Happy Monday guys....

Hope y'all weekend was fun...

Updates continue later .....

Carterj007 I see you man
...

~~~TWENTY~EIGHT~~~


I had developed a habit of smoking every evening alone, sitting on a window of Collins late dad's uncompleted building, there was no roof yet so I sat there only when it's dark.

The house was situated between two roads on both sides that link, so where I sat, I could see anybody coming from either road some seconds before they sight me.

Unless they could smell my smoke. Else, they always get alittle stunned when they find me sitting alone with head phones plugged in and grinning wildly as I either play games, chat or watch movies.


The road tends to be lonely at night which suits my mood perfectly. I never greeted anybody whether they greeted me or not, I wouldn't answer, I guess folks got tired and just passed me by without saying a word.

I stopped going to jungle completely, I just enjoyed the company of Sabosky and Philip on few days that I call the squad together. Nothing beats blowing your dope while laughing your ass out at a Family guy movie.



Soon word started going round, since I came, I hardly went out around the area much, I never greeted any neighbors, they thought I was staying for awhile but then after a couple of weeks and my unusual habits of smoking in one spot alone every night, it showed that a new Badoo was in town(area).


Collins always told them to come ask me themselves whenever they ask who I was. I mean, it's not that they didn't try but then the chances of catching me without ear plugs in public is almost zero.


Collins was like the most popular dude in the area so he was always greeting folks here and there, me I'll just keep trudging ahead. I've never been a fan of handshakes johr.

What folks don't understand is that I'm very easy to talk to, that's why I love putting up a mental barrier so that only folk wey get meaningful talk fit approach me. If na nonsense talk, you're on your own.




~~~~~~~~~~~

"Guy you no dey shake boys?"

I was walking out with Collins, the saloon shop opposite me had about half a dozen girls in there, and two guys who were gisting nearby, Collins went to greet the guys while I removed my phone to select music before one of the guys called me out.

I managed a smile and turn back to go shake them, they were backing the saloon so I had optimal view of the chicks in there. And they were all beautiful and beautiful in their own ways....

I couldn't stand their returning gaze so I comot eyes go one corner.

"Omor na you dey smoke for that window every night?" The other guy asked me.


"Ehhhh" I starmered, I was embarrassed, one he was loud and I'm sure those girls heard it, two, it was none of his business.


"Na him, I ban am from smoking at home, so there na him jungle." Collins proudly announced like Barack Obama.


"Wow, and see as your face gentle, nobody go suspect you in the day time. Mehn, you na strong man." The dude replied me as he shook me again, I smiled back.


"But you get liver oh, what if person attacks you to collect your phone?" The second guy asked.



"Until I see the person nah, then what ever happens would happen." I replied calmly as they all started laughing.




Well, I was being brutally honest. One, nobody has ever had the nerves to rob me of my phone so I don't know what my reaction would be, but bet me, one of us would die first. I mean it. Except I'm out numbered though...





That night I was on my normal spot when I noticed somebody approaching with a torch light, I scan the person, it was a female, alone, harmless to me. So I continued playing the game I was playing while blasting my ears with Travis Scott jamz.

My head was bent as the person approached. I suddenly felt light on my head, I raised my head in time before the person brought the light down, she was looking at me and mouthing something so I removed my ear plugs.


"Hello, any problem?" I asked.



"That was the same thing I was asking you. What's your problem? I greeted you and you didn't answer." She replied.


"Oh, I'm sorry, I was using ear phones." I replied.

"No wonder, I thought I offended you."


"Offended me? But we just met?" I said.


"No, I've been passing you regularly,you hardly look up, you're always pressing phone."

I stifled a smile. "So where do you stay?"


"Just behind your house, we are kind of neighbors. I went to get groceries for my dad."


"Okay, so after you drop the groceries, what would you do next?"


"Eh, sleep of course, it's night already." She replied.


