@Nayah
Been going thru the whole thread and it seems you've not told us which you prefer ?

and really r u married or about to get married (as in, in a serious relationship) ?

If so, what influenced your choice, You loved the person more or he loves you more  

pak:


@Deniyor
though I understand what u r saying but i dont agree with it.
In an ideal world both parties will love each other equally but the earth aint a perfect sphere.

So the issue is if you had to make do with either of the two situations in the poser ? what will be the best option ?

Of course this is a public forum where we are free to disagree with each other
Yeah it can be possible for two people not to love themselves equally. The ability to love and extent has to do with personalities and beliefs sometimes. But I still maintain my ground. If the only one person loves the other person, its a no go area. I do not mean one person loves more than the other.

Love is used in the sense that, that is the one person in the world you love and want to be with. No one else comes even close. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with (in an ideal situtation). Now if the other person will rather choose someone else to spend their life with but can't cos the other person is not interested, this is not a fair situation.

Why will I choose to spend my life with anyone who is not my No.1. Why would I be a back up option for anyone? I value myself to do any of the two.

I will choose none of them. The person who is without the love will always be the one frustrated in the relationship. Eventually, the one in love will be frustrated too after all efforts he/she makes are not appreciated or returned.

If there is no love from both ends, forget it. I'd rather stay single.

Java_Boy:

Which would u prefer marrying someone who loves u,   or marrying someone u love that doesn't love uits hard finding someone that really loves u,  when u do, take advantage of it. Find wat u don't "love" about the person and change it to wat u love. If he loves u that much, he'll change to wat u love. except he is the devil,  the devil can definitely not love u. Learn to love him even if it means "recreating" hi. its a rear gem,  

CORRRECT!!!

[b][size=16pt]Neither!!!  Boyyyy, for me to be in it, it's got to be equalized!

It has to be reciprocated - for it to be sweet, romantic, lasting and endearing! I can't have it any other way! Rather lonely, than in a relationship where I give 110% love and receive less or nothing at all!

To me, love and romance is the key!  It has to be whole or nothing! And, why would anyone tolerate a one sided love?  After all, God did not intend us to be slaves to love, did he And, if he did, why did he say "Love your neighbour as yourself', eh? So, don't be a slave to love!

Romantically loving someone who does not give a sh-t about you is mental and, unhealthy as it can cause emotional pain and psychological difficulties/complex for you, in the long run.  Besides, it is not natural to give, give and give without rewards!

Even our Lord Jesus received a gift of love and kindness when a woman in Bethany, anointed his head with an expensive perfume, abi? (Mark Chpt.14 v. 3 - 9)

As you can see, everyone needs love! Think! [/size][/b]

How do you open your legs for someone you dont luv. Dat is not easy for a woman.

Theblessed:

[b][size=16pt]Neither!!!  Boyyyy, for me to be in it, it's got to be equalized!

It has to be reciprocated - for it to be sweet, romantic, lasting and endearing! I can't have it any other way! Rather lonely, than in a relationship where I give 110% love and receive less or nothing at all!

To me, love and romance is the key!  It has to be whole or nothing! And, why would anyone tolerate a one sided love?  After all, God did not intend us to be slaves to love, did he And, if he did, why did he say "Love your neighbour as yourself', eh? So, don't be a slave to love!

Romantically loving someone who does not give a sh-t about you is mental and, unhealthy as it can cause emotional pain and psychological difficulties/complex for you, in the long run.  Besides, it is not natural to give, give and give without rewards!

Even our Lord Jesus received a gift of love and kindness when a woman in Bethany, anointed his head with an expensive perfume, abi? (Mark Chpt.14 v. 3 - 9)

As you can see, everyone needs love! Think! [/size][/b]

just when I was beginning to think no one is normal here

deniyor:

just when I was beginning to think no one is normal here

Am quite disapointed with your last statement.

I had an impression of maturity going through your previous posts but this one falls short.

As you said its okay for ppl to have differences in opinion but to call others 'abnormal' just because they dont see things exactly the way you see it, is just gross.


And come to think of it , nobody has actually labeled your opinion as wrong

The point here really is that :

@ the start of most relationship, one party is more into the other than the reverse. Though things might change later on so the issue is which is a 'safer' bet (if am permitted to use that word)

@ OP: this should be true for the woman only. A woman should marry a man that loves her more.

I'd prefer someone who loves me,
so that when i cry,he will be there to wipe off my tears.

@ topic if u've ever felt the pain of heartbreak n disappointment u'll understand why some girls choose to settle for the man who is crazy about them but whom they are not in love with themselves. It's like a shield/safeguard; if the man goes on to mess up in the marriage, the girl doesn't care bc she never loved him anyway. I for one would prefer a 50-50 r/ship, noone is more in love than the other.

The ideal is that you both love each other. In reality I would say love a man that loves you more than you love him LOL

pak:

Am quite disapointed with your last statement.

I had an impression of maturity going through your previous posts but this one falls short.

As you said its okay for ppl to have differences in opinion but to call others 'abnormal' just because they dont see things exactly the way you see it, is just gross.


