[font=Lucida Sans Unicode]ferhyntorlah(f):Pls help me tell your wife that one of your fellow Nairalander said she is indeed a virtuous woman. Reading your comments about her just made my day

I love it when women like her know how to handle 'hot' situation via her calmness. It shows she values your union.

I will tell her that…lyk I will always say wickedness is not a gift, every human being has a seed of it, but we all chose to work hard and be (good) like God. Before we marry, I knew I could get angry at the slightest provocation and I vow never to hit my wife and I told my wife to help me keep my promise to God and her. And she has been very helpful.

I hear a lot of people complaining about women nagging… it is in women’s nature to talk and God has wired all men to listen... not just with the ear, but the heart men should learn to do that. Adam was careless about that and Satan took advantage if it.

Are you married…I pray that God will help you meet a good man that will bring the best out of you

ferhyntorlah:
Pls help me tell your wife that one of your fellow Nairalander said she is indeed a virtuous woman. Reading your comments about her just made my day.

I love it when women like her know how to handle 'hot' situation via her calmness. It shows she values your union.

I will tell her that…lyk I will always say wickedness is not a gift, every human being has a seed of it, but we all chose to work hard and be (good) like God. Before we marry, I knew I could get angry at the slightest provocation and I vow never to hit my wife and I told my wife to help me keep my promise to God and her. And she has been very helpful.

I hear a lot of people complaining about women nagging… it is in women’s nature to talk and God has wired all men to listen... not just with the ear, but the heart men should learn to do that. Adam was careless about that and Satan took advantage if it.

Are you married…I pray that God will help you meet a good man that will bring the best out of you

Infact, i dont know where to start from because im just month into it and a full disc cant hold the experience.

As-salaam:
Infact, i dont know where to start from because im just month into it and a full disc cant hold the experience.

One month and it is more than 1 full disc??.....i hope it is in a good way ooo

ok, i get it, months..........

Agbenyiess: My First year in marriage, it was fun and it is still fun. My wife was virtually a virgin-in all things (if you know what I mean) when I married her. At first it was frustrating, but when I saw her teachability, we took time to begin to learn and grow together. We have not ague or quarrel so to say, any time am angry and blowing hot, she will just keep quite and patiently Waite for me to cool-down ( I love her for that, as that has help strengthen our relationship), and then she will apologize for her action and try to adjust. She use to call her mum about everything, I had to put my foot on the ground for that to stop. Of course she could call her mum as much as she want but not on issue that pertain to the family, especially the ones we could handle. In marriage, I learnt about how delicate female emotion is and ensure I protect my wife’s. It breaks my heart when I see her cry (even though it’s the most cherished hubby of women), I also leant how analytical and meticulous women are in their thinking. I take advantage of my wife’s a lot (you need to have a concrete plan of vision, then ask them to think it through for you and at the end you will clearly see all the advantages and disadvantages) and it has save me from a lot of errors. Generally marriage is fun, if you married the right person and not your fellow man. Singles, stop testing the waters, plunge in, and you won’t drown… Our most challenging expeirnce was when we had our first child, it was thru CS, and was very challenging I thought, it was not going to end. I thank God for saving her life and giver her unusual strength.[[color=#000099][/color]

rabzy: Five Months in and going steady, no quarrels at all, both of us respects each other, i have grown to know her for 5 yrs before wedding and i know when she is about to get in a mood and how to handle it, then she has stopped all those things that use to frustrate me during the courtship which has made it also very smooth for us, tho she told me she throws those tantrums, because she misses me and wants to get my attention. Now she has my full attention 24 hours and all those things have fizzled away.

Its been a beautiful 6 months, though i miss going out to watch my matches in the midst of all the crazy football fans and talking myself hoarse, she has banned it.

U must have seen the ''ban'' coming!
LOL.
God bless u OP...such an everlasting thread on Nairaland!

Jemibee: My 1st year was great with little or no quarrels(none that i can remember). Also got pregnant immediately after my wedding so things were really going as planned. Mom in law came in 2wks b4 i gave birth and her son had bought her a 4mths ticket(without informing me of the period). Even when i got to know, i didn't think it was too long a time to stay with us(even if i did, she was already with us). Did i mention we live outside 9ja and it was her 1st time travelling abroad. She came and was initially very nice only for her to also interrupt when we're discussing, wanting to know what/who we're talking about.

