Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,095 members, 7,953,341 topics. Date: Thursday, 19 September 2024 at 02:36 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Klassyguy's Profile / Klassyguy's Posts
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (of 12 pages)
Family / My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand (feedback) by klassyguy(m): 4:28pm On Apr 06, 2022 |
https://www.nairaland.com/7047022/sons-behavior-getting-out-hand Good day everyone. So after all the advice, criticism, and others from my previous thread on this topic, I had a chat with my wife about taking my son for an evaluation. Like I mentioned in the previous thread, I had spoken to my mum and asked her if I was ever tested when I was younger, and she told me the school advised they do the test on me, which came out negative for ADHD. With that in mind, I convinced my wife to let us at least rule it out. I took him for the test last Wednesday morning, The little guy seemed nervous. He was not the usual chatterbox that he was whenever we were in the car. The doctor took him in and after about an hour, they came out. He told me he will have the results sent to me as soon as they were ready. On Monday, the call came through. He asked me a couple of questions about the boy which I answered. He said from the cognitive tests and analysis they conducted, they see NO SIGN OF ADHD. The result came out negative. He told me that during the test, he first had a bit of a struggle getting him to concentrate. But what made him initially doubt ADHD was later on in the evaluation, my son repeated every single thing the doctor had thought he was not paying attention to. As in everything. Word for word. He also said he was quite impressed when he started telling him about things he usually observed in kids that were way older than he was. His conclusion - the kid is just bored. He is not being challenged enough. He said he has a very bright mind and we should try develop him. I thought about it too - the little guy is six. If he was in Nigeria today, he would be in primary 3. We Africans generally have brighter minds than other nations. He would have been doing more challenging stuff than the Grade 1 material he's doing now. Thank you all for your suggestions and comments. Now that I know he isn't going through any mental "hell", I believe challenging him is the next thing I have to figure out. Like i mentioned, I put him in a soccer club and so far, with gentle prodding, he seems to be doing better. I also talk to him more and remind him everyday when going to school to behave. He seems to take the advice and his teacher told his mom last week that he behaves in class more. I rewarded him with some hours on the PS5 on Saturday and he was very happy. He recently asked me to get him a new James Train to replace the one he misplaced when we were moving house, and I told him if he behaves more in school, I will. 8 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 2:12pm On Mar 29, 2022 |
To those of you trying to reach out to me privately on DM, I apologize. I no longer have access to the email I used to create this NL account. |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 8:05pm On Mar 28, 2022 |
LordReed: I beg to disagree. I know exactly what was meant by "hell". I know for the first five years here in the US we had it a bit tough, but my wife and I made sure the kids did not lack in any way. My son has no issue communicating with me. If he was struggling mentally, I would know. He tells me anything that's bothering him. He once told me one of the kids in a higher grade tried to bully him during recess by telling him to "go back to your jungle". I had to call the school authorities who looked into the matter and they found out it was true. They had the parents of the kid apologize to me and the kid apologize to my son. So if it comes to communication, he knows I got him covered. I spoke to my mum over the weekend (she's a registered nurse and has also worked with kids in the past) and asked if I was ever tested for ADHD when I was around his age. She told me my school advised I get tested then as I was so restless, but it came out negative. That I was just naturally active. So at least there's that. But having monitored him for a few days now, he has been very calm and not acting overly excited. Maybe it's due to the soccer games he had over the weekend. I've already made an appointment with his doctor, so I'll wait and see. Thanks alot for your concern. |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 7:44pm On Mar 28, 2022 |
