Mrs.Chima:

Not all of us WERE RAISED by single parents and SOME OF US have a preference not to engage into a relationship with single parents just like some of us are not interested in dating fat people.  It is a preference regardless how some were raised by single parents or not. 

There are SOMEBODY FOR EVERYBODY and some people do not want to deal with baggage.  It is their CHOICE AND RIGHT. 

To those who are in relationships or marriage with someone who have kids from previous relationships BE HAPPY WITH YOUR DECISION and accept everything that comes with it. 

 

Gbam.

all of you that are saying No now will still be the one running after them, because when love comes u can not drive it away, for me i always follow my heart not my short.

@upendo 98, lol! certainly, i meant d almighty GOD.

To those that wouldn't date single parents, does it mean you would want to be single and alone for life if your current husband/wife were to pass away? Would you be ok with the opposite sex/gender not looking in your direction because you already have children from a previous marriage/relationship?

Remember life happens and there are some factors that we do not have control over!!! Not everyone is a single parent because they were whoring around and the partner ditched them for something "better". . . . . .anyway, to each their own. . . . . . .

SA Goddess:

To those that wouldn't date single parents, does it mean you would want to be single and alone for life if your current husband/wife were to pass away? Would you be ok with the opposite sex/gender not looking in your direction because you already have children from a previous marriage/relationship?

Remember life happens and there are some factors that we do not have control over!!! Not everyone is a single parent because they were whoring around and the partner ditched them for something "better". . . . . .anyway, to each their own. . . . . . .

Gbam

@ Chima:

I agree about the "collective responses" - everything that is posted on a public site is for the benefit of anyone reading it-----so that they can see what others in the world are doing and expand their options and make better choices.

Also, I doubt on any level that to date and marry a "single parent" would ever occur because someone is trying to live for and/or please some one else at their own demise. We date to please self and if we are dating a single parent it is BECAUSE WE DESIRE THAT INDIVIDUAL. Marriage is too serious an institution to be dallied with just as an attempt to please another individual. So if we marry a single parent it is because that is our life partner and we are sealing the deal with marriage just the same as if we marry a childless partner.

My comments though I might swing them your way are actually for those residing in my similar shoes "marrying a single parent" and in the millions and millions of shoe of single parents that are and are not reading this same thread. That is the reason at times I can become quite outspoken. In Africa, how many children are residing with single parents due to NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN? How many children are starving, malnourished, living in conditions that are harmful to their health? In New York as well. The hundreds of times I went to the big apple and saw whole families sleeping in the urine smelling subways in that billion dollar city, single parents with kids and husband/wife/kids sleeping on the sidewalks with signs asking for money, etc, Some of those women were quite attractive, I was stunned. The actress who played the role of "Precious"-----her mom is a single parent and sings in the subways of N.Y. The famous individuals that were raised by single parents makes those of us "who don't date single parents," look quite silly. Lebron James mom is a single parent, Wesley Snipes mom is a single parent, Kanye West mom was a single parent, President Bill Clinton was raised by a single parent, Jill Scott (singer) was raised by a single parent and today she is a single parent, both Lisa Raye and Stacey Dash on "Single Ladies" - both too gorgeous and hot to overlook by ANY MAN are both single moms. Last but far from least---Thank God Barack Obama's mom didn't remain single for long after she birthed him "she was a single mom"---thank goodness someone saw and desired her enough to marry her so that the U.S. could have their first black president.

By the way, you are pregnant aren't you or did you give birth yet? Your husband were he to die tomorrow would leave you widow and your child fatherless, but the Mrs. Chima we have grown to love----you would still be young, attractive, fertile and very much still in your prime wanting a mate for yourself and your child would want a father even more so once they start school and see other children with fathers----Trust me====your child would wish for the same.

Your comments being read by too many to count-----to you, the ink in your pen is just a second in time that you can put to paper, then move on to the next thread. To others, your words can hammer home points that have effects as nails do to a coffin on unsuspecting innocent individuals.

