dayokanu:

^^ What of my first question

Where do you live, and How soon can you come live with me?

fstranger3:

If she can achieve that before her 27th birthday, why not.

The more success, the better for me

tpiah!:

so you check women's credentials before banging them i suppose.


ask your fellow naija males if they're marrying post-Phds.

tpiah!:

^^do you?

fstranger3:

No I dont.

Do you?

tpiah!:

yes, i have one in typing.

He says our children and home will suffer if I work since we plan to live in Lagos.

fstranger3:

How come?

Does that make you sad?

tpiah!:

do i sound sad?

fstranger3:


Kinda!

Is there anything you want to talk about?

Nekai:

Unfortunately Tipah you are right, some immature guys consider 'uneducated' women off limits. Having too much education and independance is seen as a bad thing. If you have your own home, car, and all that they think you will be stuck up, or feel superior to them.

Hopefully the OP doesn't have a fiance like that.

Real men see an educated woman as an asset, not a threat.

Nekai:

Unfortunately Tipah you are right, some immature guys consider 'uneducated' women off limits. Having too much education and independance is seen as a bad thing. If you have your own home, car, and all that they think you will be stuck up, or feel superior to them.

Hopefully the OP doesn't have a fiance like that.

Real men see an educated woman as an asset, not a threat.

Nekai:

Unfortunately Tipah you are right, some immature guys consider 'educated' women off limits. Having too much education and independance is seen as a bad thing. If you have your own home, car, and all that they think you will be stuck up, or feel superior to them.

Hopefully the OP doesn't have a fiance like that.

Real men see an educated woman as an asset, not a threat.

tpiah!:

i'm just looking at the high numbers of educated black women without husbands or even reliable dating partners.

tpiah!:

i'm just looking at the high numbers of highly educated black women without husbands or even reliable dating partners.

[b]the brothers would rather go for a lower educated non-black than otherwise.

all that stuff about angry black woma[/b]n, etc.

fstranger3:


There is no correlation between those two factors. Or is there?

Nekai:

Sadly there is. It's called the success penalty.

Q: What is motivating these women? Is it giving up on finding a husband? Is it a backlash against tradition?

A: Media accounts, such as Lori Gottlieb’s essay in The Atlantic, suggest that the most common pattern behind maverick motherhood is that a thirty-something woman finds she cannot find her soulmate, realizes her biological clock is winding down, and decides to move on to motherhood without marriage.

So it’s not motivated, by and large, by a rejection of marriage. But Gottlieb argues in her new book, Marry Him, that some of these women, herself included, set standards for their Mr. Right that were too high, and thus find themselves without a husband in their late 30s or early 40s.

So I think the emergence of a “soulmate” model of marriage, where young men and women hold very high expectations for a future spouse, helps to explain why more women — especially highly educated women — find themselves without a husband and a desire to have a child as their biological clock winds down.

Is female empowerment killing romance?

Sexual attraction in the 21st century, it seems, still feeds on 20th-century stereotypes. Now, as more women match or overtake men in education and the labor market, they are also turning traditional gender roles on their head, with some profound consequences for relationship dynamics.

There is a growing army of successful women in their 30s who have trouble finding a mate and have been immortalized in S.A.T.C. and the Bridget Jones novels. There are the alpha-women who end up with alpha-men but then decide to put career second when the babies come. But there is also a third group: a small but growing number of women who out-earn their partners, giving rise to an assortment of behavioral contortions aimed at keeping the appearance of traditional gender roles intact.

Anne-Laure Kiechel is an investment banker in Paris who makes more than five times more than her boyfriend, a communications consultant. She keeps watch on their finances and pays for all big invisible expenses, like vacations.

But in public, it is he who insists on pulling out his credit card to avoid, he said, looking like a “gigolo.”

“It makes me laugh,” Ms. Kiechel said. “But if it pleases him, that’s fine.” (Not long ago, he asked her to book hotels in his name because he doesn’t like being referred to as “Mr. Kiechel” upon arrival; future bookings would be made in both names, she said.)

