Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

I suspect gambling or addiction that has to do with sniffing something. That’s why I don’t mess with those things. Sorry you found yourself in this mess. It’s hard to help someone who’s not telling you the truth. Kpele!

He's a bet addict.

Check very well, your husband must be a gambler, probably into visual leagues.

Dearlove2me:
No. He's not, never loved in Lagos

Ok then. I know someone with this perfect description. Please don't quit. Don't be harsh either. Just find a marriage counselor.

This is so painful

Autobot05:
You didn't see any of these before you married him ?

Don't mind her. They are always fast just for the title that she is married.

He used gambling money to marry her and she things all will be rosy.

Kobojunkie:
1. Your bible is an inanimate object, it does not "tell" you anything.

2. God has no hand in your marriages nor did He command anyone of you to condone any of what you do in marriage for His sake. He made this abundantly clear when Jesus Christ ensured first that

■ Your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. God washed his hands off marriages from Genesis 3 vs 16 after Adam literally accused God of giving Him a wife who caused Him to sin against God.
■ Jesus Christ said those who belong to Him will abandon father, mother, husband, wife, even children in order to become worthy of Him - Matthew 10 vs 34 - 39 - so, again, God has no interest in your staying married no matter what. Your ideas of marital sustenance amount to bullsheet where God is concerned.
■ Jesus Christ, to those who are married, made it known that divorce isn't a sin for those who wish to follow Him. This all means that those of you who choose to sit tight in marriage has absolutely nothing to do with Him in your decisions - Matthew 5 vs 31 - 32 & Matthew 19 vs 7 - 9 & Mark 10 vs 10- 12 & Luke 16 vs 18

Clearly, the sufferings which you endure in marriage are removed from God and that which He commands. So, don't use me as your shame pin cushion here. Admit that the one you are instead ashamed of is Jesus Christ who made it clear that your marriages have nothing to do with the Kingdom of God.

This Guy!!! SMH

Dearlove2me:
I have vow never to interfere in all his debt again. After all he's an adult

You took a vow with him but you didn’t birth him. You birthed a baby and that’s the only person besides yourself that you need to take care of since he isn’t taking care of you. If you stay, he’ll never take you seriously or change. Separate from him immediately until he learns to be a man. If he doesn’t learn, move on.

Dearlove2me:
I have vow never to interfere in all his debt again. After all he's an adult

Go to his browser and check his history. That will inform your decision. Your hubby is a chronic gambler

Dearlove2me:
Alright. I'm thinking maybe going to spend some time in my family house but I'm thinking of going with all my things

Please do.

Dearlove2me:
I have vow never to interfere in all his debt again. After all he's an adult

The stain is gonna affect you too

Kswine:
■ This Guy!!! SMH

1. Stop thinking that by attacking me you can somehow change the Truth as declared by Jesus Christ in what is HIs Gospel.

Erickymania:

The best thing for you is to separate from him for now. Don't divorce him yet. Find a place to stay, start up a business and concentrate on your life, avoid him and see what happens in the next 1 year.

U be woman abiiiiii
Na una dey give bad advice

somehow:


I surely know what gambling addiction can do to people and those around them. Got relatives that went through hell due to this addiction.

I was affected directly too. Left my business with a cousin to run while away, he started owing customers I used time and effort to gain their loyalty. None knew I wasn't around because he was in charge of my handles including my then phone number and 2 bank accounts.

He tried hiding all from me until they piled up.

It was until I returned that I saw the damage both to the business and even to my reputation.

Funny enough, I couldn't tell some of the customers it wasn't me, I just took responsibility and paid those that came forward (If he wasn't an addict and made millions for me, would I have told the customers it wasn't me?)

He had to go on a rehab program but cut him out financially.


Addiction can be so bad, even when the victim tries to break free, they still find themselves in the hole, they surely need people who won't demoralize them.

This is very sacrosanct

Dearlove2me

I would have advised you to divorce him and remarry but it is unscriptural to do if he hasn't hasn't been adulterous.

Give him an ultimatum to change his ways or you would leave. Give a timeframe but no exact date. Let him know that any decision to stay for the time being will be conditional on him starting a Bible study.

I would advise you both to start a Bible study with Jehovah's Witnesses. Their study has helped to change the lives of many spouses and marriages for the best. Men who were previously wife beaters, alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers and so on were compelled to change their ways ( Read 1 Cor 6:9-11).

During a jailbreak in one country, the warders observed that those who were in a progressive Bible study with Jehovah's Witnesses did not attempt to escape. The Word of God is powerful (Read Hebrews 4:12)

We do not preach prosperity gospel which makes no sense as the Great Tribulation and Armageddon draws ever closer. Is it when destruction is coming you start accumulating wealth? ( Read Jeremiah 45:1-5).

To start a bible study, visit jw.org and make a request.

You can also attend our meeting. To find the nearest Kingdom Hall, visit jw.org

Please, do not delay (Read 2 Cor 6:2)

Truly love is not enough. Men like this will always trap you with "love" and they are always very useless. The only thing they can offer is sex and "I love you"

My dear sister, get yourself a job and leave him for good because he's never going to change.

