Lightening:

Nne, you faculty complete. Help me tell all these emergency ladies' marriage advisers to look for a black goat in the daytime. Eventually, the burden arising from their illusions will be transferred to their innocent pastors.

I haff died of laughter oh.....

Wait sef, any Imam here, pls kindly tell us if those Muslim ladies come to you for 'marriage' prayers....... Would like to know o....

Chai pastors dey see something

Still laughing at that bolded statement
Hehehehehehehe hahahahahahahaha hohohohohohohohoh

Blame it on ASUU strike

i tink say na only me see am oooo....

U'v just said my mind

The comical, yet serious paradox of our time is that people who are married are desperate to become singles and singles are desperate to become married. In a society like ours, starting from age 25, well meaning individuals around us begin to hint subtly or directly about marriage . The matter begins to assume an unusual proportion in their questions and counsel to us.

We know how powerless singles, especially those within “marriageable age” can be against such barrage because society has empowered this seemingly well-meaning individuals to pressure singles to hook a man or woman up desperately. Failure to achieve a relationship as at when considered due is viewed as a deficiency in the quality of your existence. You are considered incomplete and only a man or woman will fill up the void. Some even begin to think its a spiritual problem.

What might not be obvious to you in their scorn, pressures and constant questioning is that they are not concerned about you marrying the right person as they are about you celebrating a wedding event. The means is not important but the end. Your knowledge, character, quality of thinking, readiness and skills to succeed in marriage is not their focus but your change in marital status.

In our society, the decision to marry is considered a critical part of a developmental cycle that looks like this – you are born, next you go to school, get a certificate of some sort that society can recognize, get a job, MARRY, have children, pay bills for a very long time and die. It therefore suggests a case of developmental malfunction and a misfortune if you don’t get married when society thinks you should.

There is an assertive ignorance in our society that considers your getting married as a debt that must be paid. If anything should become a compulsive and critical action to take (as marriage is suggested), then it should hold promises for a consistently positive experience. To shatter this myth, a consistently positive experience can not be delivered by an institution(marriage) managed by two imperfect individuals. Therefore it should not be promoted as a do or die experience.

While the foregoing statement could be seen as undermining my fascination for marriage as a noble, demanding yet satisfying responsibility, I must point out that its great value can only be sustained by a certain kind of education and mastery. It’s a good thing but not a precursor to meaning or purpose at any level. What I mean to say is that an unmarried state in not an indication of a lesser being, and individuals in this state can have as much quality of life as anybody on earth.

Singles, if someone is running away from a house you are desperate to get into, should that not create a sense of caution about how you evaluate or judge that house. That is the caution I think you should exercise in your evaluation of marriage and marital choices. There is a reality about marriage that should thoughtfully calm and slow down every zeal to enter it.

You need a reality that will help put things in perspective enough to secure the great and positive experience marriage is designed to deliver. A faulty perspective on the other hand will create wrong realities that can lead to your own desperation to get out of marriage down the line.

If marriage is the definition of bliss, then everybody married should be happy and those singles should be miserable. And obviously, this is not the case as there are countless who are married and frustrated as there are many who are single and fulfilled. Also there are people who are married and fulfilled as there are many who are single and frustrated.

This brings us to a misplaced evaluation of age as a critical factor for marriage. There are 60 year old men messing up as there are 25 year old boys directing the affairs of huge global corporations. Marriage is about how responsible, knowledgeable and matured you are. And age is not guarantee of the aforementioned.

Most people have settled down because their birth certificate said they should, while they have let down their potential or let up their effectiveness in life. For them, age is presumed to aid maturity but in reality no one is old enough for any level of responsibility. You can only be knowledgeable, ready and matured enough for it. Marriage and parenting are skills and they are not developed by osmosis. They must be learned.

My question to you is this: Is your decision for marriage informed by an helicopter view of the responsibilities inherent and the impact of marriage on your peace and that of the other person? Or is it based on your birth certificate. If you can’t answer positively, please help reduce the statistics of broken homes and broken lives created by irresponsible and unwitting adults at such crucial decision-making phase.