"Why don't you go drop what you bought and come keep me company. If you don't mind."



"Eh, I'm not sure. If I return before you go back inside, fine or else it's goodnight."



"Okay, I'll keep my hopes optimistic." I replied as she laughed lightly and continued her Waka.





I wasn't actually calculating Time or was I? Bleep, I was pressing my phone all through so my eyes couldn't help darting to the time, and it's not my fault that my IQ is too high, I can be watching movie and calculating Time at the same time. But the truth of the matter be say in less than fifteen minutes, she was approaching, only this time she had changed to a nightie and wrap a wrapper round her shoulders. I was grinning wickedly in the dark.

My imaginative mind was thinking of all the bad things I could do with her that night, my small boss gave a reassuring wave, I had to call laps to press it down before it forms a tent in my trouser.




"Are you not scared of snakes or scorpions?" She asked me as she sat next to me.


"I resemble their brother? Even dog no dey near me." I replied as she laughed and snuggled closer to me, I wrap one arm around her and shifted closer as we began watching movies together.

After awhile she removed the wrapper from her shoulders and wrap it around the both of us. I never felt so warm....


So taken care of......


If you think anything else happened, please wake up. I'm a good boy. She is a good girl. We gisted till almost midnight before she left.


I was staggering as I walked back home, a big smile plastered on my face... It's been a fun night......







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And incase you're wondering if I ever got approached by a male. Yes I was. The dude follow me smoke my weed and then asked me to give him my phone to try his girlfriend's number cause she locked him out of the house. I was pretty skeptical at first abi na my cruise just burst as he asked for my phone.

But funny enough, I easily passed the phone over, he dialled a number and put it on speaker, a female answered. They haggled over the phone for minutes until she gave him her location. He cut the call and passed it back.

It was like he passed my heart back because relief washed my spirit. I couldn't believe that he gave me back. He smoked some more, promised to come check on me for more smoking sections, thanked me and left.





I swear I didn't smoke in that spot for one week......



No be say I fear. I just wanted a solo spot. If I needed niqqas, I'll go to jungle. And by the way na residencial area, me smoking alone might not be easily perceived but two to three concurrent burning sticks could send a bad message to the neighbors, I have respect for everyone irrespective of their size or gender....... EXCEPT WHEN I'M HUNGRY..... hahahahahaha

hi guys, I might not be really chanced later, so I made this long enough for una, make una manage biko.....

Thanks for the update,

The girl sha get mind come back

nastynic:
Thanks for the update,

The girl sha get mind come back

me sef shock as she return, did I forget to add that she was in that saloon when those boys were speaking, so she saw that my face wasn't hardened.....



