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I Was A Husband: My Experience - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Preferito(m): 10:25pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Eventually all wives who pay all or some bills cheat. I am not saying it is good I am only stating the fact.

Wives who shelter thier husbands eventually become violent towards the husband.

See the bible knows what it was saying when it said a man who cannot provide is worse than an infidel... those wives may pretend to respect thier husband in his face but gossip their husbands to neighbours, family and friends letting them know they pay the Bills.

What OP experienced is even small. When a woman pays Bills she emasculates the man in front of him or behind him.... she will sha find a way to subliminally let the world know she wears the trouser.

Na so we see am. I pray for you that you are able to fully pay your household Bill's and kids bills if you add your wife's bill she will let the world know you are the MAN!

Sunny Ade said one man was made to escourt his wife to her boyfriend house.... na money cause am.

Man is on earth to pay Bill's, to work and uplift his family...... may all men be able to do this because the consequences of otherwise is severe.

An angel can become a witch if she is made to pay a man's bills
Wow! This is so disheartening. Love has really waxed cold. But I think the type of foundation given to the youths of nowadays is what's causing this. The Bible stated that the woman is an help meet to the man. This means that when the man is incapacitated she should be able to augment him. She should not compound his troubles. I see no reason why a woman will be troubling a man because he is trying unsuccessfully. Had it been that he is not trying at all then she could have charged him up. Before exhibiting any nasty behavior towards your husband you need to remind yourself the reason why you married him at the first place. To be honest men are now an endangered species and all these things gives me cold feet towards marriage. Why can't the women of these days be like our mothers? I started hawking since I was in primary 2 all the way till SS3 along with my older siblings because my dad was trying unsuccessfully. But there was never a time I did see my mother insult him. Neither was she in any way ever promiscuous. We were in it together and we pulled through. Why can't the women of these days have the will to build with their husbands? This reminds me of the popular quote that says it is only women and children that are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved base on what he can provide. May God order our steps in the right direction.

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 10:28pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


In a family setting the husband provides he protects - locks the doors at night, spiritual head, kids school fees, shelter, discipline etc

the wife nurtures basically she she does everything else - family health, ego stroking, storytime, PTA, Home cleaniness, Kids to school, Gifts for Teachers, Arranging holiday time, Nourishment etc

For the kids
She teaches affection and pampering - he teaches affection and courage
They both teach self esteem but it is more of his responsibility to let his kids know the child of who they are
They both do homework but it is her responsibility to teach and guide the child in the path of moral
They both teach business but it is more of Daddy's role
etc





Any job! some jobs are more feminine but she can do any job as long as she is able to perform the above duties for her family

I run a software company and code really well - we have a staff of about 30 programmers
I run an importation company and own 5 ecommerce websites that are doing quite well
Also a media company that is doing ok but could be better
Both companies are over 6 years and though my husband gave me capital - he does not ask me for money and he never will. Na man him be. grin



My husband is not required to do chores in the house at all. If he wants to - all well and good but he is a very busy man with plenty on his shoulder- because of him other men have a salary to feed their family.

I have helps that do chores and I coordinate. I cook dinner every night too and make sure we have a meal together Oga, myself and the children. We talk about our day and give support. Crack jokes - watch TV or play monopoly.
He also gives one weekend a month for family recreation and a vacation every year - all funded by him but organised by moi



Once a boss slapped by ass, I slapped him and my husband later locked him up. No one messes with the Queen.

I also never say no to seexx in 19 years. I respect my husband as in truly adore and respect him not audio type. He is a one of a kind man and he in turn adores me even more - I am the queen grin

Hope this answers your question

That yours is good doesn't mean you should insult and look down on others that aren't.

Many men try their best to provide but things don't work out, I have seen my father go from a 100 to zero and for 2 years my mum respectfully and diligently worked to cater for us.

Life is no textbook. Nigeria is still d poverty capital of the world.

In all, spouses should understand and support each other, a peaceful marriage is all we all want.

Roles yes, but love still remains the greatest commandment and nothing else.

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 10:33pm On May 13, 2020
@Ybaby

The woman my father married can go on to provide for him for a 1000 years and she would never disrespect him or cheat on him.

I love my mum and proud to say that she is the virtuous woman as described in proverbs.

My Dad on the other hand is a hard-working man, but life is in seasons and time and chance happeneth to us all.

Women, always stand and support your husband when he is weak, whether 3 months, 3 years or 30 years, many things money can't buy.

It couldn't buy our sons away, Christ did and he charged us to LOVE.

My mum is d standard of a perfect wife, I look at her and I know that good women still exists.

41 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 10:37pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:
@Ybaby

The woman my father married can go on to provide for him for a 1000 years and she would never disrespect him or cheat on him.

I love my mum and proud to say that she is the virtuous woman as described in proverbs.

My Dad on the other hand is a hard-working man, but life is in seasons and time and chance happeneth to us all.

Women, always stand and support your husband when he is weak, whether 3 months, 3 years or 30 years, many things money can't buy.

It couldn't buy our sons away, Christ did and he charged us to LOVE.

