babyosisi:


Chi chi, let me try
This one is tough but I will try

First of all get yourself together,I am saying this knowing how hard this must be
I have a younger sister 14 years my junior and as I was reading this I was imagining you being me and wondering what would be my reaction if my own sister slept with my husband under my own roof.


[size=18pt]Do not confront your husband yet So don't speak to them together please [/size]

Please read the story properly before you advice

The sister is not 14 years ....she was 14 when she firt lived with the Op. She sent her back to the mum in the village when she couldn't keep legs close where all the boys in the street were having free fun and was even caught by there landlady
The Op got married 5yrs ago and the sister happen to get admission I think abt the same time which she is now 19yrs and moved into the Op matrimonial home

From my observation I think this sleeping with husband just started and so there are still room for forgiveness if the Op can sit the husband and talk to him

You people just like divorce

My advice to the Op before you do anything talk with your husband and sister then your family before take your final decision and please let divorce be the last option

Note I know you are very emotional but do not allow your emotion cloud your reasoning

To err is human and to forgive is divine

My 10 cent


1.) Take screen shots of that evidence because they will deny this and wipe off the chats and it becomes their words against yours so you need solid evidence.

2.) Be prepared that even with that evidence,most of what they will confess to will be a lie if you question them together so don't!. They will most likely say it happened only once, most likely it's been happening a long time,more likely than not,since she was 14, he may even be the one that deflowered her and that makes him a rapist.14 year olds are minors and cannot give consent.if he didn't force or coerce her it is statutory rape by virtue of her age,
His action could have been what led your sister on a promiscuous path and that is another story altogether.
If this has gone on since she was 14 ( which is my suspicion ) your husband is also a pedophile and all other neighborhood kids are at risk.
This has gone beyond your husband slept with your sister,there could be a wider circle of victims here.I am scared of what might be uncovered in a good investigation where other kids are questioned properly.you could have been sleeping with a monster.


3 ) speak to your sister before speaking to your husband to confirm no 2 above.this is tough but approach this very calmly and in a non confrontational way.you want to ascertain that he did mol.est her as a 14 year old and the circumstances, let her give you details ,then ask her if she knew of other little girls. The results here will depend on your manner of approach.you have to pretend to be on her side totally,as a caring older sister who is like a mother figure looking out for her best interests ,she will surely open up and spill everything. That's what you need.

4.) Call your mother and bring her over also call a family member of his over to where you live and with the 5 of you sitting together ,ask your sister to repeat what she had told you.

Then leave your husband to make a response


If indeed he slept with a 14 year old,you should have nothing to do with Him after this,the man belongs in prison
I would actually get the police involved
Either way this marriage is over
As hard as this sounds,this marriage is worthless
The marriage is irreversible at this point and you are free to remarry, Biblically speaking,don't try to salvage anything there is nothing here to salvage.

babyosisi:


Chi chi, let me try
This one is tough but I will try

First of all get yourself together,I am saying this knowing how hard this must be
I have a younger sister 14 years my junior and as I was reading this I was imagining you being me and wondering what would be my reaction if my own sister slept with my husband under my own roof.


[size=18pt]Do not confront your husband yet So don't speak to them together please [/size]


1.) Take screen shots of that evidence because they will deny this and wipe off the chats and it becomes their words against yours so you need solid evidence.

2.) Be prepared that even with that evidence,most of what they will confess to will be a lie if you question them together so don't!. They will most likely say it happened only once, most likely it's been happening a long time,more likely than not,since she was 14, he may even be the one that deflowered her and that makes him a rapist.14 year olds are minors and cannot give consent.if he didn't force or coerce her it is statutory rape by virtue of her age,
His action could have been what led your sister on a promiscuous path and that is another story altogether.
If this has gone on since she was 14 ( which is my suspicion ) your husband is also a pedophile and all other neighborhood kids are at risk.
This has gone beyond your husband slept with your sister,there could be a wider circle of victims here.I am scared of what might be uncovered in a good investigation where other kids are questioned properly.you could have been sleeping with a monster.


3 ) speak to your sister before speaking to your husband to confirm no 2 above.this is tough but approach this very calmly and in a non confrontational way.you want to ascertain that he did mol.est her as a 14 year old and the circumstances, let her give you details ,then ask her if she knew of other little girls. The results here will depend on your manner of approach.you have to pretend to be on her side totally,as a caring older sister who is like a mother figure looking out for her best interests ,she will surely open up and spill everything. That's what you need.

4.) Call your mother and bring her over also call a family member of his over to where you live and with the 5 of you sitting together ,ask your sister to repeat what she had told you.

Then leave your husband to make a response


If indeed he slept with a 14 year old,you should have nothing to do with Him after this,the man belongs in prison
I would actually get the police involved
Either way this marriage is over
As hard as this sounds,this marriage is worthless
The marriage is irreversible at this point and you are free to remarry, Biblically speaking,don't try to salvage anything there is nothing here to salvage.

successinlife:
What is the truth?can we face reality?

