@Icherishu i think some mothers have spoilt some of these our husbands for us. the mentality or culture of 'men dont enter kitchen, men dont do this, men dont do that' hummm, my colleagues (guys) were arguing one time in the office on whether its there job to cahnge pampers, carry or clean up babies. i told them i pity them oh. i always tell people especially we modern women that if we want to end this trend of 1million rules for the women and 1hundred rules for the men' , violence and all sort against women, then we should start with our sons. we should teach them how to carry their own plates, wash and tidy up after them and cook their indomie or whatever not waiting for the sister to come and do it for her becos she is a 'she', it wont make them less of a man, it wont reduce their manhood, it will still be intact. until then, we cant achieve much.

hoynlorlar: tnk u dear..May God bless u.

My love no one said marriage will be easy, but you need to follow it with lots of patience and understanding. Most times it doesn't pay to win an argument, sometimes silence is just the answer. That doesn't mean you won't state your opinion when it matters but not at that moment wen the heat is on.

First of all you need to sit him down and ask him what is making him edgy. You talked about night work and weekend class. This is enough to make him tired. How are you guys financially, so u guys discuss it or your own is just to ask him for money without bothering to know how he is doing. Is he facing challenges at work? All these are things you need to ask from time to time. It could be emotionally draining if he is the only one bringing the money. So he needs your support.

So learn to stop answering when he starts. I have learned somethings from my mum. She said and I quote " one person no dey quarrel" u know what it means? One person can't quarrel with herself or himself. If he talks and you don't answer there might not be hitting or smarching of phone. I personally hate to be quoted. So I will rather not talk back at you no matter how pressured and angry I am. I have learnt one thing from men, they won't apologize for all the abuse done to you. But will be waiting for you to say one word of insult, they will hang on to it. And tell the whole world so that you can apologize thereby covering their mistakes.

Finally, why are you the one going to put off the gen. I personally leave that for hubby cos I see it as a man's job. I only do that when he isn't around. Stop adding his chores to yours. I can't change bulb when is he around. I simply go and ask that he should please help me.

@ hoynlorlar dear, learn to quiet when he's angry. When u talk back @ or challenge an angry man u wound his ego. I'm not a fan of battering but since u said he wasn't like ds b4 now dn find out what went wrong by talking to him lovingly when he's not moody. And pls desist from reporting it doesn't tell well of u. Sweetie u can handle ur Home I tell U. All d best dear.

mamateniola1: @Icherishu i think some mothers have spoilt some of these our husbands for us. the mentality or culture of 'men dont enter kitchen, men dont do this, men dont do that' hummm, my colleagues (guys) were arguing one time in the office on whether its there job to cahnge pampers, carry or clean up babies. i told them i pity them oh. i always tell people especially we modern women that if we want to end this trend of 1million rules for the women and 1hundred rules for the men' , violence and all sort against women, then we should start with our sons. we should teach them how to carry their own plates, wash and tidy up after them and cook their indomie or whatever not waiting for the sister to come and do it for her becos she is a 'she', it wont make them less of a man, it wont reduce their manhood, it will still be intact. until then, we cant achieve much.

Dear you can say that over and over again. It started in that era but in my home where incame from. Men can cook and clean. My eldest bro is married to a career woman and I have seen him do his laundary, clean his house, lay his bed, etc. Because he knows if he waits for his he has entered one chance. Some men help some don't. Mine is to understand your hubby and use subtle ways for him to help if he is the type that believes chores are for women. Like in my own home, I can't do it all so at every point in time I have someone helping. But for putting on the gen I can't do such when hubby is around. Wen I am arguing with him that he has to learn to do these things his reply will be whether nanny or help don finish for market.

hoynlorlar: .

Relax sis!
Pls no offence meant, I just want to point out something. We're here to help each other k. No one is perfect; not our husbands or even us the wives. No one is also trying to insult the other on this thread. We're always objective, blunt (when necessary) & straight to the point when addressing issues here without minding whether its the plaintiff (complainant) or defendant (who is usually absent on the thread) that is the problem.
When we table our issues here, we keep an open mind & wait for contributions from others without any form of paranoia or haughtiness.
I admit, one or two ppl might sound kind of unpleasant out of their great passion for your situation, but no need to take offence/march out like a lioness to attack. We're here to 'make' ourselves, not to 'mare' ourselves k.

Having said that, I think it'll help if you make these three words your best friends when dealing with hubby & others: Patience, Tolerance & Ignorance.