My mum is d standard of a perfect wife, I look at her and I know that good women still exists.

I am seeing a pattern that it is men whose mothers feed/fed thier fathers that think like this.

Poster Is your mum single cos you may have to wife her.

1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his own, and
But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 10:39pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:


That yours is good doesn't mean you should insult and look down on others that aren't.

Many men try their best to provide but things don't work out, I have seen my father go from a 100 to zero and for 2 years my mum respectfully and diligently worked to cater for us.

Life is no textbook. Nigeria is still d poverty capital of the world.

In all, spouses should understand and support each other, a peaceful marriage is all we all want.

Roles yes, but love still remains the greatest commandment and nothing else.


Threads are opened by men who are being maltreated by women who provide for them

Threads are being opened by women who provide for men

You are adamant on opening a future thread

Good luck with that.

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 10:40pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


I am seeing a pattern that it is men whose mothers feed/fed thier fathers that think like this.

Poster Is your mum single cos you may have to wife her.

1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his own, and
But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

God is not an author of confusion, not every one that calls his name is of him or his kingdom.

Blessed are the peace makers.

My mum is the standard for a good wife and she is still enjoying her marriage, my Dad can take a bullet for her.

Men, marry a good woman regardless of whether you are rich or poor.

Marry a woman who truly has the love of God in her.

36 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 10:41pm On May 13, 2020
Preferito:

Wow! This is so disheartening. Love has really waxed cold. But I think the type of foundation given to the youths of nowadays is what's causing this. The Bible stated that the woman is an help meet to the man. This means that when the man is incapacitated she should be able to augment him. She should not compound his troubles. I see no reason why a woman will be troubling a man because he is trying unsuccessfully. Had it been that he is not trying at all then she could have charged him up. Before exhibiting any nasty behavior towards your husband you need to remind yourself the reason why you married him at the first place. To be honest men are now an endangered species and all these things gives me cold feet towards marriage. Why can't the women of these days be like our mothers? I started hawking since I was in primary 2 all the way till SS3 along with my older siblings because my dad was trying unsuccessfully. But there was never a time I did see my mother insult him. Neither was she in any way ever promiscuous. We were in it together and we pulled through. Why can't the women of these days have the will to build with their husbands? This reminds me of the popular quote that says it is only women and children that are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved base on what he can provide. May God order our steps in the right direction.

Is your mum single?? Yo may have to wife her.

Threads are opened by men who are being maltreated by women who provide for them

Threads are being opened by women who provide for men

You are adamant on opening a future thread

Good luck with that.

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 10:42pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:


God is not an author of confusion, not every one that calls his name is of him or his kingdom.

Blessed are the peace makers.

My mum is the standard for a good wife and she is still enjoying her marriage, my Dad can take a bullet for her.

Men, marry a good woman regardless of whether you are rich or poor.

Marry a woman who truly has the love of God in her.

...... the bible said worse than an infidel not me.

There is biblical permission to treat men who cannot provide for thier own as worse than infidels

It is in the bible

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 10:46pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:


That yours is good doesn't mean you should insult and look down on others that aren't.

Many men try their best to provide but things don't work out, I have seen my father go from a 100 to zero and for 2 years my mum respectfully and diligently worked to cater for us.

Life is no textbook. Nigeria is still d poverty capital of the world.

In all, spouses should understand and support each other, a peaceful marriage is all we all want.

Roles yes, but love still remains the greatest commandment and nothing else.


You can write all the epistle in the world but OP showed you what his eyes saw and he ran but you still want to chook head.

Today's women do not want to feed a man- are you going to force them?

Anyway by the time they are hitting your head on the wall - you will do proper.

Your mum's generation is gone. No "good" women again that wants to be feeding a man.

The few doing it are opening threads on NL

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by chichidiana(f): 10:47pm On May 13, 2020
Sorry I believe every part of it... that’s how I shared my own story here too and people said it’s a mere Bollywood script... really people didn’t believe me whole life story
LuQuLuQu:


Don't tell me you believed this guy's bullish!t?

11 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 10:51pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:


God is not an author of confusion, not every one that calls his name is of him or his kingdom.

Blessed are the peace makers.

My mum is the standard for a good wife and she is still enjoying her marriage, my Dad can take a bullet for her.

Men, marry a good woman regardless of whether you are rich or poor.

Marry a woman who truly has the love of God in her.

No more good women that feed men o

They are all opening threads on NL complaining to total strangers o....

You can bet they have complained to friends, family, colleagues and the kids before heading to NL

Your mum is the last good woman standing - will you kuku marry her ?

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by tunmiluabi: 10:55pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together.

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supercede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband.


See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel.

Teach your sons how to make money. Let the girls go to school and let the boys learn to trade and go to school.

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing

Ire o

I appreciate your lines and I thank you for making me understand a lot of things I might not have known. Also permit me to look at your feedback line-by-line and word by word.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together:

If it takes 3month for a man to deliver to his family in time of tribulations and challenge. What time frame might we allocate to woman to heal after being involved in a life threatening accident that took away all her great attribute for performing any role as a wife? Can we say 3month, 3years etc. Same question can go the man what if?

