AjanleKoko:

I didn't read anything anywhere. It's the woman's job to cook and do the kitchen stuff, and take care of the kids. It's the GASM (generally-acceptable societal norm).

zerocool:

Simple truth is, most career women don't do house chores. They have maid(s).

queensmith:

^^ *vomits*

The rate at which you've been vomitting all over this thread, you sure say you never carry belle?

@OP:
You carry style lazy small sha  
But then, you live in LAGOS. For those who live or have ever lived in LAGOS, the word 'stress' takes on a whole NEW MEANING.

So yeah, I understand - you have to leave home very early to beat TRAFFIC, work for 10hrs, get into TRAFFIC again. . .and by the time you finally get home, you are knocked out!

The solution to your "problem" is to work out a strategy that works for you. SO many people her have proffered practical solutions already.

For food, simply cook soups and stews and keep them in the freezer! Other foods like rice or yam can be easily made.
For washing, get a washing machine. Or get someone to come wash and iron every weekend
For cleaning, I don't think that should be too much of a chore if done regularly. But if it is, you can get a weekend cleaning person.

I'm not married but I also have those very "too-tired-from-work days". There have been times when all i eat is OATS. There have been times when I have bought like 3 packs of soup from a restaurant and put in my freezer to be eaten for one week. Sue me!! I have my lazy days weeks


P.S: It doesn't mean I wasn't brought up properly (according to the "angels" here)

So yeah, I understand. . .especially if you're just newly married. . .it'll take a little while for you to adjust. . .but you WILL after a while. Just try out different options and decide which best works for u

While she is cooking, is there anything wrong in the husband doing the dishes?
While she is taking shower, is it too much for the husband to make the bed?
If the husband gets home before her, is it too much for the husband to start the process of cooking?

we can do this all day, it will still boil down to you having to point out the legal clause which states this and the punishment for not doing so. Its backwards nonsense that should never be condoned.

queensmith:

Uju I absolutely agree with you, it's obvious the poster is trying to be some superwoman housewife like the typical wives she has been seeing and now realising it's not easy.

When she was single she may forgo cooking a 5hour pot of egunsi (and yes cooking naija food takes a minimum of 5hours exc going out to buy the stuff, it's stressful and tiring nobody should bother arguing with that) but now she's married she feels like its a necessity to have soup or stew in the house for them both to eat.s
and this is absolutely sensible-one should look after him/herself as they deem fit. What I don't understand is why she should take it upon herself alone. If they cook together it will take half the time. If they alternated schedules the task wouldnt be soo tiring. I understand when one has kids because a child cannot cook for itself but still the duties should be shared.

Anything beyond this is hogwash and nonsense. Why should I stress myself and die early so the dude can eat? I don't think so, we're both gonna get our 8 hours. I'm not losing a weekend or anything else for that matter for anybody.

violent:

These things won't work for me. . . .but then, I'm speaking for just me.    I'm not demanding that my wife must work to add to the family income, I see that as my primary responsibility and I'm happy to work my ar[i]s[/i]e off to provide for her and the family the things they will never need.  I wouldn't however include cleaning and cooking to those responsibilities, it just wouldn't work with me.

Ujujoan:



Being married is not equivalent to getting a maid. He did those things as a bachelor, why should it change now

queensmith:

we can do this all day, it will still boil down to you having to point out the legal clause which states this and the punishment for not doing so. Its backwards nonsense that should never be condoned.
people don't have maids in london- and most women there have jobs. explain that

queensmith:

Unfortunately I think Nigerian men believe so, the worst thing is they now behave as if theyre doing you a favour by marrying you! I'm finding all of this soo degrading, I see absolutely nothing dignifying in slaving all in the name of marriage. While the husband does what? Puts his feet on the coffee table and watches match of the day *vomit*!

