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I Was A Husband: My Experience - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 6:47pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


So what do you think about men/culture who think it is ok to 'disrespect' women because they pay the bills?

Those men are myopic. That is like a woman disrespecting a man because she bore the child.

Each party brings a certain resource(s) to the table and they are equal but different.

It is only an silly man that will disrespect his wife because he pays Bill's.

In saner climes the wealth is shared into half when dissolving the marriage - you know why? Becos if the man had to baby sit and nurture he will not have so much wealth and much more.

What a woman brings to the table is intangible eg peace, love, dinner time, family together time, spiritual time and when you force her to concentrate on the tangible guess what she can no longer bring the intangible.... so peace is the first to fly out then dinner time follows, picnic and family togetherness is gone.

She hates the man for it.

A woman must have her own money, own her own business or job but if her boss slaps her butt - a catered for woman will slap him back right away but if she is the bill player she takes it and becomes his girlfriend sef then the man comes on NL and says he is being cheated on.

We discuss the effect but the root is because she needs to make ends meet. A married woman should not be desperate to make ends meet. Put her in that situation and .. we have threads where seemingly kind wife turns to Dracula.

Leave your wives money for her. She does not have the capacity to feed a grown man, cloth him and shelter and it does not matter how much money she has.... she does not have the emotional capacity to do this and still see the man as her crown... he becomes her bathroom slippers and NO MAN except shameless men like @emmaodet can take the disrespectful eyeing of a woman who is feeding them. If you are feeding your wife and she eyes you.... you can look away and spank her during runtime but if she is paying your Bill's. It goes right into the soul.

This is my take.

30 Likes 9 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ishilove: 6:47pm On May 13, 2020
SweetCunt97:
Oh well, most ladies get irritated when a man can no longer provide and they are the ones providing...


Good life lessons gotten from this though.


Many women marry not for love but what a man can provide so if he's unable to provide along the way, irritation sets in.
Nature from time immemorial is ordered in such a way that the male is the provider and the female is the nurturer, which is why it takes a very special woman who can play both roles without emasculating her partner. When a man can't play his natural, God given role, things fall apart.

Quite sad

15 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Mariangeles(f): 6:51pm On May 13, 2020
Prymestrr:

Better to have a partner and leave it at that than to make her a wife. That way it's easy to walk and never look back when the crazy starts. No divorce, no careless fights, no stress what so ever.

At the end of the day, the woman loses more.
Forget about keeping a partner if you can't offer any woman marriage.
That was probably what George Clooney told all those ladies he wasted their time, until he found Amal and "decided" to change his mind about remaining a bachelor forever by marrying her and having twins.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Mariangeles(f): 6:54pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Those men are myopic. That is like a woman disrespecting a man because she bore the child.

Each party brings a certain resource(s) to the table and they are equal but different.

It is only an silly man that will disrespect his wife because he pays Bill's.

In saner climes the wealth is shared into half when dissolving the marriage - you know why? Becos if the man had to baby sit and nurture he will not have so much wealth and much more.

What a woman brings to the table is intangible eg peace, love, dinner time, family together time, spiritual time and when you force her to concentrate on the tangible guess what she can no longer bring the intangible.... so peace is the first to fly out then dinner time follows, picnic and family togetherness is gone.

She hates the man for it.

A woman must have her own money, own her own business or job but if her boss slaps her butt - a catered for woman will slap him back right away but if she is the bill player she takes it and becomes his girlfriend sef then the man comes on NL and says he is being cheated on.

We discuss the effect but the root is because she needs to make ends meet. A married woman should not be desperate to make ends meet. Put her in that situation and .. we have threads where seemingly kind wife turns to Dracula.

Leave your wives money for her. She does not have the capacity to feed a grown man, cloth him and shelter and it does not matter how much money she has.... she does not have the emotional capacity to do this and still see the man as her crown... he becomes her bathroom slippers and NO MAN except shameless men like @emmaodet can take the disrespectful eyeing of a woman who is feeding them. If you are feeding your wife and she eyes you.... you can look away and spank her during runtime but if she is paying your Bill's. It goes right into the soul.

This is my take.



Oh my gee!
I love you! kiss

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 6:57pm On May 13, 2020
DeeMain:


Fact. Now this is the reality of many women funded homes, whether the funding is partly or fully, but it usually manifests more when the man is struggling.

