Outstrip: I wish all these men would be as vocal when a woman comes on here and says that her mother in law has been living with her for 3 years and its time for mama to leave. They will ask her if she is the one who married the man or if he married her. That is why this culture thing is bullshit to me. Always has and always will. If you are going to say that she should not whine then please drop the culture thing all together. Anyway it seems that they are not ready to get married. The man especially is not ready and he has been expressing it quite clearly

dayokanu:

With the Mother in law no problem as long as your Daughter in law does exactly the same to you in the next 30yrs.


Anything you do to your MIL, May your DIl do exactly the same to you.

I wonder how many women would say Amen to this prayer

chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding?



Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.

taryour:

it is totally bad to borrow money for ur wedding.. Its not by force to av a big elaborate wedding n besides lots of food will b waisted were there are some ppl out there hungry and wunt even mind eating d leftovers. Cut ur cloth accordin to ur size but if u insist on a big wedding then u shouldnt av a problem dropin d 80% of d funds if u av d money,afterall d house he got n renovated is for d both of u n ur future kids. This happens only once in a life time so no big deal in carrying d expence, marriage is abt love,so if u truely love him n want him for d rest of ur life use d funds u av n a assure u he would appreciate it n cherish u forever but that dosnt mean U SHOULD PUT IT TO HIS FACE AFTER MARRIAGE THAT AFTERALL U FOOTHED ALL D BILLS WEN U AV ARGUMENTS IN UR UNION. If u ever do such then u are shame to womanhood.

blank: Whose money will he spend before? My father's own?

I am not averse to bringing money for the running of our household. Infact, my husband and i have a joint savings account and we have the online password to our salary accounts. Still, somethings are a given. He foots majority of the bills and i spend 50% of mine on savings and then bring out some for the house. Our monthly budget has items solely for my pleasure and at my discretion and he is cool with that.

This wedding she is talking about has been planned for 2 years yet he still is not ready? Na wa o. Shebi i have money, ok o.

odo_von_nestor: Going by culture the man should foot the bill for d wedding. That's d way it should be in africa culture, if he doesn't have enough he should cut to his size. Our custom demands dat a marry should take the whole responsibilty "to be a man ino easy".

That doesn't mean dat d woman should use her money in running of the family buh it must be after she has been married int the house.

But to be sincere our women ar not helping matter. Many of them ar stingy nd believe dat d man should bear evry expenses including dat of a broom in d house. Imagine a colleague told me that her wife wz sick nd he took her to d hospital. D hospital bill wz 20k nd he had only 10k wth him he had to plead wth d doctor so dat he wll bring d blanace later. To his suprise when they got home he open d hand bag d wife was carrying from hospital and saw 40k there. Buh she can't support her own hospital bill. He lamented dat d wife neva use her money to support d running of d family

May our women has a plan.

Tgirl4real:

I didn't even see this part earlier.

Poster, I see why your hubby is beginning to give you an attitude. You should be glad you have a hubby that doesn"t wanna live beyond his means.

If he borrows, who pays it back? I will rather not put my guy under unnecessary pressure if I can bail him out. The koko is the guys mentality towards it and the understanding between you two.. As long as he is not the type that doesn't see anything wrong living off women, then you can go all out.

Like I said earlier, if you aint ready to help out, postpone the wedding till he is financially bouyant while you watch him marry another girl in a low key wedding

Outstrip:

That would still be a matter of irresponsibility on the part of the tenant. Why give your money up when you know that landlords do this all the time. Like you said though there is the option of shifting the wedding forward

Outstrip: Okay I am still trying to understand why you rent a home and spend that kind of money to renovate it. What were the renovations he had to put into another persons property that had to compromise the funds they had set aside for the wedding

moremi2008: Nigerian women need to think carefully about their marital expectations. You can't eat your cake and have it too. You can't demand to be treated as a partner but refuse to act like a true partner when the chips are down.

chaircover: I know that you guys don’t like it but you can’t have our cake and eat it. This is our culture & no matter how long we have lived in the Western world, we still embrace our culture. It is this same culture that doesn’t see anything wrong in a man chasing his wife out of the home with the clothes on her back; the same culture that expects the wife to totally submit and pamper her in-laws. What haven’t I seen in this section of nairaland. A wife being threatened with divorce because she hasn’t conceived in 3 months or a wife in big trouble because she served her in-laws with the wrong type of meat

A culture where the man is treated like a king, a culture that has been in place from before our great grandparents were born; so tell my what do you expect when you start changing the dynamics of relationships?

The man proposed to the woman and said please will you marry me; so how exactly did he intend to marry the woman in the first instance?

Don’t get me wrong; I am happy to put some money down, but a whopping 80%? So effectively she is paying for the whole wedding say minus a few things.

By the way, my borrowing you the money rather than just giving it to you, is actually doing you a favour. Why? Because I am saving you from your own ego. The ego that will go loopy and go into overdrive the day I decided to cook eba instead of amala and you will turn round and say “ Chinwe its not your fault o! Because you paid for the wedding abi? Any little thing will be “chinwe you are disrespecting me because you bought the suit I wore on my wedding”

You guys need to make up your minds . . . seriously. . . . . Like I said, you cant have your cake and eat it.

And as for the couple, please cut your coat according to your ankara.

Genius100:

What culture are you talking about? Are you not Yoruba? In Yoruba culture, the bride's family is supposed to pay for the entire wedding..

jennykadry: I am...from ABIA STATE...

Cuteobi:
Pay for ur wedding and become his doormat tomoro.don't be surprised if he says he didn't want to marry u and u forced urself on him by takiing care of d weddin bills.nne go for wateva the 20% will get u guys and when u get the ring 'ur money can now become our money'

BE WISE!!

leksiding: Nawo o. Am i the only one getting married

chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding?



Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.