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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers (12805 Views)
Why AFRICANS Hardly Marry BLACK Americans / Why Are Men Scared Of Dating Single Mothers? / I Sent N500k To My Fiancée To Open A Shop, She Used It To Settle Family Issues (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Nobody: 11:31pm On Nov 14, 2019 |
BAJ007:nothing actually wrong in marrying single mother but in naija wahala must always dey..u know nigeria factor must always come in nau |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by oyatz(m): 12:27am On Nov 15, 2019 |
I have come to the conclusion that people in this category don't have raised ego and their families/societies don't expect much from them. A hair dresser apprentice, bread hawker, paraga/agbo seller, pepper soup/beer joint operators or food vendor sales girl can have 3 children for 3 different men without being properly married to anyone of these men. SBL28: 1 Like |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Nobody: 12:34am On Nov 15, 2019 |
oyatz:lol u just reminded of the lady my mom used to buy tomatoes from regularly back then.her first dauther has five children from five different men and sometimes in the evening u will see okada men using their hands to handle her body and tap her behind and she will be laughing .her mom too na single mom.sometimes i wondered how she"s been able to take care of the five kids alone..except maybe her mummy also supports her but the mom na the tomato business she dey depend on.e no easy. |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by AvsGot007(m): 12:57am On Nov 15, 2019 |
MrBrownJay1:bruv |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by 2buffagain(m): 2:00am On Nov 15, 2019 |
Leoniine: Do, pray tell, enlighten us on what "positives" could come out of a situation like this. 3 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by 2buffagain(m): 2:03am On Nov 15, 2019 |
lefulefu: Experience is the best builder of character. E go sabi game by force. |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Nobody: 2:08am On Nov 15, 2019 |
2buffagain:im learn im lesson the hard way .it doesnt pay in the long run being nice to a girl who has been used to a thug all her life . |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by oyatz(m): 5:23am On Nov 15, 2019 |
What a brilliant analysis! However in real life, most women can fall for different kinds of men especially the bad guys. I have seen so many apprently well educated girls from good backgrounds dating criminals and social misfits. I have seen undergraduates ladies dating (or fvcking) security guards, Okada riders, school drop outs, NairaBET addicts, road side panel beaters and so many people who ought to be below them in social rankings or even age. Many women especially at their emotional vulnerable points can fall for any guy that appear to care for them, has sweet mouth( they love DECEPTION) with good dick! One nice, recently converted working class Christian brother made a vow of no sex before marriage to his 21 year old undergraduate fiancee whom he was partly paying for her education at a Polytechnic. He had the shock of his life when he discovered that one SUG guy was has been rusticated was among several other guys fvcking his fiancee on campus. The most annoying part for him was that his fiancee didn't know the real name of this SUG boy. She said everybody just call him 'ROCK' There are many police women who get fvcked by criminals that police arrested. All these ladies are normal ladies ,some of whom later got married to successful and decent guys. 2buffagain: |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by oyatz(m): 5:41am On Nov 15, 2019 |
You have a deep understanding about life. I have to agrree with your analysis. I have seen similar stories before even in my family. Single mothers that were impregnated by their first love during their teenage hardly move on until the guy is HAPPILY married to another woman who can chase them away. They don't forget the guys. One of my female cousins who had such Romeo and Juliet relationship with her Secondary school BF got pregnant for the BF shortly after secondary School. She was mercilessly beaten and scolded by her mother and siblings. Ten years later, she had graduated, done with NYSC and was looking for who to marry her when she heard that her Baby daddy was now a very big boy with lots of cash to throw around and was already engaged and about to marry. She sat down and started crying. When her family asked what happened, she said it was her mum that misled her, that she would have continued with the guy and that she would have been the bride now! Charleys: |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by oyatz(m): 5:55am On Nov 15, 2019 |
