amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?
He may have to raise the kids in his old age.

He's just 35 shut up!

nijaomegacode:

May the Lord bless men like your husband.
I like the man but he is foolish. Very foolish in fact! Why would he marry when he is not ready to reproduce ?

Keep shut! Marriage isn't about procreation, it is more about companionship

You cannot give advise and you are calling someone's advise poverty stricken?
Where you part of their marriage plans or what?
Both of them earn 170k monthly and the woman will soon enter menopause and you open you mouth to say it is a poverty stricken advise?
Well, I do not blame you because you have the poverty mentality thus you are broke and not married.
Ask these big men if they had millions before getting married or having children.
Mind you, I did not say she should have more than she cannot manage but at least one to seal the marriage.
Mind your language abeg

MisterGrace:



This is a poverty stricken advice.

Op! Please don't follow this advice.

This is why many people are so poor.

Everything is wrong with the husband. He could have told her this before marriage. He hasn't even produced a child first to see how it goes! So wrong a husband!

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

You are the one that can calm him down and let him understand, in doing this you need a lot of endurance , prayer and loyality to win him

The man is 35 not 25 o
Focused my foot what have he been doing all his life or is he just waking up?
For me I think he should bear even if it's one child for now.
Believe me since I welcomed my baby my life have changed for the better.. blessings after blessings.

duduade:
you earn 70k.. and you are not working on how to improve on yourself to earn more.. no desire to live a better life... your only desire is to be pooping children out abi...

Aunty u are the one frustrating yourself

70k that emoney use to buy shawarma in one night

Are you saying he doesn't cum inside of you? If yes, then why worry about pregnancy..

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?
He may have to raise the kids in his old age.

many people think that they must own half of Nigeria before they have kids, even when you have,them late that suffering you are trying to run from will still be,

I will rather have my kids while am still young to run around for them

who gives you assurance that it will be you that will open the door of success ... that might be one of the kid ...... everyone to their own mentality sha

Set him up!
Wear skimpy outfits
Seduce him
If it doesn't work
Just know that you married a wood

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

I understand the pain you are going through and I get your husbands point.


Please show him this thread so he can read through the comments here.

I think financially you and your husband are capable of starting a family with one child first, before he completes his professional exams.

Life OF SUCCEESSFUL married couple ARE built on COMPROMISE, please let your husband understand this FACT.

First is conception, then 9 months before you give birth and by then his 2 years time of completing his professional exam is already around the corner.

Or better still if he doesn't know your cycle, you both become intimate when you are ovulating and bam you have taken in.



But if he told you his plans about having kids before you both got married, then I am sorry to say, you have to be patient with him.

Stargurl20:
It's this same man that will insult her about being infertile when menopause sets in. He will even go far as much as marrying another wife or divorcing her.

Mrs, this man seem to be selfish, coz nothing stop you guys from birthing at least a kid. Unlike men, we women do not have biological clock in our favor o.

you talk like somebody whose biological clock has elapsed after plenty abortions. How many years now 45, 50?

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Your husband wan port.
Naija don show am pepper!
He doesn't want to have any Nigerian bound seed.

MrBrownJay1:


you have a narrow minded view on the issue because you are focussing on the wrong things.... aka your desperate bodyclock etc
your man tells you he aint ready...so you can either WAIT with him or go find a man who has the same views as you...but dont try to change a man..

Ultimately, you're right about the bolded, but since she's married to him, it makes sense that she wants to make him see reasons with her.

The man is also being narrow-minded. I used to think like him until I had all the money I thought I needed to care for a child and then the kids refused to come. Life is about thriving in chaos, balancing ends, taking risks, juggling different things. The idea that you have to get certain things right before attempting others may work sometimes. but it can backfire sometimes.

So they dont have sex?

007s:
My advise to you....

Stop discussing issue of Chid bearing for now..(say 1 to 3 month)

Anytime you do the do and oga release, try to get hold of the condom and empty the content where you prefer it to be.

You may consider switching to female condom, so you have control (over the condom after use), also you may consider punching tiny hole at the end of the condom.

Avoid wearing pants (inside your room) so you are always ready.

Lastly, if God finally answer your prayer, ensure 80% of child care expenses comes from you, cos na you plan to borne

bad boy. I need tips on how to shift my baby girl's womb.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

break up and become single, you want a baby to tie the young man down, why not tell him lets make a plan i earn 75k ur earn 100k why not we spilt the money talk to him or divorce him and become single 32 years

So are you saying that you can marry a barren woman? If the answer is yes, I believe you

na2016:


Keep shut! Marriage isn't about procreation, it is more about companionship

Your husband is selfish and anybody advising you that he is a strong man and that you should wait doesn't mean well for you.

It's either your husband isn't saying something or ....


You are 32 have a child now especially since you earn something,you are both earning and things will hopefully get better you can have just one for now and start planning,you cannot be 39 and 40 having your first child even if women have a biological clock and men can have kids in their 50's but such an ability to do so also reduces as the man ages too the sperm quality becomes low, asides that I personally don't advice anyone to have children late because I believe the 60's and 70's or beyond should be for doing other things in life you fancy and desire to achieve before death calls and not paying school fees and training kids at such age when you should be traveling the world, enjoying life,seeing your children grow and have their own family and other interesting times of rest and reminiscence that comes with old age.


That said I agree with many here who have asked what you two were discussing while courting it is obvious your goals don't align here.