my baby face has open and shut lots of doors on my face. e no easy

Thanks for the update. May your ink never run dry.

~~~TWENTY~NINE~~~

Going to farm had it's pecks. I was gyming and farming at the same time. Wait, is my head okay? Farming is freaking hard. But you know what it's harder?


Mason Work.....



Gosh, I hate this work with passion. Okay, I don't actually hate it but it was once on my to do list of jobs that I'll never take but una see this thing called 'SAPA' na strong thing oh. E dey reset person brain die.


I begin dey eye dudes wey dey mold blocks for area, but pride no go allow me ask them to join.

Well an opportunity soon opened itself up, I rushed it with two hands. Philip and I were smoking one evening when he told me that his mom was building a new house and she'll need labourers for molding blocks.

He had all the tools, all that was needed were labourers. I committed myself immediately, he informed me that he'll invite six other guys, I convinced him that two other guys would be sufficient enough.


In my selfish mind, I had already calculated how the money between us would be shared, the lesser, the merrier or so I thought.


On the D-Day, I ransacked all my clothes till I saw the most oldest, I put them inside side bag, wear better cloth go there. Philip has informed me that he'll be leaving with his mom very early so he gave me the area address to meet them there.

I climb bike to the place, I begin fear as we begin enter the place cause na bush full everywhere, I had to call Philip to confirm the address.

Naso we reach where bike no gree go again, I had to drop and start trekking to their proposed building site.

I was sweating like a mad man when I got to the half built three bedroom flat.

Philip was alone mixing cement while his mother was inside doing what I didn't care to know. I went to greet her after shaking Philip as I changed in another room and joined him.


I gladly jumped into mixing with Philip, he laughed at me when I grabbed a shovel, and then showed me how to do it. I am a fast learner, so after some minutes, I was almost perfect, he brought pan and shoved cement into it, I watched for a minute and finally joined him.

Well it didn't register until we had molded over fifty bricks. My back was aching like mad, the vitamin D sun had turn to a menancing burning heat, my head was aching and beating on it's own, I could swear my brain was fried pink.

"Omor what about the other guys?" I asked Philip.


"Eh, na wetin I dey reason tell you sef. Nobody dey come again."


"Why?" I cried out.

"Eh, them say them busy. Atleast you dey now, we go do wetin we fit do."


"Wait, wait.... What do you mean by 'do wetin we fit do?'"

"Eh, if we fit mold like 500 blocks, e go do for today." He assured me.


"What!!!!!!!! Are you for real, baba. We fit do 500 blocks?" I shouted.



"Ehen na, no be how many minutes we just mold more than 50 blocks, before three hours, we suppose don finish."




I had to take my phone out to check the time. My eyes burgled in shock.

I rush Philip with Upper cut, grab am for ground begin show am my phone.
"Niqqa it's been 1 hour 40 minutes....1 fucking hour.... 40 fucking minutes.... Molding just 50 bricks. Are you mad? How can we do 450 more bricks in 3 hours? Did we drink Nitro boost mixed with man power and tramadol? Niqqa are you crazy"




Okay, let's scratch out the last paragraph, I just removed my phone, looked at him evily with my side eyes and pocketed back the phone and grab my shovel.

I didn't had to think too long or hard about the work again. I figured out that if I could summon my inner powress and proceed with the work, the pay between us would be 50-50. That would be a whole lot money for me, that inspired me.



And one thing with me be say if I put my mind to do something, I must do am as far as I see a motivating factor Infront of me.

This doesn't apply to just money, I could keep chyking a babe for ages, most times over years just to hit that honey pot, my draw back is always brutual, they always wonder why I finally pulled back when I finally had access to the cookie jar, what they don't know is that, I just like hitting some things for fun, I like the thrill of the chase, the rejections, the aborted dates, the almost nacked moments, etc.

Well Stephanie was a living example, sometimes breaking hearts seems like fun...... Sick fun.









So cement I dug, mixed and poured. Bricks we molded slowly, painfully, my back was crying for a rest but I held on till even Philip called for a break.





Spoiler alert....... This is the best part of the story. I had to spoil the suspense of this chapter because I'm feeling funky today. Tomorrow is my B-day.. and I'm gonna have all the fun I can get.



Philip's mother served us two flask, one was filled with multi wraps of FuFu, the other was filled with ogbono soup which had enough ori-shi-ri-shi to make a girl sacrifice her virginity just to have a taste.

