StrongAlphMale:
Is this what you do all day on nairaland? Going up and down puking into others business? How many people have you rushed to reply as if you are the OP?
Oga, I'm not the cause of your frustrations. You seriously need to grow up and stop embarrassing yourself on nairaland

Again,Where is the statement in bold taken from? What Law is that extracted from?

2. If you were to find yourself in the same situation with a wife whose spending habits have drained all you have, will you equally buy these books and sit tight trying to overcome the problem?

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

The foundation of marriage is being systematically destroyed by your husband. He is now worse than any infidel. But there cannot be hopelessness when there is still life. Nevertheless you have sufficient grounds to separate (not divorce, and not frolic around) from this insanity called a husband. If therapeutic separation does not effect desired change, there is sufficient grounds to divorce this leper of a husband. Your sanity and that of the children takes incomparable priority over the union.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

LEAVE HIM!!
Sadly, this is often the result of a culture that makes it appear that the greatest female “accomplishment” is marriage!
>

Kobojunkie:
1. You attempted to by suggesting that she can pray her way out of a damaged marriage relationship. If that is not fraud, I don't know what else could qualify.

That's my advice for her, I didn't force her to accept the advice.

Leave the man..leave the marriage
Na by force?
Wetin b ur age wey u don dey stress ontop husband Palaver.

The way some of you advise the OP here is highly hypocritical..would you advise your blood sister same way you are advising her?

OP

You dont need to even inform him before moving to your g=family house.

Take your stuff when he is at work or where he is addicted, before he returns to eat free food, he will meet an empty house..dont pick his call for 2 weeks, let him have a taste of what you have been going through.

Nor be all man be man..nor be evry man person dey marry and vice versa

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 when you were eating pepper soup, nkwobi and having dinner under candl light, you didn't know🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Manage your hubby my dear... 😀😀😀😀

OLULAW:
If this story is true, and if he's unwilling to admit to it, your man has sex addiction, and ploughing all his cash into feeding his lifestyle, paying runz girls for sex. If this is the case, the debt he incurs shouldn't be your greatest worry. Your biggest worry should be STDs/STIs.

Naa, this won't keep him glued to his phone 24/7. It's most likely to be a betting sting, playing virtual, in-play games, monitoring livescores etc.

Dearlove2me:
Alright. I'm thinking maybe going to spend some time in my family house but I'm thinking of going with all my things

Wrong advice!

Don't separate from him okay, he needs your help.

Assuming he is aggressive or abusive, separation might be a good advice, but the man you describe up there needs help, and you can provide that help to your husband.

God has term you to be his helper, don't run away from your responsibility... Fine, it may be difficult, but his life depends on your consciousness and assistance...

Don't be a wife in the rain, and a divorcee during famine.

Here are emy suggestions anyways,

1. Investigate the cause of his action
2. Enter your prayer room
3. Send family elders to him
4. Send an authority figure, like his boss or pastor to him
5. Ask him probing questions while having sex with him (Don't starve him of sex abeg, it's your responsibility)
6. Be patient
7. Get a job quick and have your saving
8. Don't ever pay his debt again (you are actually reinforcing that action when you do that)


Addiction is a psycology thing, so you have to be psychological in your approach too... I understand how embarrassing and painful this could be to you, but don't get emotional about it, pick yourself up and live as though you have a life to live.

Don't go to your family house, it will expose you, your husband and your children to vulnerability.

Many people will advice you to leave him, it is because they lack wisdom and do not know what the word of God directs. That is just a temporal fix.

A word is enough for the wise, and I think I have said many word here already.

I wish you the best.

mechanics:
That's my advice for her, I didn't force her to accept the advice.

And if she had been a gullible one and taken the advice, then what? Please make we no dey use God name to put shackles on the lives of our fellow men. Go out there to see how many woman are reduced to praying to God to restore marriage that has already been breached when God does not answer such prayers in Jesus Christ.

@op, took my time to read every single comment on this your post cause it's quite touching. Check out comments from @naijainstinct, somehow, Timiolutomi, denyafag and some other unbiased ones, you'll be fine with time, trust me.