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.:

Are you telling that marriage is so Artificial that the society need to redefine its requirements... Maybe there should be a law that states explicitly - that considering the natural state of mind woman and the maximum period for a woman to go from an Angel to a monster... A divorce proceeding can commence after one year when either of the party is not able to provide a certain percentage of material expectations, Maybe it should be a criminal offence? Maybe we will all sit and think well before we get into an "artificial contraption".... pls just saying. Are your telling me that WOMAN is inherently weak and deprived of any sense of good judgement and GRACE? Are you indicating that the WOMAN is mentally and spiritually WEAK by nature. My parents, in the face of the worst situations they have lived together for 55years, even they still hold hands till date. I take inspiration from their life. My mother at no point in time said anything bad about my father even when we knew he was wrong, neighter did my father. I am not perfect, but I have foundation that kindles my believe. Even the best and the richest people have their problems?

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supersede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him:


If the man is infidel because he cannot provide, what is a woman who cannot BELIEVE and see through the situation. The word INFIDEL as used in the Quran needs not be taken out of context context. Muslims on the forum can expatiate. I would like to know.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - [b]she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband:

Yes I agree. As human we are capable of doing what pleases our hearts. I would have believed aside fro wisdom, mental and spiritual resilience takes precedence in all life matters. The consequence of a life without them is glaring. If the WOMAN can see through nine months of excruciating pains and still was able to give birth even when there no guarantees that child will live. What do you think is the lesson learnt? All she does is BELIEVE. It just like attending primary, secondary, university and even spending a lot on master degree for rare knowledge. Still life does not guarantee anything to anyone. Its never weakest or the strongest that wins the race of life. Its our capacity to wait for that CHANCE and TIME that matters. Opportunity come with preparation. Is the resilient WOMAN able to stand FAIR and FIRM. I believe it take a special WOMAN to see this.. There are so many. We have women who are married to the poorest of the poorest men and still come out unshakened. I will share a typical example with you if time permits. There are so many men who are married to women with terrible life challenges long before they got married... So are even disabled and even cant bear children. It takes the special MAN to see beyond the situation. There are so many. I really think you line undermines the natural capacity of the spiritual resilience of a woman. I have a mother you know.. I can still remember events.

See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel:

Yes it true again.. They are only emphasizing the place of the MAN in a home. His failure is the failure of his family. He has to perfect his ways to enhance his family. Failure to do is tantamount to a gave consequence. There is no point for me to even tell the position of the Holy Books on the woman who betrays her husband... When we use the Holy books for definitions that requires more explanation and we refuse to STANDOUT, we will be digging more holes than we can fill. So I will be staying away from using the Books. We need to remember that our children can either be male of female. Our position goes a long way in shaping their future. If we teach your children to make money we need to emphasized that life is beyond the materialism that come with it, hence he/she might priorities money over affection, and would prioritize lust or love. There are still so many rich who are not happy and there some many wealth married woman who are not. Same goes for single males and females. Rather than living our lives, our deprivation and fights through our children there is need to always emphasis the grace that comes with living with or without the wealth that comes with living. The truth is that any of these does not guarantee any happiness for anyone no matter you status or state of mind in life.

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing :

I would beg to disagree. It takes a great family to stay together in times of challenges. It takes grace for them to overcome. It takes a wise man/woman to see through the situation. If man is lazy, I agree it is terrible, if a woman is lazy it terrible. But take it or leave it, Living is choice but life does not even guarantee you a happy ending. So behind a a successful woman is a man with grace and behind a successful man is a strong woman. If your read through history most great people rise though the ashes and with the support of the Special people who are able to trust and believe in them. It does go a long way.

My overall take on your position: No aspect of life is guaranteed not even to the richest, poorest, the strongest or weakest. No amount of hard-work will position you. If LIFE chooses they can remain poor for life, for all it cares. Time and chance are spiritual. It for the SPECIAL ones only and its not negotiable. If that time comes and life imposes a marathon on you, you can step aside, continue or start all over again. You can even fill yourself with HATE. Life does not speak our language. I am a living testimony to this. I graduated as computer Engineer (not with the best of grades though). I believed I could never get a job I so desired, not to forget that I had in my SSCE (6 - A1, 1 -A2 and C4 in English). What if I was not educated. I will sit down now and blame myself as if education guarantees wealth. In the face of challenges we all need some one to lean on. I have had my share of brilliance and struggles, have no doubt that either of these can surface at anytime. There are some many of our sisters and brother suffering absolute injustice but because the society dictates how we much react, and who is responsible for what roles, they keep quiet and die in their silence. I started a business which took us so far but was not really promising. Although that was one business I always loved and cherished but life gave it bashing. If the one you married ans trust can not see your struggles but spit it in your face. Its time to redirect your energy not matter the consequence. Thanks to my upbringing and the support of my Aged parents and siblings. If I may tell, my wife too finished with a distinction from Yabatech but all she got for SALARY did not pass for brilliance. She is tremendously brilliant. Still, we lived on the low...

