Na wah, Y will a young guy like dis be reasoning like an old man. Girl you are still very young.This is the best time to achieve that. Once you start having children u won't have time anymore. Housewife ke, dis jet day and age.

So I was hoping we could put off having kids for about 2 years while I run the degree, but he'll have none of that.

Really? You're not even married to the man and he's controlling your life? ****thinking, run like HE11****Imagine what being married to this conrol

freak will be like! Continue your studies! He doesn't understand the more fulfillment you have in your life the happier you will be as a wife and

mother.

Reposting my deleted post. 

In the OPs case it's not really applicable, but many women who could go farther educationally end up pursuing the alternate path of getting married. Many highly educated women who have chosen to focus on a demanding educational degree, and didn't have time for developing relationships with the opposite gender,  leave school at around 27 years old. At this age she may be entering the world with the dating/relationship experience of an 18 year old, but the age of an older woman. If she doesn't find the right guy in a few years, or worse, if she has spent a few years in a relationship with the wrong guy and ends up single, she will start hearing people talk about how hard it is to find someone when you are over 30.

I say go for the education. I think the key is to know what you want and not waste time with guys that woudn't appreciate you with an education or without one.

fstranger3:


Did you read the paper beyond the introduction?

The Paper pretty much disproved your assertion, No?

Reading. . .

Wow, you have a point! I didn't read it to the end, where it stated that "the percieved 'success penalty' in the earlier years was a choice and not the result of the education per se." It basically says that in the earlier years the women would be less selective in a guy because she thinks that she is less competitive in the dating field. Wow! That's deep. I think that is very true, and proves your point. I also do believe though that these women may be new in the dating field and don't know what they want in a partner yet.
But it's funny that certain myths and half truths are perpetuated and end up causing women to make bad choices in desperation. Fstranger3, you may have saved a few people out there who have pessamistic assumptions about the negativity of their situations.

@OP, marriage talks aside, why are you packing all the degrees like me, what do you need a PhD now for? Do you want to be an Academic, then talk sense into him and go for it but if you wanna be a professional or a career lady as you call it then i advise you halt it for now, break into the career world, possibly marry your man and then continue later.

Inked_Nerd:


Why should she have to do that? If she asked the same of him, I'm quite sure he wouldn't do the same. And must she have a reason to have all those degrees? What does it matter whether she wants one PhD or 20 degrees? Is it not her choice?

Read my post very well, i started with "marriage talks aside" and to your question, what will it profit her if she has all the degrees and never used any? Have you heard of d word, "over-qualification"? well i have. She's already got a masters degree and like you said she has her reasons for the degrees but if she doesn't want to be an academic now, then i see no other reason for someone who obviously hasn't  started working, i may be wrong though.

It depends on what her priorities and values are. If she values the phd more then of course she can go for it.

Imo, a phd can be obtained anytime and even though many young girls are in fact obtaining their phds before the age of 30 nowadays, it still doesnt have to be considered urgent as far as a woman is concerned. It used to be the case that having a masters was what most women considered an advanced degree that enhanced marriage prospects, but i guess these days the phd has replaced that because people have gotten more comfortable and have more opportunity for advancement.

Nekai:

Reposting my deleted post. 

I

Wow, you have a point! I didn't read it to the end, where it stated that "the percieved 'success penalty' in the earlier years was a choice and not the result of the education per se." It basically says that in the earlier years the women would be less selective in a guy because she thinks that she is less competitive in the dating field. Wow! That's deep. I think that is very true, and proves your point. I also do believe though that these women may be new in the dating field and don't know what they want in a partner yet.
But it's funny that certain myths and half truths are perpetuated and end up causing women to make bad choices in desperation. Fstranger3, you may have saved a few people out there who have pessamistic assumptions about the negativity of their situations.

I know. I never believe in un-substantiated perceptions. I believe in the power of research and i try to pay attention to details that others might miss. I have heard that myth since childhood and it seems to have gained ground mostly among people who are unfortunate to find themselves in that situation. They allow their emotion and present condition to override their rational mind.

Anyway, i am glad you posted the link. I did learn something from  it.

Inked_Nerd:


I did read what you wrote. Well, I know people here who have many degrees and I've never thought anything of it. For me, that's just normal [and yes, I know what is normal for me may be abnormal for someone else]. I've even seen some people both male and female who are still obtaining degrees even in their old age. She doesn't have to use degrees if she doesn't want to. What's wrong with her just having the degrees just because she wants it?

Inku, Inky STill having doubts about my ability to get into your head?

You called him a wonderful man, and you said that he "thinks" (he did not order you) you two should get married. He only made a suggestion, it is up to you to choose.