Nagasaki7: 1. He does not display separation anxiety. More often than not he likes to play alone without being disturbed. 2. He does not have any restrictive feeding, though he likes to choose what he eats. But the guy dey chow no be small. 3. He is not aggressive. In actual sense he is calm like me. He usually fusses once every now and then, but not to the extent that he injures himself. 4 Nope. He does not do any of those. 5. His handwriting is the same. It hasn't changed. 6. Nope, the little due wears anything clean and available. 7. The funny thing is he does not panic when there's any loud sounds or bright lights. The day he reacted in school was the first time it happened. I did a quick test over the weekend by repeatedly switching the lights on and off, and all he asked was why was I playing with the light like that. 8. He does. He can also read our moods. 9. He has quite a few friends. Like I mentioned, he is a very open and friendly kid. The only thing is he is the only boy among all the kids with our family friends. His only male friends are in his class. If any of them come around, he shares his toys and they all have a good time when they are all together. |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 4:14pm On Mar 26, 2022 |
I appreciate all the comments, suggestions, and criticisms from everyone. Some of the comments reminded me of some things I have observed of him. 1. He does seem to be technical. My son talks about trains, fire engines, and other stuff. He has several toy trains and he is always taking them apart and tries to put them back together. 2. Contrary to some comments, I manage their screen time. They do not watch anything or play the PS5 until the weekend. The games he plays are not violent. I intentionally have Parental Control on the console, and he only asks me to download his train simulator, Firetruck games, and once in a while he plays the Lego Jurassic park. 3. He knows he gets to only play during the weekend. So he doesn't even bother asking for the PS or even logging into Youtube until Saturday or Sunday. He does not go behind my back to play it while I'm not hime, and if he does want to play on weekends and I'm not home, he always calls me on his mom's phone to ask for permission first. Most of the week, he just plays with his toys and lego bricks. Like some of you fine people said, he may be bored at the level he is and needs something more challenging. I remember one day I caught him watching something out of the norm. I insisted he showed me what he was watching. The kid was shaking that day. Only for me to see a video on how airplanes work. I asked him why he was scared, and he told me he thought I will slap him for watching something other than kids stuff on YouTube. another day he asked me if we can continue to watch the video I was watching on History channel. I asked him which video, and he said "Bismarck". I was surprised he knew about it, and when I asked him what it was, he said it was a big battleship that shoots. Right now as I type this, I can see him watching something about the design of school buses. I plan on setting up an appointment to see his pediatrician this week to rule out the ADHD. Thank you all and I will keep you all posted. 4 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 11:25am On Mar 26, 2022 |
moviemaker: I have no problem receiving constructive criticism now and then, but when you dive into cheap condescending insults is where I draw the line. If it was about my ego, I wouldn't bring the topic up in the first place. People calling others stupid because you seek for advice reeks of pettiness to me. And I don't blame them. It's the world of social media we are in. I don't take it lightly when you tell me I'm putting my kids through hell just because I haven't tried an option yet. All I came here for was opinions from other parents on issues like this, not for people to slander me on their high horses like they know better. 12 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 9:48pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
ottiz: Thanks for your advice. |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 9:47pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
pocohantas: Funny enough he responds positively. He is very willing to listen when other kids, especially his sister, tea he's him stuff. He just doesn't like being overwhelmed and forced into doing things he doesn't like doing. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 9:45pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
DontBullshitMe: Yeah, it's growing up he needs right about now. 10 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 8:32pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Beremx: Amen oh. Amen. I do have talks with him, but you know youthful minds. He knew I was not happy with him yesterday, so he was hiding from me throughout. I noticed he did not come to stay with me on the bed in the middle of the night like he usually does. This morning he was trying to cautiously gauge my anger by talking to me or giving me some things i usually go for before heading to work(my car keys, phone, laptop bag). I was like "omode a dagba sha". 35 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 8:01pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Ulunne777: Yes thank you very much again for your mature opinion. The boy does look forward to his practice. I'm also considering enrolling him and his sister for swim classes as well. He plays with his trains at home and he likes building blocks as well. He has a ton of HotWheels cars and he's always asking me to buy him more. He is very good with his hands, that I know. I just want him to put that enthusiasm in his school work as well and stop being a nuisance in his class. 