Dammizz sho gba e,mind ur bizness
U tink we dont know dat u‘ve bin secretly tripping for id sexy mama to badt abi?

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded, "It's my wash cloth."

Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital the doctor had shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked, "What happened to your wash cloth?"

The mother responded, "I lost it."

The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth.

A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found your washcloth."

The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?"

The boy answered, "The maid has it! She is washing Daddy's face with it."







A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My n.i.p.p.l.e.s are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.

"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."



dis wan got me soooo cracked
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and,there is that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'



A man walks into a restaurant with a fully-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40, please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again.

'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That' s right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

dammizz:

^^ hahaha, dis one na special loff threat o,lol

This badoskie sef, she can form ehn, last time I recalled she was forming like a woman who has exceeded her menopaus, now she's discussing relationship matter, which one u dey sef? if only she displayed her availability on time, I would ve relieved her of her solo-riding *winkz*, now see who is chiking her, a young polygamous, 3-legged old man, another badoskie's ex 4 all that matters *SMH*. Goodluck 2 both o' u sha

bad belle , bcus i no register ur network body dey itch u like sey u rub raw yam for body
guy d man wey dey chook badosky na special customized brand , now knowing u are a 7th hand produce u can neva toast my shadow make it gree ewu

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her v.a.g.i.n.a.l lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathised because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."


Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches.
"Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop.
"Yesssh, ssshombody ssshtol my car!" Edward replies.
The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It was at the end of this key," Edward replies.
At this point the cop looks down to see that Edward's Joystick is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself?"
Edward looks down sadly and moans, "OHHH GOD, they got Julie too!!!"


A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh, Well, ah, well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!"
His mom says, "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling." And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" He replies "I no hava no broom, you saida to the Chinese guy that he wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, bit ah couldnae git masel' a shuvl! Ye left thon wee Chinese mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin' him onywhar."

The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. As he approaches the mound, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells… "SUPPLIES!"



A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two a.s.s.e.s come together. I come once-a-more. Two a.s.s.e.s, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed intimacy obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country… we don't speak aloud in public places about our intimacy lives!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who'za talkin' about a intimacy? I'm justa tellin' my a friend here how to spella Mississippi."

great work yinks

nice collection

the 'supplies' joke really got me

Ha ha ha yinka.

kody-licky:

great work yinks

nice collection

the 'supplies' joke really got me

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa
me too

deli.cious:

Ha ha ha yinka.

told ya, i wld make u smile

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "0" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas…



A woman goes into Tesco and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work.

The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming "GRAB MY B.R.E.A.S.T.S! GRAB MY B.R.E.A.S.T.S!"

The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the store manager.

The manager comes up to the Woman and asks, "What's wrong?"

She explains the situation with the toaster.

He tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "GRAB MY B.R.E.A.S.T.S! GRAB MY B.R.EA, S.T.S!"

In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"

In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY B.R.E.A.S.T, S GRABBED WHEN I'M GETTING S.C.R.E.W.E.D!

Her money was refunded!


One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.
She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.

“What's that?” he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said “Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!”

Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly.”

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. “Here,” she said, “you must put it in here.”

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, “What the hell did you do that for?”

“Tarzan check for bees first!”

An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief.

The chief says to the cowboy, "You going die, but we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back. The horse takes off.

Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man, only think one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What wish today?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the back.

Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man going die tomorrow , can only think one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This last wish, white man. What want?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips you idiot! POSSE, damn it!

P-O-S-S-E!"


Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!" Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!" Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her a.s.s is a pencil sharpener!"


To be read out loud)
English

Chinese

"That's not right"

Sum Ting Wong
"Are you harbouring a fugitive?"

Hu Yu Hai Ding
"See me ASAP"

Kum Hia Nao
"There goes Stupid Man"

Dum Dum Wa King
"Small Horse"

Tai Ni Po Ni
"Did you go to the beach?"

Wai Yu So Tan
"I bumped into a coffee table"

Ai Bang Mai Ni
"I think you need a face lift"

Chin Tu Fat
"It's very dark in here"

Wao So Dim
"I thought you were on a diet"

Wai Yu Mun Ching
"This is a tow away zone"

No Pah King
"Our meeting is next week"

Wai Yu Kum Nao
"Staying out of sight!"

Lei Ying Lo
"He's cleaning his automobile"

Wa Shing Ka
"Your body odour is offensive"

Yu Stin Ki Pu
"Great"

Su Pah

my love!!!


missed ya loadzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Awww. . .am sorry hun El Marca wont give me breathing space, hope u're good?

I am
Good dat is

Ok

Sweetie u eva asked urself this question, 'why is El madly fond of me?'

No,ah dont tink so
Y?



So El, y is El fond of me?

Hmmm.

^ Go get a wife and stop peeing into my matrimonial room

El Guapo:

Lol

Here we go One :

- That pinky Mini Skirt u always put on to my Home

- That blondie weavon u got fixed on ya hair

- The way u call me 'baby El' in bed

- The way u push your catwalk on our way to the Mall

- The way u confess how u missed me

Lol

El Guapo:

^ Go get a wife and stop peeing into my matrimonial room

Your baby? Nicca please*

deli.cious:

Your baby? Nicca please*

Lol
Mr deli,may i have ur yim pls?



El baby,dont rub it in.u know a lot of people wish dey v wat we v

Sure. Yim -holandme.

It's all good.

k thanks

Sure, you're welcome.

Searched for u,didnt find u oh

Searched where? You mean messenger.

Yep

^Okay kool.

k