I never realised what I thought was not useful 14years ago was going be my JOKER. I was forced to go back, dusted my books and fought to be relevant again. On the day of my interview they did not believe I was so CHEAP. The agreed take home with benefit salary was R115,000 naira per month. But to my surprise, the offer received had a different amount. I give God the glory and still cry till date. Never realised I could earn that much despite lack of real profession engagements. I passed test with minimum of 80%. I cried and cried when I saw the results. But grace smiled on me. Please note that I only received my appointment sometimes in November 2019. It was a prioritized position. I asked myself WHY NOW? Not after I have lost everything. I will forever be grateful to friends who stood with me not by me, who saw me responsible enough to feed me when I had nothing to eat, who borrow me clothes and shoes for my many interviews. I thank my my friend who borrower his best Suit for the last interview. I also thank the one that gave me his shoes and tie as well. I did have my times and I thank thank God for the experience. But most importantly my aged parents who said they don't want to hear complain, they wanted me to live again. I am a generally happy person, I am not perfect, I get angry, I cry and I will not claim to be a saint in the challenges that ended my CHERISH MARRIAGE. There is really no gain without pain... It was my journey and I embraced with all sense of dignity. For the record I NEVER HAD ANY WOMAN EXCEPT MY WIFE. Moreover, I did not have time... I was only dedicated to overcoming my challenges.

We can say whatever we want to say. Life will never pay a good person with evil. It will only test your resilience to see if you can manage the situation. Constituency and dedication is gift I will continue to cherish. I did not let my challenges change my person, I still smiled, even when close friends and family members knew I was not happy. The bathroom was my friend, that was my space to cry and when I am done crying I will leave and smile again. Nobody till today know why I moved out (at least from me) but I will keep it like that. I will have nothing to gain or loose. I only decided to tell my story after many advice on similar issue on this forum. I get taken aback by the comments and wonder why we can sit behind the desk an spit FIRE instead of reconciliation, yet we want to have a relationship or we already have one. In a relationship you will never know the truth. Be quick to judge but be patient to spit it out...

Thank you.

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 10:55pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:


God is not an author of confusion, not every one that calls his name is of him or his kingdom.

Blessed are the peace makers.

My mum is the standard for a good wife and she is still enjoying her marriage, my Dad can take a bullet for her.

Men, marry a good woman regardless of whether you are rich or poor.

Marry a woman who truly has the love of God in her.

You that did not pay your children's school fees - are you a peace maker? the bible refers to such a man as worse than an infidel not peacemaker o.
Peace makers are providers - same P

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 11:02pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


You that did not pay your children's school fees - are you a peace maker? the bible refers to such a man as worse than an infidel not peacemaker o.
Peace makers are providers - same P

You have been quoting that verse without proper understanding and it's quite unfortunate.

I will provide for my family when the time comes.

26 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Preferito(m): 11:02pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


...... the bible said worse than an infidel not me.

There is biblical permission to treat men who cannot provide for thier own as worse than infidels

It is in the bible
Please can you stop quoting the Bible upside down. What it means is that any man who does not provide. It did not say a man who is providing but it's not enough. Being a man does not mean to be a slave to a woman. Would you rather prefer your hubby to go into crime in order to provide for you?

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:08pm On May 13, 2020
tunmiluabi:


I appreciate your lines and I thank you for making me understand a lot of things I might not have known. Also permit me to look at your feedback line-by-line and word by word.

My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together:

If it takes 3month for a man to deliver to his family in time of tribulations and challenge. What time frame might we allocate to woman to heal after being involved in a life threatening accident that took away all her great attribute for performing any role as a wife? Can we say 3month, 3years etc. Same question can go the man what if?

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.:

Are you telling that marriage is so Artificial that the society need to redefine its requirements... Maybe there should be a law that states explicitly that considering the natural state of mind woman and the maximum period for a woman to go from an Angel to a monster... A divocre proceeding can commence after one years of either of the two is not able to provide a certain percentage of material expectations?. Are your telling men the WOMAN is inherently weak and deprived of any sense of good judgement and GRACE? Are you indicating that the WOMAN is mentally and spiritually WEAK by nature. My parents, in the face of the worst situations they have lived together for 55years, even they still hold hands till date. I take inspiration from their life. My mother at no point in time said anything bad about my father even when we knew he was wrong, neighter did my father. I am not perfect, but I have foundation that kindles my believe. Even the best and the richest people have their problems?

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supersede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him.

If the man is infidel because he cannot provide, what is a woman who cannot BELIEVE and see through the situation. The word INFIDEL as used in the Quran needs not be taken out of context context. Muslims on the forum can expatiate. I would like to know

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - [b]she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband.