Yoruba women, una dey try.

I am indeed soory for you please accept my sympathy

I keep telling my daughters, there are only two types of men in this world. The first one has his brain on his shoulders while the second one has his brain between his legs

You are married to a man who has his brain between his legs. Go out to make money. Your post reeks of entitlement.

lilyheaven:
You tried ooo,
How can you service a debt with money you saved up for business?
If someone helps you again with capital, you will still use it to service your husband debt.
Debt you don’t know when or how he incurred them.
Or what he does with it.

things we do for love.....no one can imagine!

Yes go with all your things because if you leave them behind he will definitely sell them all to foster his addictions. When he has cleaned himself up, he can come and re-marry you properly from your family house again.

Dearlove2me:
Alright. I'm thinking maybe going to spend some time in my family house but I'm thinking of going with all my things

For better for worse. That's the oath you took on the day you decided to settle down with him. This generation of marriages seem not to understand the implications of those words and take everything to be mere formalities.

Dearlove2me:
I have vow never to interfere in all his debt again. After all he's an adult

It's either he excuse you or you excuse him, you can't and will never achieve anything if you're with that devourer.

DearGorgeous:
Ok. It's such a pity. Does he have a close friend that visits once in a while? Try to see if you can get answers to your questions through him.
Whatever answer you get, will inform your decision.

I seriously doubt someone this lost will have reasonable people that would still be close to him. It's one thing to be a chronic debtor and a different thing to be an arrogant chronic debtor cos how would he now behave towards friends that refuse to lend him money.

As for you the complainant, I really just hope you didn't see all this signs before you married him.
A girl that finds it easy to borrow money from different people is a huge red flag i never ignore in this my life cos no matter how much you provide for such person, he/she will still find a way to be in debt.
If you saw this side of him and still married him just to get married then I can't advise you but if you were oblivious of this his nasty character then my sister, it's not too late to reevaluate the whole marriage of a thing.
If you walk out, it might be enough shock for him to get his shit together and try and win you back if he truly loves you but if that doesn't happen then you can focus on your life and make good of your dreams cos it's not yet late for you to have a better life.

As for us guys, the country is hard, make sure you can meet up to your own obligations before you decide to add someone to yourself cos it's easy for this borrowing of a thing to spiral out of control and before you know it, you are borrowing to pay debts. life is not a race between you and anybody

Na wah.
Unfortunately, you married a chronic onigbese, also one that cannot handle money ie finances. Possibly he gambles too.
This really is even the problem Nigeria as a country has. People that cannot handle money, but get political positions. Billions is them kept under their care. That is why you will see a politician ruling poor folks yet using the little funds available to buy landcruisers, prados, hilux for convoys.
One of my paddies has all the characteristics of your hubby, guess what? He is preparing to run for senate 2027.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

Leave his sorry a** madam. He borrows money and you his lovely wife sort out his debts. Let me laugh first.
Don't tell me you still make love after staving you food.

Anyway I know one thing is they no fit advise woman wey dey in love continue with your inherited struggles .

You wanted to marry, you see your Life......

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps
borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

It's obvious it is an addiction issue. Your husband has serious addiction. I can place my money on bet9ja... Gambling.


That thing ruined people. The moment you don't know when to stop. You are gone. You spend your cash.you borrow and borrow and thr cycle continues...

It's up to your husband to stop. Strong thing need do am make e eye clear.


Me way dey advice you is currently fighting an addiction. It's not easy man.

jaxxy:


How long has this been going on?

He admitted he has an addiction which is responsible for his constant and reoccurring problems. That's a 1st step do what is he doing about the addiction?

A man who has an addiction needs real help immediately. If he can't tell u what his addiction is, he must tell u how is he is getting help and from where?

Covering his addiction or trying to fight it alone will not be effective because he has go in to deep. He needs to seek expert or external help and guidance or it will continue to be excuses till he reach ground bottom.

U must encourage him to get the required help or u leave him so u can sort out ur life and that of ur kids. That may give him a reality check.

Another great response

Listen to the other side before passing judgement. We all know how women are.

Dearlove2me:
Alright. I'm thinking maybe going to spend some time in my family house but I'm thinking of going with all my things

Don't leave any pin or a trace of where you're going because the people he's owning will come for u.

DearGorgeous:
Ok. It's such a pity. Does he have a close friend that visits once in a while? Try to see if you can get answers to your questions through him.
Whatever answer you get, will inform your decision.

You said the truth

IamANigerianMan:

Madam I feel your pain, the worst thing that can happen to a man or woman is to married and regret, when you discovered this before marriage why did you go ahead? Human being cannot change except God decided to change him or her... My advice for you is to keep praying to God who can change human to change your husband Prov. 21:1

LOL...did I hear you say pray? Just imagine she's your sister will you tell her to pray. Even if she do dry fasting he won't change. You can't change a man that doesn't want to repent.