amiskurie:

Even before western civilizations,our forefathers has been offering their wives ugwu leaf,and in return,they make a nice ugwu soup to show appreciation.

I remember a day I offered my ex a rose,she was asking me what was it and she threw it on the table.

raumdeuter:


Some of them live abroad where these foreign men abound yet they ignored these angelic foreign men and managed to find the few evil Nigerian men that lived there.

Some have been married to the devilish Nigerian men for several yrs but wouldnt divorce him

darkenedrebel:


Were all the marital unions in the days of yore all beds of lilies?. I'm sure a boxful of them must have been fraught with irregularities as well.

And yes, a LOT has changed - 'Times have changed' and the proverbial boot, as they say, is now on the other foot.

Before matrimonies of the preceding decades can be benchmarked against those of today, some factors would first, have to be duly considered and taken into account.

For example: were the environmental conditions in that particular Zeitgeist kindred with those of today?
.

•I reckon that back then, there was no internet; neither were there social media platforms.

•High valuation was also never placed on the education of the womenfolk.

•Back then, women were primarily stay-at-home partners and never, partially or plenarily assumed the roles of the financial beams of the family.

•Back then, there was no inflationary spiral of wage and price increases.

•Back then, there were no TVs or telephones.

•Back then, a vast majority of the connubial institutes were contractually orchestrated - 'love' was usually a secondary factor in most cases; a concept which is at steep variance with the typical relationship of today where 'love' is a queen factor and unions are no longer prearranged by the parents of the male and female involved.

So yes, a LOT has changed and you appear to be a little bit behindhand.

Your question should have been structured thusly: 'How can the modern-day marriage be well-adjusted to the changing times?'.

Onegai:


You should be worried. These boys will want to marry your daughter. And with what I read on NL, I refuse to allow Baby E marry a Nigerian man. Because it's getting worse. This is how corruption started and no-one asked tough questions and it was left unchecked. Now it is a huge hydra-headed monster that cannot be killed. Same thing with our Family, Community and Menfolk. If men are truly the heads of the family, what does it say that infidelity, domestic violence, shifting of responsibility and blame, child rape and children out-of-wedlock are accepted nowadays. At the rate we are going, the next generation of women will be glad that their husbands only beat them once in a while. This is how India started, to the point where getting on a public bus became an invitation to rape, assault and Murder. This is how South Africa started and look at them now.

I am not demonizing men. But for God's sake, all you guys not worried when you read NL's frontpage? Is there no little part in your brain going "yeah, I love fighting in Family section's on-going Gender wars, but sh.it, the level of craze I see exhibited by a lot of men is getting frightening".

joseph1832:
Aye! You see these minds everywhere[b], giving juvenile opinions about things they know not, just because they have the luxury of google.[/b]

Tell me Pos.tmann, what can someone who is still being spoon fed by his parents know about marriage? When marriage in turn, reeks of responsibilities...

I'm amazed when someone who can not even pay his own school fees, talk less of accommodation, start spewing fancy words on marriage.

Onegai:


You should be worried. These boys will want to marry your daughter. And with what I read on NL, I refuse to allow Baby E marry a Nigerian man. Because it's getting worse. This is how corruption started and no-one asked tough questions and it was left unchecked. Now it is a huge hydra-headed monster that cannot be killed. Same thing with our Family, Community and Menfolk. If men are truly the heads of the family, what does it say that infidelity, domestic violence, shifting of responsibility and blame, child rape and children out-of-wedlock are accepted nowadays. At the rate we are going, the next generation of women will be glad that their husbands only beat them once in a while. This is how India started, to the point where getting on a public bus became an invitation to rape, assault and Murder. This is how South Africa started and look at them now.

I am not demonizing men. But for God's sake, all you guys not worried when you read NL's frontpage? Is there no little part in your brain going "yeah, I love fighting in Family section's on-going Gender wars, but sh.it, the level of craze I see exhibited by a lot of men is getting frightening".

cococandy:
According to nairaland popular opinion, African marriage and its values is all about satisfying the whims of the man regardless of whoever else in the family gets hurt in the process.

postmann:




[b]You noticed what I noticed, brother.

If only the internet have eyes; if only words are true mirror reflecting the writer, maybe some of these kids will stick to writing jamb or doing house chores.