Patience will make you see that there's no need sniffing out the wrongs from everything that passes by.

Tolerance will teach you the need to put yourself in other peoples shoes and thus make excuses for their seemingly offensive acts towards you (in that way, you don't get to react harshly to their actions).

Ignorance will teach you that not all that counts should be counted, and not all that should be counted counts (remember silence is golden sometimes and ignorance is blissful).
If you adopt the right attitudes and work on yourself, it'll definitely change hubby's attitude towards you for good.

Happy independence day!

@ Godmystrength, happy anniversary in arrears sis. Wishing you many more years of marital bliss.

hoynlorlar: I dnt get u?d question u asked is wat av been asking my sef..I av been asking im for d allowance before dt day..buh he wont ansa despite d fact dt I know he has been paid.

My sister timing is important in marriage, you don't go asking an upset spouse about allowance when there are issues that should be sorted, enough have already been said by other sisters here on why you need to stop reporting him. Truth be told, there is nothing the people you are reporting to can do about it, they too can barely help themselves. May God give you the wisdom to guide your home.

kokox:
Hmmmm I don't trust those offshore workers...90% of them are flirts.
Am married to one so I know.
Social media makes it so easy for them.
Not trying to scare you but please be wise and be prepared. You may be lucky if your guy is amongst the other 10%.

What's this one talking about?

Truckpusher:

What's this one talking about?

Oga pls pack well
It's not compulsory you must comment

kokox:
Hmmmm I don't trust those offshore workers...90% of them are flirts.
Am married to one so I know.
Social media makes it so easy for them.
Not trying to scare you but please be wise and be prepared. You may be lucky if your guy is amongst the other 10%.

U're right dear,most of those offshore workers are flirts. I dated one in the past too we met through one of these social media, he keeps a chain of female friends. Thank God I ended the relationship quickly otherwise it would have done me more harm than good.

Hoynlolar,i am going to be rude and blunt.so pls no vex

First, you remaind me of mysef kind off. Sharp tongue,always has an answer to every question, quick tempered and a look of perfection. You feel you know it all.
This was my perfect description until I worked on mysef.

Hubby didn't change towards you, you didn't show this aspect of yours when you were dating so he couldn't have been possible to hit you then.

Secondly,the way you reply to every typed msg shows how you react to every word he says to you. If you can reply the pple you don't see, how much more you ll reply your hubby that sleeps on the bed with you.eat, does every together. You must learn the act of keeping quiet. Especially when the urge to speak is heavy.

Thirdly,you ve this air of perfection around you that was why you never told us your own shortcomings. Until you begin to see your own fault you may not change.

The pressure of taking care of a baby and a grown man is weighing you down.this too makes you angry.you need to calm down and relax.

You need to stop reporting him to your parents or his you wounded his pride.
Tarnished his image in front of your family, your hubby is angry cos you couldn't protect his bad altitude.

You need to work on yourself he married you cos he loved you then
Something has definitely happened
WHAT HAPPENED?
Ask your sef
Get a jotter,look downward.inside your conscience. Search it verywell.
Tell yourself the bitter truth.
Then write your findings
Most importantly tell God to break you down to be totally submissive.
Any successful marriage has a "mumu" wife who submit to one aspect or another.

Pls no vex oooh

opeoluwa2: Hoynlolar,i am going to be rude and blunt.so pls no vex

First, you remaind me of mysef kind off. Sharp tongue,always has an answer to every question, quick tempered and a look of perfection. You feel you know it all.
This was my perfect description until I worked on mysef.

Hubby didn't change towards you, you didn't show this aspect of yours when you were dating so he couldn't have been possible to hit you then.

Secondly,the way you reply to every typed msg shows how you react to every word he says to you. If you can reply the pple you don't see, how much more you ll reply your hubby that sleeps on the bed with you.eat, does every together. You must learn the act of keeping quiet. Especially when the urge to speak is heavy.

Thirdly,you ve this air of perfection around you that was why you never told us your own shortcomings. Until you begin to see your own fault you may not change.

The pressure of taking care of a baby and a grown man is weighing you down.this too makes you angry.you need to calm down and relax.

You need to stop reporting him to your parents or his you wounded his pride.
Tarnished his image in front of your family, your hubby is angry cos you couldn't protect his bad altitude.