I agree with you that a man must ensure that he is able to take financial care of his home.

For balance, my question is does the marriage vow, for better or worse, not mean anything to the women folk?

Is there no way for the finance-providing woman to be genuinely respectful and supportive of his man while the man finds a way to his money travails?

Shouldn't women also begin to equip themselves with the resources and resilience to be able to withstand this kind of reversal of roles when their husband's financial circumstance begins to falter so as to save their marriage and their children are not raised in single parent homes? Is money all that counts?

Forgive me, I am just thinking out aloud. This problem of men losing financial power and women taking over family responsibility is becoming too rife and there seems to be no end in sight.

The family is under threat by this phenomenon.


My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together.

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supercede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband.


See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel.

Teach your sons how to make money. Let the girls go to school and let the boys learn to trade and go to school.

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing

Ire o

22 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 6:59pm On May 13, 2020
Mariangeles:


Oh my gee!


I love you! kiss

Love you right back my darling

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Omoluabi16(m): 7:01pm On May 13, 2020
Ishilove:

Nature from time immemorial is ordered in such a way that the male is the provider and the female is the nurturer, which is why it takes a very special woman who can play both roles without emasculating her partner. When a man can't play his natural, God given role, things fall apart.

Quite sad
brilliant.

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 7:02pm On May 13, 2020
Mariangeles:


At the end of the day, the woman loses more.
Forget about keeping a partner if you can't offer any woman marriage.
That was probably what George Clooney told all those ladies he wasted their time, until he found Amal and "decided" to change his mind about remaining a bachelor forever by marrying her and having twins.

Men donot need marriage. Marriage is for women

Any woman that let's a man run through her like tissue paper is on her own.

Amal didn't put up with nonsense so George had to do the right thing by her or lose her

Woman is the prize! We better act like it

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 7:04pm On May 13, 2020
Ishilove:

Nature from time immemorial is ordered in such a way that the male is the provider and the female is the nurturer, which is why it takes a very special woman who can play both roles without emasculating her partner. When a man can't play his natural, God given role, things fall apart.

Quite sad

The truth!

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by DeeMain(m): 7:11pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together.

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supercede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband.


See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel.

Teach your sons how to make money. Let the girls go to school and let the boys learn to trade and go to school.

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing

Ire o

Lol @ 3 months grace. See the way she is pontificating grin

There are other sides of this issue you haven't looked at. Just that I am not in the mood for long writing.

Have learnt one or two things about the way your minds work though. Thanks for your time

25 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Mariangeles(f): 7:13pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Men donot need marriage. Marriage is for women

Any woman that let's a man run through her like tissue paper is on her own.

Amal didn't put up with nonsense so George had to do the right thing by her or lose her

Woman is the prize! We better act like it

Exactly!
You should see how Clooney gushes over Amal and respects her when interviewed...
This was a man that thought he was too good for any woman. cheesy

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by NoToPile: 7:18pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


Marriages are made in heaven and lived out on earth.

Expantiate pls, dont want to misunderstand you
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by NoToPile: 7:28pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:

. for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband.



Ishilove:

Nature from time immemorial is ordered in such a way that the male is the provider and the female is the nurturer, which is why it takes a very special woman who can play both roles without emasculating her partner. When a man can't play his natural, God given role, things fall apart.

Quite sad


Repetition is for emphasis.I just had to quote you guys

Most people don't know this

7 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 7:29pm On May 13, 2020
DeeMain:


Lol @ 3 months grace. See the way she is pontificating grin

There are other sides of this issue you haven't looked at. Just that I am not in the mood for long writing.

Have learnt one or two things about the way your minds work though. Thanks for your time

Afi pontificating noh

I have learnt that men who are lazy to provide will look for all other sides of the issue.

O ba yin lo.... all these big grammer just so you don't pay your own child's school fees.

It is well

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by DeeMain(m): 7:33pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Afi pontificating noh

I have learnt that men who are lazy to provide will look for all other sides of the issue.

O ba yin lo.... all these big grammer just so you don't pay your own child's school fees.

It is well

Nne, I was joking about the pontifcating. Didn't you see the laugh emoji? I actually enjoyed the back and forth and learnt something from you.