And come to think of it , nobody has actually labeled your opinion as wrong

hey that was meant as a joke but if you take it too seriously, I apologise for that.
However to clarify, I find it quite abnormal that anyone would even consider being in a one sided love relationship.

Phate07:

Its better to marry the whom you love. And then make him/her love you back.

@Phate
Therein lies the issue, you have more control over yourself than another individual.
It is easier to resolve on your own to love and reciprocate the love of someone who loves you than
to 'force' (my own terminology) someone to love you.




@Nayah
Now where is nayah when you need her  

Phate07:

Its better to marry the whom you love. And then make him/her love you back.

You can't make people love you. Attraction is not a choice. If this person knew you already and are not in love with you, they probably will not love you more than they already do. Yes they can get used or attached to you eventually but love, perhaps no.

WHat will you do if the person does not end up falling in love with you as planned? Wouldn't that just be miserable?

obowunmi:

@ OP: this should be true for the woman only. A woman should marry a man that loves her more.

Love knows no gender. What would you expect the woman to do if she then falls in love with another man? Cheat? Stay in an unfulfilling relationship or marriage?

deniyor:

hey that was meant as a joke but if you take it too seriously, I apologise for that.
However to clarify, I find it quite abnormal that anyone would even consider being in a one sided love relationship.

Thanks for the apologies, no offense taken.



back to the issue

We are not talking in absolute terms here, or in extremes
as in you cant marry or even go out with someone you find 'repulsive' (unless you are forced to)

but the reality is that relationships are dynamic and at some point one part tends to express more love than the other.
No relationship starts by both parties being totally in love with each other.

So its more of: if its going to tilt to one side, which side should it rather fall on.




From your tone, Am certain you aint married  
Also wondering if you've ever been in a serious rel

Outstrip:

The ideal is that you both love each other. In reality I would say love a man that loves you more than you love him LOL

Of course you would say that as a lady. I believe its out of selfishness knowing the man in more into it than you are thereby giving you advantage in the power play.

if everyone wants to marry the one that loves them more, then no one gets married, there would be no marriages.

pak:

Thanks for the apologies, no offense taken.



back to the issue

We are not talking in absolute terms here, or in extremes
as in you cant marry or even go out with someone you find 'repulsive' (unless you are forced to)

but the reality is that relationships are dynamic and at some point one part tends to express more love than the other.
No relationship starts by both parties being totally in love with each other.

So its more of: if its going to tilt to one side, which side should it rather fall on.




From your tone, Am certain you aint married  
Also wondering if you've ever been in a serious rel

If we both love each other, I don't care much for who loves each other more. Remember, we cant tell who really loves us, we can only tell those we really love. People can act and pretend for a long time.
You know that it is who loves more that finds more fulfilment in the relationship. Maybe more pain if when the relationship ends. The pain is worth the fulfilment. You get to really value and appreciate the relationship. Appreciate the little things too. You are happier too cos you have who you really want. No pain no gain as they say.

The other person feels less happy, and less fulfilment. Less pain sometimes too. Funny thing is they end up lovin much more later.

I want to live life, and enjoy it to the fullness. So I don't mind being the person who loves more.

pak:



From your tone, Am certain you aint married
Also wondering if you've ever been in a serious rel

I missed your last part.
To answer your question, no I'm not married. I'm in a serious committed relationship. Been in one for almost three years. Is there anything else you would like to know?

deniyor:

If we both love each other, I don't care much for who loves each other more. Remember, we cant tell who really loves us, we can only tell those we really love. People can act and pretend for a long time.
You know that it is who loves more that finds more fulfilment in the relationship. Maybe more pain if when the relationship ends. The pain is worth the fulfilment. You get to really value and appreciate the relationship. Appreciate the little things too. You are happier too cos you have who you really want. No pain no gain as they say.

The other person feels less happy, and less fulfilment. Less pain sometimes too. Funny thing is they end up lovin much more later.

I want to live life, and enjoy it to the fullness. So I don't mind being the person who loves more.

Post makes sense

deniyor:

I missed your last part.
To answer your question, no I'm not married. I'm in a serious committed relationship. Been in one for almost three years. Is there anything else you would like to know?

No, not really

Chai. Mugus don suffer for this life. Na only confirmed mugu go fit marry mbgeke wey get this kind self-centred orientation.

It has to be a mutual thing.

Every one wants to marry someone that loves them the more. pple just want to be loved. But in marriage marry someone that makes u happy, someone u like being with. Someone that u know that u can spend the whole of u'r life with, and not get tired of.

nnekaregy:

How do you open your legs for someone you dont luv. Dat is not easy for a woman.

Tell that to gold diggers.

Basseti what do you mean by gold digger?

Pak sorry you got my point! and sorry I didn' t see your post, ok well I'm single but this is not the issue here I think ha lol
Anyway Obunwi I think you right that works for women most of time, and for those who still don't understand, try to think about balance seriously this is not insane , ideally you both have to be in love but remember there's always someone who loves more.

Very bad advise. You got to love the person too.

Hot We talking about loving more and no having aversion that's different