Nigerian parents..

It is very wrong and sentimental to give birth to children and think the oldest will take care of them. They didn't force you to bring them into this world; you did the konji, you ushered them in, please it's still your work to take care of them and no, when you're taking care of your children, its not a privilege, it's their right, it's what they deserve, so do it with all manner of responsibility and commitment.

An acquaintance of mine was suicidal last week because of the burden of his family on him. He's the first child and is 38 yet unmarried and almost has nothing standing, why?

He started hustling at 23 for his ungrateful siblings. His parents said it's his responsibility to do so.

To fend for them..
To give them a life..

So it's made his life almost a waste of time for himself..
Working profusely for others, who don't even care, who own it up like it's their right..

He was supposed to get married at 29 but crucibles of life's experience in the confines of the pressurised burden of taking care of his adult siblings didn't let him.
Tell me,

What freaking culture validates this nonsense practice?
Many Nigerian parents just produce children and give one the responsibility of what they caused.
Give birth to one if it's one you can take care of..
Parenting isn't about how many children you have but how well you treat them, how much can you groom them?

Quantity is needless when resources is unavailable..
Stop producing children by faith.
Stop heaping needless responsibilities on children that should plan their lives and focus.
Give all your children equal opportunity to face their lives and career.

Ain't saying they shouldn't help each other,
It's called ‘HELP’ not ‘RESPONSIBILITY’
Help is out of love or compassion..It's voluntary.
Your eldest child is not an assistant parent.
Yes, they are supposed to do well, and have others follow their legacy..

But having them feel forcefully committed to solving the problems of their siblings; that's way too ridiculous.
Many first children don't live long because of the pressure, the load, the burden, and even on top of it, these folks feel so entitled to being fed and given everything they ask.

I understand that all these play out as a result of frustration and inability to fend for your children, and that's why I'm attacking the root cause: Bear children you can comfortably fend for.

It is highly painful having one of your children give up on their dreams and entire life's passion to spend his/her own life taking care of other siblings. That's a waste of destiny. We all are here for our individual purposes.

Thank you.

Kindly share.

Source: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1160758180695208&id=100002831124159&refid=17&_ft_=top_level_post_id.1160758180695208%3Atl_objid.1160758180695208%3Athid.100002831124159%3A306061129499414%3A2%3A0%3A1498892399%3A8503553852613613052&__tn__=%2As

Culled from the Facebook Page of Buchi95

you are so on point

Spot on, so on point.

Many Nigerian parents act like the children forced them to bring them to this world, if you want to have children then you should be ready to be totally responsible for them till they are able to do that themselves but here they just think that they're are doing you a favour which you must pay back later.

Children are more like investments these days, they just want to train you so you'll be rich tomorrow and be able to take care of them and they can boast about you which is not completely a bad thing but the way and manner it goes isn't nice most times, especially when you now have interest in things that don't seem lucrative or you end up not doing well at some point then you start hearing all sorts of name callings and insult and comparison, 'this one's son is now a lawyer and that one's daughter is now a millionaire '.

I accidentally heard my neighbor complaining bitterly to her younger sister on phone how their dad squanders money that she and her husband toils day and night for and he keeps on asking for more and I'm like what happened to the job he was doing because it wasn't as if he's that old.

Inasmuch as children should be extremely grateful and appreciative to the efforts of their parents to raise them up, it obviously ain't easy but parents should know their responsibility and not choke their children's life.


Younger children should also understand they're are responsible for their Elder ones too, it's not just to be asking and receiving, they can give too, they can assist, they can make things easier for those ahead of them but this only applies for responsibility first borns because they're even reducing by the day.

I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

Aswear!!!...blike say na inside pressure cooker i dey

uminem02:
Aswear!!!...blike say na inside pressure cooker i dey

Awww... Sorry dear.

As in eeh is like this issue want to be tagged as culture,you will see a guy or lady saying i'm the first son or first daughter for that reason all family burdens is on his/her shoulder,when some of them gets married you will see this issue interfering leading to some broken marriages

This is so true. Many parents just produce children snd expect their first born child to take over parenting responsibility.
Parents should only have children that they can adequately cater for and all siblings should work out their salvation individually.

