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Help My Husband Lacks Self Control - Family - Nairaland

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Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 9:05pm On Oct 03, 2020
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

113 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by IamD18: 9:06pm On Oct 03, 2020
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.

1593 Likes 200 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by UDUJ(m): 9:07pm On Oct 03, 2020
Did he just start drinking alcohol or this has been happening for a longtime now? Majority of times when a man is depressed he turns to alcohol.

Do you know the source of his depression? Is it lack of finance, being out of a job or are you also contributing through constant nagging and belittling the man? Give us honest answers if you need our help.

163 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Righteousness89(m): 9:08pm On Oct 03, 2020
Launch yourself Fully into God ...
Stand in Gap for your Home and Husband In Prayers.
At midnight call call on the GOD of Heaven
Prayers Changes things..
When He sees a New you, that Could Just be the Tonic..

313 Likes 26 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by ojun50(m): 9:09pm On Oct 03, 2020
Madam you say wetin ... urine for bed kwa.....

OK let start from here, what is his age range?
how long have you guys being married

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by ojun50(m): 9:10pm On Oct 03, 2020
Righteousness89:
Launch yourself into God ...
Stand in Gap for your Home In Prayers.
When He sees a New you, that Could Just be the Tonic..
Na so pastor......

47 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Nobody: 9:11pm On Oct 03, 2020
virtuouswoman77:
pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol he drinks to much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine have talked to him still no change

I like your name, to be sincere nothing can change such conditions unless God intervene. Na prayer get you, pray and seek for somebody who will help you pray.

34 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by lilmax(m): 9:16pm On Oct 03, 2020
Start cheating, coming home late, stop cooking


Just lose yourself and see your husband start focusing again

Your husband lacks self control because you tolerate it


My opinion

70 Likes 16 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by ojun50(m): 9:16pm On Oct 03, 2020
IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or highly rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated during relationship these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.
Ur head is there

132 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by UDUJ(m): 9:18pm On Oct 03, 2020
lilmax:
Start cheating, coming home late, stop cooking


Just lose yourself and see your husband start focusing again

Your husband lacks self control because you tolerate it


My opinion

Just imagine the type of advice you are giving the lady? So she should start cheating? Are you sane?

313 Likes 16 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by tripplephi: 9:24pm On Oct 03, 2020
virtuouswoman77:
pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol he drinks to much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine have talked to him still no change

1) find the root cause of the problem.... he may have other deep issues that you have not cared to consider and his only escape is alcohol

2) be very prayerful (so he does not loose his life in such debauchery, and also so he changes his bad association or friends)

3) you both need COUNSELING.... a happy home will not be like this.... obviously he does not COMMUNICATE with you, he only TALKS TO YOU. So you are not his confidant.

4) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, talk with him and let him open up to you... it won't be easy but it would help

5) HONOR AND RESPECT HIM, no matter what happens, do not loose respect for your man, he is all you've got

6) PROTECT his image the best way you can, and you can also ask his family for help.

7) Read Books, Blogs and attend conferences on FAMILY, HOME, RELATIONSHIPS


Heed these 7 instructions and things will begin to change

59 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by lilmax(m): 9:24pm On Oct 03, 2020
UDUJ:


Just imagine the type of advice you are giving the lady? So she should start cheating? Are you sane?
what advice would you give her?


She should pray, take care of a man who lacks self control?



She doesn't have herself to take care of?

Is the man a baby?

38 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by UDUJ(m): 9:27pm On Oct 03, 2020
lilmax:
what advice would you give her?


She should pray, take care of a man who lacks self control?



She doesn't have herself to take care of?

Is the man a baby?


So cheating is the best advice you can give her? You should just tell her to go ahead and get a divorce then, smh undecided

75 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Ishilove: 9:31pm On Oct 03, 2020
Righteousness89:
Launch yourself into God ...
Stand in Gap for your Home In Prayers.
When He sees a New you, that Could Just be the Tonic..
Yes, putting God first in everything is the way to go, BUT He will not come down from His throne to solve our problems for us. That is why he gave us brains to carry out his will. The OP needs PRACTICAL solutions in addition to prayers.

87 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Nobody: 9:33pm On Oct 03, 2020
Righteousness89:
Launch yourself into God ...
Stand in Gap for your Home In Prayers.
When He sees a New you, that Could Just be the Tonic..
I have never seen any of your posts actually make sense.

69 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 9:37pm On Oct 03, 2020
IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.


my dear wat you see in relationship is different from marriage we dated fr 9 months before marriage we didn't live together I only visit and during does time God be my witness he didn't show such and when we got married nothing changed in me he do tell me how lucky he his to have so it is not from me

20 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Righteousness89(m): 9:41pm On Oct 03, 2020
Ishilove:

Yes, putting God first in everything is the way to go, BUT He will not come down from His throne to solve our problems for us. That is why he gave us brains to carry out his will. The OP needs PRACTICAL solutions in addition to prayers.

Madam Hope there is no Problem?
why do u have to quote me?
Why not Give her your PRATICAL Solution

Did I Hinder you from Giving Her your PRATICAL SOLUTION??

Don't allow the Devil to Begin to make use of u..

74 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 9:46pm On Oct 03, 2020
UDUJ:
Did he just start drinking alcohol or this has been happening for a longtime now? Majority of times when a man is depressed he turns to alcohol.

