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The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding - Romance (4) - Nairaland

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Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by GooseBaba: 7:04pm On Oct 05, 2014
OrlandoOwoh:

Could you explain further?

You said traditional marriage does not constitute as absolute marriage, you relegate it to cohabitating. but your opulence for white wedding gives it legal backing....

In your world African traditional marriage is not up to oyinbo traditional marriage... That equals to inferiority complex...

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Sixix: 7:04pm On Oct 05, 2014
Sweetlemon:


I agree with you. The government needs to do something about it for the sake of those who see no need for more than one ceremony. There is really a need for documents.

What motivated me to start this thread is a lady I know of currently crying her heart out right now. Her then struggling bf only did traditional wedding and postponed the white till further notice giving the excuse of finance. She moved into his house, only too happy to get a hubby just before clocking 30. The guy got an offer abroad but because they weren't legally married, he couldn't take her along. All advise that she should tell the guy to do court wedding of nothing more than 40k fell on deaf ears (court payments plus small refreshment for like 5 witnesses). She was hopeful that he will come back to do the white/court wedding at "his own pace" . Ok nau, the guy left. Little by little, he stopped calling her.

Then all of a sudden, she heard he was in town........ for his wedding! When her family confronted him, he said he was married to her traditionally and he was allowed to have as many wives as he wished under tradition she was given a choice to accept it or leave. Meanwhile he did white wedding with his second wife o! They signed documents. They have both since gone back abroad leaving his first wife high and dry without the dignity of any proceeding. As in it was like an ordinary unceremonious break-up btw a boyfriend and girlfriend. God forbid!

What a pity!

However would you like me to start counting women who were wedded legally and still got dumped and maltreated.

Court marriage is for 'those' women and NOT WOMEN

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by kings11ng(m): 7:04pm On Oct 05, 2014
Sweetlemon:
They assume ownership of a bride once the bride price has been paid. If the girl is lucky enough they will do traditional wedding but the white or even court wedding will be till further notice. In fact, unless a girl's family are strong Christians who will insist on the complete wedding rites before allowing their daughter move in permanently with man, the man will not think seriously about a formal wedding.

The thing is that most girls are too willing to allow this happen. Unless they pester the man for a court or white wedding, they will wait a long long time, after dropping one or two kids before having this. But their wives don't seem to be very serious about this. I mean, this trend is becoming too rampant nowadays. A good case study is that of P Square duo. (I love P Square and their brides not saying this to hate o) All the other celebs did both trad and white almost immediately after. Yet the P Square family even their brother Jude, are not about taking their brides down the aisle. I know a few girls personally who are doing this.

Ladies please let's be very careful with this issue. A church or at least a court wedding is more solid. With a traditional or just introduction, the man can wake up one morning and throw you out of the house, bring in another woman and there is little or nothing you can do. But when documents have been signed, you get the opportunity to fight for rights to property, fair treatment, etc if you can get a good lawyer. Also, with a certificate, your marriage is recognized anywhere in the world. For instance, without a marriage certificate, your "hubby" living abroad cannot invite you over abroad as it's done in most countries. You will have to go through another route.

Please if you are in this kind of arrangement, use all wisdom available to you to get yourself an official document. The longer you procrastinate, the more difficult it will be for the man to finally tie the knot while you live in his house.
actually the traditional wedding is more solid than white wedding. white wedding is just byproduct of colonisation

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by MadCow1: 7:04pm On Oct 05, 2014
OrlandoOwoh:
Church or court wedding is not all about spending money, like the would want us to believe. Yes, you spend money, but the main reason some people do it, including myself, is to give it a legal backing. The certificate you're issued at the registry or court has legal backing. For those that did just traditional marriage or paid only the bride price, before the law you're not a couple, but just cohabitating.

Erm. .. Well said..

But in addition, even couples who just started cohabiting and breeding and have lived together over a certain period of time and having been living like husband and wife also have rights under the law. I believe that relationship is called 'common law marriage'.

Problem with this remains the burden of proof which like customary marriage greatly relies on pictures and credible witnesses.