Thanks for the insults.

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by bukatyne(f): 7:35pm On May 13, 2020
NoToPile:


Expantiate pls, dont want to misunderstand you

Summarizing the bolded line.

God might choose our spouses however we need to work at it.

God's choosing just make challenges (not bad behaviors like adultery, abuse, extreme jealousy, stifling of potentials etc) easier to bear because you know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by NoToPile: 7:40pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


Summarizing the bolded line.

God might choose our spouses however we need to work at it.

God's choosing just make challenges (not bad behaviors like adultery, abuse, extreme jealousy, stifling of potentials etc) easier to bear because you know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Yeah exactly.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by bukatyne(f): 7:47pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Those men are myopic. That is like a woman disrespecting a man because she bore the child.

Each party brings a certain resource(s) to the table and they are equal but different.

It is only an silly man that will disrespect his wife because he pays Bill's.

In saner climes the wealth is shared into half when dissolving the marriage - you know why? Becos if the man had to baby sit and nurture he will not have so much wealth and much more.

What a woman brings to the table is intangible eg peace, love, dinner time, family together time, spiritual time and when you force her to concentrate on the tangible guess what she can no longer bring the intangible.... so peace is the first to fly out then dinner time follows, picnic and family togetherness is gone.

She hates the man for it.

A woman must have her own money, own her own business or job but if her boss slaps her butt - a catered for woman will slap him back right away but if she is the bill player she takes it and becomes his girlfriend sef then the man comes on NL and says he is being cheated on.

We discuss the effect but the root is because she needs to make ends meet. A married woman should not be desperate to make ends meet. Put her in that situation and .. we have threads where seemingly kind wife turns to Dracula.

Leave your wives money for her. She does not have the capacity to feed a grown man, cloth him and shelter and it does not matter how much money she has.... she does not have the emotional capacity to do this and still see the man as her crown... he becomes her bathroom slippers and NO MAN except shameless men like @emmaodet can take the disrespectful eyeing of a woman who is feeding them. If you are feeding your wife and she eyes you.... you can look away and spank her during runtime but if she is paying your Bill's. It goes right into the soul.

This is my take.



Hmmmmmm

So you are a strict believer of roles.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 7:53pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


Hmmmmmm

So you are a strict believer of roles.

It has worked for me for 19 years and works for many people too.

The ones who donot adher to roles open marital thread on Nairaland

6 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 7:55pm On May 13, 2020
DeeMain:


Nne, I was joking about the pontifcating. Didn't you see the laugh emoji? I actually enjoyed the back and forth and learnt something from you.

Thanks for the insults

Haba I was joking too. WE ARE BOTH JOKING grin grin

As soon as a man start eating from his wife’s sweat for more than 3 months - it is as if heaven locks all doors of abundance from the man. Look around you, the men whose wife’s provide for them - do you see such men making headway - year in year out - bakononi!!! Spiritually he is siphoning his wealth into his wife’s pocket. See OP stopped eating his wife’s sweat and see what happened - his angels returned and abundance came in. Do not eat from the sweat of a woman, it is not good for you. It is spiritual poison. It may be sweeting your belly now but it is harmful for you as a man.

If you borrow her money return with interest ….. ok at least return principal amount.

PS Men who eat a woman’s sweat always have sharp mouth as in their feminine side is dominant in them - they will join their fellow women in the kitchen to speak big grammar and gossip

We welcome you our sis in a man’s body

14 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by bukatyne(f): 8:11pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


It has worked for me for 19 years and works for many people too.

The ones who donot adher to roles open marital thread on Nairaland

I was going to modify the post.

Hahahahaaha at the last line.

So what are the rights/responsibilities of each party?

What kind of jobs do you think is ok for women? I see you talk about dinner time and all that. That means you are a bit in control of your time.

Also, do you handle all the chores alone?

I agree with you that there is a difference when you have a job for having sake and you have a job because you need to have it. grin

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Takotsubo: 8:23pm On May 13, 2020
@tunmiluabi
I empathize with you,and can even read how perplexed you are by everything that has happened.

It is nice to see you are reflecting and trying to be fair in your assessment.

You guys have been married for long and at some point boredom sets in and people hanker for variety( both male and female ).. throw in unhappiness at home,fighting and arguing and it's easy to see how a person can justify seeking out someonelse..I'm not saying this is alright or your fault ,as adults we are responsible for our decisions but I know that good people do bad things sometimes.

