kiddkash:
i don't know if this counts as food but when I was younger,
I wanted to make tea. I saw Nescafe, I thought i was the same as Milo
Brothers and Sisters I packed like 4 big spoons into the tea cup.
the thing was fvcking bitter. I added one full peak milk and more than
10 cubes of sugar, still it was fvcking bitter. I had to force myself to drink at least half of it
because I couldn't waste the peak milk like that

OK! This I can relate to.

I think I was about 10 or so when it happened to me.

That useless thing made me hate coffee forever.

akpunda86:
Una own fine.Na my girlfriend Amaka for aba.was a sunday after borrowing money to do stew with one fowl we kill.After our vigorous indoor exercise i was lying on bed waiting for my amaka to dish stew after boiling rice.

Guys i begin dey perceive coffee kai i cum wake up immediately. This girl put raw coffee on my shelf as sauce.condemned the whole stew.
Was given a RED card immediately.

Amaka disappointed you

Francejaik:
I was cooking and farting, unknowkngly to me, my guest was looking at me.

mansakhalifa:


Spanking...

Choice word, I tell you. Choice word.

I am sure OP meant a beating that topped Ten Days In My Life I Will Never Forget

ikorodureporta:

like this I dey cook beans, & everything don enta pot, before I come online... that's how I've been doing it... except na expired beans you cook

I know you are lying, but continue..

Help me greet Amokomowo for Ikorodu..

where should i start from.

1, when i was learning how to fry indomie, i used too much oil and most of you already know the result.

2, used too much water to cook beans. when i mean too much, i mean too much that the beans was so soft like soup. it was very sweet sha, but i was weirdly watery even after it cooled down.

3, Then the most memorable.. When the whole jar of grinded red pepper poured into banga soup i was making and did not know. it was dark and no light. left the cover open after taking from it and just kept it idly on the cabinet above the gas cooker. don't know how, but when i noticed it, it was too late. there was no using spoon to remove it from the surface.

When I was 15, I tried cooking rice and beans. Lmoa I poured both the rice and beans same time to boil

cruxgemmata:
Don't know if this counts.

I prepared coffee for myself, hoping to eat with meat pie i bought. I balance to watch movie.

Hell, it was salt i mixed with it instead of sugar.

I beeeeeeef myself, where i wan get money to arrange another one... Damn

taking about coffee.. My boss brought app particular coffee from d US. So i went and meet him in d hotel. He told me to prepare tea for my safe..i tot is dis regular coffee i alway buy from dis aboki cater. Na so i pour half of d coffee tin inside small mug.. Jesus it was so bitter.. I bone face drink ham.. For 3day i couldnt sleep na God safe me.. I almost ran mad

Fried my egusi dry with crayfish. Ended up preparing black egusi soup.

mansakhalifa:


Later in life...

I can deal with that

Just bring it on.

No, u can't deal with that when it knocks.
U are talking out of ignorance


Yep, I did cook with my wee wee.
Yuck.

Was sick and passed out for like a day and half( off camp in uni), as my door was jam rock, compound people assumed I wasn't around.
Woke up the next day in the middle of the night hungry.
I has water I stored in paint container.
There was one other empty container. Was open. So I was hungry and managed to boil small spagetti with water from the container. So small. I finished it and went back to sleep.
Around 4 days after when I was using my brain properly again, I had some flashback and remembered I did wee wee at a point when I was down. Happened that I used that empty container to.....and since I never poured out anything, where did it go to.
Inside my stomach .
All na medicine afterall I was told that urine can cure typhoid fever

BuhariNaWah:
Mine was damn embarrassing.
My first day after work, I went home with the guy I was to stay with.
He told me to prepare noodles.
A female colleague that resumed with me same day, said she would prefer I put a little gnut oil, while pointing to a liquid in a bottle on one corner of the kitchen.
Mind you, it was getting dark, so I just took it and poured.
Guys, na so kerosene take enter indomie o

Thank God no be petrol Dey inside bottle

Airoflaw:
taking about coffee.. My boss brought app particular coffee from d US. So i went and meet him in d hostel. He told me to prepare tea for my safe.. Na so i pour have of d coffee inside small mug.. Jesus it was so bitter.. I bone face drink ham.. For 3day i couldnt sleep na God safe me.. I almost ran mad

. ;DCoffee gat rules mehn. If u f*ck up, it will f*ck u down.

Been long time ago... I mistake the kerosene to be oil cos the bottle look alike. So I used kerosene to cook beans in place of the oil. And my mom forced me and my siblings to eat it. Our tummy no rest after eating

Was cooking beans with my electric pot and 10mint latter those yeye discos took the light and I left the beans expecting them to restore the light but they didn't do that and I decided to get the beans out of the pot and remove the water in the beans just to preserve it, latter in the middle of the night which was the early morning of the 3rd day, light was restored and I decided to continue cooking the beans but to my surprise, that beans did not get done. The beans strong and refused to get soft and the cooking continue for another three days by adding water but that beans did not done o. I never see that kind beans before. May be I made a mistake with the way I tried to preserved it or it was just the beans, I just throwey d beans jeje

That day mummy was not feeling too well so I had to go into the kitchen to make stew for the family and I mistakenly added kerosene into the soup thinking it was groundnut oil. Immediately I realise my mistake mummy got well immediately and that day was like Sodom and Gomorrah

24th December precisely, I was to boiled Xmas meat, I mistakenly put sugar on the meat instead of salt.

sassysure:

No, u can't deal with that when it knocks.
U are talking out of ignorance


Yep, I did cook with my wee wee.
Yuck.

