' kind of harlot, then under NO circumstances whatsoever does she deserve even a slice of the man's fortune in the event of a divorce.

If you read a bit earlier on in my post you'll see that I did acknowledge that the system has led to some people being unfairly entitled to a lot of money. In a couple of fairly recent cases in England, the divorce settlement took account of the man's current assets as well as his future potential earnings, which to me is grossly unfair.

We are therefore agreed on your main points above. I write further because I think you may be painting the entire argument with just one brush.

I believe that most anti divorce sentiments come from the fact that it is only the multi-million $/£ cases that are publicised. The average day to day cases of divorce are far harder to make judgements about.

I speak from another, mainly Nigerian end of the spectrum. By sacrifice, I mainly refer to a woman sacrificing her own career. The real life example that I have is of a woman who gave up her career at the 3rd/4th child  because that's what the man wanted. When the marriage came crashing down, he just kicked her out with nothing. This is the scenario you get when there are no laws protecting a dependent spouse, or where such laws are hardly enforced. It certainly needs to be corrected. By the way, it is not often the case of a woman's infidelity that makes the man kick her out. In a male dominated country like Nigeria, a man will kick his wife out for any reason, real or imagined, even if he is the one with many women outside. Infidelity on the part of the woman was certainly not the reason in my example. In fact it was the man that already had another woman and kids outside. He eventually moved those ones in to become his main family.

Apart from the career sacrifice of a woman, I also find that when children are involved, the argument is no longer simple. If a relatively rich man allows his ex-wife to wallow in poverty simply because that's how he met her, then the psychological impact on the kids is immeasurable. They'll probably end up deeply resenting their father.

Nekai:

In a union there is no need for you to feel like your wife/husband is leeching off you if you have found an equal partner.

An equal partner that doesnt feel she needs to feed off another mans sweat. Unfortunately most women cant do this. Even in ordinary relationships you see them complaining and demanding financial and material items from guys when they contribute absolutely nothing

Agreed. Neither party deserves a reward for doing their part in a union, but in the event of divorce neither party deserves to be punished to the point of being thrown out on the street either.

How would you be thrown on the street? You would surely leave with what you worked for, No one is telling the man to take all the money you worked for from your bank account, Take only what you brought or contributed.

Yes! We can't win either way. If we go to school for many years and build a career instead of accepting the first marriage proposal that comes our way, we will suffer. If we pursue our carrers and money while we are married then our husbands complain that the housework is neglected, or the kids need more minding, or there isn't enough kids, or we are too tired for intimacy.

Why not focus on how to make money for yourself? Or why did you bother getting an education if the idea of making it is to live off another human with brains just like you?

If you think any of the above would hinder you from achieving your goals of making your own money then dont do it, I am sure the guy would find other means of achieving his goals without a parasite to milk him

Nekai:

Yes, I agree with the 50-50 split because everything a man or woman works for during a marriage should be for the benefit of the union. After the union is dissolved, each party should get the benefit of a division of assets. If the man has contributed more financially during this time then so be it. It's up to a man to find a wife that can contribute 50-50 in a marriage. A woman that can match his financial contribution with other useful skills that you can't put a price tag on.

The problem these days is that both men and women have faulty views on who gets the benefit of marriage. When the man thinks that he is doing a woman a favor by getting married, he will harbor resentment towards his wife that is sure to surface eventually. When the woman thinks that the man gets all the benefit of marriage, she will also harbor resentment towards her husband.
Resentment leads to having a spirit of entitlement, which is why women feel entitled to nag, argue, complain, and make her husbands life miserable. This same spirit of entitlement leads men to feel entitled to have affairs, reclaim his 'lost' independance, become controlling or other abuses.

I think you are starting from the wrong premise, so you cannot be right.

The averment that anything someone works for should be for the benefit of a union is utter rubbish. You are taking away someone's fundamental human rights.