[b]Yes I agree. As human we are capable of doing what pleases our hearts. I would have believed aside fro wisdom, mental and spiritual resilience takes precedence in all life matters. The consequence of a life without them is glaring. If the WOMAN can see through nine months of excruciating pains and still was able to give birth even when there no guarantees that child will live. What do you think is the lesson learnt? All she does is BELIEVE. It just like attending primary, secondary, university and even spending a lot on master degree for rare knowledge. Still life does not guarantee anything to anyone. Its never weakest or the strongest that wins the race of life. Its our capacity to wait for that CHANCE and TIME that matters. Opportunity come with preparation. Is the resilient WOMAN able to stand FAIR and FIRM. I believe it take a special WOMAN to see this.. There are so many. We have women who are married to the poorest of the poorest men and still come out unshakened. I will share a typical example with you if time permits. There are so many men who are married to women with terrible life challenges long before they got married... So are even disabled and even cant bear children. It takes the special MAN to see beyond the situation. There are so many.[/b]

See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel:

[b]Yes it true again.. They are only emphasizing the place of the MAN in a home. His failure is the failure of his family. He has to perfect his ways to enhance his family. Failure to do is tantamount to a gave consequence. There is no point for me to even tell the position of the Holy Books on the woman who betrays her husband... When we use the Holy books for definitions that requires more explanation and we refuse to STANDOUT, we will be digging more holes than we can fill. So I will be staying away from using the Books. We need to remember that our children can either be male of female. Our position goes a long way in shaping their future. If we teach your children to make money we need to emphasized that life is beyond the materialism that come with it, hence he/she might priorities money over affection, and would prioritize lust or love. There are still so many rich who are not happy and there some many wealth married woman who are not. Same goes for single males and females. Rather than living our lives, our deprivation and fights through our children there is need to always emphasis the grace that comes with living with or without the wealth that comes with living. The truth is that any of these does not guarantee any for of happiness[/b]
[/b]

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing :

I would beg to disagree. It takes a great family to stay together. It takes a wise man/woman to see through the situation. If man is lazy, I agree it is terrible, if a woman is lazy it terrible. But take it or leave it, Living is choice but life does not even guarantee you a happy ending. Its take you to BELIEVE. So behind a a successful woman is a man with grace and behind a successful man is a strong woman. If your read through history most great rise thought the ashes and with the support of the Special who is able to BELIEVE.

My overall take on your position: No aspect of life is guaranteed not even to richest, poorest, the strongest or weakest. No amount of hard-work will position you. Time and chance are spiritual. It for the SPECIAL ones only and its not negotiable. If that time comes and life imposes a marathon on you, you can step aside, continue or start all over again. You can even fill yourself with HATE. Life does not speak our language. I am a living testimony to this. I graduated as computer Engineer (not with the best of grades though). I believed I could never get a job I so desired, not to forget that I had in my SSCE (6 - A1, 1 -A2 and C4 in English). I have had my share of brilliance. I started a business which took us so far but was not really promising. Although that was one business I always loved and cherished but life gave it bashing. I will sill invest in it if I have a enough saving anyway. I am not giving up on my multimedia company dream. I learnt my lessons, I swallowed my pride and embrace the times. Thanks to my upbringing and the support of my Aged parents and siblings. If I may tell, my wife too finished with a distinction from Yabatech but all she got for SALARY did not pass for brilliance. She is tremendously brilliant. Still, we lived on the low...

I never realised what I thought was not useful 14years ago was going be my JOKER. I was forced to go back, dusted my books and fought to be relevant again. On the day of my interview they did not believe I was so CHEAP. The agreed take home with benefit salary was R115,000 naira per month. But to my surprise, the offer received had a different amount. I give God the glory and still cry till date. Never realised I could earn that much despite lack of real profession engagements. I passed test with minimum of 80%. I cried and cried when I saw the results. But grace smiled on me. Please note that I only received my appointment sometimes in November 2019. It was a prioritized position. I asked myself WHY NOW? Not after I have lost everything. I will forever be grateful to friends who stood with me not by me, who saw me responsible enough to feed me when I had nothing to eat, who borrow me clothes and shoes for my many interviews. I thank my my friend who borrower his best Suit for the last interview. I also thank the one that gave me his shoes and tie as well. I did have my times and I thank thank God for the experience. But most importantly my aged parents who said they don't want to hear complain, they wanted me to live again. I am a generally happy person, I am not perfect, I get angry, I cry and I will not claim to be a saint in the challenges that ended my CHERISH MARRIAGE. There is really no gain without pain... It was my journey and I embraced with all sense of dignity. For the record I NEVER HAD ANY WOMAN EXCEPT MY WIFE. Moreover, I did not have time... I was only dedicated to overcoming my challenges.

We can say whatever we want to say. Life will never pay a good person with evil. It will only test your resilience to see if you can manage the situation. Constituency and dedication is gift I will continue to cherish. I did not let my challenges change my person, I still smiled, even when close friends and family members knew I was not happy. The bathroom was my friend, that was my space to cry and when I am done crying I will leave and smile again. Nobody till today know why I moved out (at least from me) but I will keep it like that. I will have nothing to gain or loose. I only decided to tell my story after many advice on similar issue on this forum. I get taken aback by the comments and wonder why we can sit behind the desk an spit FIRE instead of reconciliation, yet we want to have a relationship. In a relationship you will never know the truth. Be quick to judge but be patient to spit it out...

