Commenthin:
Every idea here is valid but the first evil that crip in is family greed and jealousy. When people see or look at two people in-love, what do you see in the eye, throught or behaivour? Envy, jealousy, evil theoght and saying "it's wont last" why....because their when through same route, instead of guarding...they'll try to put apart.

Its start from husband or wife mother in-law and siblings demand for emotional or financial help, and they dont get enough...then problem start....meanwhile you never got such help from anyone.

The wife and husband will start to help there people in secret, the trust hit the rock. Then the affected family says "then so what, if he/she tell you nonsense tell him/her nonsense.....you see am. The pain creates the end of love and enmity starts....why one of the family camp rejoice....then they'll try to be the judge and helper to amend the relationship that started without their consent. The goal is to midate and continue to have access to whatever they wanted that wasnt enough initially....and love doesn't need a third party.

coltaine:


I remember emphasizing about YOU dating your best friend.....abi you re not different from other girls?

Tajbol4splend:
I have seen people who claimed to be in love with themselves before marriage but you see them having a lot of disputes after getting married, I ask myself why this should be, I ask if it is still the same two people who used to do things together, who used to show love in different ways, all of a sudden at the time when the love is supposed to be at climax, they start having problems they never used to have before marriage, things then change, they then change.

Well what I think that causes this is that most people in relationships don't pay attention to necessary details about their partners.

Nairaland veterans and geniuses over to you, what do you think brings this bitterness into marriage between two people who have claimed to be lovers before their marriage

Galacious1:
exactly. It's always good for intending couple to live 2geda for awhile before getting married. Just saying.

tosyne2much:
Though, I'm not married neither am I a relationship expert but I think I can answer this question... As per say me sef no be small pikin again nah

Well, I think people go into marriage for ridiculous reasons (boobs, size of joystick, curves, 6packs, bedmatic skills, money, tendency to travel abroad, etc), and also with hopes and expectations of how they've always pictured the flawlessness of marriage on Nollywood and Phillipines movies; how people describe the beauty of marriage, and how they've been fantasizing the marriage of other people and thus, short of expections trigger disappointment, irritation, enmity and disinterest among couples.

Most people tend to overlook the flaws (ojukokoro, laziness, self centeredness, promiscuity, gold digging, tendency to become slay queens, lack of dress sense, lack of respect for your friends and family members, anger problem) of their partners during courtship and will take a bumpy ride into marriage with the ideology that marriage is a "magician" that completely changes or transforms people, without knowing that things sometimes do not happen that way... What you can't change at puberty, a mere RING cannot/may not change it.

Thats why it's said that LOVE is not enough to make someone your life partner, because there are other basic things that should be taken into considerations, and failure to do so makes your marriage vulnerable to chaos and abuse

When people get married, their eyes begin to open to reality after which they will get to realize that they ought to have married someone better, someone that will not hide her character at the expense of getting a RING. They begin to see some flaws in their partner which LOVE/INFATUATION blindfolded them from seeing during courtship

In a nutshell, marriage is an eye opener that opens your eyes from fairytale to reality.

This is not the matter of satan or witches and wizards in your village firing bow and arrow at you


I don't know if my comment makes any sense

Tajbol4splend:
I have seen people who claimed to be in love with themselves before marriage but you see them having a lot of disputes after getting married, I ask myself why this should be, I ask if it is still the same two people who used to do things together, who used to show love in different ways, all of a sudden at the time when the love is supposed to be at climax, they start having problems they never used to have before marriage, things then change, they then change.

Well what I think that causes this is that most people in relationships don't pay attention to necessary details about their partners.

Nairaland veterans and geniuses over to you, what do you think brings this bitterness into marriage between two people who have claimed to be lovers before their marriage

AloyalNigerian:

Lol @Tupac line as ya signature.

Tajbol4splend:
I have seen people who claimed to be in love with themselves before marriage but you see them having a lot of disputes after getting married, I ask myself why this should be, I ask if it is still the same two people who used to do things together, who used to show love in different ways, all of a sudden at the time when the love is supposed to be at climax, they start having problems they never used to have before marriage, things then change, they then change.

Well what I think that causes this is that most people in relationships don't pay attention to necessary details about their partners.

Nairaland veterans and geniuses over to you, what do you think brings this bitterness into marriage between two people who have claimed to be lovers before their marriage

ReneeNuttall:



Exactly

Dindondin:
compatible, not compactible

tosyne2much:
Though, I'm not married neither am I a relationship expert but I think I can answer this question... As per say me sef no be small pikin again nah

Well, I think people go into marriage for ridiculous reasons (boobs, size of joystick, curves, 6packs, bedmatic skills, money, tendency to travel abroad, etc), and also with hopes and expectations of how they've always pictured the flawlessness of marriage on Nollywood and Phillipines movies; how people describe the beauty of marriage, and how they've been fantasizing the marriage of other people and thus, short of expections trigger disappointment, irritation, enmity and disinterest among couples.

Most people tend to overlook the flaws (ojukokoro, laziness, self centeredness, promiscuity, gold digging, tendency to become slay queens, lack of dress sense, lack of respect for your friends and family members, anger problem) of their partners during courtship and will take a bumpy ride into marriage with the ideology that marriage is a "magician" that completely changes or transforms people, without knowing that things sometimes do not happen that way... What you can't change at puberty, a mere RING cannot/may not change it.

Thats why it's said that LOVE is not enough to make someone your life partner, because there are other basic things that should be taken into considerations, and failure to do so makes your marriage vulnerable to chaos and abuse

When people get married, their eyes begin to open to reality after which they will get to realize that they ought to have married someone better, someone that will not hide her character at the expense of getting a RING. They begin to see some flaws in their partner which LOVE/INFATUATION blindfolded them from seeing during courtship

In a nutshell, marriage is an eye opener that opens your eyes from fairytale to reality.