19 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 7:39pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Ulunne777: Thank you very much. The funny thing is i do not even allow them to watch anything until the weekend. They know they have their school work to do each time they get home. One issue I figured is my son gets bored easily. He gets tired of things once he has done them more than twice or thrice. When I call and tell him we would work on his homeworks when I get home, more often than not he would have done them before I get home. He is the kind of kid who can't sit still in one place for long and gets distracted, which was how I was when I was his age. That's why I decided to enroll him into the U8 soccer team he is. He has been there for a few weeks now and i hope that helps him. 15 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 7:26pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Kobojunkie: Hence the reason why you choose to use the condescending tone you're using to refer to another person's kid. I get it, we are on a faceless platform where you can air your utterances freely. My kid is not going through any kind of hell. You wouldn't like it if someone speaks of your three boys like that. My boy is a very lively and lovely kid. Everyone he meets sees him as a very bright kid. He just has some behavioral issues which I believe is normal for a boy his age. I posted this topic to seek opinions on how to tackle them, not to hear insults, so kindly refrain from acting like you're a better parent than others cos you have it easy with yours. We are mature enough to share ideas on how to handle our children's development to make them better people without delving to the level of insults. Not all children are the same. 127 Likes 12 Shares |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 6:04pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Brogrammer: She said because I had the same behavior when I was a kid. I believe she is just scared. 2 Likes |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 6:01pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Kobojunkie: I came here for advice on how to tackle a problem, not for a lecture on whether I am doing a good job of raising my kids. I've raised my kids the best way I feel. Not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you need inputs of other parents. Most of the time when I flog him, he behaves. His teacher has told me on several occasions he behaves after I "talk" to him, but it is not all the time one should spank a kid when he misbehaves. Training kids is not only achieved at home. They also have to learn and be corrected in school where their parents are not present, and that's where teachers come in. As for the test, if you read my initial post, I clearly mentioned I AM OPEN TO TAKING HIM FOR AN ADHD TEST. It's my wife that's against it. I can't do that without her input and support. How would you feel if your spouse goes behind your back to do something with both your kids without your support and knowledge? 105 Likes 6 Shares |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 4:47pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Kobojunkie: Taking him for a test is not my problem. Their mother is against it. I cannot do that without her support. And the thought of moving to Nigeria was just a thought. We both have been chewing on that for a while now. Raising kids in this environment, particularly in today's US, is not as easy as you think. When I grew up in Nigeria, I had teachers who would flog the daylights out of you for misbehaving in class, and once you get home, you will get additional cane. I know how many times my dad broke cables on my back for misbehaving in school, and that is after I got punished by my teachers. Those beatings straightened me out and made me who I am today. Here, teachers cannot lay their hands on kids as they can be arrested for abusing the child. I've seen it play out several times and it is not pretty. Even the good ol' "ass whopping" families give their kids when they misbehave is frowned on as one nosy neighbor can call child services and report that you're abusing your kids. 102 Likes 4 Shares |
Family / Re: My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 4:09pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
Zonefree: I see nothing wrong in buying a game console for my kids. Besides he only plays train simulators, overcooked, and lego jurassic world. And they know they only get to play it on weekends for a few hours, which they adhere to. So the PS5 is not the issue. 210 Likes 10 Shares |
Family / My Son's Behavior Is Getting Out Of Hand by klassyguy(m): 3:57pm On Mar 25, 2022 |
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly. My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down. This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on. I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there. I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids. Any advice would be welcome from parents out there. 76 Likes 8 Shares |
Forum Games / Re: What's Bothering You Right Now? by klassyguy(m): 12:12pm On May 18, 2011 |
