manchyme:
■ You're doing fantastically well, I don't know why your dad prefer divorce to cheating. A man can cheat and still love his wife. If you leave her and stay alone it's good but it's not good for a man to be alone.

Very stupid rubbish post by your person. The same Paul you lot quote also indicates that you sin against your body when you link it to a prostitute. But here you advise Op to become a male prostitute in marriage to his wife so his wife sins against her body by remaining joined to him. Your churchians are some of the looniest in the bunch out there.

43Ronin:
@op what state are you from soni can give you a cultural advice

Osun state

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Once a woman starts giving birth,her urge for sex decline.(not all women anyway).
Going through your write-up,her only crime is saying No to sex

My brother no perfect marriage out there .
Think twice ,you didn't even consider the welfare of your kids .

Your move isn't the best, please have a rethink.

Leilami:


Thank you! Very wicked man.
I saw 5 times I fear. Who knows maybe he reduced it to 5times set so we won't bash him it could have been everyday.
I am even feeling sorry for his wife.
He should hit the gym and use up his excessive energy there.
I hardly get upset when I read stories but this one vexed me I logged in immediately.
The funniest part he doesn't even know he is the one with the issue.
What an appetite.

The woman does have a right to complain with the appetite.

Though I have seen a thread on this same NL where a man said he expects to have sex with his wife everyday, a mother with a toddler and he didn't see anything wrong with it.

ADURA123:


I am not divorcing to remarry, I want to be alone and be free. Thank you

Just say you want to be whoring after different women.
Have really sat down to count the costs and consequences of this your premeditated adventure?
How do you intend to play your present role with your children?

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

If you were muslim, a second wife would have been the best option. She will be happy and you will be happy.

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Have you prayed about this before? I must tell you God respects the Prayers of a Man about His Wife.
Also, Are you selfish with sex? You are just concered about orgasm and not fore play.
How does she react to silent treatment? She may be abusing you showing Her your weakness of the Love you have for Her.
Be a Man Bro. Every Man deals with this a way or another. Me and my Wife resolved with a ?ex timetable.

Trying to leave your marraige for this alone is only being naive and unthankful.

Once again, Pray about it, God will change Her mindset

ayomilore:
■ This is a very trivial issue Op, you seem to have a good wife who doesn't cheat on you, doesn't nag and try to hold forth your house with that money you drop every month. Oga I beg don't destroy your home, one thing I have come to realize In life is that you can't have everything as you want it. You can meet her parents if she still has one or someone she hold in high esteem and with wisdom praise her very well to them and tell them the only thing you still need her to be doing. You know your wife very well without moving out you can give her the right attitude that will make her to change. Above all pray for God intervention in your family matters..

Please stop using the mentions of God to blackmail folks into considering your opinion abeg!

OP has already made up his calendar on a future that does not include his wife meaning he has probably checked out of the relationship a long time ago and has only been keeping up the charade. Would you want a pretender married to your own daughter for the sake of it?

incogni2o:
■ Have you prayed about this before? I must tell you God respects the Prayers of a Man about His Wife.
Also, Are you selfish with sex? You are just concered about orgasm and not fore play. How does she react to silent treatment? She may be abusing you showing Her your weakness of the Love you have for Her. Be a Man Bro. Every Man deals with this a way or another. Me and my Wife resolved with a ?ex timetable. Trying to leave your marraige for this alone is only being naive and unthankful. Once again, Pray about it, God will change Her mindset

Stop pretending everybody believes or cares about your god and learn to present your opinion without the attempt at blackmail.

ADURA123:


My dad hates cheating, but support divorce...my mum is late

U are a man, ur Dad gave u advice doesn't mean u should act on it. For the sake of ur children, don't divorce. Continue to love and care for ur wife. U can find one lady out there to satisfy ur sexual feelings anytime u feel like. Or seek for marriage counselor for u and ur wife. My suggestion though 😊😊

PLEASE DON'T DIVORCE ANYTHING because IF YOU DO YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT ALL THROUGH YOUR LIFE....
LOOK FOR COUPLE WHOM GOD HAS HELP THEIR MARRIAGE FOR GODLY COUNSEL..
I PRAY FOR YOU MY BROTHER
GOD IN HIS MERCY WILL DEFINITELY RECOVER YOUR MARRIAGE IJN.

dejavou:
■ U are a man, ur Dad gave u advice doesn't mean u should act on it. For the sake of ur children, don't divorce. Continue to love and care for ur wife. U can find one lady out there to satisfy ur sexual feelings anytime u feel like. Or seek for marriage counselor for u and ur wife. My suggestion though 😊😊

So, if his wife decides that she too needs a man on the side with more than just finances to bring to the table as OP expressed is his case, she too should take a side-dick of her own, right?

N1m is not fair an amount though to give her.


Have you tried counselling with a swx therapist?