You need to work on yourself he married you cos he loved you then
Something has definitely happened
WHAT HAPPENED?
Ask your sef
Get a jotter,look downward.inside your conscience. Search it verywell.
Tell yourself the bitter truth.
Then write your findings
Most importantly tell God to break you down to be totally submissive.
Any successful marriage has a "mumu" wife who submit to one aspect or another.

Pls no vex oooh

me likey and me share.. I hope she learns and practise what she av bin told.. Xpecting positive change soon @hoynlolar

Pls, my wife is nursing 4 months old baby and just after about 3 months of giving birth, we had unprotected intimate relation and a month later, she notices signs of pregnancy. What do we do, as we can't afford to keep the pregancy because our baby is ust too young for her mother to begin another process of giving birth, which as we have timed, may become due when this present is barely a year old? She has tried to see some doctors, but the advice is for her to keep pregnancy and this she finds difficult to do. Pls, I need your advice, what do we do?

nickxtra: Pls, my wife is nursing 4 months old baby and just after about 3 months of giving birth, we had unprotected intimate relation and a month later, she notices signs of pregnancy. What do we do, as we can't afford to keep the pregancy because our baby is ust too young for her mother to begin another process of giving birth, which as we have timed, may become due when this present is barely a year old? She has tried to see some doctors, but the advice is for her to keep pregnancy and this she finds difficult to do. Pls, I need your advice, what do we do?

Read thru few pages on ttc or ivf thread and u will know what to do.

nickxtra: Pls, my wife is nursing 4 months old baby and just after about 3 months of giving birth, we had unprotected intimate relation and a month later, she notices signs of pregnancy. What do we do, as we can't afford to keep the pregancy because our baby is ust too young for her mother to begin another process of giving birth, which as we have timed, may become due when this present is barely a year old? She has tried to see some doctors, but the advice is for her to keep pregnancy and this she finds difficult to do. Pls, I need your advice, what do we do?

Congrats, I tink she shud keep the pregnancy. U can get someone to assist around d house 24/7, b4 u know it's 9mths already. It will be really tasking on d family but she'll scale through. U av to be very supportive. But wait oh... guy, u be top scorer

nickxtra: Pls, my wife is nursing 4 months old baby and just after about 3 months of giving birth, we had unprotected intimate relation and a month later, she notices signs of pregnancy. What do we do, as we can't afford to keep the pregancy because our baby is ust too young for her mother to begin another process of giving birth, which as we have timed, may become due when this present is barely a year old? She has tried to see some doctors, but the advice is for her to keep pregnancy and this she finds difficult to do. Pls, I need your advice, what do we do?

Is she confirmed pregnant? If she's confirmed pregnant, congratulations!!! Why exactly is she finding it difficult? 1. Stress? Get her some help and if you can't afford that, be helpful as much as you can.
2. What people will say? What happens in ur home/marriage is nobody's business and i don't think you should be ashamed of the Lord's doing.

Mutaino7: me likey and me share.. I hope she learns and practise what she av bin told.. Xpecting positive change soon @hoynlolar

tnk u opeoluwa n mutaino...luv u both

nickxtra: Pls, my wife is nursing 4 months old baby and just after about 3 months of giving birth, we had unprotected intimate relation and a month later, she notices signs of pregnancy. What do we do, as we can't afford to keep the pregancy because our baby is ust too young for her mother to begin another process of giving birth, which as we have timed, may become due when this present is barely a year old? She has tried to see some doctors, but the advice is for her to keep pregnancy and this she finds difficult to do. Pls, I need your advice, what do we do?

Av d baby...dey will b twins...u mit not like it now buh I assure u,u will enjoy it later

mamateniola1: @Icherishu i think some mothers have spoilt some of these our husbands for us. the mentality or culture of 'men dont enter kitchen, men dont do this, men dont do that' hummm, my colleagues (guys) were arguing one time in the office on whether its there job to cahnge pampers, carry or clean up babies. i told them i pity them oh. i always tell people especially we modern women that if we want to end this trend of 1million rules for the women and 1hundred rules for the men' , violence and all sort against women, then we should start with our sons. we should teach them how to carry their own plates, wash and tidy up after them and cook their indomie or whatever not waiting for the sister to come and do it for her becos she is a 'she', it wont make them less of a man, it wont reduce their manhood, it will still be intact. until then, we cant achieve much.