My fiancee back in Nigeria is being bugged by her ex-boyfriend of over 7 years ago for her hand in mariage, after his own marriage crashed and is in the process of getting a divorce |
Romance / Re: Cost Of Weddings by klassyguy(m): 8:42pm On May 10, 2011 |
^^^that's exactly the points i was trying to pass across to her. She says she wants about 2-3 caterers to handle the food part, a DJ, an MC (i can coax my cousin into being that). I feel 500 people are WAAAAYYY too much for the wedding, but she was i was looking at it the "oyinbo" way. |
Romance / Cost Of Weddings by klassyguy(m): 8:08pm On May 10, 2011 |
[b]I know this might not be the right place to post this, but I know many people view this section a lot more than any other section. Besides it’s more about couples and romance, so I may be right after all. My fiancée and I have started making plans for our wedding. We’re hoping to have it done by the end of this year or early next year. The main thing now is cost. She sent me a list of things which she wants for the whole program (traditional, nikkai, reception, etc) and I must say I was almost gasping for air when I saw the list. One of the things on the exceptionally long list was she wants us to have a dinner (buffet style) the evening before the main event. I know sometimes it comes with the package, but I see no reason why we should have this event when people will still come for the traditional wedding / reception and even the main reception the following day after the whole formal parts are concluded. Secondly, I told her that since we will be working on a budget, I want us to restrict the invitation to a certain number of guests, and that each single person (this does not count for invitations for families) who receives an invitation has the option of bringing only two people along at most, and that everyone will have to respond to an RSVP, and it’s by this number of people we’ll know how to set up the venue. Each person / families and his guest(s) will be assigned a particular table and once getting to the venue, they’ll be handed the program menu and table number. Each person would have had his/her table set out beforehand. She said that for each table, there will be a smaller version of the main wedding cake so that people won't need to wait around while the cake is being passed around. I told her that tops, I do not want to have more than 200-250 people at the most at the wedding and reception. She was like she wants to budget for 500 people, and that in Nigeria today, people don’t restrict their weddings and that it is a come all affair of a thing. Knowing very well that the wedding will be taking place in Abuja, I know how much it would be just renting a hall, not to talk of renting a hall for such a large number of people, the decorationg a different story. Besides we come from different parts of the country, and i'm pretty sure those from my part (Ibadan) who will not be able to make the journey to Abuja would expect us to have another small ceremony for them down south. Those who would be able to make it, we'll have to find ways of lodging them into guest houses around the venue, and we folks from Abuja know how much that will cost. I know a wedding is the best day of a young woman's life, and she would want to show off a little, but do you think she being too extravagant? Or am I being too stingy? Don't forget, most of the funding will come from my own side, and my parents have stated that if we are to have the dinner, it will come out of my own pocket. I definitely wil not want to place the whole burden of my wedding solely on their shoulders, since my immediate younger brother too might be getting married soon as well. How much do you think it will cost to plan a wedding for that number of people, if we are to put into consideration the things I listed above?[/b] |
Romance / Re: Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 12:24am On May 24, 2010 |
oyinda.: I try to at least keep her mind at rest and assure her that i'll be back. maybe i try too hard and it's having a backward effect - showing a lady u care too much. she even said i have "appease the goddess" for what happened. now she's back to her baby behaviour. u know how u ladies are when u want something from ur boos abi? |
Romance / Re: Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 12:16am On May 24, 2010 |
we talk everyday for at least 20 mins. i guess that's where i spoilt her cos she's too used to those calls. if i don't call her she'll be getting fever. even as we had an arguement yesterday, she was the first to give me a call this morning, telling me to pls call that she wasn't feeling well. Dnt worry, na u go be the chief organizer and the mother-of-the-day. |
Romance / Re: Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 12:03am On May 24, 2010 |
oyinda.: Oyinda, we do not fight constantly. i feel she is just behaving like a baby, and she needs all reassurancethat i still luv her and am coming back for her. we've all heard about what long distance relationships end u like, and i think it is all that fear that gets to her. i just don't like all the lovey thingy all the time. thanx for ur opinion though. |