The most painful part came after i gave birth. They started talking about some type of sacrificial food i must eat because they are from a royal family(royal family without a palace/people)!! Guys, i almost lost it. The food had thais serious smell and was cooked without maggi/salt. She also said i musn't eat anyother thg for 1week. I suffered!! As a new mom(my mom had passed a yr before and my siblings all live in the US), it was really tough on me. I'd cry all day and she began acting funny because i objected to eating her concortion.

My hubby is the very loving type but unfortunately has never stood up to defend me in my presence. I stood my ground on this issue.

She later left 4mths later. 8mths later, his younger brother came to live with us. He's been here for 6mths now and after him i'm sure, another would be coming. Still,at the slightest quarrel, he claims it's my fault and starts calling all my siblings. In short, this 2nd yr is the worst. We used to be really close but i don't know what's been happening to us.

I'm fed up but what can i do? I'm not willing to leave cos i love him and i just must work towards the success of our mariage but i must admit, i'm no longer a happy person. If i had the ressources too, maybe i'd be a happier person.

In short, just for u all to knw that to every mariage, it's challenges. None is as perfect as it appears.

oh God! who would have thought such traditions still exist. My Mum talks of a woman who refused to eat such in our family. Nothing happened to her and so no one else ate it after her, stopping the tradition long before her own marriage.

1st 6 months was bliss. we couldnt stay apart from each other. reality hit like later. money issues. ego issues. work strain. we're still working at it. but we are happy.

I love this thread for sure.

My first year was the best, we were living in different states and visits every two weeks alternatively. I loved the suspense, the gifts, the tears of pains of living each other for the next two weeks, the hunger and the waits. Then the second year, i had to join him and hell was let loose. so much quarrels over dos and don"ts, habits and finances. Thank God we are better today,giving up our excesses and understanding our differences, respecting our strength and building each others weakness. Honey,In All your I AM THE MAN, I cherish your honesty, readiness to makeup and commitment to our union. You are the man

EVEN BEFORE GETTING MARRIED I'VE SWORE TO SUCCEED IN ANY MARRIED AM GOING TO GET MY SELF INVOLVED IN. GOD HELP ME, AND THAT WOMAN

Week 12 and 13 - We went to a native (medical) doctor to confirm that the period was actually lost. The first doctor encouraged us to have hope because we will find it after nine months. The second doctor also said the same, so we resigned to waiting (we are still waiting even now). My concern is that her belly is swelling and that makes the waiting a one sided affair for me. The downside is that the whole blame of loosing the period is on me. I couldnt disagree because she made me understand that she had been seeing the period monthly for the past 12 years and that it couldnt just have disappeared less than three months after she came to live in my house without me having a hand in the disappearance. Come to think of it, i think she was right.

Week 14, 15, 16 and on and on - My punishment was that since i stole the period, most of the cooking and dish washing now rests with me. As a thief, i accepted the punishment without complaining. I have been thinking about how to counter this cooking issue and i believe i have found a plan. To be cotnd.

Woow, love this thread. Learning so much and realizing that we do not have it that bad.

We got married august 20, 2011, its been 7 months. The evening of the wedding, I left with my husband and my in-laws at their place. According to their culture I was supposed to stay there for 1 week to 2weeks for so called "training". I have always been independent and I have lived alone since I was 19 yrs old so that didnt go well with me esp when they had me serve other men of the family, telling in front of everybody which part of the chicken I should serve them, Nonsense! but I didnt say anything, thank God we had already secured our apartment, on the other side of town and luckily my husband had just started a new job close to our apartment a week before we got married. So the next day in the afternoon, we told them that we were not staying and that we are moving into our place which is ready for us. They talked and talked and talked but we stood our grounds. They said they have to go and do some ceremonials, sing, and do all these rituals for blessing and fertility in that house and all kinds of things (they are very traditional), and hubby hates all this protocol. They told him he can go move in and they will come with me and bring my things. I told him before that I would not let him leave me there. We chose not to tell them before coz we knew what their reaction would be. Anyways, they were not too happy but they got over it. I had already won their heart before and I worked on building real friendship with some of them so they got over it, the weekend after I cooked a lot of food and brought it to them, they were happy.

The first 2 weeks I realized that I was "married" and kind of had that feeling of being "stuck" even if I end up not liking it. We had a rather uneventful first 3 months. Money was tough because I stopped working because of circumstances beyond our control. But it we were happy for the most part. There is this one area in our marriage that was really confusing me, and we are working on it, but apart from that, I have a good, hard-working, responsible, simple, humble, loving husband. I love him and he loves me back. We both value family alot and uphold marriage so we try to work things out. What I love about him is that he always makes the first step after we argue or if I get mad even if its my fault. He forgives and forget and I do the same. My family loves him and his family loves me. We are lucky to be just the 2 of us and we are loving it. We both love being home. I would rather entertain at home than going out, have people over (I love cooking) and he loves playing dj and bartender. We both also have our space, he works with computer so I give him his space with computer and his computer geek friends and go out to my family, or window shopping lol. He gives me space too, I am more religious than he is (I keep praying for him so that God touches his heart), so I am free to go to my prayer meetings and church when I want to.