That's the absolute truth. We must break this horrible cycle as a new generation of mothers, let us raise our sons to know that they must contribute to cooking and house chores. Their sisters are not their maids and they shouldn't be made to clean up after them and in turn when they grow up they'll contribute in caring for their children and home. We should also make sure that our daughters learn essential things like how to take care of the car when they start driving and such. We should reduce the emphasis on gender roles

mamateniola1: @Icherishu i think some mothers have spoilt some of these our husbands for us. the mentality or culture of 'men dont enter kitchen, men dont do this, men dont do that' hummm, my colleagues (guys) were arguing one time in the office on whether its there job to cahnge pampers, carry or clean up babies. i told them i pity them oh. i always tell people especially we modern women that if we want to end this trend of 1million rules for the women and 1hundred rules for the men' , violence and all sort against women, then we should start with our sons. we should teach them how to carry their own plates, wash and tidy up after them and cook their indomie or whatever not waiting for the sister to come and do it for her becos she is a 'she', it wont make them less of a man, it wont reduce their manhood, it will still be intact. until then, we cant achieve much.

All too often we see women complain about their marriages, so men who don't complain nearly as much must be having it very easy, bound by no unpalatable rules at all.

Let's start from the root, shall we? The African man buys his wife (quote me anywhere, if you put a price on anything you are selling it). That same tradition that makes it mandatory to pay for a wife, madates the wife to do the house chores. Why chop off one branch of archaic tradition, leaving the root and other branches and claim to be modern?

Growing up, how many girls washed the family car, changed the generator oil, changed the plug, cut the weed around, or did similar things? How many women can even fix an electric bulb? I know many who cannot. If things get spoilt and there's a man around, he simply does it, if not, the woman would wait. How many times have you complained about it?

I know some women that would take back any money they spend on their children from the husband, to the last kobo. For them, it's his duty. Many parents teach their boys to grow up to be providers (or he isn't a real man) and girls to be spenders, thus most girls grow up to be totally dependent on the nearest guy. How many times have you complained about it?

I probably can cook some meals better than most girls. I see no reason why one (male or female) shouldn't be able to prepare at least simple meals. Go to the school hostels of Nigerian universities, you'd see guys cooking their own meals, and girls who go to buka as often as any guy. Men can do those things you mentioned, but do not want their wives to stylishly turn it to their duty. You women know yourselves.

Nature has defined some roles already, and the society has defined some others. How come women want traditional female roles to be shared and say nothing about sharing the ones men are supposed to shoulder?

hoynlorlar:
Av d baby...dey will b twins...u mit not like it now buh I assure u,u will enjoy it later

Really? Thanks

ayaomoade:


Is she confirmed pregnant? If she's confirmed pregnant, congratulations!!! Why exactly is she finding it difficult? 1. Stress? Get her some help and if you can't afford that, be helpful as much as you can.
2. What people will say? What happens in ur home/marriage is nobody's business and i don't think you should be ashamed of the Lord's doing.

Thanks sister. I will take it up with her. We will make the decision of keeping it.

BUMP!

Where are all these my beautiful aunties na, una just hibernate for some days now. Holiday is over now, come out from your hide outs.

I cant wait to start reading lovely stories here again.
Love you all pieces.

Ok let me break the slience. I've a gist but the person in question doesn't need advice. This my friend chatted me up last week and was like that a divorcee with four boys wants to marry her(the man is loaded). I was like haa and how did you meet him? (She's not an honest person though I know she dates married men but have never met her with one) she was like you know na; I asked her what her answer was to the man's proposal and she was like that if she must marry him that he will re locate her to london and the man accepted. She asked me to advice her. I told her that I don't give advice in this kind of situation oh. That she's old enough to differenciate the right from wrong.(I know she has already decided what to do) if she hasn't, why will she tell the man that she will like to relocate to london. After 2 days, I chatted her and asked her what she decided and if she has told her mum( cos her dad is late) she said is her decision and nobody's. She told me clearly that if she's marrying the man it will be cos of his money not cos of love. I told her to prepare her self for the consequences that comes with it good or bad. She was like that if she can't stay in the marriage she will get divorce na; I asked her if that's what she want to do with her life and she said shit happens lol. Some girls strong pass me oh. What a life!