You seem to be setting her up though...


Your dad's advise is very wrong .

ADURA123:


Thank you sir No 4 yes, it started after child birth, No 5 she dosent support the idea of second wife, she sees them as someone coming to eat where they never sew.

How are you earning 700,000 a month when you cannot even spell simple words and type proper English.

If you are wise take this advice i will give you, you said she has all good qualities except sex.

Now let me tell you what can kill sex in a woman.

But before then let me tell you this ,
You are selfish, you are earning 700k in a month, and you are giving your wife just 100k to run the house , for you and the kids?

Like out of the 100k she will buy food stuff ,buy provisions, and still cook from it? Ha it is not enough ,this might just be what is amking her withdraw from you.


My questions are
1. Does she work, if no, have you open business for her, so she can make her personal money? Do you put eyses in her little money despite the fact you are earning 700k and you want her to spend the little she has ? If you are doing all the above she might be seeing you as a selfish husband

My next questions are , the properties you are buying, or what ever you are investing in, is she part of the plan? Like do you put her name as partner maybe in the land house or business ? If your answer is no , this might be another reason she is withdrawing from sex.

Let me boldly tell you this , in.Nigeria of today, you are giving a woman 100k to cater for you and many kids my brother it is not enough , and can.never be enough.


The solution to your problem is not divorce, the solution is communication. Call her and have a discussion with her, ask her what the problem is , ask her what are the challenges and things that are painting her in this marriage, if you do this , you will be surprise at things she will say.
Apologize and tell her your own problem is sex ,

If you change , about things she complains about, trust me she will change and start giving you sex.

Befidel:
PLEASE DON'T DIVORCE ANYTHING because IF YOU DO YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT ALL THROUGH YOUR LIFE....
LOOK FOR COUPLE WHOM GOD HAS HELP THEIR MARRIAGE FOR GODLY COUNSEL.. I PRAY FOR YOU MY BROTHER GOD IN HIS MERCY WILL DEFINITELY RECOVER YOUR MARRIAGE IJN .

Stop dragging the mention of God into situations that have nothing to do with Him!

Spoken like a true small boy who doesn't have sense.. so because of no sex you want to destroy your kids self-esteem. You are very selfish. Better you have a side chic... get your family going. Than live to regret all your life. Why you divided your home.

I am going to list some possible cause for this. try work on them and arrive at possible solution. But DIVORCE is not the solution.

Physical Issues: Sometimes, medical or physical factors can affect a person's sexual desire or ability. These may include hormonal imbalances, chronic illnesses, pain during intercourse, or medication side effects. Encourage your wife to consult with a healthcare professional to rule out any physical issues.

Emotional or Psychological Factors: Emotional and psychological factors can have a significant impact on a person's libido. Stress, anxiety, depression, past traumas, body image issues, and self-esteem can all contribute to a decreased interest in sex. Consider discussing your wife's emotional well-being and whether she might benefit from therapy or counseling.

Relationship Issues: Problems within the relationship itself can affect sexual desire. These issues might include unresolved conflicts, communication breakdowns, a lack of emotional connection, or feeling unappreciated or neglected. Open and honest communication about your feelings and concerns is crucial.

Fatigue and Lifestyle: The demands of daily life, such as work, parenting, and household responsibilities, can leave individuals feeling tired and stressed, which can impact their interest in sex. Finding ways to manage stress together and create a more balanced lifestyle can help.

Life Changes: Significant life events, such as the birth of a child, career changes, or family issues, can create stress and disrupt the dynamics of a relationship, affecting sexual intimacy.

Lack of Communication: In some cases, couples may not openly discuss their sexual needs, desires, or concerns. Effective communication is essential for understanding each other's perspectives and finding solutions.

To address the situation, it's crucial to have a candid and non-judgmental conversation with your wife. Express your feelings, concerns, and desires while also being receptive to her perspective. It may be helpful to seek the guidance of a couples' therapist or counselor who can facilitate communication and provide strategies for improving intimacy within your marriage.

The solution that worked for some person is: firstly be helpful in the house, stop asking for sex, increase your level of conversation with her, always care for mental and health state. most importantly when she complain that she is tired please MASSAGE HER FROM HEAD TO TOE. believe me that massage will lead to GOOD SEX

PeachtreeReside:
■ N1m is not fair an amount though to give her. Have you tried counselling with a swx therapist? You seem to be setting her up though...
■ Your dad's advise is very wrong .

She needs to wake the fk up to the charade that has been her marriage so she can fight for more than that though.
2. No, his dad is right. Adultery is meant to be a deal breaker in marriage. That Nigerian women condone it does not mean they do not do so out of ignorance.

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

You are very silly. You want to have sex. Go out and have the sex. Which one is divorce again?

@ op

Clearly you don't know how to shag well..