The reality of marriage is often disappointing at first when you compare it with the ideals or idea that you once had but everything ends up falling into place if you learn to accept what you have, and deal with it in the most positive manner while remaining loving, wise and open. We are different when it comes to certain things and it hurts me a little, but knowing of deeply he loves me and how loyal he is makes up for it. I can say that despite our issues I feel safer and little more secure in the marriage. There are just 2 things that would fulfill me if I didnt have to deal with it: Conceiving, I just can't wait anymore to get pregnant (we cant start trying, he says is not ready, me says he is just scared and I dont understand why he can't just quit being scared, and man up in that area, that paralyzing fear is starting to take a toll on me), and something else that I wont share

asoderock: I ve been married for roughly a year now, and I must admit that it has really been difficult. Although we started dating just before she entered medical schl and hv been seeing once in a while since then: I am based far frm her schl. But suddenly the separation is driving me crazy and the strain is complicating matters for us, to the extent that the marriage is at the brink of collapse. But my wife seem not to understand the toll that the resultant stress has taking on me. Guess she s putting her career first.

Though, yet to marry, but Im sure with prayer and patience, everything will work out well IJN!
But, u will still need to call her and discuss at length!

Hey I like this trend. Ah, my first year was somehow tough. What i envisioned was not what i met. i was so scared that i hope the marriage will crash. But thank God today we are enjoying the marriage now. The 1st yr was the year of serious examination. Examination in the sense we have not stay 24hours together before. It was a time of knowing each other ability and disability. the time of adjustment though it is not easy cos the two of us would like to defend ourself for taking that decision. I really thank God for the wife God gave me she is understandable. No wander Bible says ENI KENI TI O BA RI AYA RERE FE, O RI OJU RERE LOWO OLUWA (He that foundeth a good wife found favour from the Lord' Once i speak she got the clue. I love my wife and i can do anything to continue to make her happy on daily basis. She is strong, committed to duty at home, wake as early as 4am while not working in an office. i call her "AYANFE". I pray we shall all enjoy not enduring our marriages in IJN.

ZUBY77: Week 12 and 13 - We went to a native (medical) doctor to confirm that the period was actually lost. The first doctor encouraged us to have hope because we will find it after nine months. The second doctor also said the same, so we resigned to waiting (we are still waiting even now). My concern is that her belly is swelling and that makes the waiting a one sided affair for me. The downside is that the whole blame of loosing the period is on me. I couldnt disagree because she made me understand that she had been seeing the period monthly for the past 12 years and that it couldnt just have disappeared less than three months after she came to live in my house without me having a hand in the disappearance. Come to think of it, i think she was right.

Week 14, 15, 16 and on and on - My punishment was that since i stole the period, most of the cooking and dish washing now rests with me. As a thief, i accepted the punishment without complaining. I have been thinking about how to counter this cooking issue and i believe i have found a plan. To be cotnd.

Toooo funny!!!! Make sure you find the period and bring it back in 9 months. And don't worry, in general the 2nd trimester is not as difficult as the 1st one. She might agree to resume cooking if you continue playing nice guy. There is reward in punishment, LOL!

ZUBY77: Week 12 and 13 - We went to a native (medical) doctor to confirm that the period was actually lost. The first doctor encouraged us to have hope because we will find it after nine months. The second doctor also said the same, so we resigned to waiting (we are still waiting even now). My concern is that her belly is swelling and that makes the waiting a one sided affair for me. The downside is that the whole blame of loosing the period is on me. I couldnt disagree because she made me understand that she had been seeing the period monthly for the past 12 years and that it couldnt just have disappeared less than three months after she came to live in my house without me having a hand in the disappearance. Come to think of it, i think she was right.

Week 14, 15, 16 and on and on - My punishment was that since i stole the period, most of the cooking and dish washing now rests with me. As a thief, i accepted the punishment without complaining. I have been thinking about how to counter this cooking issue and i believe i have found a plan. To be cotnd.

no thief shall go unpunished. period or cash!

Sagamite:

My God!

Can people just type in English for heavens sake.