Hmn in the real sense, most of these people don't do any wedding. They look for fvcking partners, impregnate or get impregnated and move in to start co-habitating. After few years, if the going is good, they may do traditional marriage (usually after much pressure from the woman's families). If the going is tough/bad, they dissolve the union and look for another mates. About 60-70% of Southern Nigerians are like this. In the North, they start early in life, usually around 15-17 years for the ladies. They however formalize their unions by doing a simple Islamic marriage called Hakidu Nikkai which may just cost about #10,000. By the time the ladies are 23-25 years, about half of the 'marriages' would have crashed. They quicky obtain Islamic divorce which is quite easy and they both move on. Open co-habitation or baby mama syndrome is not socially acceptable in the core North. SBL28: |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Charleys: 6:57am On Nov 15, 2019 |
Leoniine: This is not about men but let me ask you, can you marry a man with a kid, knowing fully well your children will never inherit anything when they grow up because there are others. Well I know women do this so I can't ask this question just forget it. |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Charleys: 7:06am On Nov 15, 2019 |
Leoniine: If I do not love the lady, YES 1 Like |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Tunagee(m): 6:27pm On Nov 15, 2019 |
fykes: Exactly! Dem full inmessage, badoo, codedruns and snapchat 5 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Tunagee(m): 6:42pm On Nov 15, 2019 |
Timbers: Omo leave story! Single mother no be am. One was chasing me upandan some months ago, I told her pls abeg, no carry your pikin come my house anytime u dey come. 6 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Tunagee(m): 6:45pm On Nov 15, 2019 |
Alexgeneration: Exactly! Wetin go carry me marry single mother 5 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Tunagee(m): 7:21pm On Nov 15, 2019 |
lyndaway: She chose to be a single mother cos she saw the poro live, and decided to eat it raw. 4 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Leoniine(f): 2:09am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Charleys: No. Don't answer from a feelings-driven place. I'm asking, generally. Do you or do you not support abortion? |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Leoniine(f): 2:53am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Charleys: But I'll answer your question. You considered women's answer, you didn't consider mine. Gave no room for individuality. So, since we're making assumptions, I'll respond with assumptions of my own, too: -You don't know if I'll want to have kids. -You know zero thing about me or the kind of man I'll get married to (yes, even if he's a Naija man who came from a very traditional and cultural tribe in the most backward part of Nigeria. You just can never predict his behavior, because, enlightenment and education. I know that irresponsible, childish, controlled, weak-willed, etc boys tend to overshadow the ones who are men of their words, gives no f--k about society/religion and no room for misdemeanors from relatives to their wives. -Like, is all of this about inheritance? The properties of the man? LMAO. And what if the man is as poor as a church rat? Have no properties to his name? Because me or my kids not inheriting anything automatically cancels out a childless man/baby daddy? He's 'undateable?' Or unmarriageable? Please, tell me, is this the reality of every step-family in the world? Where's a rule written that properties of a man must inevitably go to his biological children? What if they die sometime later in the future? Or his first or second wife are both dead? You haven't seen people donating all of their wealth to charities? -What if the man's kids are wayward? Run aways and joined cultism? Basically disowned or bad kids? Or what if they are multimillionaires themselves and our family is built on love and friendship? -And, me, too, if I get get my own property nko? If I'm a big mama? And there's absolutely nothing wrong if I share them between my kids (from other marriages), his kids (from other marriages) and our kids (from our own marriage). Open up your mind. Ditto for the man, too. That's why I said not to judge our relationship + mindsets. A childless mother + childless father relationship is not the only perfect one. See, the problems you get from single moms are not from their kids or the fact that they've given birth – it's who they are. Their person. -Do you also know that the man will love me so much to cross seven seas for me that he'll give me half of his wealth (because, AGAIN, you do not know our relationship and what it's established on. What we've been through. How I have impacted his Life, or added value to it. Maybe he's got some rare medical anomaly, and I was the one there for him. Take some sick, rich men and their nurses' relationships, for instance. Some men have made their staff rich. Just so many possibilities. Life is not linear, a one way street. And it's not black and white, either. And is even more nuanced, fragmented and complicated in shades farther from grey). The man can put me in charge, to share his properties (you don't know my Integrity or character yet again). (Hope you're seeing this 2buffagain ). So if we are in love, as in a true-friendship-of-the-soulmate kind, why should the man not have me or my kids access to his properties? |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Leoniine(f): 3:22am On Nov 16, 2019 |