Was sick and passed out for like a day and half( off camp in uni), as my door was jam rock, compound people assumed I wasn't around.
Woke up the next day in the middle of the night hungry.
I has water I stored in paint container.
There was one other empty container. Was open. So I was hungry and managed to boil small spagetti with water from the container. So small. I finished it and went back to sleep.
Around 4 days after when I was using my brain properly again, I had some flashback and remembered I did wee wee at a point when I was down. Happened that I used that empty container to.....and since I never poured out anything, where did it go to.
Inside my stomach .
All na medicine afterall I was told that urine can cure typhoid fever

Nope. I wasn't talking out of ignorance. I like the taste of table salt. I like to think of myself as a saltwater fish.

And yeah, thanks for making me throw up and lose my appetite all at once. You've done great this evening with your "urine story".

I shall remember this.

Mine was that I mistakenly fried water yam instead of potatoes and on another day I mistakenly fried cocoyam instead of yam

DabuIIIT:

Again,I love Moi Moi a whole lot. Na so I arrange beans inside water say,ok,I'm gonna make prepare this myself.
Had a blender then. After soaking and washing and NEPA was gracious to give us 'light", oya,put the ewa inside blender and power on. Never knew not all blender can blend beans. Na so engine of blender knock and GbosAAAAAAA,the thing blow!!!!!
Chai!!!! Imagine all the efforts of soaking and washing and now the budget ewa is bad!!!

Na you spoil the blender, you should have been stopping at between 3-4 minutes intervals.

A week after my wedding, I decided to cook my first soup. I chose Egusi, I thought well it shouldn't be that bad.

First mistake was to wash the Egusi before grinding. Second I grounded it wet.
I became confused after that. I poured the Egusi inside a well bleached red oil.

To end the story, I had black Egusi in my pot.

Hubby just came in and said let's go and eat out.

it happened to me when I wanted to prepare a yam porridge, it was already dark and I never knew the palm oil was already contaminated with black ants, after the food was done I saw it I couldn't eat it but my brother ate the food like that because he was damn so hungry....till now am always very careful with my palm oil
lol....

[quote author=beewhy009 post=88625180]


Lol people says ama good cook sha, buh I made d worst cooking of my life.

lol back in undergrad days, after the egusi soup was done I decided to make amala. So I put excess water, as in excess water lol, cuz when I cook like that almost everyone for my hostel gat to eat from it. I thought I had enough yam flour so I didn't bother to check, after d water boiled and so I just emptied the yam flour container into the pot and that was when I got to know d flour won't b enough for myself alone sef lol.

Omi po joka lo, lol meaning water con pass d yam flour.

I vex that day enh, and local man don dey hungry seriously,

I just vex carried garri add to the watery yam flour, mix everything together lol. Comman see jesting that day lol

For complete 24hrs I never felt hungry lol, sokudale aye!

I just kukuma named the invention EBALA.... LOL

I do laugh at myself when I remembered all my awful cooking skills. I was very lazy to cook but I can chop. The adage which says "No food for a lazy man" it doesn't work for me because I love to stay in the kitchen while you do the cooking. For sure I go chop.

Let's me tell you the one that happens this year.

We're 4boys in our flats. we cook, eat, play and do most things together. So I don't do the cooking bcoz I was a bad cooker(lols).

There comes a night when I was told to go cook spaghetti, I felt disturbed. I thought of How To cook it. That is how I parboiled it and seive it.
The spaghetti was done already, so as to satisfy my self, I come put spaghetti back to pot put on fire oh. That is how spaghetti come clustered together.

It really pissed them off to the extent of snapping it and saving it on their email respectively. That food was tagged the worst food of the century.

We all had to manage it cos we're all hungry.

Wetin man go do..

Mine was one day when I was boiling egg, I forgot to check when it was done, by the the time I knew, it was already late, both the egg and the pot got burnt.

enemmo:
Our liquid soap was golden yellow, same colour as vegetable oil.
I was gisting and distracted, so I poured more 'oil' in the stew. I noticed the stew was 'foaming', then I realised I used liquid soap for the stew.
It was not funny o

laugh want kill me!

EATING CUSTARD AND POPCORN WICKED COMBINATION

Using detergent as salt..

I found out when my pot started foaming

blowjohn:
Not pounding the Afang( ogazi) before cooking it.
Ended up chewing strands of the leaves like a ruminant.

Did you regurgitate before final ingestion?

fried egg nd forgot to add salt

My first experience cooking in the university

First year... Mbanefo hostel...

I fried my stockfish while preparing stew..... (If I hear peem)

Taeewo:
Chai, remembered wen it was my turn to cook during service year..

Immediately i put beans for fire,i add palm oil,maggi, ground pepper and salt..2 hours beans no soft,after like 3 hours i comot am for fire..

Samuel and Lucky shit wella dat day ehhh after eating..

They later teach me say the beans go soft before adding palm oil and dry pepper.

I guess you didn’t know how to use a pressure pot back then.lol...

mansakhalifa:


Nope. I wasn't talking out of ignorance. I like the taste of table salt. I like to think of myself as a saltwater fish.

And yeah, thanks for making me throw up and lose my appetite all at once. You've done great this evening with your "urine story".

I shall remember this.

Sorry

U never marry, born pikin that's why u feel bad .


Stop consuming salt please. U are killing your blood vessels