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Re: by N101: 3:37am On Sep 15, 2011
This whole thing is crazy. And some people have some even crazier ideas but seem to think they're perfectly acceptable.

Abuse of any kind, whether directed at husband or wife, is unacceptable.  I'm not sure where Johndoe100 gets his info but "love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it" somehow doesn't constitute "aggressively oriented domestic conflict resolution".  Oh gosh that one made me laugh, I had to share it with my spouse.  I think it would be still called physical abuse, however you try dress it up.  This attitude that it's-African-and-therefore-it's-ok doesn't quite wash either.   No Coogar, I don't think divorce is a cardinal sin - unless you're Roman Catholic.

I have to confess I know of more men who have been physically abused by women than women abused by men. for the women I know who have been abused, it was more of an emotional and depriving nature than a physical beating.  However contrary to what some say, the signs are usually there from the outset.  They just get ignored by the other party.

The man sees the characteristics but says to himself no problem, I can live with that.
The woman sees some traits but because she's google-eyed with love, she will live with it.

Next thing you know within months of marriage, the blows begin.  Up to a point the women and men react the same, kind of "I've made my bed and must lie in it", but it doesn't get better.  They don't want to break up the marriage because of the stigma.  At some point things get to a head and some moment makes them realise they need to separate themselves from this person or they will destroy their lives.  Or they just keep quiet and suffer in silence and stick it out.

Sadly these men not only live with the stigma, but it has messed them up emotionally.  Same with women.

Of course an abusive man isn't as affected by divorce - he can always remarry or find another woman, especially if he doesn't have the responsibility of looking after children.  And the manipulative abusive woman will obviously bad-mouth her ex so she looks good and he looks like the villian, and move on to the next man.

It is not "white" to say spousal abuse in any form is wrong.
Re: by grandstar(m): 5:34pm On Sep 15, 2011
What o in a situation where the husband is being abused by the wife.

Violence is bad is unacceptable in any form (Psalms 11:4-5)

Lets also face a sadistic truth- words can hurt far more than knives and women use it a lot (Proverbs 12:18)

I have been at the receiving end of this lately (not from my wife-unmarried)and I've felt like killing someone. Just out of my fear of God and wisdom(silence is the best answer for a fool) has kept me sane.

Some women are animals and thats why many these days are unmarried. Who can put these lousy things in the house?

Its not just because men are marrying late. Many of these women are good for nothing. Many men prefer to throw them out rather than beat them. Many never even get married( thats a privilege!). They simply have a kid or two outside marraige and live their lives as single mothers.

One should not throw pearls before swine.

I live near a poor community and I see their likes all the time. I don't know if the middle class have such but won't come as a surprise.
Re: by Becalm(m): 6:36pm On Sep 15, 2011
It is true the post talks about abusive men but the real problem lies with the nigerian society. Violence is deeply rooted and in many homes both husband and wife are culprits. Most husband beat their wives because the wife is weaker and defenseless. In the same manner many women beat their househelps/maid/nanny because they are defenseless as they wish to keep their jobs. The later happens more often than the former and nobody seems to take note of that. This shows that if the reverse were to be the case, most wives will beat their husband because there are cases of husband beaters especially when the woman enjoys a body size/strength advantage over the husband. There is a great need for education against violence in the society and should not be limited to men alone as many women do not realize that they are as guilty as men. (What a man can do a woman can do even better grin). On a serious note, such education should start from parents as they bring up their young boys and girl, the law should also provide appropriate punishment for perpetrators of domestic violence (between couples) or (couples/househelps).
Re: by ThiefOfHearts(f): 6:40pm On Sep 15, 2011
grandstar:

What o in a situation where the husband is being abused by the wif

Cant you stick to the original topic?
Re: by Johndoe100(m): 11:58pm On Sep 15, 2011
@N101
As far as most of us Nigerians are concerned if it becomes necessary to discipline a woman, it will and should be done.
Re: by N101: 12:39am On Sep 16, 2011
Johndoe100:

@N101
As far as most of us Nigerians are concerned if it becomes necessary to discipline a woman, it will and should be done.

Rephrase: "as far as Nigerians like me are concerned if it becomes necessary to discipline a woman, it will and should be done". 