2buffagain: -She was in an abusive relationship with baby daddy, which could somehow have led to a life-and-death situation. -The woman might have to get a restraining order, with the involvement of her family 'cos baby daddy was pummeling her. -Baby daddy could be dead, or in prison, serving a term, whether for years or life. -Both of them (father and mother) might have an acrimonious relationship leading to them swearing off one another, never to meet again. -The father of the kid might be deadbeat, irresponsible and a runaway one who gives no damn about the child, doesn't even know if he has one, and it could also happen as a one-night stand. -You think the single mum is always immature, especially emotionally and is unstable, not mentally okay. Not true. -The woman can can successful, at international level, with multi-million departmental stores and she's in charge of her life, have a grasp over it and has moved on from the past. -She might be a therapist, might have seen or talked to one, who's completely helped her unpacked her emotional baggages and she's now as free as any other human. -She might be a born again Christian, principled, and doesn't break God's law. Maybe the sex was a one-time thing. And she's a person who never goes back on her word (as in her cheating and doing all sort). Same can apply to nonbelievers. There are baby baby mamas and there are baby mamas mama. I'm just trying to make a distinction between immaturity and maturity. And, trust me, God 'bestowed' those two qualities on people. Different kinds of people. They are not peculiar to a particular group of people. That's why you can see some really 'meh' eighty-years-olds. -What if your love, your person and your future with the woman is greater than her past and her ex? There are some SMs who became one purely out of mistake, lack of sex education and in their very early teens. Then their families helped them, supported them, they finished school and went on to study overseas, become professionals. Can you conclude that in all the world, there are no single mother, single father relationships working? -If you share an against-all-odds, weather-any-storms kind of love? -Or if she's powerful, influential, impactful. Someone you share so much with. Dreams, values, secrets. She helped you with connections or was there for you in some ways, and she's mentally, physically, financially, etc matured? 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Leoniine(f): 4:01am On Nov 16, 2019 |
luminouz: want to play the 'familiarity' card? i know him, too. and that does not in any way disprove what i pointed out ... you're biased and hypocritical. My comments were based on what I expected from a matured guy like him; making salient points without insults. You didn't read any insults from me,did you? The guy has very well commented on this forum with insults. Against religion, politicians, Nigerians, cheats. You're the one who appeared not to know him. Why are you asking me @bolded, lol? You don't want others to 'attack' you, too? Because you have not insulted anyone? Whether you know him, whether you know me, whether I know you or him – it was very glaring that you wanted MrBrownJay not to respond with insults to guys who were being rude. And repeating "a stinking and misplaced ego" is what constitute an insult to you? You don't see "bastards," "second-hand commodity," "losers" and the rest as insults but ENTITLED OPINIONS. If they are entitled to their debasing opinions, why should I or anyone not be entitled to an insulting or emotional opinion as well? (I know you will soon run away or ignore me like a chicken now). Could you please get a hold of your emotions? You're bleeding all over the place. If you're a single mom,the battle for self-worth or acceptance is not online,with faceless entities. Its in the real world and the value you add. We are on a cyberspace. Don't police anyone. You somehow want those guys' opinions to stay and be accepted but you disagree with opposing views, saying I should go face reality. That's becoming a stale defense, these days. "It's my opinion, my humble one." Sure, you're entitled to your opinion, and perception of me but do not go about expecting an entitled protection from being called out on that which you shared online. All I'll say to you is: do not project. On me. I'm not battling with anyone here, little guy. Lol. You think I'm the one wasting my time. You think it's my opinion that do not matter. You think I have problems in real life. You cannot see this for what it is. Or what a forum is all about. All that happens here, stays here (well, except for those whom it's gonna affect in reality, positively or negatively) and they post, I post (in counter or in support). Every opinion stays here and can get aired. |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by 2buffagain(m): 4:06am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Leoniine all that your talk is beans and showed you to be even more selfish. After all the words I ask you this simple question, Can you go into heavy debt for a child that is not your own? 5 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Leoniine(f): 4:13am On Nov 16, 2019 |