It is wiser not to create pain and unhappiness for yourself and your unborn children by acquiring the knowledge, skill and maturity needed to sustain a marriage. Society can get you to make a decision but society is not responsible for the outcome or consequences of your decision. THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

http://olakunlesoriyanblog.com/2013/11/21/who-gave-you-the-time-table-for-marriage-society-or-your-own-preparation/

Godvilla: I still ask this question "Is being a graduate a criteria for marriage cos what, almost everyone against early marriage are hampering upon is let her get 1st degree?
Most graduates are just sitting @ home, only the lucky ones find themselves in a reputable company.
God can bless u be it a graduate or not... He does not look upon ur academic credentials.
U can be ur own boss, in the end we are after the cash.
U and ur partner can build ur own future regardless ur background or credentials.
Conclusion: Its not a must one must be a graduate b4 he/she is regarded as matured enough for marriage. CAPICHE :/

my dear its a criteria because you meet differnt people,learn from lecturers,peers,knw how to tolerate ppl.it broadens ur knowlege!its a place for normal ppl to get matured,I knws someppl are jst in human clothing sha

wat ever u guys say plss gels debt b decieved beta get married at d ryt age remember dey beautiful ones r yet 2 b born

To avoid premarital sex....I think

“Your BIRTH CERTIFICATE is not a CRITICAL RESOURCE in DETERMINING MARRIAGE but RATHER your CAPACITY to take the RESPONSIBILITY INHERENT”.

tintingz: Marrying early is not only good for your health, but for your relationship as well. It helps you look younger for years, keeps you happy, boosts your relationship compatibility with your partner and much more. So, let’s get to know more about the advantages of tying the knot early. What do we mean by an early marriage? An early marriage today should not be confused with premature marriages, the way we saw them in the popular daily soap, Balika Vadhu. In contemporary times, getting married before the age of 25 seems to qualify for an early marriage. As getting married when you are around 20-21 years is more likely to be looked upon as a slightly premature marriage, at least in the metros and urban suburbs.

1. Establishing your centre of gravity early

Most of you in your 20s are in a constant flux of discovering yourselves. Your jobs, relationships and family matters seem to churn your lives upside down repeatedly. During this time, having someone close to you, who understands your mental turbulence, and is genuinely interested in helping you, is a great idea. Having a soul mate at this stage of life sounds rather helpful, because you both grow together. You begin to know each other first and family responsibilities come in much later.

2. Better chance of establishing compatibility

With rising number of divorces of India, it becomes important to look at the psychology behind it. Especially in the urban India, by the time couples choose to marry, they have had already developed a mindset of their own. And, when two contradicting mindsets meet, clash is bound to happen. With age, it gets difficult for an individual to adjust with another. On the contrary, getting married a bit early means you are with your spouse during the process of evolving psychologically. This is parallel to a piece of metal being heated, which is more malleable at this stage. During the growing phase, adjusting to your partner’s habits or thinking is easier. This way it becomes easier to strike a compatibility.

3. Being more energetic parents

Parents, who marry late, constantly struggle to match up with the mindset and stamina of their kids. Getting married early means you are likely to have kids when your health is at its robust best. This can help you to take upon more challenging aspects of parenting. You can energetically participate with them in their activities and strike a bond easily.

4. Looking younger for longer Gynaecologists approve of the fact that post 30, sexual and reproductive hormones in a woman start diminishing steadily. Thus, becoming a parent early means giving your body a better chance to recover from the childbearing demands, which work towards preserving your youth. The early you conceive, the more fit you stay. Cesarean rates are higher in women who are above 35. Mothers at this age have more chances of a C-section delivery compared to women in their 20s. Marrying late also reduces the chance of conceiving a baby.

We don't want our young girls to be old cargos before they get married.

Did you read the OP at all?

We are debating a 19yr old marrying you are talking about marrying in 20s'

Still_stan: What's all this? girls of 19 years are getting married.. I wonder if y'all think marriage is a child's play, what's the rush all about??

To you, 19 is small abi? Now, tell me: what is beyond a sensible, intelligent and straight thinking girl of 19? Are you ignorant or you simply do not understand that at 19, girls have ceased to be girls and are now women?

After reminencing on my previous post as regards the subject matter, some ideas also sprung up which i feel might be the reason for the 'rather bizzare' rat race and its this;
maybe an unmarried 'old lady' must have told them as layed in the little drama below
(aunty talks with little girl)
aunty:' see me, i am an old woman now and am yet to be married, men wouldnt like to look at us again. So when you are growing and your physical morphology begins to manifest...shine your eyes!( She blares) any man that come your way, just grab him.
Little girl: but aunty, at what age do you think is appropriate? Say 21 /22 or something?
Aunty: you better shine your eyes, immediately you finish secondary school and somebody comes, just cooperate. I am speaking from experience.
Little girl: aunty, is it that bad?
Aunty: its very bad, infact its endtime things. Do you know those my friends that come here,? Non of us are married. We just come and console ourselves any time we meet.
Little girl: its that so? Na wa o. I will not allow that to happen to me o. Infact, i will start looking for husband when i am in ss1. But aunty you are still fine na, God can still bring somebody.
Aunty: amen o.

byvan:


You don't believe they can all be achieved at once??