Involve a third party if need be to call your husband to order or steal his sperm have children now you can have one for now but don't listen to him when he says you should wait who knows what will happen tomorrow,the earlier the better

JuanDeDios:

Ultimately, you're right about the bolded, but since she's married to him, it makes sense that she wants to make him see reasons with her.

... while she doesnt want to see reason with him?! why not just accept that these guys aint compatible and move on with their respective lives?!

The man is also being narrow-minded. I used to think like him until I had all the money I thought I needed to care for a child and then the kids refused to come.

thats because you "assume" that he doesnt wanna have kids for financial reason, while it can be many other reasons. the point is: he doesnt want kids, and that should be his final answer. it is obvious that this is something they've talked about way before marriage, thus she has nothing to complain about, as she fully well knew what type of man she was marrying.

Life is about thriving in chaos, balancing ends, taking risks, juggling different things. The idea that you have to get certain things right before attempting others may work sometimes. but it can backfire sometimes.

the important question here IS: SHOULD YOU FORCE A PERSON TO HAVE KIDS, WHILE IT IS OBVIOUS THEY DONT WANT TO HAVE KIDS?!?!

OP Ignore those people posting nonsense about you, especially those saying he's focused they are from the pit of hell, you are right to be worried, you are right to even want to get pregnant after 3 years of marriage even if it's just one child.

You have a right to say your biological clock is ticking

Are you sure he's not hiding something from you.


Some of this people on NL are wired to be against women, same people that will be calling someone an old newspaper, are berating a legally married woman for asking she wants a child. the hypocrisy is sickening.

Just remember he can have a child even at 50.

obembet:


Seriously your husband is right. And I support his decision. Life is not all about bearing children but giving a beta life for those kids. What's the point of having children that u can not take good care of, the children u can not give a standard health care and education. I think you should forget what people arround u says and focus on your life and be happy

She wants to have kids and they can have just one for now,when do you want her to have kids you want her to be 50 and paying fees for secondary school abi.

It is not like as if she is jobless or very poor they are a little bit comfortable and can bring in just one kid to the picture especially if that is what she wants.Her clock is ticking and she hasn't frozen her eggs to have children in her 50's when it hits or what if when he is ready she has trouble conceiving the earlier the better.

duduade:
you earn 70k.. and you are not working on how to improve on yourself to earn more.. no desire to live a better life... your only desire is to be pooping children out abi...

Aunty u are the one frustrating yourself

ur parent has failed u...

To love someone is to put yourself in their shoes and understand their reality. It gets harder and harder as the years go by for women in their 30's to safely get pregnant. The idea that kids have to wait, for other material desires to come is not a good strategy. In life, there is no security. It is a myth. We ain't even assured of tomorrow, talk more of two years time.

Also in life, some things are time-sensitive, and childbearing is one of them. After all, isn't material pursuit an attempt to make one's life on earth fulfilled? Should your family come before your profession, or profession before family? Besides, all these topics should have been discussed before marriage. Marriage is not something you enter under the assumption that the other person is on the same page as you.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

He is a man with an ambition and a goal. Support his goal 1st rather than thinking about adding extra burden.

Convince him on how u can cater for a kid to the level he wants with ur present level if u can’t then find a solution to his problem bt creating more sources of income for ur family.

He professional exam is just 1 route to more income source there are other routes and they might be faster than his 2 year professional course. u should think of upgrading urself financially not getting comfortable. Once u have kids u can’t think like u used to there are more distractions. It’s harder to plan and achieve ur goals unless uve laid the right framework for self/financial development ahead of time.

I like ur husbands mindset.

170,000 joint take home per month. 2,040,000 per annum. Living in a single room apartment.
Of the 170,000, how much are your current expenses? Rent, Transportation, feeding, healthcare, utilities, etc?

The guy clearly is trying to improve the situation by upgrading his qualifications, but your brain can't seem to phantom anything more than bringing children to suffer.

How in the world do you somehow think this is an optimal situation for child-bearing??
Are you joking?

How to continue to wallow in poverty 101.

amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?
He may have to raise the kids in his old age.

Person wey dey joke.

2special:
kids comes with blessings, how? But most Families prefer having 4 maximum children ( blessings) to having 100 children (blessings).

frugal:

Focused my ass. If he was that focused he should have waited before tying somebody down. I guess he got married due to family pressure, which in itself is a very selfish thing to do.

God bless u for this comment!

phazotron:


That is how you'll people will be caUsing issues for men. You have a responsible man and you're here talking this nonsense. You better keep quiet and help your man secure the bag. Don't women get pregnant in their mid 30s?

It is your kind that will still shame them for not marrying early or bearing children.
What if the woman develops a problem tomorrow that may deter her from conceiving. Why should she wait when she is married and still capable of caring for one child?

Yes women get pregnant in their 30's but how many women have their first child in ther mid to late 30's what is even the guarantee that if their situation doesn't turn around the husband would be willing to have kids?

That is how she will wait and after 10 years of marriage nothing and end up paying primary school fees at 50.
Tueh.

Sorry you feel that way, am afraid you married a Career man as an huby, but if is the way round, it would have ended with the way our marital life is designed in this country. Don't be sad, Let him know how you two started and where you are now, with such amount out together, it is enough to cater for kid even with our current economic situation in the country. Don't give up on your husband and it is well with your family. God's time is the best.