I smiled for the first time that day. All my worries seemed to be over as I helped my self to three wraps of apku. I was eating like an over zealous buffalo.

When I was through, I was feeling like Super man. Na me dey ask Philip to resume.



Thirty minutes later, I was feeling like soldier man wey narrowly escape from Boko Haram inside Sambisa forest. My body weak like cassava wey them soak inside water for six days, I dey breath like bush meat wey escape from hunter, I dey sweat like Bobby Lashley after fighting for ten minutes for inside ring. My waist been don shift halfway already. My eyes dey turn like person wey drink 12 sachets of Chelsea dry gin.

But I didn't give up. I kept on working till I could take no more. We went for another round of food but this time it seems like as soon as I swallow one morsel, the worms in my stomach would hurriedly devour it, I was eating for like I hadn't eaten for six days, still I was still hungry when we were through.


Philip mom called him to the side when we were backing, I was eyeing them while working, I noticed that she passed something from her fist to his, he quickly placed it into the pocket.

That was all the motivation I needed. The money wasn't too far now. It was within grips, just a few more hours, just maybe.

I got a renewed vigor that even Philip was outpaced and amazed. Well after an hour, I couldn't take it anymore, I dump the shovel and called it a day. My body was shaking like bitter leaf plant under heavy breeze. I called it a day, I didn't leave my parents house to come and die inside one bushy area in the name of molding bricks.


After about fifteen minutes, Philip gave up. We washed up in different corners of the building and dressed back in our nice clothes.


Na when I Waka for like five minutes Nai e click. I was moving my legs but I wasn't moving anyway. Philip was going ahead but I kept matching instead of moving forward.


"Omor, I don hook. Kai, my legs no dey function." I cried out as Philip turned to realise that I wasn't walking together with him.


I managed to hop to one veranda of a building, and sat down, my body weighed a ton. Philip was laughing his ass out. He went to a nearby store and got Pepsi and biscuits for me, I was refreshed for a minute as I got up and continued walking.


Okay, after all this stress, una suppose reason say my pay for dey my pocket nah, so that I can be suffering and smiling. So I asked Philip for my payment. His reply was classic.




"Which payment be that?"



"Wait, no be work we go do? Where my money for the work?" I was already fuming.

" Na only two hundred Naira my Mumsy give me, and I use am buy Pepsi for you and biscuits for us, na wetin I been dey reason say we go use climb bike but as I spend am now, na trekking things oh."





As Philip was speaking, I was in fantasy land. I was enacting in my head one of the most brutual ways I was killing that mutherfucker that moment as he spat those rubbish words out of his mouth. My Infuriation meter was over the bar. I'm sure smoke were coming out of my ears as I stared at the dude coldly.


One worst thing was that my contenance didn't flinch, I just kept that sad cold look with a whiff of smile on my lips.

"So you're saying na free work we just do?"


"Shebi my Mumsy cook for us. She been tell me say make I call my friends to come help me mold blocks, no be say na payment something. No vex, maybe na the English wey I use to inform you Nai confuse you say na paid jab."



"So you mean say, na free work I do?" I had to ask again to be sure.


"Omor, no reason am. Just hold this 100 bucks, I go try ask my Mumsy for something later, we go see for area." He added.

I was looking at him like the joker, for the niqqa mind, him don use me catch cruise. I no just say anything, I quietly followed him like how Issac been dey escort him popsy Father Abraham for inside bush.

I had some cash with me but I'll rather walk and die than climb bike with Philip, neither was I gonna spend the #100 he gave him. Bleep that niqqa. If trekking go kill me, make e kill me.



If I can walk from high level, follow water board all through old bridge till I got to deep into North bank. Vio testing ground precisely. Only my Makurdi folks would understand the distance, I did that shit on foot. So wetin be small Waka from road to my area. Omor naso I begin Waka like zombie.


I didn't even acknowledge Philip as he took the branch to his house. I was boiling the more the closer I got home.


Guess which mutherfucker I saw waiting with a big smile on his lips.

"Baba I been dey wait for you, hungry wan finish me since morning. Abeg find something make I go prepare chaw for us." Collins said.


As he was speaking, my hand was already withdrawing the miserable hundred Naira note that Philip gave me earlier. Collins was stunned as I brushed passed him, slamming the hundred Naira note on his chest, his fingers grasping the cash like a rat stealing cheese.