nwababy:
Ok let me break the slience. I've a gist but the person in question doesn't need advice. This my friend chatted me up last week and was like that a divorcee with four boys wants to marry her(the man is loaded). I was like haa and how did you meet him? (She's not an honest person though I know she dates married men but have never met her with one) she was like you know na; I asked her what her answer was to the man's proposal and she was like that if she must marry him that he will re locate her to london and the man accepted. She asked me to advice her. I told her that I don't give advice in this kind of situation oh. That she's old enough to differenciate the right from wrong.(I know she has already decided what to do) if she hasn't, why will she tell the man that she will like to relocate to london. After 2 days, I chatted her and asked her what she decided and if she has told her mum( cos her dad is late) she said is her decision and nobody's. She told me clearly that if she's marrying the man it will be cos of his money not cos of love. I told her to prepare her self for the consequences that comes with it good or bad. She was like that if she can't stay in the marriage she will get divorce na; I asked her if that's what she want to do with her life and she said shit happens lol. Some girls strong pass me oh. What a life!

Na was for some girls jare. why marry into a loveless home because of money when you can as well make YOUR OWN money?? My dear, na her life o. She knows what she is going into and i guess she is well prepared for whatever consequences awaits her in future... If money is so important to me, then i will rather remain single making/spending my own money the way i like instead of tying myself to the apron of one rich man that will be counting money into my hands and now directing my life as he pleases.......Or what now happens when the money finishes??

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Godmystrength:
Na was for some girls jare. why marry into a loveless home because of money when you can as well make YOUR OWN money?? My dear, na her life o. She knows what she is going into and i guess she is well prepared for whatever consequences awaits her in future... If money is so important to me, then i will rather remain single making/spending my own money the way i like instead of tying myself to the apron of one rich man that will be counting money into my hands and now directing my life as he pleases.......Or what now happens when the money finishes??

People like her get married, change and fall in love, most of the time. Only if she has a heart of stone

Kunbee:



People like her get married, change and fall in love, most of the time. Only if she has a heart of stone

Very true.

Godmystrength:
Na was for some girls jare. why marry into a loveless home because of money when you can as well make YOUR OWN money?? My dear, na her life o. She knows what she is going into and i guess she is well prepared for whatever consequences awaits her in future... If money is so important to me, then i will rather remain single making/spending my own money the way i like instead of tying myself to the apron of one rich man that will be counting money into my hands and now directing my life as he pleases.......Or what now happens when the money finishes??

Many of her type are in London
They are nuisances and embarassing
They prey on other womens gullible husbands and attend parties every week, looking for the next available catch
They think they are enjoying life, until they get older, the wrinkles start showing and then they start paying young boys to sleep with them and fighting girls young enough to be their own daughters in public over men young enough to be their own sons.
They wear scary make up and inappropiate clothing to try and look younger


If only Nwababys friend knows whats in store for her in the next 10 years after she executes her crazy plan.
Maybe she thinks that there is an abundance of young rich good marriagable men in London who will want to clean up her mess when she finally decides to dump the hubby she married for money, when there are thousands of well brought up, well behaved and educated young girls who are available too.

She's a young girl and my mate. I kept asking her what separated the the divorcee and the wife and she said is personal. (Which means she's interested in the marriage) what I noticed in life (not every one) is that most girls that dated married men end up becoming 2nd wife or divorcee 's wife. Meanwhile, I don't advice in such cos same thing happened to another of my friend when we were 27yrs. This divorcee married for 10yrs (but didn't have an issue with the first wife)asked for her hand in marriage only if she gets pregnant. She told me and I assured her we were still young (they always think am not a correct girl cos I've been dating a particular man for a decade lol) she went to her correct friends for advice and married the man; and started giving me attitude. I started minding my business since then na. She was pregnant when she married the man. So when she delivered, she sent a random sms and I called her to wish her well. I asked her if she's still in the hospital and she said she delivered at home .( That the husband sis is a midwife and he said there's no need to go to hospital) I was cold. I told my mum cos she nos her well and she pitied her. The man in question is rich oh that's the reason she accepted him.

Kunbee:



People like her get married, change and fall in love, most of the time. Only if she has a heart of stone

snazzylove:

Very true.

fall in love ke? only when the money is still flowing..... When the foundation is faulty.........
I doubt the kind of love that will be. they will only get familiar with each other

chaircover:
If only Nwababys friend knows whats in store for her in the next 10 years after she executes her crazy plan.
Maybe she thinks that there is an abundance of young rich good marriagable men in London who will want to clean up her mess when she finally decides to dump the hubby she married for money, when there are thousands of well brought up, well behaved and educated young girls who are available too.

If only she knows