My main curiosity is why she continued and was not willing to work past it with you since you wanted to?

Why did she not feel sorry ? If the relationship was as good as you say,why was she not willing to salvage it?

If you don't mind,did you also cheat at some point?

She seems to be happy and doing well at the moment and I know this can feel hurtful seeing all the years you shared together.

When you both talked,what did she say went wrong?

I hope you both can parent together with civility for the sake of your kids.

Life can really be cruel.

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 8:51pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


I was going to modify the post.

Hahahahaaha at the last line.

So what are the rights/responsibilities of each party?

In a family setting the husband provides he protects - locks the doors at night, spiritual head, kids school fees, shelter, discipline etc

the wife nurtures basically she she does everything else - family health, ego stroking, storytime, PTA, Home cleaniness, Kids to school, Gifts for Teachers, Arranging holiday time, Nourishment etc

For the kids
She teaches affection and pampering - he teaches affection and courage
They both teach self esteem but it is more of his responsibility to let his kids know the child of who they are
They both do homework but it is her responsibility to teach and guide the child in the path of moral
They both teach business but it is more of Daddy's role
etc



bukatyne:
What kind of jobs do you think is ok for women? I see you talk about dinner time and all that. That means you are a bit in control of your time.

Any job! some jobs are more feminine but she can do any job as long as she is able to perform the above duties for her family

I run a software company and code really well - we have a staff of about 30 programmers
I run an importation company and own 5 ecommerce websites that are doing quite well
Also a media company that is doing ok but could be better
Both companies are over 6 years and though my husband gave me capital - he does not ask me for money and he never will. Na man him be. grin

bukatyne:

Also, do you handle all the chores alone?

My husband is not required to do chores in the house at all. If he wants to - all well and good but he is a very busy man with plenty on his shoulder- because of him other men have a salary to feed their family.

I have helps that do chores and I coordinate. I cook dinner every night too and make sure we have a meal together Oga, myself and the children. We talk about our day and give support. Crack jokes - watch TV or play monopoly.
He also gives one weekend a month for family recreation and a vacation every year - all funded by him but organised by moi

bukatyne:

I agree with you that there is a difference when you have a job for having sake and you have a job because you need to have it. grin

Once a boss slapped by ass, I slapped him and my husband later locked him up. No one messes with the Queen.

I also never say no to seexx in 19 years. I respect my husband as in truly adore and respect him not audio type. He is a one of a kind man and he in turn adores me even more - I am the queen grin

Hope this answers your question

27 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by bukatyne(f): 8:55pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


In a family setting the husband provides he protects - locks the doors at night, spiritual head, kids school fees, shelter, discipline etc

the wife nurtures basically she she does everything else - family health, ego stroking, storytime, PTA, Home cleaniness, Kids to school, Gifts for Teachers, Arranging holiday time, Nourishment etc

For the kids
She teaches affection and pampering - he teaches affection and courage
They both teach self esteem but it is more of his responsibility to let his kids know the child of who they are
They both do homework but it is her responsibility to teach and guide the child in the path of moral
They both teach business but it is more of Daddy's role
etc





Any job! some jobs are more feminine but she can do any job as long as she is able to perform the above duties for her family

I run a software company and code really well - we have a staff of about 30 programmers
I run an importation company and own 5 ecommerce websites that are doing quite well
Also a media company that is doing ok but could be better
Both companies are over 6 years and though my husband gave me capital - he does not ask me for money and he never will. Na man him be. grin



My husband is not required to do chores in the house at all. If he wants to - all well and good but he is a very busy man with plenty on his shoulder- because of him other men have a salary to feed their family.

I have helps that do chores and I coordinate. I cook dinner every night too and make sure we have a meal together Oga, myself and the children. We talk about our day and give support. Crack jokes - watch TV or play monopoly.
He also gives one weekend a month for family recreation and a vacation every year - all funded by him but organised by moi



Once a boss slapped by ass, I slapped him and my husband later locked him up. No one messes with the Queen.

I also never say no to seexx in 19 years. I respect my husband as in truly adore and respect him not audio type. He is a one of a kind man and he in turn adores me even more - I am the queen grin

Hope this answers your question

Interesting cheesy

Ego stroking very funny grin

My questions very well answered.