#Tanks

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by ayanbaba2(m): 7:05pm On Oct 05, 2014
MabraO:
[b]Only in Nigeria our ladies allow us men to marry them 3-4 times in 2/3 days
Wetin sef
If my wife no like traditional wedding
Na she sabi
No time for one Yeye pastor to tell me how to run my marriage wen he can't even run his[/b]meaning what and who you dey point to...
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by satowind(m): 7:06pm On Oct 05, 2014
Anygal dat is dragging a man to court marriage to be entitled to his properties wen dey split is a gold-digger and is not ready to tolerate the ups and downs in marriage. I think traditional marriage is ideal enough for a family to work. That what the bible recognize
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by MabraO: 7:07pm On Oct 05, 2014
[quote author=ayanbaba2 post=26889926][/quote]

Point to? undecided
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by MadCow1: 7:08pm On Oct 05, 2014
GooseBaba:


You said traditional marriage does not constitute as absolute marriage, you relegate it to cohabitating. but your opulence for white wedding gives it legal backing....

In your world African traditional marriage is not up to oyinbo traditional marriage... That equals to inferiority complex...

The issue of African marriage (customary marriage) vs White weddings is not about complex but legality and absolute recognition and irrefutable proof under the law..


Your post shows you have lost the plot of this thread..

Don't abuse me please, cos I am Mad Cow.

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:09pm On Oct 05, 2014
Sweetlemon:


I am interested in my dignity. It's not just about property. It's about having a rightful place. You men can be funny a times even when you have the best intentions. It's important for women to be protected. Also you need documents to be recognized as a couple should you guys live outside Nigeria especially when issues come up and only a document can clear such.
documents can always be altered. it depends on what you both signed .... not just about document. it is necessary to have certificats but it shouldnt be a pre requisite for marriage. do you know how many women have certificates , yet they complain of abuse and all.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by ayanbaba2(m): 7:09pm On Oct 05, 2014
MabraO:
[b]Only in Nigeria our ladies allow us men to marry them 3-4 times in 2/3 days
Wetin sef
If my wife no like traditional wedding
Na she sabi
No time for one Yeye pastor to tell me how to run my marriage wen he can't even run his[/b]meaning what and who you dey point to...
meaning what and who you dey point to...
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by uzolexis(f): 7:09pm On Oct 05, 2014
jmoore:
Growing trend? I don't think so.

Anyway, my plan is to do my traditional and church wedding the same day.


The government needs to do something about our traditional marriage, so we can issue legal documents to back the traditional wedding.

I agree,traditional wedding should be the recognised one,all others should be formality. The Nigerian govt should start giving certificates 4 traditional wedding.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Sidoka: 7:09pm On Oct 05, 2014
its a pity the way we keep loosing our culture and heritage all in the name of civillisation,have u ever seen a white man performing or doing african wedding rites in their country.....why then would a proud african perform or be so crazy about white weddings.......my people die for lack of wisdom
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by MadCow1: 7:11pm On Oct 05, 2014
satowind:
Anygal dat is dragging a man to court marriage to be entitled to his properties wen dey split is a gold-digger and is not ready to tolerate the ups and downs in marriage. I think traditional marriage is ideal enough for a family to work. That what the bible recognize


Call her whatever you like..

BUT any woman who does not legally protect herself in a marriage only has herself to blame should shiit go south. .

Also note that the marriage act does not only protect women but men as well as in some cases the man may be awarded alimony from his wife.

Tanks

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:12pm On Oct 05, 2014
OP is right that it's important to sign documents and make the union legally recognised. It's not only about divorce but God forbid incase one of the parties die and the family wants to cheat you and your children out of what you guys worked for. It just helps to protect the family incase of such things since the law will be on your side even if there's no will.

It doesn't have to be an elaborate affair just go to the registry. If a man doesn't trust the woman enough to marry her legally then why is he marrying her at all undecided that is the woman who will raise your children so you should do everything g to protect her

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:13pm On Oct 05, 2014
jmoore:
Growing trend? I don't think so.

Anyway, my plan is to do my traditional and church wedding the same day.


The government needs to do something about our traditional marriage, so we can issue legal documents to back the traditional wedding.
yea ...... there are certificates issued at the local government.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by MadCow1: 7:13pm On Oct 05, 2014
bukatyne:


No mind them

Everybody must wedding alariwo or all weddings must cost millions

preay for favour and wonderful deals will be coming your way

Plan and know what you want and work towards it

The funny thing is that the glamour of wedding ceremony is not the money spent but the organization and effort put into it


A court marriage does not need more than 2 guests who will stand as witnesses..