This is not the matter of satan or witches and wizards in your village firing bow and arrow at you


I don't know if my comment makes any sense

ken55:
The question is, what is love in the first place?

Many make the mistake of thinking love is a feeling and so after the honeymoon and you become so used to seeing your partner around and that "feeling" begin to wane, you begin to wander if you are still in love.

LOVE IS NOT A FEELING. LOVE IS A CHOICE!!

SNOWCREAM:
Courtship is filled with lots of conceit, deceit and pretense. Some people are bad, very bad but they wanna get engaged and married. They know no one will settle for them with their bad attitude so guess what? They decide to pretend to be a better person, just to be able to attract and fool that partner.

After marriage there's no reason to keep on playing the expensive hide and seek again, they unleash. Ladies and gentlemen be watchful cos you'll surely see signs while courting, don't dismiss it as a mistake. Bless

DonMekino:
If only ppl can maintain the same level of tolerance just as they did during courtship.... During courtship we tend to let certain things go, but when the pressure of marriage comes... It's as if we have nothing to prove and nobody to impress anymore.... The love we saw during courtship was just a Screensaver... As they say *u hope for the man to change and he doesn't but u hope for the girl not to change and she does*

sheeda995:

Really,how do one know if one is bad?

zanga420:
there's so much deceit here in courtships. By common sense maybe co-habiting should be encouraged in courtship.

tosyne2much:
Though, I'm not married neither am I a relationship expert but I think I can answer this question... As per say me sef no be small pikin again nah

Well, I think people go into marriage for ridiculous reasons (boobs, size of joystick, curves, 6packs, bedmatic skills, money, tendency to travel abroad, etc), and also with hopes and expectations of how they've always pictured the flawlessness of marriage on Nollywood and Phillipines movies; how people describe the beauty of marriage, and how they've been fantasizing the marriage of other people and thus, short of expections trigger disappointment, irritation, enmity and disinterest among couples.

Most people tend to overlook the flaws (ojukokoro, laziness, self centeredness, promiscuity, gold digging, tendency to become slay queens, lack of dress sense, lack of respect for your friends and family members, anger problem) of their partners during courtship and will take a bumpy ride into marriage with the ideology that marriage is a "magician" that completely changes or transforms people, without knowing that things sometimes do not happen that way... What you can't change at puberty, a mere RING cannot/may not change it.

Thats why it's said that LOVE is not enough to make someone your life partner, because there are other basic things that should be taken into considerations, and failure to do so makes your marriage vulnerable to chaos and abuse

When people get married, their eyes begin to open to reality after which they will get to realize that they ought to have married someone better, someone that will not hide her character at the expense of getting a RING. They begin to see some flaws in their partner which LOVE/INFATUATION blindfolded them from seeing during courtship

In a nutshell, marriage is an eye opener that opens your eyes from fairytale to reality.

This is not the matter of satan or witches and wizards in your village firing bow and arrow at you


I don't know if my comment makes any sense

SNOWCREAM:
That's a very hard task but surely not impossible. No matter how one tries to hide some bad habits, you'll still see traits or traces of it. For instance if during courtship, you guys have a brawl, and he says something like "I can slap you if you say that again" or "I'll SLAP you o", that's a sign he'll slap you if things get worse when you're married.

Some guys or girls are good pretenders, they'll show little or no sign, but all in all, one should watch and pray hard against making someone like that as a choice.

mamawin:
for somebody that is not married...... I give you 99.99%. But let me add this, most issues can be discussed stylishly. like oh love, what if my mom has to stay wt us? what if I lose my job? what if this and that? hear responses, discuss, analyse d pros and cons of both parties' responses, and ....

tosyne2much:
Though, I'm not married neither am I a relationship expert but I think I can answer this question... As per say me sef no be small pikin again nah

Well, I think people go into marriage for ridiculous reasons (boobs, size of joystick, curves, 6packs, bedmatic skills, money, tendency to travel abroad, etc), and also with hopes and expectations of how they've always pictured the flawlessness of marriage on Nollywood and Phillipines movies; how people describe the beauty of marriage, and how they've been fantasizing the marriage of other people and thus, short of expections trigger disappointment, irritation, enmity and disinterest among couples.
Confirm! Well said prof...
Most people tend to overlook the flaws (ojukokoro, laziness, self centeredness, promiscuity, gold digging, tendency to become slay queens, lack of dress sense, lack of respect for your friends and family members, anger problem) of their partners during courtship and will take a bumpy ride into marriage with the ideology that marriage is a "magician" that completely changes or transforms people, without knowing that things sometimes do not happen that way... What you can't change at puberty, a mere RING cannot/may not change it.

Thats why it's said that LOVE is not enough to make someone your life partner, because there are other basic things that should be taken into considerations, and failure to do so makes your marriage vulnerable to chaos and abuse

When people get married, their eyes begin to open to reality after which they will get to realize that they ought to have married someone better, someone that will not hide her character at the expense of getting a RING. They begin to see some flaws in their partner which LOVE/INFATUATION blindfolded them from seeing during courtship

In a nutshell, marriage is an eye opener that opens your eyes from fairytale to reality.

This is not the matter of satan or witches and wizards in your village firing bow and arrow at you


I don't know if my comment makes any sense

tete7000:
Marriages crash because many people don't know themselves. They don't know what their preferences are, i.e. What they like and what they don't like. Hence they don't know what they should look for in potential partners. If you understand yourself, it becomes easier to pick your spouse and avoid compatibility problem. For me the key issue to having a good marriage lies first in self-mastery. One won't haven't mastered him/herself cannot sensibly choose a partner.