Thank you.

OP epistle work on NL. I am talking real life and you experienced it.

You see life is cause and effect.

If you pick another woman and she starts providing for you that means you are set for round 2.

We can call woman this or that..... BUT the reality is the reality.

I am glad you found your financial footing.

Bible

Woman
To the woman He said: “I will sharply increase your pain in childbirth; in pain you will bring forth children. You will desire your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Man
In toil you will eat of it ( not in woman you will eat)
All the days of your life.

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Preferito(m): 11:11pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Is your mum single?? Yo may have to wife her.

Threads are opened by men who are being maltreated by women who provide for them

Threads are being opened by women who provide for men

You are adamant on opening a future thread

Good luck with that.
I see. Your gaze is solely on material things.

35 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:14pm On May 13, 2020
Preferito:

Please can you stop quoting the Bible upside down. What it means is that any man who does not provide. It did not say a man who is providing but it's not enough. Being a man does not mean to be a slave to a woman. Would you rather prefer your hubby to go into crime in order to provide for you?

It only said a man who does not provide for his family's needs. If you providing shelter, clothing, food and your children school fees then you are not an infidel but if you are not providing these 4 things you are worse than an infidel .... na so Bible talk

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:15pm On May 13, 2020
Preferito:

I see. Your gaze is solely on material things.

I do !!

Without material things a man is worse than an infidel and his wife will open thread on NL.

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:18pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:


You have been quoting that verse without proper understanding and it's quite unfortunate.

I will provide for my family when the time comes.


Now you are talking.

Amen to that prayer of yours.

Once you are providing - you are no longer worse than an infidel.

Since you donot like the other bible verse - let me give you another one

In toil you will eat of it
All the days of your life.

Genesis 3:19

By the sweat of your face
You will eat bread,
Till you return to the ground,
Because from it you were taken;
For you are dust,
And to dust you shall return.”

Job 7:1
Verse Concepts
“Is not man forced to labor on earth,
And are not his days like the days of a hired man?

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:26pm On May 13, 2020
tunmiluabi:


I appreciate your lines and I thank you for making me understand a lot of things I might not have known. Also permit me to look at your feedback line-by-line and word by word.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together:

If it takes 3month for a man to deliver to his family in time of tribulations and challenge. What time frame might we allocate to woman to heal after being involved in a life threatening accident that took away all her great attribute for performing any role as a wife? Can we say 3month, 3years etc. Same question can go the man what if?

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.:

Are you telling that marriage is so Artificial that the society need to redefine its requirements... Maybe there should be a law that states explicitly - that considering the natural state of mind woman and the maximum period for a woman to go from an Angel to a monster... A divorce proceeding can commence after one year when either of the party is not able to provide a certain percentage of material expectations, Maybe it should be a criminal offence? Maybe we will all sit and think well before we get into an "artificial contraption".... pls just saying. Are your telling me that WOMAN is inherently weak and deprived of any sense of good judgement and GRACE? Are you indicating that the WOMAN is mentally and spiritually WEAK by nature. My parents, in the face of the worst situations they have lived together for 55years, even they still hold hands till date. I take inspiration from their life. My mother at no point in time said anything bad about my father even when we knew he was wrong, neighter did my father. I am not perfect, but I have foundation that kindles my believe. Even the best and the richest people have their problems?

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supersede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him:


If the man is infidel because he cannot provide, what is a woman who cannot BELIEVE and see through the situation. The word INFIDEL as used in the Quran needs not be taken out of context context. Muslims on the forum can expatiate. I would like to know.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - [b]she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband:

Yes I agree. As human we are capable of doing what pleases our hearts. I would have believed aside fro wisdom, mental and spiritual resilience takes precedence in all life matters. The consequence of a life without them is glaring. If the WOMAN can see through nine months of excruciating pains and still was able to give birth even when there no guarantees that child will live. What do you think is the lesson learnt? All she does is BELIEVE. It just like attending primary, secondary, university and even spending a lot on master degree for rare knowledge. Still life does not guarantee anything to anyone. Its never weakest or the strongest that wins the race of life. Its our capacity to wait for that CHANCE and TIME that matters. Opportunity come with preparation. Is the resilient WOMAN able to stand FAIR and FIRM. I believe it take a special WOMAN to see this.. There are so many. We have women who are married to the poorest of the poorest men and still come out unshakened. I will share a typical example with you if time permits. There are so many men who are married to women with terrible life challenges long before they got married... So are even disabled and even cant bear children. It takes the special MAN to see beyond the situation. There are so many. I really think you line undermines the natural capacity of the spiritual resilience of a woman. I have a mother you know.. I can still remember events.