Ninapha:


Let us be truthful to ourselves even if we are not doing these things in our homes.  Even the bible tells us the qualities of a virtuous woman and that of the head of the family.   No matter how modern we think marriage has become, we cannot take away the foundation.  If you have good relationship or understanding with ur husband on these things fine if not a wife should prepare her mind towards keeping the home while the man should prepare his mind towards providing for the home, that is not to say there wont be room for switching roles.  I give u example, My husband leaves home by 6 am and comes in earliest 7. 30 pm and i understand his schedules, i have never expected him to do any chores for me, but we understand that we need each other to pull thru.  If i am tired, we could eat any light food.  He washes his cloths on Saturdays  and believe me on Sundays he leaves the house by 7. 30am and comes in 4 pm, now tell me how he would sweep and do the cleaning for me..

He makes it up to me by understanding with me when i am worn-out.  Now i have a cousin staying with me but remember u cannot leave ur home in the hands of a maid beside u must have a standard in your home which she would follow suit else, , No one is enslaving anyone except when the heart of a woman is fighting her position in the family.

Ninapha:


Let us be truthful to ourselves even if we are not doing these things in our homes.  Even the bible tells us the qualities of a virtuous woman and that of the head of the family.   No matter how modern we think marriage has become, we cannot take away the foundation.  If you have good relationship or understanding with ur husband on these things fine if not a wife should prepare her mind towards keeping the home while the man should prepare his mind towards providing for the home, that is not to say there wont be room for switching roles.  I give u example, My husband leaves home by 6 am and comes in earliest 7. 30 pm and i understand his schedules, i have never expected him to do any chores for me, but we understand that we need each other to pull thru.  If i am tired, we could eat any light food.  He washes his cloths on Saturdays  and believe me on Sundays he leaves the house by 7. 30am and comes in 4 pm, now tell me how he would sweep and do the cleaning for me..

He makes it up to me by understanding with me when i am worn-out.  Now i have a cousin staying with me but remember u cannot leave ur home in the hands of a maid beside u must have a standard in your home which she would follow suit else, , No one is enslaving anyone except when the heart of a woman is fighting her position in the family.

@OP Plan yourself there is still more stress to come!

queensmith:

Unfortunately I think Nigerian men believe so, the worst thing is they now behave as if theyre doing you a favour by marrying you! I'm finding all of this soo degrading, I see absolutely nothing dignifying in slaving all in the name of marriage. While the husband does what? Puts his feet on the coffee table and watches match of the day *vomit*!

Sagamite:

Speak to your husband ASAP.

If you are starting work at 8am and finishing at 6.30pm, it is unreasonable to expect you to cook or even do major childcare task after work.

You should both sit down together and see if you can hire some to do the cooking. Even if it is someone that will come in for 2 hours a day Monday to Friday to cook you guys dinner and get paid anything from N200 - N1000 per day.

I bet there are thousands of people in Nigeria that will bite your hands off to do it and be employed. Maybe even University or Polytechnic students that need to supplement their schooling funds.

If you work that much, you should only cook in the weekend or on special occasions.

Sit him down and talk to him reasonably.

Ninapha:


Let us be truthful to ourselves even if we are not doing these things in our homes.  Even the bible tells us the qualities of a virtuous woman and that of the head of the family.   No matter how modern we think marriage has become, we cannot take away the foundation.  If you have good relationship or understanding with ur husband on these things fine if not a wife should prepare her mind towards keeping the home while the man should prepare his mind towards providing for the home, that is not to say there wont be room for switching roles.  I give u example, My husband leaves home by 6 am and comes in earliest 7. 30 pm and i understand his schedules, i have never expected him to do any chores for me, but we understand that we need each other to pull thru.  If i am tired, we could eat any light food.  He washes his cloths on Saturdays  and believe me on Sundays he leaves the house by 7. 30am and comes in 4 pm, now tell me how he would sweep and do the cleaning for me..

He makes it up to me by understanding with me when i am worn-out.  Now i have a cousin staying with me but remember u cannot leave ur home in the hands of a maid beside u must have a standard in your home which she would follow suit else, ,  No one is enslaving anyone except when the heart of a woman is fighting her position in the family.

@OP Plan yourself there is still more stress to come!

jay bee:

Wow Wow Wow Wow
What got into you Saga?

jay bee:

Wow Wow Wow Wow
What got into you Saga?