is it compulsory? where did this tradition originate from? if the world is calling for gender equality why must this be so? doesn't this make a lady look like a "property" of her man? what are your thoughts ?

brb

I think mrs chima is in d best position to ans dat.

Not exactly but I guess as sign of respect and honor for the women, I believe majority of Nigerian ladies want to change their surname after marriage,

No its not compulsory. I have a friend who kept her last name when she got married. And I know a couple who combined their names by hyphenating them. I personally like the combining of names.

^^^ where have u been? merry xmas in advance,

^^^^^ Sorry. Ive been wanting to talk with you again. Happy xmas to you too. xo

Of course it isn't. I wouldnt force my partner to adopt my name. I should prefer a successful and confident partner who wants to keep her own name and identity after marriage. . .

talina:

^^^^^ Sorry. Ive been wanting to talk with you again. Happy xmas to you too. xo

would you mind leaving an offline message, so we can talk at ur convenience? that would make a perfect xmas gift from u. cheers.

MeaninLESS, If u ask me.

just like asking if it s compulsory for a married woman to live with the husband.

People are beginning to take this female independence thing too far. If she wants to be independent and confident then she doesnt really need a husband and a family. You would agree with me that confident people dont need others in their life especially old-fashioned men.

No it isn't.
Some men will disagree though, but truth is that it is not compulsory.
The woman is neither the property of the man nor has the man become her new father.


Personally I thing hyphenating of both their names is better, since it shows the union of both families.

talina:

No its not compulsory. I have a friend who kept her last name when she got married. And I know a couple who combined their names by hyphenating them. I personally like the combining of names.

The above statement is really silly and short-sighted. You are saying Mr. Frank Stupid married Miss Jane Fool so now their names after marriage is Mr Frank Stupid-Fool and Mrs Jane Fool-Stupid abi after hyphenating. So wen de have kids and the kids get married and also hyphenate, the kids name will be Cynthia Stupid-Fool-Asshole abi?
Some people are just silly and don't want to conform to societal norms and instead they make themselves look more stupid.
No offense.

Women really should stop bearing their husband's names, for the love of peace who even started the tradition sef?

fresh_dude:

People are beginning to take this female independence thing too far. If she wants to be independent and confident then she doesnt really need a husband and a family. You would agree with me that confident people dont need others in their life especially old-fashioned men.

Ha ha. Lol.
@bolded,
A person can be confident and also need others in their lives.
Na wa for that your statement sha.

not really but likley yes, [img]http://2.s07.flagcounter.com/count/DymW/bg=E6E6E5/txt=E6E6E5/border=E6E6E5/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/[/img]
[img]http://s07.flagcounter.com/count/DymW/bg=E6E6E5/txt=E6E6E5/border=E6E6E5/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/[/img]

Itz compulsory oooo, IF I HEAR SHE NO CHANGE HER NAME,

its not compulsory. . . its just our tribe that things like dat personal

The man is the head of the family (says the Gospel). How come children don't stop bearing their father's name and like someone rightly stated, how come wives don't stay apart from their husbands just in the name of equality?

It is just right for the wife to bear the husbands name irrespective of how or who started the tradition. It shows oneness and also confirms the man as the head. That does not subject the woman to slavery of any sort and does not inscribe her as a property just as your car or furniture doesn't change its name to yours after you purchase them.

If you cant take my last name we probably never ever gonna get married and I will not accept any  SUBVERSIVE daughter in-law tHat will not my family name.
Chics that I hang with know the rule.
Think about it this way; if your wife keeps her name,what name will the kids take ? Well, I guess the fathers and now one family will have different names Not gonna happen in my household which I am the head.
Truth is that there are females that needs to be left alone; women that doesnt wanna be under any man. You cant eat your cake and have it back; hilary clinton,michel obama and many other inteligent women kept their husbands name and they love it.

There is an Igbo adage that says; Di bu ugwu nwanyi(husband is the pride of his wife). Taking your husbands name is part of showing him respect and being loyal to him, and if you as a woman doesnt have that orientation from your parents then I will advice you to go ahead and keep dating cause you will never make it in marriage.

As long as the dowry has been paid, then yes it's compulsory.

my God what is happening? What nonsense,well its ur choice if wan answer ur wife family name,no body hold u. Cn u be a mrs nd stil bear ur fada's name? Pls tink b4 talkin.i tink dis generatn of youth r goin out of hand wit their lost ideas, d family of d man payd d dowry 4 d wife 2 cme 2 d man's house, nd be part of her new family. Pple tink b4 askin qtns. Rationally its normal, in african tradition its normal.

deandavid:

my God what is happening? What nonsense,well its your choice if wan answer your wife family name,no body hold u. Cn u be a mrs nd stil bear your fada's name? Pls tink b4 talkin.i tink dis generatn of youth r goin out of hand wit their lost ideas, d family of d man payd d dowry 4 d wife 2 cme 2 d man's house, nd be part of her new family. Pple tink b4 askin qtns. Rationally its normal, in african tradition its normal.

Rationally normal? I'm sincerely worried about the synapses in your brain.

@ topic

That decision is the couple's. Not yours, not mine.

Is she still leaving in her father's house or my house?
Is her father still taking care of her upkeep?
If she wants to keep her father's name,wetin she find come my crib?

The Question smacks of iconoclastic feminism! Of course there are cases where the change of surname will not be convenient for the lady, but that has to be agreed between the partners. Its clearly not a big social issue. What if i asked if it was cumpolsory for the man to work and provide for the family!!

Isn't mandatory with me. But I'd prefer it.

@Topic

It depends on THE COUPLE and not what we nairalanders think. I have seen enough marraiges where the woman took the man's last name and the marraige still ended in divorce. Alot of married women bear their husbands' last name and yet divorce rates all around the world including Nigeria continues to climb. What does that tell you? It means there is more to marraige than name changing. Look at OLU JACOBS and his beautiful wife JOKE SILVA. The nollywood couple have been happily married for years even though Aunty Joke is not bearing Uncle Jacob's last name. That couple's marraige is admirable in comparison to many Nigerian marraiges I see where the men cheat on their wives over and over again, turn them into glorified housemaids, beat them up, report them to nairaland.com when there is a dispute in the home, or kill them like Titi Arowolo's husband did to his late wife.

The only advice I can give is, if you are a lady and you want to keep your maiden name, tell your prospective spouse in advance. If he agrees, ok. If he does not agree, then you guys will have to come to some kind of compromise. Maybe you can hyphenate your maiden name with your married name or use your maiden name as your middle name like Hillary Rodham Clinton did. Also, as a lady if you know you are not the very traditional type because you have lived abroad for a long time or all your life, I suggest you never hook up with a typical traditional african man. It won't or might not work due to stark cultural differences and a different mindset. It is better to marry someone who is on the same page with you culturally speaking to avoid any forseen and unforseen marital conflicts in the near future.

chaircover:

Absolutely not compulsory

. . . but by the time you have signed 50 Christmas cards saying "Love From Mr Houshmanzadeh and Mrs Roethlisberger", it wont be long before you start writing Mr & Mrs Houshmanzadeh due to arm ache and time  

LOL The couple can just write "Love from the Houshmanzadeh family." I know that is how several American married couples do it. It is probably in Nigeria that people feel the need to spell out Mr. and Mrs. such and such. Someone like me will prefer "Love, from the Davies family" and call it a day.