But they're taking the advantage of the faceless forum and the vulnerability of the female mind...they know what these females want to hear. It's a game, a ploy, a stratagem to hoodwink, to always be on the side of the proposed targets; to fall in line, to be of a good reckoning, to earn the praise of these ignorant women; and yes to massage an acute inferiority complex disorder, to be seen and heard.

But this is the simple test: can someone who openly insult other people's mothers be of any good? Can such a fellow be said to have the fundamental character that respects women and elders?

Glance at a thread, then take your leave, then do some Google swipes, get a dictionary by your side. It's going to take an hour to prepare a post! The ladies must be impressed.

Dunce!!![/b]

amakoro:


we are not what your are painting us as

postmann:




You noticed what I noticed, brother.


But they're taking the advantage of the faceless forum and the vulnerability of the female mind...they know what these females want to hear.

Ishilove:

You know, there are many times when your posts are little steps away from being sexist and condescending.

What tha fvck is the 'vulnerability' of the female mind?

Do you realise how insulting that is?

Ishilove:

You know, there are many times when your posts are little steps away from being sexist and condescending.

What tha fvck is the 'vulnerability' of the female mind?

Do you realise how insulting that is?

postmann:




Has my love left the chambers of our cozy bedroom to engage me in the blazing heat of daylight?

joseph1832:
The vulnerability of the female mind have to do with some females accepting everything at face value. It also has to do with them, not asking questions, and also, them always letting their hearts lead them on, instead of letting their brain lead them on.

I'm sure you know, "all that glitters isn't gold?".

Ishilove:

You said 'some females', postmann said 'THE female mind'. You see the difference?

joseph1832:
I'm sure you know by him(postmann) saying 'THE FEMALE MIND' he meant the females who engage in what I mentioned in the post you quoted above.

Ishilove:

Nah, he meant females generally

shaybebaby:

Don't you worry about Baby E. I am raising N to be a fine specimen of manhood and I'm sure lots of other women like us will do the same for our children.
We will be coming for Baby E's hand in due course.

pcguru1:


Sometimes what you read on NL might not mirror reality, give anyone a mask and you will see their ugly side.

Sorry this might sound contradictory so let me explain, take me for example I am well behaved, mannered, and will never do anything to cause trouble for myself, however the anonymity gives me the power to say anything and avoid repercussions. Most of NL members will never say any of this things in real life because of effects and how they might be viewed. in actual sense, in reality you will not witness this much ugliness because it's supressed inside, not saying it doesn't exists.

Onegai:


I understand how the anonymity of the internet works, my dear. But my issue is, this is their inner feeling. And if given a chance, this is how they may react. But what is worse is that there are so many kids in this website, absorbing these views and not being able to distinguish between right and wrong (the Family structure and Society in Nigeria has really broken down). So these kids, these young man are being raised not by their fathers (little boys need their fathers) in real life positive interactions, but by random faceless people spewing hatefulness in the most anonymous way, irresponsibly.

I once had an interaction with some young boys (university level) who swore that D'banj was part of the Illuminati because they read it on the internet. It's easy for such uninformed minds to absorb "all women are evil and should be subdued by violence of necessary". There's no-one to say "Hey, that's not reality and those thoughts are not helpful".

Read any random page of any of the threads in the Ronke Shonde case: you will see a lot of male monikers screaming hate and praying she ends up in hellfire because they are following popular opinion from some commenters that she is guilty of adultery (without a single shred of evidence to the fact). Read the thread in the last who got beaten up by her husband for refusal of sex: you will see male monikers screaming "how dare she, she deserves it". Read the thread about the TVC reporter beating up his girlfriend: "is he her husband, how dare she try and break his career with her evil".

See a pattern?

In the next 5 years, if not checked, you will wake up and suddenly realise how dangerous it is to be a woman in Nigeria because things will be violent. Go to Mexico, Ciudad Juarez: several mass graves of women murderes by unknown people and a society filled with poverty, apathy and angry men who feel their egos are threatened by the fact that traditional roles are being changed (more earning power for women is changing things). Then look at Nigeria, are we not already having some of those issues?

Perhaps that is why the violence is coming much stronger. There was always violence but not this bad and not this accepted and celebrated by other men.

Same way, pornography came unchecked into Nigeria years ago (you would see them openly displaying dvds with graphic pictures at busstops) and data became and smartphones more affordable. That was a little over 10 years ago, in uni. Now, strangely rape and child abuse cases are now more common and on the rise.