I first thought how did this become a New York city thread (nyc).

What is so hard in tpying "nice" instead of "nyc"?

What is so hard in typing "and" instead of "nd"?

What is so hard in typing "matter" instead of "mata"?

What is so hard in typing "overcome" instead of "ovacome"?

This is just self-degeneration at its best when one needs to be aiming for self-development.

Allow am now!
Atleat u cld understand d msg!
Dont tell me u've been out of Naija for over 15yrs!

Marriage sweet die ooo.Heaven is already here! First year of marriage gave me a feeling that all those who complained in their marriages were just exaggerating things. Till date I find it difficult to understand what is suppose to be causing problems. When we argue or disagree,it is with 49% frowns and 51% smiles and generally ends with me getting stronger errection and she longer forreplay and deeper orgassm. I learned a long time ago that just when u feel u may raise ur voice to drive home your points you should just lie down and u will see how impossible it is to shout at your spouse (You will have to speak with normal voice.Misunderstandings never degenerate unless u raise your voice).It works for me.
Till date she still complains about me sometimes forgetting to flush the toilet and she hates the sight of shiit (mine inclusive). I just say something like "Ooooh I am so sorry. When next you shiit just retaliate by not flushing.I will come do the flushing and we are even." It always ends in smiles.

Till date,I complain about her many shortcomings but we always end up smiling without raising our voices. If i have another heart I still will give it to her.If I live another life I still will spend it with her.LIFE IS GOOD.

wow!!! i like this thread though new on nairaland. learning a lot though yet to be married.

this thread rocks.....tnx God that at least smone is potraying the good sides of marriage..well im looking forward to it to ma friend of 5 years who turned ma boyfriend of 2 years....i pray the lord keeps u guys and your husbands together in love amen and as for those that are going through 1 problem or the other its ma prayer that the good lord restores even much more than the love that was between you guys dring your courtship days...amen

ayobase:

Allow am now!
Atleat u cld understand d msg!
Dont tell me u've been out of Naija for over 15yrs!

Took me much longer to comprehend it than if the negligible effort of writing in good English was used.

If that is the culture in Nigeria, I don't want to be part of it.

It really does not make sense. It is not justifiable. It is not an improvement.

All the opposite of things I aim for in life.

All sounds good. It was a testing time for me because I do not like to eat any food apart from the food cooked by my MOTHER. During our dating period I like the Mr. BIGGS as a cover up not knowing that it will catch up with me.
But anyhow sha we made it to work.
Learn a lot and answered a lot of quetions, a lot of introduction to some delicacies.
Thank God for the experience it worth it.

Interesting thread

Sagamite, you are always funny.

i hate cretinic writings too.

@rokiatu(
Poster, So when are you getting into one or are you in now? Just find your rib and you will enjoy the process because it takes lots of understudy of yourselves for years. The taste of friendship is not the taste of marriage. Never marry out of sympathy. Money is a vita part of a sweet marriage but must not be why you should go into marriage.

During your first year, its always sweet and after the first child, many men tend to look down on their wife and start having affairs outside and no more ice crem,e cards, sweet talks, conversations and its likes. Lots of things involved in marriage. But to sell through in marriage, be patient, tolerant, ready to have conversation with your partner but never stay in a violent marriage.

Sagamite:

Took me much longer to comprehend it than if the negligible effort of writing in good English was used.

If that is the culture in Nigeria, I don't want to be part of it.

It really does not make sense. It is not justifiable. It is not an improvement.

All the opposite of things I aim for in life.

Well, hia I gez sndn an SMS is quit expnsiv dan d rate ova dia. So, we tnd 2abbrviat as much as posibl in oda 2......

Well, here I guess sendin an SMS is quite expensive than the rate over there. So we tend to abbreviate as many words as possible in order to convey more words in a page.
This is also well used in chattings here (yahoo mess,pinging, 2go, whatapp, nimbuzz and d likes of them)
I wanna believe that the guy must have been carried away while posting here, since there is no per alphabet charging here!

But, u too worry sha!