It would be safe to say that you don't speak for all Nigerians, just people like yourself.
Re: by Nobody: 12:43am On Sep 16, 2011
I would go as far as to rephrase it as as far as animals like me are concerned if it becomes necessary to discipline a woman, it will and should be done

i think that was what johndoe meant
Re: by SisiKill1: 3:32am On Sep 16, 2011
^^^^^ ROTFLMAO!!!! cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: by Johndoe100(m): 6:51am On Sep 16, 2011
davidylan:

I would go as far as to rephrase it as as far as [b]animals [/b]like me are concerned if it becomes necessary to discipline a woman, it will and should be done

i think that was what johndoe meant

Tell me why would you just decide to insult me? Ever since you joined this thread, you have been antagonistic towards me, well as the offspring of animals I am sure you know all about things beastial. You see we Nigerians don't insult our elders, We have manners, however this internet Nigeria land and all sorts of creatures pop up. Tell your mum that when she can spare a minute my dog needs servicing, he really seemed to have enjoyed her the last time I paid her to mate with him.
Re: by Johndoe100(m): 7:12am On Sep 16, 2011
N101:

Rephrase: "as far as Nigerians like me are concerned if it becomes necessary to discipline a woman, it will and should be done". 

It would be safe to say that you don't speak for all Nigerians, just people like yourself.

The last time I checked Muslims made up 55% of the population. Since it is LEGAL AND APPROVED for them to discipline their women, we are in the majority. Or do you think they kick against their sharia?

Look Internet Nigerians can not understand us, whenever they come back all they keep moaning about is "how do you people cope with this or that". We are the way we are.
Re: by Nobody: 7:53am On Sep 16, 2011
coogar:

johndoe is obviously winding people up.

he's probably a timid weak husband locked in the closet by his muscular wife!!

I agree. cheesy grin
Re: by Johndoe100(m): 8:17am On Sep 16, 2011
jennykadry:

I agree. cheesy grin

You know that everybody expected the front line members of the "gang" to be prominent here, but I suppose you all agreed to step back. I knew though that it was just a matter of time.
Re: by ifyalways(f): 12:08pm On Sep 16, 2011
jennykadry:

I agree. cheesy grin
Uju's wedding bu echi.

E jim train aga Awka with ite,spoon na empty drink bottles.  cheesy and iwe wem i'd post pictures.
Re: by Nobody: 12:21pm On Sep 16, 2011
ifyalways:

Uju's wedding bu echi.

E jim train aga Awka with ite,spoon na empty drink bottles.  cheesy and iwe wem i'd post pictures.

Eziokwu? shocked shocked Ify I love you and I think It's about time I made you a Skype or YIM friend, okwa ka'm nwete the wedding pics cheesy grin

Awwwww eziokwu , abu na anomu na naija, m'ge mekwe attend the wedding. sad
Re: by r231(m): 1:39pm On Sep 16, 2011
^^^^^English grin grin grin
Re: by N101: 2:26pm On Sep 16, 2011
Johndoe100:

The last time I checked Muslims made up 55% of the population. Since it is LEGAL AND APPROVED for them to discipline their women, we are in the majority. Or do you think they kick against their sharia?

Look Internet Nigerians can not understand us, whenever they come back all they keep moaning about is "how do you people cope with this or that".  We are the way we are.

Last time I checked, everything done in the name of religion is not necessarily right. People may hide behind it, but religion does not give people a blank slate to do whatever they like or behave any how.  There is such a thing as responsibility, whether at an individual or corporate level.

No use labelling people, it doesn't make your point any more valid. Or do you think you are more Nigerian than others here because they don't agree with you?
Re: by Ben13: 2:35pm On Sep 16, 2011
r231:

^^^^^English grin grin grin

Pay moi for interpretation. grin
The ladies are very smart.
Re: by Nobody: 5:32pm On Sep 16, 2011
Johndoe100:

The last time I checked Muslims made up 55% of the population. Since it is LEGAL AND APPROVED for them to discipline their women, we are in the majority. Or do you think they kick against their sharia?