The Fact is betting ain't for everyone, just like engaging in a business or sitting in the office behind a desk ain't for everyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QYmEtujs5w

We can get it done for you.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would I do?

Sorry about the situation in your home.
You need to be calm and have heart to heart talk with him again.


Find out about men's behaviour when they are in love here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTNaOhdqGnk

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

The nigga doesn't deserve to be your husband.
But you should have known these while you were on courtship unless you decided to ignore it because you loved him.
He is probably into gambling

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

Did you vote? Lol

Dearlove2me:
Alright. I'm thinking maybe going to spend some time in my family house but I'm thinking of going with all my things

Is your family house close to where you both live? Or in the village?

Look no further. It's gambling. Bet9ja don chop your guy tire. There is no two reasons why a man is broke other than addiction to someone. Maybe drugs, gambling or women.

Dearlove2me:
But his families are in the village, I can do that with calls right?

Just pack up your stuff and leave cos the guy is already a lost cause!

The earlier you leave the better for you

Don't leave your man. He needs help. To show you truly love him, help him fight his battle. He needs you now more than ever. It's most likely an addiction, maybe gambling. And deep inside. He may be justifying the addiction with his intentions to survive or help the family. He needs your help.
Share this with him ANONYMOUSLY:

How To Permanently Quit Football Betting And Gambling @
https://www.aza.ng/losing-money/how-permanently-stop-football-betting-and-gambling-t263.html

Dm me for further help.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR man. HELP HIM FIGHT THIS battle. You can win.

This life sha! Every cloud has its own silver lining

Timiolutomi:
■ Wrong advice! Don't separate from him okay, he needs your help. Assuming he is aggressive or abusive, separation might be a good advice, but the man you describe up there needs help, and you can provide that help to your husband.God has term you to be his helper, don't run away from your responsibility... Fine, it may be difficult, but his life depends on your consciousness and assistance...

■ Don't be a wife in the rain, and a divorcee during famine. Here are emy suggestions anyways,
1. Investigate the cause of his action
2. Enter your prayer room
3. Send family elders to him
4. Send an authority figure, like his boss or pastor to him
5. Ask him probing questions while having sex with him (Don't starve him of sex abeg, it's your responsibility)
6. Be patient
7. Get a job quick and have your saving
8. Don't ever pay his debt again (you are actually reinforcing that action when you do that)
■ Addiction is a psycology thing, so you have to be psychological in your approach too... I understand how embarrassing and painful this could be to you, but don't get emotional about it, pick yourself up and live as though you have a life to live. Don't go to your family house, it will expose you, your husband and your children to vulnerability. Many people will advice you to leave him, it is because they lack wisdom and do not know what the word of God directs. That is just a temporal fix. A word is enough for the wise, and I think I have said many word here already. I wish you the best.

1. Stop lying! The only man God ever gave a wife as a helper to was Adam, and that same man turned around and blamed God for giving him a woman who caused him to fall. Do you know what God did right after that? God washed His hands off of marriage by placing a curse on women in marriage. God made Marriage of the world of men and not of the Kingdom of God. Jesus Christ reaffirmed this in His teachings when He made clear in Luke 20 vs 34-36 that your marriages are of this world of men and not of the Kingdom of God nor in God's plan for anyone. Matthew 10 vs 34 - 38, among other places, makes this fact even more clear.

2. So, rather than focus on salvaging what is left of her dignity as a human being, and maybe regaining all that has been lost to her, she should sit as a counselor, trainer, and what else, monitor over a grown man who chose of his own will to destroy his life and that of his children? You, people, are wicked. How many of you will in fact do the very same if you were to find yourselves saddled with a wife fighting an addiction of any kind?

3. She should be psychological in her approach? WOW... OP please do not heed advice of this kind at all. I can guarantee you that if the shoes were on the other foot, these same people would not even think twice before bailing as fast as their feet can fly from the marriage. They wouldn't even leave a goodbye note in their case. If you were a man, they would never advice you in the same way. It is because you are a woman that they invoke even the name of God — against God for that matter — in their attempt to persuade you to sit back and continue in the sinking sand you have come to realize.