He was quiet for some seconds, he was putting one and two together. It didn't take him long to burst Into a stomach full of laughter. He had it all figured out. By then I was already on my bed.

If I say I felt bad, that would be an understatement. I was weary to my soul as I searched for something to soothe my burning spirit.

I walked to my dope stash.... Got a blunt and light it in my room. I knew Collins would be super pissed caused we agreed on a no smoking at home rule but then I wanted someone to throw my frustrations on.


As fate would have it, Collins didn't return till when I finished smoking and passed out. I'm sure he went to hang one corner to enjoy my hard day labour.....





As for Philip, he thought he had won. But then I'm a cold slow viper, I revenge slowly and painfully, when my opponent would least expect, sometimes you fit don forget, it would now be like say na me start the trouble, you don't know that na ages beef I dey pay back.

Guys, this week has been crazy for me.



I had to pour enough stew for this last chapter. I hope it was worth the read




BTW tomorrow na my birthday..... asking for my account number is allowed. hahahahahaha.





in other news, one nairalander made my night, he was inviting me on an all expense paid military trip to one of this northern states wey Boko Haram dey mend their life.


I ask am say whether him no want make I finish this story for una.....


please of you're inviting me for vacation, if no be place like Lagos, PH or Abuja or other cool sides, abeg avoid me....


I no get joy this night.... make I go continue my shayo.....

Therock5555:



me sef shock as she return, did I forget to add that she was in that saloon when those boys were speaking, so she saw that my face wasn't hardened.....



my baby face has open and shut lots of doors on my face. e no easy

Swears,
My own don help me comot for problem several times lol

Thanks for the update man.

Happy Birthday Boss.
More fruitful years ahead. AMEN

Happy Birthday Uduak,, wishing you more years on earth with good health, more financial blessing and uncommon grace to journey easily... You are blessed...

nastynic:


Swears,
My own don help me comot for problem several times lol

hahahahaha, I remember when I was smoking weed in one open bar, bouncers come dey find the person wey dey smoke, Kai na some rough niqqas for back Nai them go bundle dey comot, naso the still pass me as I dey smoke.



hahahaha na as the boys dey swear say no be them dey smoke weed, even though they had it on their body, they didn't light it. na that time I realise say na me them dey find, naso I quickly off the dope come light cigar...
I was laughing like a psycho.... hahahaha

lanreabbey:
Happy Birthday Uduak,, wishing you more years on earth with good health, more financial blessing and uncommon grace to journey easily... You are blessed...

PraisesPblaze:
Happy Birthday Boss.
More fruitful years ahead. AMEN

Thanks Guys... I appreciate....

Happy birthday man!! Best years ahead

I might not be able to drop update today for una, but I go dey active online today...

My Number is on my Siggy.... una fit engage me for business...


I go dey drop small gist for una today....



BTW, I broke up with my main chick last night. or more like early hours of this morning.



How person go sprinkle me water by 12 am, no be witchcraft and juju be that
......




hahahaha, I warned her o, no be say I no warn her, ilshe thought I was bluffing...



E SHOCK HER.....

swiz123:
Happy birthday man!! Best years ahead

Thank you Sir..

Happy birthday bro

Therock5555:
I might not be able to drop update today for una, but I go dey active online today...

My Number is on my Siggy.... una fit engage me for business...


I go dey drop small gist for una today....



BTW, I broke up with my main chick last night. or more like early hours of this morning.



How person go sprinkle me water by 12 am, no be witchcraft and juju be that
......




hahahaha, I warned her o, no be say I no warn her, ilshe thought I was bluffing...



E SHOCK HER.....

TheRock555 para

Happy birthday Man

La Rocky

Happy Birthday Bruv . I wish you the best things you wish yourself .

Happy birthday to you, long life and prosperity

Therock happy birthday sir, for your post you wrote "like solider man that escape from BH hand inside Sambisa forest" Now they invited you to come has guest writer you fold men hand... Abeg no vex forgive our sister for the small water she pour you. Happybirthday sir.

Therock5555:
I might not be able to drop update today for una, but I go dey active online today...

My Number is on my Siggy.... una fit engage me for business...


I go dey drop small gist for una today....



BTW, I broke up with my main chick last night. or more like early hours of this morning.



How person go sprinkle me water by 12 am, no be witchcraft and juju be that