I don't know how the OP arrived at her conclusions but I beg to disagree.
In every family, there is hierarchy and each level, from the oldest to the youngest child, has its expected roles and responsibilities.

I do not agree that a parent would, without some form of empowerment in the form of education or vocational training, totally transfer the burden of catering to the younger ones to the eldest. You would be talking of a family where the man is a loafer, a drunkard.
Or a case where both parents are debilitated and can no longer earn a living.

The case the OP quoted must be a very peculiar one.

The first child is a mini parent. He/she guides and looks after the younger ones, including buying them items.
These are roles they happily assume, even without being asked to do so.

But that does not mean the parents have taken their hands off their statutory responsibilities.
Or what would they be doing with their money if they have it?

sexybbstar:

Awww... Sorry dear.

Tnku...i'm turning out to be a strong somebori

well to all first born out there just know that you will be a mini-parent but my advice for you all is not to fall into that trap of taking over responsibilities. tell your parents and siblings to work it out themselves but you can support when you have. Don't come and kill yourself claiming 1st born. it's a choice. stamp that authority once and for all.

Nyceguy92:
I don't know how the OP arrived at her conclusions but I beg to disagree.
In every family, there is hierarchy and each level, from the oldest to the youngest child, has its expected roles and responsibilities.

I do not agree that a parent would, without some form of empowerment in the form of education or vocational training, totally transfer the burden of catering to the younger ones to the eldest. You would be talking of a family where the man is a loafer, a drunkard.
Or a case where both parents are debilitated and can no longer earn a living.

The case the OP quoted must be a very peculiar one.

The first child is a mini parent. He/she guides and looks after the younger ones, including buying them items.
These are roles they happily assume, even without being asked to do so.

But that does not mean the parents have taken their hands off their statutory responsibilities.
Or what would they be doing with their money if they have it?

This actually happens. It is very rampant. The 1st child is saddled with that responsibility of educating/setting up the younger ones. Off course there are things that the older ones should do lovingly for the younger ones but it has been abused and turned to a duty.

Nyceguy92:
I don't know how the OP arrived at her conclusions but I beg to disagree.
In every family, there is hierarchy and each level, from the oldest to the youngest child, has its expected roles and responsibilities.

I do not agree that a parent would, without some form of empowerment in the form of education or vocational training, totally transfer the burden of catering to the younger ones to the eldest. You would be talking of a family where the man is a loafer, a drunkard.
Or a case where both parents are debilitated and can no longer earn a living.

The case the OP quoted must be a very peculiar one.

The first child is a mini parent. He/she guides and looks after the younger ones, including buying them items.
These are roles they happily assume, even without being asked to do so.

But that does not mean the parents have taken their hands off their statutory responsibilities.
Or what would they be doing with their money if they have it?

No. The story isn't peculiar to the op. You are probably from a good family that's why you're saying this. I also have a similar story. A 32 year old cousin, engaged for the past four years because his parents flat out told him he can't get married until his 5 younger ones are through with school. Yes. University and everything.

The funniest thing is the youngest is just in SS2

A lot of parents turn the 1st child into a parent. The same reason my 20 year old coursemate is soon getting married to a rich man she has no iota of feelings for. How else would her younger ones feed and get an education?

OMG a hundred likes please!

I was just thinking of this yesterday!
Our parents need to be counselled in this regard
You cannot punish your offspring for your own irresponsibility

What if the said firstborn decided to be wayward and instead bring in an illegitimate child?

Our parents should learn to celebrate initiative and responsibility in their children and assist them to be established in life instead of being the one to drag the children down because that's what they do


Also, we the children should borrow sense abeg
You are responsible for yourself first, take good care of yourself and ensure all is well with you. Stop sacrificing your tomorrow because tomorrow you won't have anything reasonable to sacrifice, that's just the truth.


If your parents tell you to send your younger sibling to school, tell them you will support the said Sib full stop. After all they didn't raise you to not have common sense!

Rubbish!!!!
When they were sowing wild oats they were unbothered

So why do you have to pay for it?