The only thing these Nigerian court people ask for as extra is a meagre court charge and some refreshments for themselves like biscuit, coke, malt and stuff which are not expensive as such.

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by OrlandoOwoh(m): 7:13pm On Oct 05, 2014
MadCow1:


Erm. .. Well said..

But in addition, even couples who just started cohabiting and breeding and have lived together over a certain period of time and having been living like husband and wife also have rights under the law. I believe that relationship is called 'common law marriage'.

Problem with this remains the burden of proof which like customary marriage greatly relies on pictures and credible witnesses.



#Tanks
People cohabiting hardly have problem with whether or not their relationship is legal until there is a case of devorce and the need for the custody of the child(ren) arises.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by InvertedHammer: 7:15pm On Oct 05, 2014
/
Oyibo = 1 white wedding. Case closed.

Nigeria = 1 white wedding + 1 Traditional wedding + 1 court wedding, not excluding introduction, bride price, 3 page list of items, etc.

Where do you expect people to get money for all these stuff?

And they wonder why people are frustrated in marriage.

Men start having feeling of entitlement after all the expenditures. Don't blame them.

Sorry! I forgot the leeches/liabilities (in-laws) that come thereafter.

This is why a lot of men are scared of getting married. Worst of all, there are no guarantees.

Wahala dey o!


\

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by MadCow1: 7:18pm On Oct 05, 2014
OrlandoOwoh:

People cohabiting hardly have problem with whether or not their relationship is legal until there is a case of devorce and the need for the custody of the child(ren) arises.


True..

But even then, such relationship if not customary is considered to be common law marriage and can be decided in court like a full court marriage. What I am not sure the spouses can get is "maintenance" from each other, but the court can award custody to one parent and child upkeep from the other as the case may be as that child's or children's interest must always be protected under the law irrespective of the circumstances of their birth.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by CoCoLav(f): 7:21pm On Oct 05, 2014
tatiana009:
OP is right that it's important to sign documents and make the union legally recognised. It's not only about divorce but God forbid incase one of the parties die and the family wants to cheat you and your children out of what you guys worked for. It just helps to protect the family incase of such things since the law will be on your side even if there's no will.

It doesn't have to be an elaborate affair just go to the registry. If a man doesn't trust the woman enough to marry her legally then why is he marrying her at all undecided that is the woman who will raise your children so you should do everything g to protect her


Thank you! By the time one husband's brother will suddenly come from the village and explain to them how they are 'property' and so cannot inherit their husband's wealth (some of which the both of them even worked for) then their eyes will clear.

This kind of topic no need to argue sef. Just fold hands and watch.

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by GooseBaba: 7:21pm On Oct 05, 2014
MadCow1:


The issue of African marriage (customary marriage) vs White weddings is not about complex but legality and absolute recognition and irrefutable proof under the law..


Your post shows you have lost the plot of this thread..

Don't abuse me please, cos I am Mad Cow.

Guy abeg try read before you reply person post..
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by OrlandoOwoh(m): 7:22pm On Oct 05, 2014
GooseBaba:


You said traditional marriage does not constitute as absolute marriage, you relegate it to cohabitating. but your opulence for white wedding gives it legal backing....

In your world African traditional marriage is not up to oyinbo traditional marriage... That equals to inferiority complex...
You're contradicting yourself. Whether traditional or church, the issuance of certificate is what makes it legal. I know of people who sit in their living room and join their children. If there is a case of devorce, then you will know that it is important to have certificate. You think you can just impregnate a girl, give her family the bride price and think the law recognizes you as a couple?

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:22pm On Oct 05, 2014
Like seriously, dis made FP? Since Sept.15, two weeks n six days ago?


Nawa!!!
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Ishilove: 7:24pm On Oct 05, 2014
jmoore:
Growing trend? I don't think so.

Anyway, my plan is to do my traditional and church wedding the same day.


The government needs to do something about our traditional marriage, so we can issue legal documents to back the traditional wedding.
I think traditional wedding is called customary marriage, backed by law or something (I read it somewhere a while back). After your traditional wedding, you go and register it in the local government where it took place after a duration of twenty-one days and you are given a certificate or something like that. My folks never did a white wedding and I have seen their marriage certificate, fully backed by the court in the district where the wedding took place.