......




hahahaha, I warned her o, no be say I no warn her, ilshe thought I was bluffing...



E SHOCK HER.....

Accepted she made a mistake that's not enough reason to break up with her. If your wife does such to you will you divorce her?

ashatoda:


Accepted she made a mistake that's not enough reason to break up with her. If your wife does such to you will you divorce her?

Na so uncleRock they do, me am suspecting because December is near that is why?

Happy birthday bro. God bless your new age �

Oga the rock.

Rocky ooo

Rock dear, birthday celebration never finish?

Cylovee:
Rock dear, birthday celebration never finish?

E finish o, updates drops in a few minutes sir...

Hello guys, it's a new week.


I hope y'all would forgive me for enjoying my birthday week, I didn't have much fun as y'all think though, it was hellish for me.

Thanks to Naybahood

Daddio

Calenikan

Nastynic for the birthday wishes, na una I no reply, I replied other birthday wishes.



And to ashatoda you replied my last post and I wanted to address it when I first saw it the day you posted but I was in vexing mood so I had to relax so that I no go use vex reply.





Well, lemme answer your question, halfway, If woman wey I marry no understand me enough to try that stunt, she'll leave my house that night.

I'll surely marry a woman that has sense to know when person dey joke or dey serious.


And to oga cylovee I didn't break up with her cause Christmas don reach, she's multiple times 4 richer than me, her parents hold bae ehhhh, while I dey work for myself. So money isn't the determinant here.

Infact na me no wan chop her money, on my birthday she had prepared a suprise party for me but then I tear her red card in the night...







Latest update......

Since I yarn una the matter, make I just slice the matter for una before I go drop main update.


Me and this chick have been together before, we broke up once cause of her excesses but I went back cause of a promise I made to her.


I seriously thought she had grown more matured after dating one or two other dudes, but eh, the obsession still dey.


I don dey count her lapses tey tey but I kept holding on, sometimes I feel like I'm a simp cause na bullshit wey I no fit take on normal days.


I've been single since November last year, so I was going to make this work cause she deserves it, we never reach two months, I'm already fed up.

That my birthday night pissed me off pass.

I wouldn't have been too angry if she had poured me when I woke up, but doing it that night after I warned her was like the last straw.






Well suprise.... She went and told her folks, my phone has been ringing non-stop. See begging up and down. And guess what? I am the villian, no matter how I explain, everybody keep saying, can't you forgive.




Well, I've been depressed all weekend, trying my best to allow the storm sail but this one isn't stalling anytime soon.

So as e be now eh, I'll shamefully take her back, it's a hit on my pride, but I'm considering some factors that could be influenced if I don't take her back.

I'm sure she loves me 100%, but then I can swear that we are 100% incompatible, I've tried once, I know what I'm talking about.


I'm a semi introvert that loves my space, she's a full blown extrovert that loves the fun. Seriously I don't give two bleeps if she cheats, it's her life, that's what I'm trying to make her know.


Her world shouldn't revolve solely around me, it's repulsive and possessive, I have encouraged her to enjoy her youth, not call me if she wants to go out on dates asking for my permission.

If she calls and I don't pick or quickly enough, she throws tantrums. And I am tired of all this shit already. I've dated tens of chicks and straff hundreds more, so I've seen everything, all I need right now is peace, na why me and Ruth last very well till she found me boring and I let her go.



I'm not saying this cause I'm boring, nah, I've lived life to the fullest, las las nothing dey there, time na money, I just want a little peace.


That's what everybody don't understand, in their mind, they're like, you have a girl that loves you 100% would do anything for you, so I don't have right to dump her, infact I should be worshiping her.




Who is that person that wants to argue say the future no go be female.



Lemme not bore you guys, I'll have a heart to heart talk with her and manage her for the time being, maybe I might learn to love her back, even if na small.


I'm doing this for her and the legion of folks begging me. This is for a reason, I only hope I don't get too sucked in that I won't escape next time.


Don't get me wrong, I do Like her, like alot. But I'm not sure I'm capable of falling in love again, so she should manage the LIKE abeg.






Sorry once again for the blabbing, I had to pour my heart out alittle.

Chapter 30 coming up next....



Still I Rock.....