There are single parents who I see daily that look better than those who have NO CHILDREN, make more money than those who have NO CHILDREN, highly intelligent, sexy, desirable and hold the attention of countless individuals because their lives have developed that much more meaning and alot of that has to do with the children that reside in their home. They are warm, loving individuals and to discount them without thought because they have children in the home isn't an option for many of us as these "single parents are too hot and fine and loving" and our desire is to occupy that same home with them. As they are the water to our rice.

(I had to break this up into 2 posts) - Sorry for the length

to continue:

So I didn't take your words personally, I just want to make sure that I respond especially on a topic that is important for many, many people as our words HAVE POWER and ARE QUITE INFLUENTIAL.

Dating or not dating a fat person and dating or not dating a person with children is like comparing apples to oranges. Overeating to endanger ones health isn't of the same association as engaging in sex. Everyone doesn't over eat----but 99.9999% of the population will Be Intimate whose side effect will produce offspring. So choosing to date a fat person and choosing to date a person with children is to compare a negative to a positive. Children aren't negatives, they are positives as everyone of us to gain adulthood had to go through childhood. You wouldn't be here today if you weren't a child at one time in your life. So that comparison is a bit odd. Children are our future, Over eating is our death.

Another response----regarding baggage-----keeping the past in the past isn't what I was referring to when I said baggage. Everything you do, every act you take is a piece of baggage on some level. Good and not so good. Opinions you have of others and of anything in particular is also baggage that EACH AND EVERY ONE of us carries around with us whether we want to or not. That all goes with you from partner to partner. Which you definitely carried with you from your previous relationship(s) to the current relationship. How you handle stress, how you handle situations. All of that is baggage. It has nothing to do with leaving the past in the past. Your baggage makes you the person typing today at the keyboard inside this and any other thread.

What you have gone through in this life creates the person that we NL's listen to and respond to today. That is the baggage I refer to which we all carry.

Odunnu:

Yea sure.
Just yesterday in Church I was gisting with my kid brother and I kept asking about people i'd not seen in a while. I asked him of a cute 'all round man' who is junior Pastor in church and he told me he left the church because he wanted to marry a widow with 3children and as a pastor, the church refused blessing it. I felt bad. If the church could act like that,they need deliverance

Father, I cast out the seductive and [i]e[/i]rotic devil in the life of this your daughter. The unseen forces that make her seduce people in church are hereby uprooted by fireeee. This is not the first time lustful thoughts have overshadowed her prayers in the house of God. The last time she fantasized about an innocent brother in church to the point that honey comb produced honeys. I hereby declare and decree that her negative fantasies that rear their ugly heads in church becomes positive thoughts that thinks and sing heavenly praises. Amen!

Topic: Yes, I can date/marry a single mother based on the fact that most have passed through the school of hard knocks and will probably be well behaved.

single mother are more reliable than single lady

Very well articulated Shy-One. . . . . . . . .couldn't have said it better myself!

why would you write an epistle to justify marrying a person with kids

\If you wanna do that, fine. who asked for story?

Close your eyes or skip it and read from the next writer

Did I need your permission to respond as I saw fit?  Some posts are long some are short.  Such is life. Take what you can from it and ignore what you don't like or what doesn't apply to you.

Reading IS NOT KRYPTONITE.

More stories.

There's really no need being too defensive . . . I understand that some of you are single parents or married to a single parent but please, allow others the privilege of stating their preference, without subtly jumping down their throat or trying to shove your preference down their throat with unnecessary justification for your preference.
I respect and admire single parents a lot esp. single fathers but, that doesn't change the fact that some of us would rather not date/marry them for divers  reasons. . . .Deal with it.

exactly.

Yes i would
less emotional demand

Everybody has an opinion and Shy-One simply expressed her's as did everybody else. . . . . . . . . . .defensive?  I doubt. .

As said earlier, different strokes for different folks. . . . . . .

Oh please. Her opinion was already made on page 1. Then she went on again by asking those who said "No" to explain themselves, like they owe her anything. You know who do such things? Those not secure in their decisions. Else why would she give a damn about those who said "No" to be questioning their reasons like the bloody FBI.