Do you know the source of his depression? Is it lack of finance, being out of a job or are you also contributing through constant nagging and belittling the man? Give us honest answers if you need our help.
I believe it has been in him cos when I complained to his brother he told me that that is one habit that everybody in the family keep complainibg about him that the thought he would change after getting married to someone he loves so it has nothing to do with me which he knows is just that he hid that side of him when we were dating

16 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 9:49pm On Oct 03, 2020
ojun50:
Madam you say wetin ... urine for bed kwa.....

OK let start from here, what is his age range?
how long have you guys being married
he is 39 married for 3 yrs plus

3 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Hathor5(f): 9:50pm On Oct 03, 2020
virtuouswoman77:
my dear wat you see in relationship is different from marriage we dated fr 9 months before marriage we didn't live together I only visit and during does time God be my witness he didn't show such and when we got married nothing changed in me he do tell me how lucky he his to have so it is not from me

Don't take it personally dear. It's in to blame women for everything on this forum. These people have made perfect choices and live perfect lives so they won't understand.

How often does your husband drink? What does he drink?

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 9:51pm On Oct 03, 2020
gaius01:


I like your name, to be sincere nothing can change such conditions unless God intervene. Na prayer get you, pray and seek for somebody who will help you pray.
someone like who the thing is getting to me badly anything he is drunk I don't sleep so he doesn't mess my things or kids
Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 9:54pm On Oct 03, 2020
tripplephi:


1) find the root cause of the problem.... he may have other deep issues that you have not cared to consider and his only escape is alcohol

2) be very prayerful (so he does not loose his life in such debauchery, and also so he changes his bad association or friends)

3) you both need COUNSELING.... a happy home will not be like this.... obviously he does not COMMUNICATE with you, he only TALKS TO YOU. So you are not his confidant.

4) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, talk with him and let him open up to you... it won't be easy but it would help

5) HONOR AND RESPECT HIM, no matter what happens, do not loose respect for your man, he is all you've got

6) PROTECT his image the best way you can, and you can also ask his family for help.

7) Read Books, Blogs and attend conferences on FAMILY, HOME, RELATIONSHIPS


Heed these 7 instructions and things will begin to change
though am doing all this thanks anyway

1 Like

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by UDUJ(m): 9:54pm On Oct 03, 2020
virtuouswoman77:
I believe it has been in him cos when I complained to his brother he told me that that is one habit that everybody in the family keep complainibg about him that the thought he would change after getting married to someone he loves so it has nothing to do with me which he knows is just that he hid that side of him when we were dating

That's serious alcohol addiction then. And this needs to be treated with utmost care because of the withdrawal symptoms which most times can be violent. Please have a sit down with him and have a heart to heart chat with him on how this his addiction is causing a strain on your marriage and making him a laughing stock as well. You can take him to a rehab center that deals with addictions, I know we don't have triple A centers in Nigeria but we have some good rehab centers in Lagos. And act fast because apart from family strains it will also affect his job performance and relationship with other people as well. Please don't abandon him, try and help him get through this addiction. I wish you well.

23 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by clumsydyna: 9:55pm On Oct 03, 2020
IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.


God bless your daddy.

12 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 9:58pm On Oct 03, 2020
Ishilove:

Yes, putting God first in everything is the way to go, BUT He will not come down from His throne to solve our problems for us. That is why he gave us brains to carry out his will. The OP needs PRACTICAL solutions in addition to prayers.
that practical solution is what I really need cos even if am angry and keep malice with him anything he does so he will never ask fr forgiveness and we look fr a better way forward what he will say is " getting drunk is the sweetness of drink

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by virtuouswoman77(f): 10:05pm On Oct 03, 2020
Hathor5:


Don't take it personally dear. It's in to blame women for everything on this forum. These people have made perfect choices and live perfect lives so they won't understand.

How often does your husband drink? What does he drink?
if he buys drink fr himself he goes fr his gauge 3 bottles but when he goes to an event where there is excess drink, my God he will be feeling like getting all the drinks into his mouth that's where the lack of self control comes in

13 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Mryacks: 10:06pm On Oct 03, 2020
IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.



You said it all...spot on

3 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by Hathor5(f): 10:07pm On Oct 03, 2020
virtuouswoman77:
if he buys drink fr himself he goes fr his gauge 3 bottles but when he goes to an event where there is excess drink, my God he will be feeling like getting all the drinks into his mouth that's where the lack of self control comes in

When you talk to him, what does he say? Does he admit to his problem or does he deny it? Is he aware of his addiction or in denial mode/playing it down?

5 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by GboyegaD(m): 10:08pm On Oct 03, 2020
The issue is quite deep. Have you tried seeking psychiatric therapy? Have you considered talking to a psychologist to see if the root cause can be ascertained? Is he embarrassed by his actions when he is in his right senses? Did he feel remorse of his actions? There are so many things to put into consideration and while I wouldn't rule out prayers/ spiritual therapy, you also need physical therapy.

4 Likes

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by dorin27(f): 10:08pm On Oct 03, 2020
lilmax:
Start cheating, coming home late, stop cooking


Just lose yourself and see your husband start focusing again

Your husband lacks self control because you tolerate it


My opinion
follow this advice at your own peril. What were you thinking when you typed all of these? She's asking for advice not more trouble

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help My Husband Lacks Self Control by ojun50(m): 10:10pm On Oct 03, 2020
virtuouswoman77:
he is 39 married for 3 yrs plus
I will advise you info the family, someone he listen to or church leaders and lastly pray and help him out

3 Likes

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