See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel:

Yes it true again.. They are only emphasizing the place of the MAN in a home. His failure is the failure of his family. He has to perfect his ways to enhance his family. Failure to do is tantamount to a gave consequence. There is no point for me to even tell the position of the Holy Books on the woman who betrays her husband... When we use the Holy books for definitions that requires more explanation and we refuse to STANDOUT, we will be digging more holes than we can fill. So I will be staying away from using the Books. We need to remember that our children can either be male of female. Our position goes a long way in shaping their future. If we teach your children to make money we need to emphasized that life is beyond the materialism that come with it, hence he/she might priorities money over affection, and would prioritize lust or love. There are still so many rich who are not happy and there some many wealth married woman who are not. Same goes for single males and females. Rather than living our lives, our deprivation and fights through our children there is need to always emphasis the grace that comes with living with or without the wealth that comes with living. The truth is that any of these does not guarantee any for of happiness

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing :

I would beg to disagree. It takes a great family to stay together in times of challenges. It takes grace for them to overcome. It takes a wise man/woman to see through the situation. If man is lazy, I agree it is terrible, if a woman is lazy it terrible. But take it or leave it, Living is choice but life does not even guarantee you a happy ending. Its take you to BELIEVE. So behind a a successful woman is a man with grace and behind a successful man is a strong woman. If your read through history most great rise thought the ashes and with the support of the Special who is able to BELIEVE.

My overall take on your position: No aspect of life is guaranteed not even to richest, poorest, the strongest or weakest. No amount of hard-work will position you. Time and chance are spiritual. It for the SPECIAL ones only and its not negotiable. If that time comes and life imposes a marathon on you, you can step aside, continue or start all over again. You can even fill yourself with HATE. Life does not speak our language. I am a living testimony to this. I graduated as computer Engineer (not with the best of grades though). I believed I could never get a job I so desired, not to forget that I had in my SSCE (6 - A1, 1 -A2 and C4 in English). I have had my share of brilliance. I started a business which took us so far but was not really promising. Although that was one business I always loved and cherished but life gave it bashing. I will sill invest in it if I have a enough saving anyway. I am not giving up on my multimedia company dream. I learnt my lessons, I swallowed my pride and embrace the times. Thanks to my upbringing and the support of my Aged parents and siblings. If I may tell, my wife too finished with a distinction from Yabatech but all she got for SALARY did not pass for brilliance. She is tremendously brilliant. Still, we lived on the low...

I never realised what I thought was not useful 14years ago was going be my JOKER. I was forced to go back, dusted my books and fought to be relevant again. On the day of my interview they did not believe I was so CHEAP. The agreed take home with benefit salary was R115,000 naira per month. But to my surprise, the offer received had a different amount. I give God the glory and still cry till date. Never realised I could earn that much despite lack of real profession engagements. I passed test with minimum of 80%. I cried and cried when I saw the results. But grace smiled on me. Please note that I only received my appointment sometimes in November 2019. It was a prioritized position. I asked myself WHY NOW? Not after I have lost everything. I will forever be grateful to friends who stood with me not by me, who saw me responsible enough to feed me when I had nothing to eat, who borrow me clothes and shoes for my many interviews. I thank my my friend who borrower his best Suit for the last interview. I also thank the one that gave me his shoes and tie as well. I did have my times and I thank thank God for the experience. But most importantly my aged parents who said they don't want to hear complain, they wanted me to live again. I am a generally happy person, I am not perfect, I get angry, I cry and I will not claim to be a saint in the challenges that ended my CHERISH MARRIAGE. There is really no gain without pain... It was my journey and I embraced with all sense of dignity. For the record I NEVER HAD ANY WOMAN EXCEPT MY WIFE. Moreover, I did not have time... I was only dedicated to overcoming my challenges.

We can say whatever we want to say. Life will never pay a good person with evil. It will only test your resilience to see if you can manage the situation. Constituency and dedication is gift I will continue to cherish. I did not let my challenges change my person, I still smiled, even when close friends and family members knew I was not happy. The bathroom was my friend, that was my space to cry and when I am done crying I will leave and smile again. Nobody till today know why I moved out (at least from me) but I will keep it like that. I will have nothing to gain or loose. I only decided to tell my story after many advice on similar issue on this forum. I get taken aback by the comments and wonder why we can sit behind the desk an spit FIRE instead of reconciliation, yet we want to have a relationship. In a relationship you will never know the truth. Be quick to judge but be patient to spit it out...

Thank you.

Spiritually when a man is eatting from the sweat of his wife - things hardly get better for him.

I like the word you used "forced"

If she was still feeding you - you will not have this new job because you needed force to dust your books and I pray you continue to dust more books more knowledge so no one has to ever force you again.

Buy your wife a gift for forcing and demanding you step up and realise your potential.

She really tried for you. Many other women would be meek and feeding you and you will never dust those books and realise this new potential and well done to you for stepping up albiet it was after torture.

Go to a corner in your room and vow to your maker that you will never eat of a woman/wife sweat again.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by CHoccolaTE: 11:26pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


It only said a man who does not provide for his family's needs. If you providing shelter, clothing, food and your children school fees then you are not an infidel but if you are not providing these 4 things you are worse than an infidel .... na so Bible talk

Lmao

Men love to ignore that verse of the bible. Their favorite verse is the one telling women to submit.

They also ignore the verse that talks about mutual submission in christianity.