Timothy Eustis, once a teacher in New York City, is a proud stay-at-home dad and occasional wine consultant, who moved to France with his wife, Sarah, when she was offered a senior management post at the French lingerie brand Etam. Neither has a problem that she is the breadwinner and her salary aliments the joint account. But both cherish what he calls “those little traditions” to keep the romantic spark alive.

“I make an effort to hold the door, I almost always drive the car, and when it’s time to pay the bill, I pay the bill,” he said. “Sarah probably intentionally lets me do these things because she thinks it benefits the relationship.”

Some men have more fundamental issues. One 38-year-old Italian manager complained that her boyfriend suggested she change jobs because he no longer felt able to “seduce her” after her salary rose above his. A French management consultant said her husband, a teacher, stopped coming to parties with her because he felt inadequate every time anyone asked him what he did. A German banker said one reason her ex-husband left her for a physiotherapist was “because she would have more time for him.”

“It is amazing how even many liberal-minded men end up having sexual and emotional difficulties being with more obviously successful women,” said Sasha Havlicek, the 35-year-old chief executive of a London research group. A high-flying friend of hers resorted to ritually feigning helplessness with her partner to promote his sense of masculinity. “The male ego can be a more fragile thing than the female ego, which is used to a regular battering and has hence developed a sense of humor!”

Anke Domscheit-Berg of Microsoft Germany, who has stories of past would-be boyfriends fleeing after seeing “director” (of government relations) on her business card, put it this way: “Success is not sexy.”

Dating sites seem to suggest that highly educated women have more trouble finding a partner than women in more traditionally female jobs. “Care and social professions work well; the really educated profiles are more difficult,” said Gesine Haag, 43, who used to run match.com in Germany. An elite dating portal at the company, trying to match up highly educated men and women, was abandoned and refocused more broadly, said Ms. Haag, who now manages her own Internet marketing agency.

“Men don’t want successful women, men want to be admired,” she said. “It’s important to them that the woman is full of energy at night and not playing with her BlackBerry in bed.”

Bernard Prieur, a psychoanalyst and author of “Money in Couples,” says men who earn less than their partners struggle with two insecurities: “They feel socially and personally vulnerable. Socially, they go against millennia of beliefs and stereotypes that see them as the breadwinner. And the success of their partner also often gives them a feeling of personal failure,” Mr. Prieur said in the November issue of the French magazine Marie-Claire.

So are ambitious women condemned to singledom? Or are things changing as the number of female high achievers inches higher?

Ms. Kiechel in Paris says her boyfriend actively encourages her career and brags to friends how intelligent and hard-working she is. Ms. Haag and Ms. Domscheit-Berg both earn more than their husbands and report that their men actually enjoy watching the waiter’s reaction when they say their wife will pick up the tab.

tpiah!:

so you check women's credentials before banging them i suppose.


ask your fellow naija males if they're marrying post-Phds.

fstranger3:


Did you read the paper beyond the introduction?

The Paper pretty much disproved your assertion, No?

[size=18pt]Finally, the perception that women face a stark choice between career and marriage is incorrect.  
Young women no longer need to feel pressure to limit investments in their careers in order to enhance
their opportunities in terms of marriage, and perhaps motherhood[/size].

Still, the issue of the relationship between marriage and career is extremely complicated, and
further work remains on the agenda.  [size=15pt]One caveat regarding causality must be considered in evaluating
these results.  The changing relationship between education and marriage may reflect a shift in the
relationship between unobservables associated with marriage and education[/size].  For instance, as the later
cohort of women included more women with higher education, they may be less selective with respect
to the preferences and/or endowments which would generate lower likelihood of marriage.   This
would tend to lead to a more positive relationship between education and marriage in the later years,
and suggest that the perceived “success penalty” in the early years was a choice, not the result of
education per se.    Also, education may respond to marriage itself – with women in the later cohorts
being more likely to remain in school while married.  The latter issue can be addressed with a panel
data set which tracks the marital and education histories of respondents.