Thank you and God bless your family.

6 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 8:57pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


Interesting cheesy

Ego stroking very funny grin

My questions very well answered.

Thank you and God bless your family.

kiss kiss kiss kiss

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Prymestrr(m): 9:03pm On May 13, 2020
Mariangeles:


At the end of the day, the woman loses more.
Forget about keeping a partner if you can't offer any woman marriage.
That was probably what George Clooney told all those ladies he wasted their time, until he found Amal and "decided" to change his mind about remaining a bachelor forever by marrying her and having twins.
George Clooney, one in 7 billion people. Zlatan Ibrahimovic has 2 kids now but he's not married to his partner. Oprah Winfrey has a partner and she's not interested in marriage. Not everyone is crazed with the idea of marriage please. If you need marriage to make your life whole please go ahead, that doesn't mean everyone else does.
Woman weh deh find marriage go balance with man weh no send marriage simply mean say the woman no get sense shikena undecided

16 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by bukatyne(f): 9:21pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


kiss kiss kiss kiss

You joined 2014 with less than 400 posts? grin

We need a what'sapp group for you people.

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 9:27pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


You joined 2014 with less than 400 posts? grin

We need a what'sapp group for you people.

Ah mi ke.... member since 2006

I have NL monikers lorishi rishi...

My business moniker is different from my family moniker

at be be lo....

This moniker is specifically to educate the family setting because finance is the main cause of broken homes

Ride with me as I tag you

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by bukatyne(f): 9:37pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Ah mi ke.... member since 2006

I have NL monikers lorishi rishi...

My business moniker is different from my family moniker

at be be lo....

This moniker is specifically to educate the family setting because finance is the main cause of broken homes

Ride with me as I tag you



How many monikers do you have?

50, 100, 7 grin
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 9:39pm On May 13, 2020
bukatyne:


How many monikers do you have?

50, 100, 7 grin

Can you keep a secret ?? grin grin

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by darfay: 10:19pm On May 13, 2020
Sankabson:
Ya’Allah protect and guide my married. Provide me everything needed to be a Man and also to take good care of my family/life. Bless her business and hustles too.


Almighty Allah, I don’t want to experience divorce or challenges beyond my/our understanding in our marriage.

Oh Lord, Let the flame of love between me and my wife keep blowing and glowing till the end of time.

Ya’Allah, Fix all marriages that are going through a difficult and hard times.

May God Almighty answer all our prayers. Ameen.


Shut up you bloody hypocrite

Why do you have to turn his failures and regrets to your prayer point
Bloody bloody hypocrite

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by darfay: 10:20pm On May 13, 2020
tunmiluabi:


Defending yourself does not even help. The strength to write this note is my willingness to see beyond myself, there might be need for more insight. I know love is not one directional neither is it "multi-directional", it’s usually in the eye of the one looking at you. Love has no other name but LOVE. I might not be perfect but imperfection can still be unlearned by truly appreciating the situation. There is absolutely no reason to hurt anyone. I would believe that I failed to see her expectations through her lens and she failed to notice my sincere affections towards her. I might not be happy with the way things turned out but the situation has not made me any angrier. But it’s normal to be unhappy and I know that when I don’t mind being unhappy – It won’t last and eventually all will be alright and I hold same for her. Although, with all honesty, I did not see this happening, but I would like to know what our “stupidity” and “failure” has caused us. This will help if we finally move on with our lives. Given the situation, I believe I tried my best, but was not good enough. I am inspired by opportunities life has offer. I will channel my rage, drain and pain for a renewed future without my current dilemma. I am sure it will end in PRAISE. Thank you... there might not be need to tell it all. Life is like WIND it either blows in your favour or against.. Its your choice to stay strong. For those who might not understand that its not a struggle between the MAN the WOMAN, the only existential threat couples face is LIFE itself. But if you haven't been bitten in the face by a bear before, you will not appreciate how bad it is to loose ones identity. But on a happy happier note, if my heart is broken a million times, I will still love again There are good women out there. Its just a matter of time. Telling your story to defend yourself is a waste of time... At the appointed time the truth will unleash itself but not through me.


Give yourself a second chance with a new lady

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