Dearlove2me:
I didn't know before marriage. I knew about past debt from his messages. That's how I knew he has always been in debt

Two things
- Crack
- Virtual

OLULAW:
, your man has sex addiction, .

wrong.

The story is touching and it is not a good place to be in. I feel you and i wish things were different between you two. But let's look it at this from another perspective because it is easy for us all to sympathize with you as we only heard your side of the story and nobody heard his side of the story and the side of the real story. Stories are always in 3 parts. Anyways, this is my conjecture. Your husband didn't change overnight, He has been reckless with money and financial decisions, you saw it but you felt it is something you can take advantage of because at the time of courtship, he spends big on you, and give you good time but your judgement was blinded by all the activities and cruises you were catching with him so you quickly tie the knot so that he is permanently yours. What you did not know was his financial standing and he have no savings, he can get a million naira today and blow it with you same day. In your Math you add one and one together then assume he is loaded. As the marriage set you now realized that all that glitters are not good. ( meanwhile he didn't lie to you about his financial standing, it is just that you didn't ask him you placed him on level he is not in yet). As time goes on in the marriage wear and tear begin set in, you just had a baby, you are pissed (psychologically - post partum depression). Your body don't the feel the same, sex is boring then your senses are now amplified to extent that all you see is fault, fault, fault. This financial issue is that looks tangible and one way to provide you escape in the wrong decision you made in marrying him. So it does not look like it is your fault you are about to leave him. This is my conjecture, i stand to be corrected.
But here's my advice, you don't leave your marriage for the sake financial hardship, it will prove that you were there only because of the money, if you leave he will blow again and you will regret ever living him. If it was a question of infidelity or physical abuse. I will tell you to call the families and sever the marriage. Since it is a money problem, it can be solved. Probably that is why you two are married. Call him and take inventory of all the people he is owing, have a seat down with them with a lawyer and discuss terms of payment, since he is not financially discipline take over the financial management of the house including his account, teach him how to make budget, teach him that he doesn't need to impress you anytime he have small money then he blows it, teach him that he doesn't need to live a champagne lifestyle on beer money. Get this mess cleaned up and you will see in less than no time you will see how you two will grow and joy will come back to your marriage. I don;t know but it seems he is a lucky guy too but doesn't know how to manage money or hold on to things - even the marriage, if you tell him you are done, he will say ok and move on. But He is your King and you are his Queen. You if you play chess you will understand how Queens move. Wake up and smell the coffee. It is now your marriage have started. You will laugh lass lass. As per the depression it will fizzle out soon. I have already prayed for you before replying. It is well. Take it easy.

Dearlove2me:
No. He's not, never loved in Lagos

I hope his name is not Wale in Ikorodu..... That one na chronic debtor and better liar.... He leaves way above his means and he likes to hangout alot.

Madam send me a mail i promise you all will be well

He is a gambler.
The only person that can change a gambler is himself.
My advice.

1. U were not supposed to repay the dept with your business money. That was the beginning of the your headache.
As a man, he was supposed to look for a mean to service his dept himself, that would have served as a lesson for him.

2. If you truly want to leave, don't call any family meeting.
The elders who don't understand your pain would beg you not to leave and they would promise you that he has changed and end up narrating stories of baba chukwudi and his wife to you.
If u now leave later, they will tag u a bad wife.

If u must leave, leave now and when hungry wire am well, he would change and come back to beg.

Dearlove2me:
I have vow never to interfere in all his debt again. After all he's an adult

Contact his people about his behaviors and never you leave your marriage because you saw all those signs before you married him. For your sanity you can go to your parents house and stay for some time and finally, check the apps on his phone.

What did you see in him that made you marry him?

By the way, has he paid your bride-price?

If so, did he borrow the money with which he married you?

If that's the case, I believe that, that's what he is repaying.

Women and flamboyant life-style.

You could be one of the reasons he had been borrowing. He may have been borrowing to please your reckless demands when he was dating you.

My advice to men is that you must work on yourself first before having a relationship because this gender called women can ruin you financially.

Dearlove2me:
If you love someone, you don't inflict pain on them. You make yourself a better person for the one you love. He don't love me nor our baby. He put so much stress on us and you can it love? I'm tired. I'm not strong.