You are what you consume. It is upto menfolk on Nairaland to be their brother's keeper or get used to being bashed as violent predators.

I speak up against women who do the same. At one point, I joined in and used to carelessly throw around words. But someone made me realise I was responsible for my anonymous words. That is the definition of an adult: someone who knows that have responsibilities, with no respite.

joseph1832:
Oh really? How did you know, can you know legillimency?

amakoro:


we are not what your are painting us as

Ishilove:

You know, there are many times when your posts are little steps away from being sexist and condescending.

What tha fvck is the 'vulnerability' of the female mind?

Do you realise how insulting that is?

Onegai:


I understand how the anonymity of the internet works, my dear. But my issue is, this is their inner feeling. And if given a chance, this is how they may react. But what is worse is that there are so many kids in this website, absorbing these views and not being able to distinguish between right and wrong (the Family structure and Society in Nigeria has really broken down). So these kids, these young man are being raised not by their fathers (little boys need their fathers) in real life positive interactions, but by random faceless people spewing hatefulness in the most anonymous way, irresponsibly.

I once had an interaction with some young boys (university level) who swore that D'banj was part of the Illuminati because they read it on the internet. It's easy for such uninformed minds to absorb "all women are evil and should be subdued by violence of necessary". There's no-one to say "Hey, that's not reality and those thoughts are not helpful".

Read any random page of any of the threads in the Ronke Shonde case: you will see a lot of male monikers screaming hate and praying she ends up in hellfire because they are following popular opinion from some commenters that she is guilty of adultery (without a single shred of evidence to the fact). Read the thread in the last who got beaten up by her husband for refusal of sex: you will see male monikers screaming "how dare she, she deserves it". Read the thread about the TVC reporter beating up his girlfriend: "is he her husband, how dare she try and break his career with her evil".

See a pattern?

In the next 5 years, if not checked, you will wake up and suddenly realise how dangerous it is to be a woman in Nigeria because things will be violent. Go to Mexico, Ciudad Juarez: several mass graves of women murderes by unknown people and a society filled with poverty, apathy and angry men who feel their egos are threatened by the fact that traditional roles are being changed (more earning power for women is changing things). Then look at Nigeria, are we not already having some of those issues?

Perhaps that is why the violence is coming much stronger. There was always violence but not this bad and not this accepted and celebrated by other men.

Same way, pornography came unchecked into Nigeria years ago (you would see them openly displaying dvds with graphic pictures at busstops) and data became and smartphones more affordable. That was a little over 10 years ago, in uni. Now, strangely rape and child abuse cases are now more common and on the rise.

You are what you consume. It is upto menfolk on Nairaland to be their brother's keeper or get used to being bashed as violent predators.

I speak up against women who do the same. At one point, I joined in and used to carelessly throw around words. But someone made me realise I was responsible for my anonymous words. That is the definition of an adult: someone who knows that have responsibilities, with no respite.

Ishilove:

It's in the phrasing. 'THE' female mind is a specific adjective ('the' is a qualifier). The vulnerability of THE female mind. That's just so annoying

Ishilove:

You know, there are many times when your posts are little steps away from being sexist and condescending.

What tha fvck is the 'vulnerability' of the female mind?

Do you realise how insulting that is?

joseph1832:
LOL. In any event, you should know he wasn't referring to you, right?. Lol.

See how a general comment can be taken in the light of personal assessment?

Love, love, love

They say love is blind, I say love sees in 3D lens binoculars

lezz:


See how a general comment can be taken in the light of personal assessment?

Love, love, love

They say love is blind, I say love sees in 3D lens binoculars

joseph1832:
Yea its usually blind, that's why its the major cause of most heart breaks in contemporary times... And the fans usually watch and read in 3D.

Love hurts, chai!!! My heart dey beat like the bomb dropping on sambisa forest

See as your friend dey ventilate because of one yeye statement. Ice thawed in the most subtle of manners

cococandy:


Why don't we see you guys preaching when it's the turn of Nigerian women to be insulted and labels as hoes and all sorts of derogatory names imaginable?

Mtchew.

Or you want us to pretend we don't see the misogyny being imbibed into these younger generation of boys so you won't be upset about our complaining?