2buffagain: Now, this is the part I don't like. Invalidation or dismissal. While hiding behind some obscure veneer. How all my talk take be beans? I don't call your opinions bullshit, do I? Explain to me how it showed me to be selfish!!!! Like, dude, did you read my post, did you? Selfishness, seriously? Heavy debt? Please, make your question clearer. What kind of debt? Monetary? In what context or situation? Because my brain is coming up with so much possibilities here. I thought up an NGO scenario. And I imagined when I'll be financially comfortable. 1 Like |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by khiaa(f): 6:06am On Nov 16, 2019 |
MrBrownJay1: Being a virgin doesn't make one woman better than the next, single or not. 1 Like |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Charleys: 6:42am On Nov 16, 2019 |
khiaa: Deeeeep Inside you know you are wrong with this statement but I'll leave you to your imaginations. A virgin is more valuable, infact if your husband never deflowered a girl and married you, he's more likely to deflower a virgin if he sees one i.e cheat on you. 6 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Magnoliaa(f): 6:57am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Charleys: I love stats. Where's the stat for this claim? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Charleys: 6:57am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Leoniine: I didn't want to quote this cuz its long but let me do this so you'll know where I'm getting at. A woman meets a man on vacation, they meet and flirt and have sex without a condom. She goes home from her vacation then a few weeks later her moderately successful boyfriend proposes marriage. She accepts, not long after she realizes that she's pregnant. She's certain it's the guy on Vacations child and not her fiance's. She doesn't tell her fiance about the other guy and he assumes it's his child and is overjoyed. They marry, and he raises the child as his own. But three years in one of the wife's girlfriends tell the husband about the wife's affairs, he suspects because the child doesn't look like him, he has a paternity test done and discover the child isn't his. The wife has found the child's biological father on social media but hasn't initiated contact with him since the vacation. Who should be obligated to take care of the child? 2 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by 7thLemonLOVER(f): 7:02am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Nigerians have a funny way of presenting issues. Is being a single mother a disease |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Charleys: 7:07am On Nov 16, 2019 |
7thLemonLOVER: Single mothers shouldn't blackmail men to marry them, they should give single ladies a chance because they have taken their shot and it didn't work out for them. Why can't they go back to the father of their child? How hard is that? 5 Likes |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by 7thLemonLOVER(f): 7:12am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Charleys:your perspective is funny. Who is blackmailing who? It's a matter seeing what you love and choosing. There is no competition, no one is begging to be loved. Did you even read the post? 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Magnoliaa(f): 7:32am On Nov 16, 2019 |
lefulefu: 'Least, with your funny comments and obsession over women's yansh lol you're not judgmental and are open-minded. Unlike the lot of men here. And I respect that. You see things in a balanced way, and don't isolate men. You're not biased and hateful towards single moms. In fact, the whole of Nigeria is a peculiar study on its own. Na only for us plenty things dey dey different. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by khiaa(f): 7:38am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Charleys: What you fail to understand is some men aren't hung up on virgins, some men are wise enough to seek more valuable characteristics in a woman. Men who want a woman just because she is a virgin has a rude awakening heading his way. The meanest, most cruel woman can be a virgin, does that make her a good wife? 1 Like |
Re: Why Africans Do Not Like To Settle Down With Single Mothers by Raalsalghul: 8:15am On Nov 16, 2019 |
Tallesty1:
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