Look Internet Nigerians can not understand us, whenever they come back all they keep moaning about is "how do you people cope with this or that". We are the way we are.

this is pure BS to excuse your nonsense. Many of us grew up in Nigeria . . . many of our parents who set us an example STILL live in Nigeria so you dont speak for the "us" you claim we cant understand. there is nothing more humiliating than a woman trying to keep her kids from knowing their father disciplines her no different from the way he spanks them. Over time i would be shocked if they retain any ounce of respect for her.

If you truly love your wife then i wonder how you can justify putting her through all that.I once knew a neighbour like you who thought nothing o beating his wife in front of their kids. Such a shame.
Re: by Outstrip(f): 5:42pm On Sep 16, 2011
we also had a neighbor like that in Nigeria. The man was a drunk though. I just assumed that it was drunks or people that were the dregs of society. You know that "those other people". It was actually after I left Nigeria and met other Nigerians outside of Nigeria that would not have been in our inner circle that I realized that not everybody lived like us. The truth in what Johndoe is saying and I agree with is that Nigerian culture is born from a place of oppression and slavery. He has the mentality of a former slave that now owns his own slave. The effect of Nigerian culture. If any of us think differently is because we had that sort of guidance as children and our parents chose to ignore that part of the culture and raise us their own way.
Re: by Nobody: 5:55pm On Sep 16, 2011
Outstrip:

we also had a neighbor like that in Nigeria. The man was a drunk though. I just assumed that it was drunks or people that were the dregs of society. You know that "those other people". It was actually after I left Nigeria and met other Nigerians outside of Nigeria that would not have been in our inner circle that I realized that not everybody lived like us. The truth in what Johndoe is saying and I agree with is that Nigerian culture is born from a place of oppression and slavery. He has the mentality of a former slave that now owns his own slave. The effect of Nigerian culture. If any of us think differently is because we had that sort of guidance as children and our parents chose to ignore that part of the culture and raise us their own way.

Its just not true that Nigerian culture is to blame. I'm tired of all this self flagellating . . . white people too where abusing their wives if not there would have been no need for such strict spousal abuse laws. Does that mean white folks had the same culture as us too?

My grandfather wasnt flogging his wife . . . and he died 13 yrs ago at the age of 82. It is natural, a man is stronger and thus feels the overwhelming need to command total obeisance from those he feels he has power over. It doesnt matter if you are arab, nigerian, chinese or congolese . . . men have very a very similar nature.
The difference here is that we have NO laws to protect the weaker s[i]e[/i]x (women), rather our deeply religious (but spiritually empty) lifestyles have enabled us to meekly accept abuse as being ok all in the name of submission.
Re: by Outstrip(f): 6:19pm On Sep 16, 2011
All cultures have wife beaters but it is culturally accepted in Nigeria whether we want to admit or not. It is not unusual to see a man beating the crap out of his wife in public and it was not even until just recently that a woman could take her husband to court. That is just now becoming mainstream. It is simply the truth. I have never seen anywhere in the US were a man is beating the lights out of a woman and nobody responds. In Nigeria when people respond it is usually to beg the man not to be too harsh. It is Nigerian culture to keep your wife in her place by any means necessary.
Re: by dayokanu(m): 6:30pm On Sep 16, 2011
Domestic violence has nothing to do with culture

its a global phenomenon

Check those links

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3601884.stm

Domestic violence is one of Russia's darkest secrets. The government estimates that 14,000 women die each year at the hands of their husbands or male partners. But Russian police don't even classify domestic abuse as a crime. It's a social problem few Russians ever mention.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92621334
Re: by Liss: 6:34pm On Sep 16, 2011
[quote ]
Tell me why would you just decide to insult me? Ever since you joined this thread, you have been antagonistic towards me, well as the offspring of animals I am sure you know all about things beastial. You see we Nigerians don't insult our elders, We have manners, however this internet Nigeria land and all sorts of creatures pop up. Tell your mum that when she can spare a minute my dog needs servicing, he really seemed to have enjoyed her the last time I paid her to mate with him.  