Its worse when you are female because both you and your husband will sstruggle to build the family up yet you won't be regarded especially in terms of inheritance because you are bearing your husband's name, yet na you suffer pass yet no thank you while alive, no consolation after death


So just do your bit for your own blood, but never sacrifice your potential for them bcs if you do, you won't be able to help them in future, you become a liability and guess what? They'll get help elsewhere anyway so who is to loose?
African mentality is a killing mentality

Lalasticlala

It depends on the ideology of individual families. I wasn't brought up in such a family neither do my extended family reason that way.

However, it is only shameless parents with a perverse world view who will abdicate their responsibilities to their children and transfer it to their first child.

Either shameless, or poverty stricken

elantraceey:
Spot on, so on point.

Many Nigerian parents act like the children forced them to bring them to this world, if you want to have children then you should be ready to be totally responsible for them till they are able to do that themselves but here they just think that they're are doing you a favour which you must pay back later.

Children are more like investments these days, they just want to train you so you'll be rich tomorrow and be able to take care of them and they can boast about you which is not completely a bad thing but the way and manner it goes isn't nice most times, especially when you now have interest in things that don't seem lucrative or you end up not doing well at some point then you start hearing all sorts of name callings and insult and comparison, 'this one's son is now a lawyer and that one's daughter is now a millionaire '.

I accidentally heard my neighbor complaining bitterly to her younger sister on phone how their dad squanders money that she and her husband toils day and night for and he keeps on asking for more and I'm like what happened to the job he was doing because it wasn't as if he's that old.

Inasmuch as children should be extremely grateful and appreciative to the efforts of their parents to raise them up, it obviously ain't easy but parents should know their responsibility and not choke their children's life.


Younger children should also understand they're are responsible for their Elder ones too, it's not just to be asking and receiving, they can give too, they can assist, they can make things easier for those ahead of them but this only applies for responsibility first borns because they're even reducing by the day.

Abeg leave parents jor. They need to insure their future

But wetin come happen to you na? We no come discuss our discussion again...

Khonifer:


No. The story isn't peculiar to the op. You are probably from a good family that's why you're saying this. I also have a similar story. A 32 year old cousin, engaged for the past four years because his parents flat out told him he can't get married until his 5 younger ones are through with school. Yes. University and everything.

The funniest thing is the youngest is just in SS2

A lot of parents turn the 1st child into a parent. The same reason my 20 year old coursemate is soon getting married to a rich man she has no iota of feelings for. How else would her younger ones feed and get an education?

Your cousin's case is a rare one.
I have been around a bit and I am yet to see or hear a case where a parent gave such an ultimatum to their child.
Parents may hint that as the oldest, you have to also help look after your younger ones. Original OP was making a sweeping generalisation.

TheLordIsGr8:


Abeg leave parents jor. They need to insure their future

But wetin come happen to you na? We no come discuss our discussion again...

Which discussion is that?

What most African parent does was to take care of their kids with hope that they will in-turn take care of them at old age.

That's why old folk homes or nursing homes is not popular in Africa...the part where parents abandon their responsibilities for their first children is kinda new. it is not common..Besides most of the first born I have seen are quick to get married...as if it was gonna go out of fashion soon. even when they were not ready......

ImaIma1:


This actually happens. It is very rampant. The 1st child is saddled with that responsibility of educating/setting up the younger ones. Off course there are things that the older ones should do lovingly for the younger ones but it has been abused and turned to a duty.

I had both rural and urban upbringing.
What I have seen happen is that in situations where both parents are no longer financially OK due to old age or ill-health, the eldest takes more responsibilities.

In fact this role is a common theme in majority of Nollywood movies. The eldest not only takes care of the younger ones, they also take care of the parents.

Of course it is sheer wickedness for reasonably well-to-do parents to transfer the duties they owe their young ones to their eldest children by force.

Lalasticlala please

sexybbstar:
Nigerian parents...

It is very wrong and sentimental to give birth to children and think the oldest will take care of them. They didn't force you to bring them into this world; you did the konji, you ushered them in, please it's still your work to take care of them and no, when you're taking care of your children, its not a privilege, it's their right, it's what they deserve, so do it with all manner of responsibility and commitment.