What is the hurry in life?

Why should a 19yr old be saddling babies in university when she can graduate and still marry at 23 or 24 if she desires to marry early?

I remember how active I was in school and NYSC; devoting my whole time to my students and church(during NYSC) and other activities. There is no way I would have pulled it off married or saddling babies. I also know how my experiences helped me mature more and be a better person.

I believe there is a time for everything and it's best one does the right thing at the right time.

I am not saying that if one sees a good man while in school she should pass in up because she is in school. I met my fiancée when we were in both in 100L. His uncle saw me and said 'this is a good girl' and went to tell his mum at that time. My aunts also defended him against my mother when she was complaining I was too young and stuff that he was a good boy etc.

With all our 'goodness', we both had to learn on the job and we are still learning. Our experiences around have shaped us to who we are.

I am not even talking about career because it takes a while to build so I don't think marriage disturbs it in anyway. Within a year of working, I believe the girl is good to go if she has someone

Anyways, I trust my parents; if I proposed such, they will beat the madness out of me

boarnerges: After reminencing on my previous post as regards the subject matter, some ideas also sprung up which i feel might be the reason for the 'rather bizzare' rat race and its this;
maybe an unmarried 'old lady' must have told them as layed in the little drama below
(aunty talks with little girl)
aunty:' see me, i am an old woman now and am yet to be married, men wouldnt like to look at us again. So when you are growing and your physical morphology begins to manifest...shine your eyes!( She blares) any man that come your way, just grab him.
Little girl: but aunty, at what age do you think is appropriate? Say 21 /22 or something?
Aunty: you better shine your eyes, immediately you finish secondary school and somebody comes, just cooperate. I am speaking from experience.
Little girl: aunty, is it that bad?
Aunty: its very bad, infact its endtime things. Do you know those my friends that come here,? Non of us are married. We just come and console ourselves any time we meet.
Little girl: its that so? Na wa o. I will not allow that to happen to me o. Infact, i will start looking for husband when i am in ss1. But aunty you are still fine na, God can still bring somebody.
Aunty: amen o.

You wicked o! LOL!

How many young girls did such?

@ topic.

tpia@:
How many young girls did such?

@ topic.

Good question and how many did it work for?

How many parents will let their kids marry by 19?

@ Bukatyne, marriage is not like doing grocery shopping where you get to choose exactly what you want to buy and at your own time.If the right man comes at 19 and the girl desires to marry,i see nothing wrong with that.A 19yrs old is an adult,thus she is responsible for her decisions.


There are some who can competently multi task, we are all wired differently. People do have different dreams you know,some want it fast, some want it slow,either way,the choice is ours.I can't condemn a lady for choosing to marry at 19 or 35,as long as it worked out for her.


Life has no express route,the people that died at 25 thought they ll make it to 26,so what's the wait for?Why do tomorrow,what you can do now?the motto should be SUCCEED while at it.

byvan: @ Bukatyne, marriage is not like doing grocery shopping where you get to choose exactly what you want to buy and at your own time.If the right man comes at 19 and the girl desires to marry,i see nothing wrong with that.A 19yrs old is an adult,thus she is responsible for her decisions.


There are some who can competently multi task, we are all wired differently. People do have different dreams you know,some want it fast, some want it slow,either way,the choice is ours.I can't condemn a lady for choosing to marry at 19 or 35,as long as it worked out for her.


Life has no express route,the people that died at 25 thought they ll make it to 26,so what's the wait for?Why do tomorrow,what you can do now?the motto should be SUCCEED while at it.

Ok, look at this, can a married student with one or two kids for a Geology excursion?
Can she participate actively in politics if she is interested?
As a Corp member, can she decide to serve anywhere she is posted?
Can she go for dance shows et al? (Christian shows like Root of David, DMD etc.)

If a guy decide to marry at 20 sef, it does not affect him; he can be dancing skelewu during his departmental dinner while his wife is in labour As far as he paid for her in a hospital in V/I, who will say he is a bad father?

The University curriculum was not designed for married people

Anyways, each one to his own (and our parents/upbringing does affect our views)

Girls don too much for d world
And beside the holy book said that what happened b4 will happen again. Our mothers married early too, remember?

MAYOWAAK: “Your BIRTH CERTIFICATE is not a CRITICAL RESOURCE in DETERMINING MARRIAGE but RATHER your CAPACITY to take the RESPONSIBILITY INHERENT”.