I don't intend to do a white wedding. I'm a Christian, but I don't know where it is written that I must do a white wedding. Heck, the weddings that took place in the bible were marriages according to Jewish laws and customs. I'm a Nigerian, not a Jew. I will invite a man of God to my traditional wedding who will bless the union in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Shikena grin grin cheesy

7 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by OkikiOluwa1(m): 7:24pm On Oct 05, 2014
Sweetlemon:
.
Is white wedding a real solution to missing out on sharing husbands property? Hell no.
Your arguement is incomplete. Even a wife that had white wedding can be cheated. If there's no proper documentation.
Last Bullet
A guy like me ll not shy from church wedding.
Its only white wedding that I frown against.
There's a diff btw them.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Emmalot121(m): 7:24pm On Oct 05, 2014
Sweetlemon:
They assume ownership of a bride once the bride price has been paid. If the girl is lucky enough they will do traditional wedding but the white or even court wedding will be till further notice. In fact, unless a girl's family are strong Christians who will insist on the complete wedding rites before allowing their daughter move in permanently with man, the man will not think seriously about a formal wedding.

The thing is that most girls are too willing to allow this happen. Unless they pester the man for a court or white wedding, they will wait a long long time, after dropping one or two kids before having this. But their wives don't seem to be very serious about this. I mean, this trend is becoming too rampant nowadays. A good case study is that of P Square duo. (I love P Square and their brides not saying this to hate o) All the other celebs did both trad and white almost immediately after. Yet the P Square family even their brother Jude, are not about taking their brides down the aisle. I know a few girls personally who are doing this.

Ladies please let's be very careful with this issue. A church or at least a court wedding is more solid. With a traditional or just introduction, the man can wake up one morning and throw you out of the house, bring in another woman and there is little or nothing you can do. But when documents have been signed, you get the opportunity to fight for rights to property, fair treatment, etc if you can get a good lawyer. Also, with a certificate, your marriage is recognized anywhere in the world. For instance, without a marriage certificate, your "hubby" living abroad cannot invite you over abroad as it's done in most countries. You will have to go through another route.

Please if you are in this kind of arrangement, use all wisdom available to you to get yourself an official document. The longer you procrastinate, the more difficult it will be for the man to finally tie the knot while you live in his house.
After reading this piece, my brain has been trying in futility to bring out the minutest of sense in this piece. Here are my conclusions-:
1) You think divorce can only affect women
2) That only men can bring up divorce in cases like this
3) That traditional marriage is useless and baseless
4) That rather than a means of saving money, it is a problem to the society.
5) That it is possible to chase wife out of house on which you both have names.
6) That marriage like this are most likely to fail.

















Still can't make tangible sense out of your tasteless post. angry

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by synergycom19: 7:26pm On Oct 05, 2014
Documents or not when you are throw out you are out, when you commit divorce able offense you get throw out

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Ojix85: 7:26pm On Oct 05, 2014
addictiv:
op sounds as if the sole purpose of having a certificate is to use it as a valid document when applying for a divorce. Say a lady marries a guy who is already worth billions in assets and after 5 years she decides to divorce him and claim ownership of half of the guys assets which he already had b4 he married her. Mbanu.. That's why a prenup is important. Cos if she is gonna insist on a court wedding then I will defidefinitely insist we sign a prenup to avoid stories that touch.

1 billion likes
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 7:27pm On Oct 05, 2014
Realistically how do u xpect a person earning below 120k to do a white wedding without help. Hes gonna rent a place thats like 400k the wedding should cost ova 400k how many months salary is dat. The apartment gonna be furnished so u see times are hard.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Ishilove: 7:28pm On Oct 05, 2014
israelbenzion:


u are misinforming people. traditional marriage is as solid as the so-called "court marriage" (Marriage under the Act). the only difference is that different laws govern both. for Ur info, conducting Registry immediately nullifies all other forms of marriage earlier conducted, and performing any other form of marriage after registry marriage is an offence punishable by jail time. pls download urself a copy of the Marriage Act and be better informed. do u need judicial authorities to clarify issues for u? send Ur email address and I'll give u some. but I beg u, stick to facts.
God bless you. I know I read something about this sometime back. Traditional marriage/customary marriage is very legal in this country.

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