~~~THIRTY~~~
I was laying on my bed one evening surfing the Internet when Collins entered my room and sat next to me.

"Wetin dey happen? Please don't tell me you're still hungry again." I teased him.


"Baba I no fit chop sef, my problems pass food." He replied, sadness clouding his voice.

I quickly sat up. This matter serious o, sotey Collins reject food. I need to hear this matter with all seriousness.


"So what's happening?"

"Guy, my babe get belly."


"Whaaaaaaat? Which of them?" I was grinning broadly.


"Guy stop joking, how many girls I get? Na Becky I dey talk about johr." He spat out.


My smile didn't erase, I knew he was talking about Becky but I wanted to pull his legs small.

"Congratulations ooo. So how did it happen?" I teased.


"See guy, I no dey joke. This matter serious o, her parents know already."


"Ehhhhhhh!" That last line sent alarm bells ringing, Parents know already? How? Why? What happened?


"Wait o, dude start from the beginning, cause right now I just confuse. How belly reach stage wey parents know? How come you didn't tell me since?" I screamed.


"Na just this week she tell me, I been tell her say wetin she want, Becky say she wan pack come stay with me, and you know I still get final semester for school, where I wan see money from?"





"Wait, what? She wan come stay with you, and eat what? We wey dey strategize how to chop each day, baba which kind wahala be that?"



"That's not even the worse part, I told her she can't live with me just yet, naso she carry the matter go tell her folks. Them call me yesterday, I went over, her parents begin question me, I told them that I'm responsible but not capable of fathering a child now, naso them say them must see my people first make we reach agreement."




"Jeez, omor this is wahala pro max. So how you wan do am?" I asked.


"Na why I come meet you nah, shebi you know say I no fit allow my uncles know about the matter, and I noticed say your guys get matured faces Wella, them fit pass as my uncles, I tell her parents say I dey bring my people next tomorrow, so abeg you fit help me?"






"Bleep No bruh, when you were fucking anyhow, you no consult me o, na now wey matter cast Nai you know say I exist, why didn't you ask me for advice when she told you she was pregnant?"



I was fuming but the begging increased till I agreed to help him.

"Wait o, shebi you know say this one na job, my guys go need small chilling later o, so how we wan do with expenses now?"


"Leave that one to me, I go give you 3k make una use chill after we settle everything, atleast una go manage na." Collins replied, he was already getting his swagger back.

As he spoke, my mouth was open with shock. Like seriously? This is the same person that asked me for #100 that morning to buy Maggi, where he wan see 3k from? Like he read my mind, he left and returned with 3 crispy 1k notes and laid them next to me.



"Ahhh, so you get this kind money? Dude, you're a bastard." I said as I snatched the money.


As per the evil genius wey I be, I begin compile my first eleven list, 8 of the guys were confirmed hits, one of them na married man sef, he was to be the spokesperson, it took small convincing but almost all of them owe me a favor so they were down for what so ever.




On the D-Day, everybody gathered in Collins place. I noticed one dressing code amongst them, everyone wore native wears, guess what your boy wore?


I wore crazy jeans with a Manchester United Jersey. Hahahaha, naso them chase me Like fowl make I go find native wear.

I came out looking like 70 years old man, like literally.....


We rehearsed the whole plan again. Collins wanted to use kukere method to disbar the belly, all we had to do was to convince her parents that we were committed to the cause and hopes all things work out good.