Week 20 - BY now, it has occured to me that watching Manchester United is no longer in our programme. First in line is Magic Africa, followed closely by some gossip station which i cant recall the name right now and finally the Emmanuel Tv by a man called TB Joshua (the station i hate with passion). This station was forced down my throat by mrs zuby. My anger is that each time you open this station, this black man is healing someone, cripples, mad people, deaf people, dumb people, people with aids etc etc. C'mon even Jesus cant do all that.
Secondly, going outside to watch the matches is subject for permission by her and that is if she is in a good mood. Initially when she started, i thought i married a terrorist but eventually it dawned on me that i am no longer a bachelor and that sometimes 'I have to compromise what i want in order to do what is right'

week 21 - I returned from work one afternoon because the sun was so hot, only to meet mrs Zuby crying in the sitting room. I approached her suspiciously since i didnt know what the problem was. When she eventually stopped crying, she got up, hugged me and said ' You are the best thing that ever happened to me' . I didnt ask her why she said that since my tears was almost comming out. I just carried her up, kissed her and said ' Angel, you know that i could never have been happier in my life without you' . That afternoon, we drove down to Enugu, visited, 8hours, Toscana, Shoprite and Zoo estate. It became a mistake later as she fell in love with the city and demanded that we relocate to Enugu. We had a little argument about it and i later asked questions on this forum about the best place to live in the East. Enugu eventually won. To be contd.

ayobase:

Well, hia I gez sndn an SMS is quit expnsiv dan d rate ova dia. So, we tnd 2abbrviat as much as posibl in oda 2......

Well, here I guess sendin an SMS is quite expensive than the rate over there. So we tend to abbreviate as many words as possible in order to convey more words in a page.
This is also well used in chattings here (yahoo mess,pinging, 2go, whatapp, nimbuzz and d likes of them)
I wanna believe that the guy must have been carried away while posting here, since there is no per alphabet charging here!

But, u too worry sha!

It really is annoying to try and read it.

ZUBY77: Week 20 - BY now, it has occured to me that watching Manchester United is no longer in our programme. First in line is Magic Africa, followed closely by some gossip station which i cant recall the name right now

That is why I believe in 2 TVs in the home.

Watch your Eastenders in the sitting room and I will watch my football and news in the bedroom.

ZUBY77:
and finally the Emmanuel Tv by a man called TB Joshua (the station i hate with passion). This station was forced down my throat by mrs zuby. My anger is that each time you open this station, this black man is healing someone, cripples, mad people, deaf people, dumb people, people with aids etc etc. C'mon even Jesus cant do all that.

This na one wey I no go fit tolerate.

If she no fit watch am online with airphones, or something like that that would not lead to me being tortured, then everytime she sits down and changes the channel to watch this, I would get out my calabash, staffs and beads full of concusion and place it in the corridor of the house surrounded with black candles.

She would then hear me chanting in low voice from the background.

Anuofia Joshua!

This is one of the best threads ever on Nairaland. I am just 4 months into marriage. I have only been under the same roof with my wife, mother and siblings for one month after marriage. After the first month post marriage, I have returned to my offshore base to resume work. Well, first month after marriage I would say was good enough for reality and bad for fantasies we both had in our heads before marriage. We dated for 3-5yrs (on and off) before we got married but I must say we didn't know each other well enough. We argued about almost everything in the 1 month we lived together, quarelled on a number of occasions. She has the habit of quarelling and being moody about everything. On a number of occasions she'd brought a third party into our issues. Mostly her Mum. On one ocassion, her mum called me and gave me like warning first but when my own response was with no smileys.The warnings turned to advice. That annoyed me a lot because I don't want somebody to run my family for me. She complained of me being uncaring and I guess that was due to having to live under the same roof with my mother and siblings. You know there was a limit to how I could communicate love with people around. She's still in 9ja and since I returned we have been talking how we could make things better. I guess most itches we had was due to not being free and 3rd parties and of course we both have a lot of work to do.

I am encouraged my all the responses on this thread. Most especially those with rough experiences in the initial days. I believe there are better days ahead for us too.

Just started lastweek nd it has been fun just dat he get irratated at things nd nags at them often bt i ve decided is what i ve to take b4 he learns to be civil. Am cool anyway nd enjoying it with gud faith

First few months of marriage was hectic; full of misunderstanding despite d fact dat we dated for almost 5yrs. It was so serious 1day dat i had 2 leave d house in d nite and drove down 2 sleep @ my parents.
I remember also her going back on our pre-marriage agreement dat she will not get pregnant in d 1st 6 months. We had to cut down to 3months.
I also had 2 come 2 terms with d fact dat d house no longer belongs 2 me alone; she has to have her space too. It was difficult 4 someone like me who likes 2 keep all 2 himself.
I rememba with smiles our having fun anywhere in d house; kitchen, bathroom,sitting room, bedroom, anywhere. I really miss dis as we now have kids.
4 years down d road, with 2 kids, i'm happy i married d woman i married. If not for her submissiveness, we wouldn't be together now.
Thank God for his mercies.