Whatever I work for should be for my benefit, the benefit of anyone I am lawfully responsible for (e.g. kids) and whatever activities or individual I want it to benefit. Most of the benefits of my work is built up by accumulative efforts/actions over years and its result and magnitude is completely independent of any union!

This premise is how the West have destroyed the concept of marriage and why a lot of men are not interested in it anymore. From your premise, you are completely saying the fundamental grounds henceforth for men in choosing a partner to avoid a heavy risk is to choose only someone with the same financial means as them? Not based on the grounds of someone they like? Completely ridiculous. That is the real problem these days.

What I work for is for me and whoever participated in the work. The person that participated in the work should get a fair share that is commeasurable to the extent of their participation.

If my union leads to opportunity loss for someone, then the person should be compensated based on a realistic value of the loss.

..

chaircover:

Hmmmmmm interesting arguments from both sides.

My view on the matter is this; in any situation there is always someone out there prepared to take you for a ride. Alimony was invented to help women who would otherwise be financially disadvantaged due to their commitment in the marriage such it giving up a job to look after kids and therefore doesn’t have a pension etc.

Thank you. It made sense to invent it until some mooronic politicians saw it as a tool of electoral wins.

chaircover:

Of course there will be the odd one who deliberately gets married to a rich man just to fleece the man after a few years of being married to him and vice versa.

Odd one?

Come on! 

I sometimes see ugly guys that I think will struggle with having an expansive choice pool of women, then I imagine if this guy was worth £1bn, how will that change?

He would all of a sudden seem more handsome, slimmer, taller, have nice eyes, well structured lips to a lot of women.

Most women, by the time they grow up and mature, will drop the fairy-tale concept of love and go for money ANYDAY (i.e. with a man that meets the minimum threshold of looks and affectionateness).

chaircover:

Most divorces are bitter especially African ones and once the gloves are on, its box box box until the end. Money and children seem to be the main weapon when marriages break up; usually the man wanting to keep the money and the woman wanting to keep the kids.

That is where I say in the spirit of Basement Jaxx tune: "Geeeet your preee-nup! Get your pre-nup! Get your pre-nup!"

Otherwise, as a man, you are going to stand there in court and see an injustice done to you all in the name of progress.

You should fund her lifestyle because she is used to it? F that!!! That should be my choice if I want to fund it, not the courts.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiHefsYBnnE

chaircover:

The irony of the whole thing and the sad fact is that the women who actually need financial assistance when they are kicked out of their homes are the ones who rarely ever get anything.

By the way, one thing that marriage offers you is a deeper commitment & that branches out into different areas. There is a difference between a girlfriend/fiancée and a wife no matter how we gloss things over and that is the honest truth. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are bad wives and good girlfriends but generally speaking most people would rather make a good girlfriend a wife, rather than keeping her as a good girlfriend indefinitely if you get what I am trying to say 

Financial assistance should mostly be limited and short-time stamped.

E.g. If a woman has not work for 10 years because yshe was raising kids and a joint decision was made for her to be a housewife, then alimony can be paid for about 5 years for her to build her skill, find a job or develop ideas. After 5 years, what she choses to do with her life is her business and not the guy's problem anymore.

^^ Why wont Dayo be here

When some of your fellow women while their mates are schooling, working hard to make a living they are looking for men to fleece on.

The basic rule of life is to reap where you sowed, If the couple run a joint business its logical for the woman to take her part but in a case where they both work independently of the other? What sense does it make?

A man who got married as a manager in a bank, The compensation he receives as a manager comes from his education, his level headedness ability to stay away from bad gangs and crime and the diligent work he put in as a fresher up to manager role which the woman didnt contribute to.

How would the woman now claim half of his fortune because she cooked for him(The man provided the foodstuff), She slept with him (They spent equal time on each other and derived commensurate benefit from the fork) or for what reason

Shouldn't the man be compensated for providing the woman with a roof, financial security, donating his semen for childbearing and numerous orgasms she had during the marriage and her feeling of completeness, contentment and fulfilment as a married woman, Her bragging right as a responsible woman who had a husband when her friends cant lock down a man?