Defensive is right

@ Missy B and TOH

I wrote what I wrote because - writers on this thread aren't just saying yes or no as the thread requested and voting on whether they would or world not date single parents.

Some writers took it further to reference single parents as being "undate-able" ===== it is important to keep things in perspective for the benefit of all.  Some cultures especially African cultures look down on Single Parents so what I said NEEDED TO BE SAID from that perspective.

I encourage everyone to date whoever you want to date.  Just be aware that single parents of yesteryear are not the sexy, attractive, great options of the single parents of today.  Certain norms should be broken and I listed names that we all know so that we all could see.

If there are writers that only have a ideas in their heads and can only write one or 2 words because that is all they possess==== they shouldn't knock those of us that are well versed who hold numerous lists in their thought and communicate quite well.  DON"T HATE.

ThiefOfHearts:

Oh please. Her opinion was already made on page 1. Then she went on again by asking those who said "No" to explain themselves, like they owe her anything. You know who do such things? Those not secure in their decisions. Else why would she give a damn about those who said "No" to be questioning their reasons like the bloody FBI.

Defensive is right

You sound jealous. Your reaction to me is quite over the top in response to my post. Jealousy is an ugly color. "Oh please, damn about those, bloody FBI."

Go back to sleep and wake up on the right side of the bed before you come on the forum in attack mode. Very catty and petty of you this morning. I'm sure there are better things you can do with your time that a more productive.

shy-one.:


If there are writers that only have a ideas in their heads and can only write one or 2 words because that is all they possess==== they shouldn't knock those of us that are well versed who hold numerous lists in their thought and communicate quite well.  DON"T HATE.

Lol honey, get over yourself. Despite your epistle, what you wrote will not change the views of most Africans esp the ones still living in the continent. In other words you're just yarning. You really didnt say anything special. They will be those who will be fine with it and those who will not. They will always be judgment by some about such a predicament, why are you surprised? Be fine with your own decision and move along.

shy-one.:

You sound jealous. 

jealous of what?  People still use this juvenile response? Now that I know you're of the age group of Twilight fans, I'm done

ETA: Typical of juveniles to hide behind the comment of someone else to throw lame shots at another LOL Poor kid.

SA Goddess:

Everybody has an opinion and Shy-One simply expressed her's as did everybody else. . . . . . . . . . .defensive?  I doubt. .

As said earlier, different strokes for different folks. . . . . . .

Thanks

Intellect ---- you possess a great deal as it is obvious that you clearly see the difference between "being defensive" and directing your response to others on a forum.

Some people live their lives as "mimes" --- when called upon to read it vexes them so it spouts them to anger.  They are so used to giving such little effort in their daily lives that when they run across others who devote time and concerted attention to topics such as these, it plagues them to THE POINT THAT IT turns them into negative individuals who shoot venom and just want to argue as they don't want to see your point(s) and they don't want anyone else to see your points either.  So they start turning the thread(s) into something unrecognizable in their efforts at temper tantrum time.

You then get to really see a different side of that writer.  Whereas on different threads they look attractive and then on this thread they turn quite ugly.  We get to see all their different colors.

They could have simply clicked "ignore" - as they don't like reading, maybe they don't know that "ignore" is an option for them.

Sure i would date(but not marry her) a single mom on the condition that she has a single child and her child is not older than me.

shy-one.:

@ Missy B and TOH

I wrote what I wrote because - writers on this thread aren't just saying yes or no as the thread requested and voting on whether they would or world not date single parents.

Some writers took it further to reference single parents as being "undate-able" ===== it is important to keep things in perspective for the benefit of all.  Some cultures especially African cultures look down on Single Parents so what I said NEEDED TO BE SAID from that perspective.

I encourage everyone to date whoever you want to date.  Just be aware that single parents of yesteryear are not the sexy, attractive, great options of the single parents of today.  Certain norms should be broken and I listed names that we all know so that we all could see.

If there are writers that only have a ideas in their heads and can only write one or 2 words because that is all they possess==== they shouldn't knock those of us that are well versed who hold numerous lists in their thought and communicate quite well.  DON"T HATE.