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:29pm On May 13, 2020
CHoccolaTE:


Lmao

Men love to ignore that verse of the bible. Their favorite verse is the one telling women to submit.

They also ignore the verse that talks about mutual submission in christianity.

Anyone can be forgetful - it is our job as women to remind them at any opportunity.

We must remind them my sis grin grin grin

Remind them we will

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by CHoccolaTE: 11:36pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Anyone can be forgetful - it is our job as women to remind them at any opportunity.

We must remind them my sis grin grin grin

Remind them we will

Indeed grin
As they are reminding women of submission let's remind them that they must provide too

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:45pm On May 13, 2020
Obingene:
@Ybaby

The woman my father married can go on to provide for him for a 1000 years and she would never disrespect him or cheat on him.

I love my mum and proud to say that she is the virtuous woman as described in proverbs.

My Dad on the other hand is a hard-working man, but life is in seasons and time and chance happeneth to us all.

Women, always stand and support your husband when he is weak, whether 3 months, 3 years or 30 years, many things money can't buy.

It couldn't buy our sons away, Christ did and he charged us to LOVE.

My mum is d standard of a perfect wife, I look at her and I know that good women still exists.

Yimu!! grin grin grin

How do you know she was not cheating on your dad??

Will she call you pe my son o oya si mi lo ile ale mi o. ( My son please escort me to my sugardaddy's house)

She cannot do that - it is not proper! but if she was feeding your dad then another man (men depends on the heaviness of the bills) was feeding your dad in proxy. Gba!!!

If a woman can make money so can a man.

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by tunmiluabi: 11:48pm On May 13, 2020
CHoccolaTE:


Indeed grin
As they are reminding women of submission let's remind them that they must provide too

I do not believe in submission I believe in mutual respect and trust. Where those do not exist,the relationship is dead. There should not be any competition in a home talk less of submission or apportioning roles.

35 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by CHoccolaTE: 11:49pm On May 13, 2020
tunmiluabi:


I do not believe in submission I believe in mutual respect and trust. Where those do not exist,the relationship is dead. There should not be any competition in a home talk less of submission or apportioning roles.

Wow, this is nice coming from a man

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:55pm On May 13, 2020
tunmiluabi:


I do not believe in submission I believe in mutual respect and trust. Where those do not exist,the relationship is dead. There should not be any competition in a home talk less of submission or apportioning roles.

You have not learnt your lesson and it is quite unfortunate because it is not about you - it is about the nature of the woman.

Women are programmed to submit - she naturally wants to submit to a man who toils and provides. She wants her man to rule over her but he must toil and sweat to provide then he can rule over her.

If he does not rule over her by providing and inspiring her respect then she will rule over him like your wife ruled over you and it is bad thing to happen to both wife and husband.

Your wife is not a bad woman .... it is her programme. Your programme had a virus (no funds) which then corrupted her programme (treating you like an infidel)

Bible : Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

CHoccolaTE

12 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 11:56pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Yimu!! grin grin grin

How do you know she was not cheating on your dad??

Will she call you pe my son o oya si mi lo ile ale mi o. ( My son please escort me to my sugardaddy's house)

She cannot do that - it is not proper! but if she was feeding your dad then another man (men depends on the heaviness of the bills) was feeding your dad in proxy. Gba!!!

If a woman can make money so can a man.

I wouldn't disrespect you or trade words with you but you can never be what my mum is, before marriage and after marriage.

You think every woman puts her vagina up for sale even in marriage, it's a pity sha, your likes have turned marriage to a Nitendo game.

The only man my mum ever knew is my Dad and after he did the right things.

If there is only one woman in the world worth of being virtuous, then it would be my mum.

A billion dollars or a million of you can't change that fact.

45 Likes 5 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by tunmiluabi: 11:56pm On May 13, 2020
Ybaby:


Spiritually when a man is eatting from the sweat of his wife - things hardly get better for him.

I like the word you used "forced"

If she was still feeding you - you will not have this new job because you needed force to dust your books and I pray you continue to dust more books more knowledge so no one has to ever force you again.

Buy your wife a gift for forcing and demanding you step up and realise your potential.

She really tried for you. Many other women would be meek and feeding you and you will never dust those books and realise this new potential and well done to you for stepping up albiet it was after torture.

Go to a corner in your room and vow to your maker that you will never eat of a woman/wife sweat again.

I take a decision from the day one I got married about what I wanted. It might not have worked but I kept my spirit high. Some people are more favored that others and I took that in its stride and believed my time would come. I submitted mt CV in so many place. It was an everyday affair. Someone stopped believing and chose her path.

27 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:56pm On May 13, 2020
CHoccolaTE:


Wow, this is nice coming from a man


SAKAMAJE

Stories no provider men tell

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 11:58pm On May 13, 2020
tunmiluabi:


I take a decision from the day one I got married about what I wanted. It might not have worked but I kept my spirit high. Some people are more favored that others and I took that in its stride and believed my time would come. I submitted mt CV in so many place. It was an everyday affair. Someone stopped believing and chose her path.


You stopped dusting your books

You stopped being self motivated and required force.

2 Likes

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