[quote][/quote]

Johndoe, this is totally uncalled for, Get a grip, ok, This not one of your 'aggressive conflict resolution BS' venue, Same you talking about Nigerians respecting their elders and all other crap, msscchhheeewww!  angry
Re: by N101: 6:48pm On Sep 16, 2011
Outstrip:

. The truth in what Johndoe is saying and I agree with is that Nigerian culture is born from a place of oppression and slavery. He has the mentality of a former slave that now owns his own slave.

You can't compare Nigeria under colonialism with slavery as it actually happened.

If that is the case, what about the Americas where slavery was a real day-to-day occurrence? By and large there are at least laws to protect women from this kind of behaviour there - or is that simply Western influence that made them aware certain types of behaviour are unacceptable?
Re: by Nobody: 6:49pm On Sep 16, 2011
//
Re: by Johndoe100(m): 1:34am On Sep 17, 2011
Outstrip:

we also had a neighbor like that in Nigeria. The man was a drunk though. I just assumed that it was drunks or people that were the dregs of society. You know that "those other people". It was actually after I left Nigeria and met other Nigerians outside of Nigeria that would not have been in our inner circle that I realized that not everybody lived like us. The truth in what Johndoe is saying and I agree with is that Nigerian culture is born from a place of oppression and slavery. He has the mentality of a former slave that now owns his own slave. The effect of Nigerian culture. If any of us think differently is because we had that sort of guidance as children and our parents chose to ignore that part of the culture and raise us their own way.

This one already has an inferiority complex from way back. Sorry, try and be more white maybe they will accept you.

What does this crap mean - "dregs of society", "that would not have been in our inner circle", "You know that "those other people"". People who actually have don't speak like this, we were taught that saying such things is undignifying and is for the Ibo traders and people like that.
If we were to go and investigate we would find that she is a product of poor parents, you know those kids that saw others with stuff and could never have any. We understand.


chaircover:

Domestic violence is global and if men (and female domestic violence perpetrators) are left to their own devices, the whole world will be at it slapping and beating each other up.

Thankfully some civilised countries know that it is wrong and they have laws in place to reduce the incidence of domestic violence in these countries. I use the word reduce because there will always be some that will fall through the net.

In countries where life is valued; all sorts of violence are frowned upon and I pray that one day, Nigeria will tow the same path. The fact that our fore fathers did it, our culture accepts it and some religions sweep It under the carpet doenst mean that it is right or it should continue.



Like I said before, we don't want to be white. If you have a complex and think white is right go and live with the white people. Then leave us alone to our uncivilized selves.

We are black and proudly Nigerian.
Re: by SisiKill1: 1:55am On Sep 17, 2011
Aya!! This man. . .you make me laugh ooh cheesy cheesy

Aiight, jokes aside lets you and me talk, no one is here but us so we won't be interrupted. So Johnjohn. . .do you know that's what they called JFK junior? Yeah, handsome dude, I bet you are handsome like him too. Oh don't be shy, admit it. . . you handsome man you!

Having gone from reading your posts with jaw dropped in shock to wiping my eyes from laughing, I've come to the conclusion that you need a BIG HUG! So come here you, come to mama. . . .

Oh sweetie are you crying? Awww you darling man, it's okay to cry. . . just let it out baby, let all out. . .the pain, the anger, the bitterness, let 'em flow. Trust me you will feel better and you'll realize the girl who hurt you is not worth all these, besides there are many girls out there and if you clean up your act, you just might find someone to love again. You hear me?

Awww, all that crying tired you out, eh? Oya lemme rock you to sleep

Hush little johnjohn don't ye cry
Sisi's gonna find you a pretty girl
And if that girl doesn't love you
Sisi's gonna find you another one
And if that one spits in your face
Sisi's gonna buy you a blow up doll!

Good Night Sweet Man-Boy! kiss kiss
Re: by cold(m): 2:09am On Sep 17, 2011
Johndoe100:

This one already has an inferiority complex from way back. Sorry, try and be more white maybe they will accept you.