Thanks for the contributions, I've gotten some pretty good ones off this thread

You need your own measure of fulfillment in life too, not just him.
Otherwise you'll quickly become a very bitter and angry housewife forever, which is 100x more worse than the first couple years you would have used to add to your fulfillment and accomplishment.

Don't go into marriage with terms you don't agree to.

At poster,

I pray you make the right decision.
In this period in time, it's not advisable to be a housewife. No matter how rich your husband is.
A man will be here today, but [b]may [/b]leave tomorrow. But your degree will always be in your hands.
Go and get your PhD. If he insists on chaining you at home, you'd do right by you and your children by walking away. Too many fishes in the sea to even bother about him leaving.

you have a masters and all he sees for your future is you opening a shop?

and you sees this as love?

na wa.

I just dont understand these dudes that chase ambitious women and when they finally arfe able to get them try to turn them into illiterate shop keepers cos of their egos.

I wish you well sha.

What of if na Louis Vuitton shop in New York?

Dont assume its your regular garri and pepper grinding shop in rural Ekiti

*waka*

No matter what kind shop. Point is why is that the only opinion for women/wives in Naija

As for the illiterates asking why she needs more degrees, perhaps she wants to be a lecturer? research? Either way it's a stupid question.

This woman in question had better protect herself, her fiancee seems like the type to poke holes in condoms.

ThiefOfHearts:

*waka*

No matter what kind shop. Point is why is that the only opinion for women/wives in Naija

As for the illiterates asking why she needs more degrees, perhaps she wants to be a lecturer? research? Either way it's a silly question.

This woman in question had better protect herself, her fiancee seems like the type to poke holes in condoms.

Wont you rather own a upscale shop where the least item on sale is $5000 in NY than be a PhD holder lecturing at Ifaki Ekiti State University

The man was trying to protect her by telling her to siddon in the shop and sell "markate"

Which shop should I open for you, I got a franchise for "Condom Sense" shops and I would like you to be in charge

Poke holes in condoms for what? Thats a new one on me, I thought women were the ones who rigg condoms to pop babies and claim Child support from unsuspecting men

Inked_Nerd:


Well said. Him telling her to just set up a shop only reinforces the nothing that she should only stay within in a certain role.

What's wrong with her not owning a shop? Is that the only thing a woman can do in this country?

. . . Besides being a baby factory? hmmm, pretty much


Cant really think of something else women are good at TBH.

Inked_Nerd:


Don't you have some goats or sheep to be herding?

I am a man studying hard so I can get a high-paying job in the future. You know, I am destined to be the CEO of at least one baby factory in the future, may be more than one, depends on how lousy I am on my away games

Did I answer your question?

Inked_Nerd:


Studying hard? So, women aren't studying hard? We don't deserve those high paying jobs?

And no, you didn't answer my question.

Instead of tending to your farm animals, you're here browsing threads on your phone

You do know that you are a potential baby factory, right?


I hope to manage it well one day, in the not so distant future

[size=15pt]Inked I want you as a house wife even before you finish primary school [/size]

[size=15pt]190 >> 100% Woman's dream, chocolate in cumplexshun, slightly rich, well groomed and always Hot   [/size]

d foundatn of any gud mariage is nt faulty.if ha husband 2 b is exhibitin tendencies of selfishnes (tinkin of of only himself n his kids n reducin u 2 a house wife).if u were half literate or iliterate,dats ok,bt av u tot of how wastd ur eforts wil b wastd bin a house wife.god 4bid if ur husband looses his job wot bcoms of u.my sista dis is 21st century n nt 197o sumtin wen men av d final say.love gets sour widout cash.dnt let anybody make u feel ur job is exclusivly 4 d kids n ur huby, as t.piah said wit a misogynic mind 'naija men r in high demand',if u must knw d truth naija women r also in high demand,especialy 4 d fact dat dey r known al around d world 2 b hard workin n 2 think u av a mastas degree? Babe d sky is ur startin place.its beta 2 wait 4 mr right while doin ur phd dan marry a chauvenistic man.if u do,he'l bring u 2 zero.i rest my case.n i hope u dnt acept shalow minded misogynist lyk mobo444,t.piah n d likes advice.dey av sum 1960 african sterotypes.

^the way you type leaves much to be desired.

kind of makes your post redundant like your misogynistic brain.

i see no reason why the woman has to have her own way in this matter, over the husband's wishes.

both are at a standoff, and while they both have valid points, their views are opposing.

the husband wants her to put her family first, while she prefers to put her career first. That's the long and short of it.

if she insists on her own way, the husband may give in but could also be resentful but might not show it or tell her.

she doesnt necessarily have to be a housewife but should also look at ways of achieving her goal without ignoring the fiance's wishes. eg part time work.

living in lagos is definitely going to be rather stressful for her if care isnt taken.