Naso formation land for Becky house. Becky and her two younger sisters were already waiting outside.

She avoided my eyes as she greeted us, the rest of the guys were strange faces so she didn't suspect foul play, naso she bend down dey greet men them.


Collins would be like, Uncle James this is my babe. The yeye boys go throw am one wicked comment to show disdain for what both of them did. Their acting was almost Oscar worthy. I was trying hard not to laugh cause I knew that seventy percent of them there were high as Bleep...


We finally walked into a laid bare big parlour, two long sofas facing themselves at both ends of the wall was the only furniture in the room what so ever. The walls weren't even plastered inside, neither was the floor, it wasn't cemented, just rough cementing with lots of sand than cement.

The place smelled fouly, like chicken shit, pee, human poo and another foul smell that made my heart sank, we were looking at ourselves in confusion.

I'm not understanding. What's really happening, why were we led into a delapitated room? Abi them wan use us do ritual? Cause I doubt humans beings suppose live for there.

By the way, is it punishment for what Collins did, that we had to be brought there for nose torture, my eyes were already turninoninon.

I'm sure I was not the only one lost in fantasy land, my guys mind would have been running 4-40 right now. I turned to the only person that could answer all my questions.




Now note that all the above things I stated were in my thoughts, I had scanned the whole room in seconds as soon as we walked in, so I turned to Becky who was right behind me, on cue she began speaking, answering all our questions in one sentence.



"Welcome to my parent's house. Please make yourself comfortable, lemme go and call them, they are inside."


I painfully swallowed saliva as she walked away, the joke wasn't on me, it was on Collins. Like seriously? Na from this kind background Nai him go get babe. Babe wey dey dress like say dirty no dey touch her, so na for this kind place she dey comot from. I weak for Collins.


Funny enough, everybody was too shocked to even think of doing anything else, like a spell was cast on us, we matched slowly to one sofa. The sofa had seen zillions of better days, I didn't know if to sit on my hands or just stand, but as I notice everybody dey chop liver siddon and the sofa no collapse, I jejely balance for the arm rest, incase of incasity I fit jump off.




I observe everybody faces, I don't know if their bulging agonising faces was out of pure anger and hatred for Collins and to a lesser amount, myself cause as per agent, I suppose go spy location before I accept job but I guess the joy of finally chopping Collins money was too good to let by.

Or na the smell wey make them choke. They had to contort their faces in the most miserable look ever so that the Intake of fresh air would be constricted, make e dey enter slowly. Like me I was breathing oxygen like four times a minute, then hold my breath or stylishly chuck nose for my armpit dey inhale my perfume, the guy next to me was inhaling my other armpit, e better pass normal air.







This might sound really funny right now. But I swear, it wasn't funny one bit, all of us were coordinating ourselves, we were just waiting for one person to dash outside and the rest would join, but nobody moved an inch. I don't know but for some strange reasons, everyone wanted to see how this would end.

Collins unsurprisingly was the only one enjoying himself, he had swipe out his phone and was playing Zuma and grinning.



Ehhhhhhh!!!


Like his nose has double filter abi wetin dey happen. As I was still processing information, two small chicks ran in from the back door, boldly walked in between our legs, searching for food, we just sat transfixed, one of the chick shit for center of the room before they went outside to continue their hustle for food.


We were looking at ourselves like, is this for real. I was almost thinking of getting up and leading the charge out when I heard movement from the other room, we all stared at the door for seconds that seemed like hours before four people emerged.


Becky, her younger sister, her Mum and Dad.


My jaw dropped. I had to look at others to be sure I wasn't over reacting, others had their mouth wide open, we forgot all the smell, whether fly enter my mouth that moment, I no for close am.

I turn to look at Collins, he was the only person that was unperturbed. He was sliding his phone back into his breast pocket and standing up.......








My heart sank.... This is not what I came for.... No..... Fucking No.....