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

If you stay and give her some space, the kids won't really be affected.

Divorcing her will destroy a lot especially the psyche of the children...

If you stay alone, will this suddenly quench this sex drive of yours

Oga sir, don't use your own hand to destroy what you've built for years.

10, 20 years from now, your joystick won't even stay awake on the sight of a pretty lady ....

Uncle just embrace your woman and accept her the way she is... She has given you kids, taken care of your home and even stay loyal to you...

What crime has she committed now for you to have such terrible plans for her?

SEX IS NOT FOOD... At least she gave it to you and to have those lovely kids... THINK ABOUT ALL THESE MR OGA

greypencils:
■ You are very silly. You want to have sex. Go out and have the sex. Which one is divorce again?

So it is OK for him to commit adultery but not OK for him to get a divorce? What wickedness is this for Pete's sake

100k out of 700k for upkeep with 4 children in this present economy? That’s too small.

Give her 1m to fix her life after divorce? Really? What can 1m fix?

Have you ever thought of the fact that you maybe boring on bed and that’s why she is avoiding you?

I bet OP hounds his wife day and night for sex like a sex crazed lunatic and he still has the guts to complain that his wife is not satisfying him sexually.
Why not reduce your own libido? For your wife to complain that she doesn't want to die from too much sex definitely means Op demands sex too frequently in the marriage.

Maybe twice a day or three times a day sef.

Divorce her if you like, it's going to be a nice break from her having to put up with your abnormal sex drive.

tbliss22:
■ If you stay and give her some space, the kids won't really be affected. Divorcing her will destroy a lot especially the psyche of the children... If you stay alone, will this suddenly quench this sex drive of yours Oga sir, don't use your own hand to destroy what you've built for years. 10, 20 years from now, your joystick won't even stay awake on the sight of a pretty lady .... Uncle just embrace your woman and accept her the way she is... She has given you kids, taken care of your home and even stay loyal to you... What crime has she committed now for you to have such terrible plans for her? SEX IS NOT FOOD... At least she gave it to you and to have those lovely kids... THINK ABOUT ALL THESE MR OGA

Wrong! Kids benefit nothing from watching Daddy and mummy live like complete strangers in the house. Studies show that the damage that kind of setting does is about the same as that a terrible divorce wrecks on them. So please, let's not use kids to blackmail people into staying in uncomfortable marriages.

How Staying in an Unhappy Marriage Can Affect Your Children

ADURA123:


I am not divorcing to remarry, I want to be alone and be free. Thank you

Then what is the need to divorce her?

Oga get a side chick if sex is the only thing that want to make you leave your marriage. Every woman is like that, ask some of your friends and married men around you, they will tell you the truth.

Women bodies and psychology do change significantly after giving birth. House chores and taking care of children are not child play please. They are not robots, most time, they got tired, and sex could be the last thing on their minds.

OP I know how you feel, but don't do what you'll later regret. There is no person human being in the world, neither is there any perfect marriage. Don't jump from frye pan to fire. Talk things out with your wife, if she doesn't change take her matter to her parents

kenny1911:
Bros, you should be very careful on the decision you want to make. It’s obvious you are just tired with no reason. Yes, sex in marriage is very important but should not be a ground for devoice. Let me give a brief of similar experience that happened to me. I have been married for over 16yrs now and my marriage was going in the area of sex until about 3yrs ago when my sex drive for my wife died. I didn’t have sexual intercourse with my wife for over 2yrs because of my dead feelings. I and my wife tried everything to no avail. She was so worried if there is a spell on me because she knew the man she married in terms of the other room. She was so frustrated that, she has to be doing fastings and prayers on her husband. Sometimes, I will achieve slight erection and I will immediately try to initiate sex with her. Immediately it’s time to drive in, my p.nis will just go flat. With this, so many things were running through the mind of my wife. To be candid, it was a trying period in my family and my wife really endured. If my wife wanted to take your route, she would have divorced me but with God we are fine and all is going on well. I wrote all these just to tell you that, sometimes in marriage, the sexual urge will not be there for a long duration. At this point, you just have to endure and encourage, it’s not that she doesn’t love you but that urge is dead. I’m sure she will be fine again. From your write up, you have a goood woman as wife, please divorce should not be an option for now. Also, consider your children

Thank God your wife did not bring your marital issue to Nairaland when all that happened. The majority of Nairalanders' Men would have advised her to get a side-cock. Or is it only the men who are advised to get side-chicks when they lack sex from their wives for just a few seconds while the woman is expected to be starved for two years?

JONSYN7154:
Yes everything is wrong.

Why take advice from your father when him and your mother are enjoying their own marriage?

Think twice before divorcing her so that you won't regret it later.

My ten kobo advice.

u get sense

ADURA123 what makes you think marrying another woman will not upgrade your problems ?.....be careful

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Don’t divorce her