What does this crap mean - "dregs of society", "that would not have been in our inner circle", "You know that "those other people"". People who actually have don't speak like this, we were taught that saying such things is undignifying and is for the Ibo traders and people like that.
If we were to go and investigate we would find that she is a product of poor parents, you know those kids that saw others with stuff and could never have any. We understand.
Ok you got my attention!Why do you have to tribalise everything,thus trivialising everything you just said.I'm not interested in the Genesis of the thread but the bolded has just portrayed you as a consummate r etard that is still alive because it's illegal to shoot you
Re: by Johndoe100(m): 2:12am On Sep 17, 2011
Sisi_Kill:

Aya!! This man. . .you make me laugh ooh cheesy cheesy

Aiight, jokes aside lets you and me talk, no one is here but us so we won't be interrupted. So Johnjohn. . .do you know that's what they called JFK junior? Yeah, handsome dude, I bet you are handsome like him too. Oh don't be shy, admit it. . . you handsome man you!

Having gone from reading your posts with jaw dropped in shock to wiping my eyes from laughing, I've come to the conclusion that you need a BIG HUG! So come here you, come to mama. . . .

Oh sweetie are you crying? Awww you darling man, it's okay to cry. . . just let it out baby, let all out. . .the pain, the anger, the bitterness, let 'em flow. Trust me you will feel better and you'll realize the girl who hurt you is not worth all these, besides there are many girls out there and if you clean up your act, you just might find someone to love again. You hear me?

Awww, all that crying tired you out, eh? Oya lemme rock you to sleep

Hush little johnjohn don't ye cry
Sisi's gonna find you a pretty girl
And if that girl doesn't love you
Sisi's gonna find you another one
And if that one spits in your face
Sisi's gonna buy you a blow up doll!

Good Night Sweet Man-Boy! kiss kiss

This is what I would love to do to. I think you need it.





However I need to let you know that I am married and have been for very long. I was never "hurt" by a woman, what even makes you think that? Ok, I get it, everyone wants to be white , so when you meet a true African there has to be a reason why he is not a wanna be white guy.
Re: by SisiKill1: 2:21am On Sep 17, 2011
Johndoe100:

This is what I would love to do to. I think you need it.





However I need to let you know that I am married and have been for very long. I was never "hurt" by a woman, what even makes you think that? Ok, I get it, everyone wants to be white , so when you meet a true African there has to be a reason why he is not a wanna be white guy.
No way! Dude you got yourself a blow up doll already?!!  cheesy cheesy

Well look at you showing off. . .hey, it's cool but just so you know, the one I'm gonna give you will be anatomically correct coz I doubt the one you have right  now has holes for some pokey pokey and I hear when a guy hasn't done "it" in awhile it can make him a little cra-a-zy!!

So just holla when you are ready to take the next step. I got your back okay? wink
Re: by Johndoe100(m): 2:26am On Sep 17, 2011
Sisi_Kill:

No way! Dude you got yourself a blow up doll already?!!  cheesy cheesy

Well look at you showing off. . .hey, it's cool but just so you know, the one I'm gonna give you will be anatomically correct coz I doubt the one you have right  now has holes for some pokey pokey and I hear when a guy hasn't done "it" in awhile it can make him a little cra-a-zy!!

So just holla when you are ready to take the next step. I got your back okay? wink

I would strongly advise that you refrain from comments about members of my family. My wife is as much a blow up doll as your mother is to the man she claims is your dad.

If you need some one to insult, why don't you go meet your mother and ask her why she is also your sister?. You know having a hole between your legs is not an excuse for having air between your ears. If it is genetic why take it out on me? Please stop this.
Re: by SisiKill1: 2:36am On Sep 17, 2011
Johndoe100:

I would strongly advise that you refrain from comments about members of my family. My wife is as much a blow up doll as your mother is to your dad.

If you need some one to insult, why don't you go meet your parents.
Awww! Look at you getting all defensive about your "wife", there's hope yet.  cheesy cheesy

Okay, no more jabs at your. . .errr. . .wife but I'll say this though, you would be so lucky if she were as much a blow up dolly as my ma was to my daddy coz the I hear it (which was a little TMI for me), Mama was a fantastic blow up doll for papa, anatomically correct and knew just how to get things done. Prevented daddy from becoming a wacked out masochist who thinks women should be disciplined with brute force.

Anyway, leaving our respective family out of this, I still want you to know I got your back. . .just holla anytime. wink

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