An acquaintance of mine was suicidal last week because of the burden of his family on him. He's the first child and is 38 yet unmarried and almost has nothing standing, why?
He started hustling at 23 for his ungrateful siblings. His parents said it's his responsibility to do so.
To fend for them..
To give them a life..
So it's made his life almost a waste of time for himself..
Working profusely for others, who don't even care, who own it up like it's their right..
He was supposed to get married at 29 but crucibles of life's experience in the confines of the pressurised burden of taking care of his adult siblings didn't let him.

Tell me,
What freaking culture validates this nonsense practice?

Many Nigerian parents just produce children and give one the responsibility of what they caused.
Give birth to one if it's one you can take care of..
Parenting isn't about how many children you have but how well you treat them, how much can you groom them?

Quantity is needless when resources is unavailable..
Stop producing children by faith.
Stop heaping needless responsibilities on children that should plan their lives and focus.
Give all your children equal opportunity to face their lives and career.
Ain't saying they shouldn't help each other,
It's called ‘HELP’ not ‘RESPONSIBILITY’
Help is out of love or compassion..It's voluntary.
Your eldest child is not an assistant parent.
Yes, they are supposed to do well, and have others follow their legacy..
But having them feel forcefully committed to solving the problems of their siblings; that's way too ridiculous.

Many first children don't live long because of the pressure, the load, the burden, and even on top of it, these folks feel so entitled to being fed and given everything they ask.
I understand that all these play out as a result of frustration and inability to fend for your children, and that's why I'm attacking the root cause: Bear children you can comfortably fend for.
It is highly painful having one of your children give up on their dreams and entire life's passion to spend his/her own life taking care of other siblings. That's a waste of destiny. We all are here for our individual purposes.

I'm so loving you lady. So many things on my mind but I can't just say. I wish all Nigerian parents would reason just like you do.

Wow! A very powerful topic. This is something that we have refused to address. I didn't grow up in a family where the first child is expected to take care of all the financial responsibilities, neither do my extended relatives behave thus. You can imagine my irritation when I married into one. My husband even sends money to his married elder sister, all in the name of being an 'Okpara'. His mum objected to our marriage because 'he hadn't settled her yet'. His siblings demand for everything you can think of,never mind if he is broke or not. And when he doesn't oblige them, they start with the emotional blackmail. It has gotten worse since marriage. Now if he doesn't oblige them, they say it is his wife.

The ironic thing about such families is that they monitor the expenses of their son's/brother's home. They never fail to 'advise' his wife to cut down on spending and they go as far as insisting that she gets her own means of income.

austinereds:
well to all first born out there just know that you will be a mini-parent but my advice for you all is not to fall into that trap of taking over responsibilities. tell your parents and siblings to work it out themselves but you can support when you have. Don't come and kill yourself claiming 1st born. it's a choice. stamp that authority once and for all.

Exactly what I did

This is my current status now.

They believe I don't much at hnd.

They will say "sebi u are working nw bros drop sumtin for us abeg"

Nyceguy92:
I don't know how the OP arrived at her conclusions but I beg to disagree.
In every family, there is hierarchy and each level, from the oldest to the youngest child, has its expected roles and responsibilities.

I do not agree that a parent would, without some form of empowerment in the form of education or vocational training, totally transfer the burden of catering to the younger ones to the eldest. You would be talking of a family where the man is a loafer, a drunkard.
Or a case where both parents are debilitated and can no longer earn a living.

The case the OP quoted must be a very peculiar one.

The first child is a mini parent. He/she guides and looks after the younger ones, including buying them items.
These are roles they happily assume, even without being asked to do so.

But that does not mean the parents have taken their hands off their statutory responsibilities.
Or what would they be doing with their money if they have it?

u are here saying all these nonsense...it is like u never meet some parents....even at age 50 they will deliberately leave d children to fend for themselves...have u not heard of some parent tactically pushing their daughters to men to source for money.? and in d course of "waka waka" some evenetually get married through pregnancy in order to ease their burden.? see u need move around and know d average Nigeria home dat leave below two dollars a day