Romance / Re: Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 3:42pm On May 23, 2010 |
i know long-distance relationships are not easy, especially on the part of the lady, but i know what i came here for, and atimes being a man, i don't always feel in the mood for all these lovey dovey talks. |
Romance / Re: Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 3:30pm On May 23, 2010 |
funkybaby: this is what i always do. i don't know why she fusses alot. |
Romance / Re: Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 3:05pm On May 23, 2010 |
Thanx Missy B. Infact i had apologised immediately she called yesterday morning to rake. She even thot i was mad at her about 15 mins later when i was in the bathroom and couldn't pick up the fone, and she left a voice message. i replied her via text immediately sayin i was in the bathroom. i called her again in the afternoon and that was when her boiling resumed. all this while i was saying i was sorry. i still sent her a text this morning when i went out for my jog. but the thing is that i really wonder whether there are times when i have to man up, cos i know i said i was sorry so numerous number of times, and a point will come when one will start getting angry when with all the sorrys, one's babe keeps on raking. |
Romance / Re: Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 1:54pm On May 23, 2010 |
omega25red: That is exactly what happened. i didn't want to exchange i luv u i luv u infront of my friends then, that's why i sent her the text. this is not the first time i wouldn't reply such to her, but i dnt knw why she took this one so personal. i've done it sometimes but we always laugh over it. but this one was different. besides i always say it, and i told her i couldn't reply her at that point. she's that kinda girl that goes all so mushy mushy with all these luvy dovey attitudes and sometimes i'm not in the mood for all that, especially if i'm hooked up in something or the other at that point. thanks for the advice though. |
Romance / Is It Me Or Her? by klassyguy(m): 1:00am On May 23, 2010 |
[b]Please peeps i want you all to advise me on what i can do. You may criticise me if i’m wrong, but honestly i’m really getting tired of all these love-quarrels my babe and i always have. I have been very busy studying for my exams for the past month or so. I try to talk to her at least for 10 minutes each day. Recently, i had a look at my life here. I noticed that i don’t have a social life. All my days are spent at skool, even on weekends. I wake up each day, have my bath, eat, go to the skool library to study, go for classes, head back home, eat, and sleep. Same process the following day and on weekends. My baby told me that she feels are hearts are growing apart, cos i really do not have anything to tell her about myself anytime i call, and i told her i dont like that one bit. I said maybe it was due to the fact that i was studying too hard and i need a break. Yesterday, i was with a couple of my dudes. We were working on an assignment which was due yesterday and we had been at it for hours. I had ealrier in the day sent my babe a text, tel,ling her that i was so busy and that if i could, i’ll still call her. around 6pm our time here(which was 11pm min naija), she called me. I told her i was still busy and that i’ll talk to her today. She then told me that she loves me. Why i decided not to reply her back i don’t know, but she said i didn’t reply. I always say so anytime we want to hang up, but maybe due to the pressure of what i was doing and being in the midst of other guys, i decided not to. When i hung up, knowing the kida girl she is, i sent her a text telling her i lovd her too. I thot it had ended there. This morning, she woke me up telling me she didn’t like what i did, she was heartbroken, this, that. I was like why was she raking for me just because i didn’t reply her, but she kept on raking. I said i was sorry and she hung up. When i called her again this evening, she continued. She told me that the way i was behaving, that it seemed as if i was with another girl and that i didn’t want to offend the said girl, that i should put myself in her shoes, and that she wonders why i cannot say “i love you” to my fiancee infront of my friends. I was pretty much getting annoyed at that point, but i tried not to shout on her. she went on saying that sending that text even added salt to injury. I told her i was sorry. I thot it had ended, on my way home she sent me a text, and i quote “Think about it, No matter how busy u are right now, take 5 mins to think about your actions yesterday. Knw that my whole weekend is terrible cos of this. I hope i get over it on time.” I’m really getting depressed about the whole attitude thingy. I know it’s not easy yfor her, as it is not easy for me either for us to be so far apart from each other, but i’m getting tired of always telling her i’m sorry over every incident, even if i’m right or wrong. All these lovey-dovey behaviours of hers, i’ve tried talking to her about them, but it seems she’s adamant. [/b] |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (of 12 pages)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 133 |