In as much as it is very hard,this type of thing happens day in day out in this our modern world.it should be under 5% of divorced women that will find it possible to remarry.Hey,there is no saint these days men and women alike.If people tell you to divorce will they provide an angel of a man? Sincerely speaking,it might be a test for your breakthrough,what is if divorce is what the enemy want for either of the couples?
My take on this issue is prudence and God's direction.Someone can make mistake today and be good tomorrow and likewise somebody can be good today and be bad tomorrow.God direction is the best way forward.Let the situation die a natural death,don't insist to find out the truth cause it may be hard instead take it gently with your man,i tell you if you want to tame or make your man to confess you can do it.God has given the women powers with diligence to unearth the very truth from men's mouth.You will laugh at the end no need to put yourself in a bad state. Cheers

mrsmith11:


Please read the story properly before you advice

The sister is not 14 years ....she was 14 when she first lived with the Op. She sent her back to the mum in the village when she couldn't keep legs close where all the boys in the street were having free fun and was even caught by there landlady
The Op got married 5yrs ago and the sister happen to get admission I think abt the same time which she is now 19yrs and moved into the Op matrimonial home

From my observation I think this sleeping with husband just started and so there is still room for forgiveness if the Op can sit the husband and talk to him

You people just like divorce

My advice to the Op before you do anything talk with your husband and sister then your family before take your final decision and please let divorce be the last option

Note I know you are very emotional person but do not allow your emotion cloud your reasoning

To err is human and to forgive is divine

My 10 cent

mrsmith11:


Please read the story properly before you advice

The sister is not 14 years ....she was 14 when she firt lived with the Op. She sent her back to the mum in the village when she couldn't keep legs close where all the boys in the street were having free fun and was even caught by there landlady
The Op got married 5yrs ago and the sister happen to get admission I think abt the same time which she is now 19yrs and moved into the Op matrimonial home

From my observation I think this sleeping with husband just started and so there are still room for forgiveness if the Op can sit the husband and talk to him

You people just like divorce

My advice to the Op before you do anything talk with your husband and sister then your family before take your final decision and please let divorce be the last option

Note I know you are very emotional but do not allow your emotion cloud your reasoning

To err is human and to forgive is divine

My 10 cent

Westendel:



Even if I forgive him,I don't think we will ever live in the same roof as husband and wife,for the very thought of him disgust me right now. I have informed my parents and my Dad has called for a meeting with his people in tommorow. my sister is also coming for d meeting including him though they've not been told the purpose of d meeting.

what shocked me about dis matter is DAT my husband is one of the board members in the Church, so committed that it's impossible to guess that he will do this kind of evil to me and God.
I believe all things worked together for good. there is still hope for a tree,even if it is cut down, it will soon sprout again.I believe I will not end like this

Westendel:



You are right Sis,there is absolutely nothing to save in this marriage. Am taking a walk!!

Westendel:



Even if I forgive, how do I get to like him again? I can't possibly look at him without the thought of his abominable act playing in my mind

Westendel:



Even if I forgive, how do I get to like him again? I can't possibly look at him without the thought of his abominable act playing in my mind

mrsmith11:



If he is sorry and truly remorseful then you just have to speak to your mind,think of the bright side of him often and I believe with time you will be heal of the wound

He fell in his moment of weakness so just believe God use you to bring him back .

Remember he brought you to christ so you too can also bring him back from backsliding

I wish you the best and I hope your husband will be truly sorry for the mess

Westendel:



Even if I forgive him,I don't think we will ever live in the same roof as husband and wife,for the very thought of him disgust me right now. I have informed my parents and my Dad has called for a meeting with his people in tommorow. my sister is also coming for d meeting including him though they've not been told the purpose of d meeting.

what shocked me about dis matter is DAT my husband is one of the board members in the Church, so committed that it's impossible to guess that he will do this kind of evil to me and God.
I believe all things worked together for good. there is still hope for a tree,even if it is cut down, it will soon sprout again.I believe I will not end like this

Janet101:




taking a walk to Where,I don't buy dat idea stay in ur marriage n resolve d issue.ur husband is wrong it sister is worst, Pls don't ever think of leaving ur marriage

Westendel:



Even if I forgive him,I don't think we will ever live in the same roof as husband and wife,for the very thought of him disgust me right now. I have informed my parents and my Dad has called for a meeting with his people in tommorow. my sister is also coming for d meeting including him though they've not been told the purpose of d meeting.

what shocked me about dis matter is DAT my husband is one of the board members in the Church, so committed that it's impossible to guess that he will do this kind of evil to me and God.
I believe all things worked together for good. there is still hope for a tree,even if it is cut down, it will soon sprout again.I believe I will not end like this

thorpido:
Westendel,have you gotten proof?Do you have the chat copied to your phone?You need evidence.

Westendel:


yes I have a water tight proof.