I didn't speak against the length of your post, I didn't even reading past your first 2 posts or so  because I know the others would contain the same irrelevant justification present in your first post.
My comment was directed at you and SA goddess and, that's simply because of your appeal to emotion argument. You want me to point it out? Here!

Shy-One:

Every one of you on this thread was a child and some of you if not most of you were raised by single parents but you don't want to admit it

SA Goddess:

To those that wouldn't date single parents, does it mean you would want to be single and alone for life if your current husband/wife were to pass away? Would you be ok with the opposite sex/gender not looking in your direction because you already have children from a previous marriage/relationship?

Remember life happens and there are some factors that we do not have control over!!! Not everyone is a single parent because they were whoring around and the partner ditched them for something "better". . . . . .anyway, to each their own. . . . . . .

Heck! Take a chill pill, ladies. No one is castigating you for the choice you made . . .You've made it and there's pretty much nothing you can do about it but defend it, okay, but, everyone is entitled to have preference and, whether it is for the right or wrong reason, there's NOTHING you can do about it but talk. Have an opinion and preference if you will, just allow others do the same. Capite?

VIEWS CHANGE EVERY SINGLE DAY. What is "In Vogue" these 5 years isn't "In Vogue" the next 5 years. Thanks to media, NL, technology, advancement of the races by people "who read" and are hard working are those who reach higher, run longer, tear down walls, turn dreams and visions into reality.

Africa is affected and will continue to be affected as are all the other continents on the planet.  Africa will continue to evolve and what your grandparents did a majority of you today do differently. It will continue to evolve - it is only a matter of time. TRUST ME.

@ Missy B

oh ok - thank you

"emotional appeal" has no basis in reality.  if my posts appeared emotional - they actually weren't - they were more factual based than anything as I listed factual areas for consideration.  My reason for listing "names of single parents and those raised by single parents."

Think of it this way.  Had a man dated a single mom he could right now today be the Father to any one of those I mentioned and millions of others that I did not.  That is fact.  Not an emotional appeal.

My vein of thought that I was stating is that if people can see life from "different lenses" instead of the same "old time way of thinking" by getting clear pictures of "single parents" they are NOT fat, gray haired, loud, poor old ladies nowadays.  Neither are the men.  Especially in countries where the death rate is quite high nowadays.  You have widows left still quite young - men and women.   

When I saw the single parents on television running this country in politics, hollywood, everywhere you look and everywhere you go----The View's Sherri Shepherd-------Brandy "the singer and cousin to Snoop Dogg"----these are our new single parents of today.  So actually my posts are "quite relevant."  A lot of single moms on "Mob Wives"  Just everywhere.  In college and high school. 

There will be alot of people that actually do change their mind on dating and marrying single parents.    But thanks for lifting my thought and bringing that to my attention. 

I do understand what you are saying.  Thanks for the words.

Miss B, I was not using emotional appeal as you stated but simply asked the questions to get people thinking out of the box, putting themselves in someone else's shoes, "would you want to be single for life if you lost your husband/wife?" I was not talking about my situation as that decision was made with a clear mind and I would not have it any other way, I am enriched and a better person because of my son. Sure single-parenthood has it's challenges but nothing that I can't handle, it's been 4 years and we are still standing.

We cannot all travel the same path, how dull life would be!!! My chosen path is fulfilling and I am grateful my Creator has entrusted me to shape a young man's life, I would do it a thousand times over .

Back at topic, I dated a single dad even before I had a child of my own and would do it again, it's not about him being a single dad but us being compatible and sharing our lives with all that we come with! But I get the different views expressed by those saying they wouldn't date a single parent, it is their choice and it is ok. . . . . . . . . .

I can consider him if is rich.

When a person is young and/or inexperienced par life, their views & reasoning are sometimes insensitive & rigid. We tend to prepare for happily ever after. Only maturity & experiences in life can make rigid ppl empathetic & humble. Life w/ its unexpected twists & turns finds us all in some way. Still we have a right to preferences not discrimination. I would marry a single father even if child out of wedlock. But only if he learned from mistakes & is a good, involved father in the child's life. And for Christians, God entrusted Joseph w/ rearing Jesus

.