Few decades ago, our mothers married early and they were able to manage homes and raise children. Women are built that way, its only the quest to do what men can do that is bringing this on.

Looking at nigeria of now. Oooh, I would say only a few girls marry @ age 19 because of true love majority get married cos of d level of poverty in naija. They are willing to hop into anytin called marriage only because the man would provide for their basic needs. Many of them are seeing marriage as an escape route from poverty.

@ Bukatyne, Definitely one must have anticipated challenges before choosing the route,Some married can still do all these.what if the lady isn't in geology dept?would it have made any difference?what if she is not interested in extracurriculum activities??

The University curriculum isn't designed for the married but some married fit in just fine.

byvan: @ Bukatyne, Definitely one must have anticipated challenges before choosing the route,Some married can still do all these.what if the lady isn't in geology dept?would it have made any difference?what if she is not interested in extracurriculum activities??

The University curriculum isn't designed for the married but some married fit in just fine.

I used Geology as an example; I am not even a Geologist myself.

The extracurricular activities was designed for a student to be rounded. However, if the person is not interested, fine afterall, not all singles participate.

Everyone should do as they deem fit. This is just my opinion and outlook shaped by my values and experiences

Keneking:

You mean dowry?

actually its not dowry either,its bride price,dowry is given τ̅ ‎​A̶̲̥̅ man from the womans family.

Same here in europe,but women do it here to destroy the man life...they marry and divorce in 3 yrs after 2 or 3 kids then the man have to pay child support and they Bleep up your life for the next 18 yrs.

bukatyne:

Did you read the OP at all?

We are debating a 19yr old marrying you are talking about marrying in 20s'

I'm talking about early marriage.

And why can't a 19 year old girl marry if she's matured for it?

because of ASUU strike

onnairaland:

Few decades ago, our mothers married early and they were able to manage homes and raise children. Women are built that way, its only the quest to do what men can do that is bringing this on.

Exactly!

Forget o. If all those 19yrs old girl handle you, u go think say na hammer nak you akpako for bed. The truth remains, the age of your wife does not determine a successful marriage.

marriage is not only about age but about how matured and prepared sm1 is, so if a girl is matured both mentally, physically and other wise, whether she is 19/18/20 yrs, she would do more better in marriage than a girl of 28/29/35/40 who is not.

RedBenson:

If dem no marry now, if dem com reach 40yrs dem never marry, na una go still complain say dem been waste away thier youthful age. Na una sabi jare!

And baba.....These girls are tripping by Default these days.....abeg anybody notice am ?? winks

dasparrow:

Oh, you just noticed? You have Nigerian society to thank for that. I have never seen or met a group of people who have such an unhealthy obsession with marriage like Nigerians. Its indeed terrible. Its so bad that overseas - in USA - for instance, I have had other black Africans who are not Nigerian ask me in the past why most Nigerians are so marriage desperate. Its very shameful considering that the average Nigerian marriage - marred by excessive infidelity, meddling in-laws, lack of spousal affection and compassion, servant-master relationship, maltreatment of the widow, seizing the children from the woman in the event of the marital union's breakdown, blaming the woman for the baby's gender and emotional, verbal and physical abuse - is nothing to write home about. Interestingly, people from other nationalities and cultures are aware of the fact that many Nigerians have a hellish marriage no matter how much some Nigerians try to pretend that this is not the case.

Funnily enough, after many Nigerians rush into marriage, they come to find out that the grass is not exactly greener on the other side. The women also come to find out that once they are in their 40s and 50s that their husbands are not faithful to them anymore and are out there looking for tighter, fresher varginas not the ones their wives have which have slacked due to popping out so many babies and too much pounding. The vargina is elastic and after years of pounding by the p8nis and giving birth to an average of 4 children or more, the vargina is bound to slack and no amount of kegel exercise will bring the vargina back to its youthful tightness and exuberance before all the pounding and child bearing.

Should the man die before the woman, society or the in-laws blame the woman. Should the woman give birth to females and no males, society blames the woman. Should anything go wrong in the marriage even if it is the man's fault, society blames the woman. So, no matter what the Nigerian woman does, society is still against her. So, why the rush to go into a life of perpetual bondage? if marriage alone guarantees a better life for the man and woman, then most Nigerians ought to be really wealthy and enjoying life considering the large percentage of Nigerians that are married or are getting married. Sadly, the reality remains that even with all the marrying Nigerians do, many still live and raise their families in abject poverty. That in itself, says a lot.

lord knows i love your post.