Joel3:
our destiny are reshaped due to our past. wrong doing and karma. things we did causes us obstacle. I will not be surprise of this. speaking from spiritual chakra this event was molded by your past. I wouldn't be surprise what things you do in your past.

our path of life is a road line and there are challenge on this road. most times what we did create this obstacle whether we are Christian or belong to any religion.

sure she will also experience something like this on her life. and mojerly a lot of people for into temptation for no reason only helping destiny or karma fulfil it course. in the case of your husband he might not have the power to resist destiny. why you are not getting pregnant is another issue.


take it as one of the things in life and move on.

Westendel:


Jane ,
you are not in my shoe,if I tell you how painful it is ,after making the discovery you will pity me.
I have not been able to eat since morning, I can't concentrate,so painful that am leaving this marriage empty with no children as a consolation. Its times like this I begin to question my faith.

Nnemuka:
if this story is true then kill the basta/rd, send your sister home and then pray to God for forgiveness...
Na u be the actor, so actor must survive in this movie.

Or

mrsmith11:

Please read the story properly before you advice
The sister is not 14 years ....she was 14 when she firt lived with the Op. She sent her back to the mum in the village when she couldn't keep legs close where all the boys in the street were having free fun and was even caught by there landlady
The Op got married 5yrs ago and the sister happen to get admission I think abt the same time which she is now 19yrs and moved into the Op matrimonial home
From my observation I think this sleeping with husband just started and so there are still room for forgiveness if the Op can sit the husband and talk to him
You people just like divorce
My advice to the Op before you do anything talk with your husband and sister then your family before take your final decision and please let divorce be the last option
Note I know you are very emotional but do not allow your emotion cloud your reasoning
To err is human and to forgive is divine
My 10 cent

Westendel:
bukatyne
Chair cover
babyosisi
thorpido
moca
EfemenaXY
Cococandy

I have been reading the advice you always give people in that thread babyosisi created. pls I need your opinion in this issue

Westendel:


Jane ,
you are not in my shoe,if I tell you how painful it is ,after making the discovery you will pity me.
I have not been able to eat since morning, I can't concentrate,so painful that am leaving this marriage empty with no children as a consolation. Its times like this I begin to question my faith.

veraponpo:


Hmm. Good advice but not sufficient. Any time I hear or read women supporting divorce, I am always afraid.

You are correct at the surface but don't you see it from another angle that divorce might be the target of their enemy? With this advice, you have nailed the coffin.
Pls OP, I know you are hurt, traumatized, agonized, etc but, allow this case to settle down and learn your lesson. Never ever allow any female person to be too close to your family- friend, sister, neighbours, etc. Forgive him and move on, if u leave him, do you know how bad the next man will be? Work on your home.

mrsmith11:


Please read the story properly before you advice

The sister is not 14 years ....she was 14 when she firt lived with the Op. She sent her back to the mum in the village when she couldn't keep legs close where all the boys in the street were having free fun and was even caught by there landlady
The Op got married 5yrs ago and the sister happen to get admission I think abt the same time which she is now 19yrs and moved into the Op matrimonial home

From my observation I think this sleeping with husband just started and so there are still room for forgiveness if the Op can sit the husband and talk to him

You people just like divorce

My advice to the Op before you do anything talk with your husband and sister then your family before take your final decision and please let divorce be the last option

Note I know you are very emotional but do not allow your emotion cloud your reasoning

To err is human and to forgive is divine

My 10 cent

Floodgater:
Read what you wrote and question your self. 5years ago the Op got married, 5years ago her sister was 14, 5years ago she start sleeping around in the op's house unless the Op was not married then and she didnt say so. I still maintain that often than not girls like Op's sis are people who were abused.
Just yesterday i was watching the testimony of a saved man whose aunt came to their house and molested him at age 6. From there he continued with other girls like him that has been introduced to sex. At age 14, he could not live a day without sex into his university days were God saved him through his fellowship. It is a perculiar sympton.
Btw, i quoted you with thesame reason you quoted another with a different opinion instead of stating your opinion even to the extent of forgiving your hubby if he sleeps with your daughter.

Westendel:


yes I have a water tight proof.

Westendel:
my name is chinonso.I have been married for 5yrs with out children. I'm a regular poster in TTC health section. I decided to change a new moniker so I can pour out my heart here without being discovered.

my fellow Nairalanders I feel like dying, the ache in my heart is too deep,don't know how I made it last night to this morning. I know am rambling but I just want to let it out .so I can get meaning opinions and.

I just find out my husband of 5yrs is sleeping with my younger sister.how do I handle this incestful abomination.
l want to stop here my hand is shaking

Westendel:
@ Moca, I will definitely not take this issue to Church.

@all thanks for your contributions. will definitely update the result of the family meeting tommorow.

surprisingly I happened to be this man first love,he was still a virgin at 31 when we got married.Never knew he will turn to a beast after years of marriage.

The last time we visited a Doctor, he said there is no medical problem stopping us frm conceiving. medically we are OK.but don't know what is hindering us.

God will help me,that I surely know!