Can't answer that question cuz ain't nothin regular about me. :-)

orbaxy:

Where's the luck? Did you really read all she said and the implications?
yeah, she might be honest in context but wats up with all that crap. Learn Yoruba, hide your igbo identity. i mean this is way too childish don't you think.?

Are her requirements silly? Yes. But at least dude knows what he's dealing with. She did him a huge favor. That is why he's lucky.

Giving the baby up for adoption, I can understand, but selling your child?, no I can't roll with someone who did that.

Ummmm, Mrs. C, everything okay? Do we need to take up a special offering? Let a sista know.

rman:

@OP

I see her request in a different way from others.

She is just being real. Most of us conciously or subconciously have expectations that must be met before qwe committ.
Goodlooks, money, sex , security, level of education are all requirements we look out for in our potential parteners.
If we all let our potential partners know our expectations before we comitt, no one we feel short changed later.
In fact all the post about ladies being gold diggers and guys only asking for sex will be laid to rest if we all state clearly what we expect from a potential partner.
I also expect people to understand that we all have different expectations from our partners so no one has a right to criticize others.

I see her as being real and matured

Finally someone who sees this as I do. Poster should be thankful that she is being honest and is letting it known what she requires. Would you rather she be dishonest and after
years of courtship she tell you all this? The same peeps bashing her will be the very ones who would call her dishonest if she waited to tell you her requirements.

Consider yourself lucky that she is telling you all this so you know what you are getting into. I applaud her for this, because this is how you start honest relationships.

In America we have a saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." From your last post it sounds like this happened more than once. Maybe you should try being friends again. See if you can build trust and take matters from there. Take it slow, pray about it, and be honest with her about how you feel. Hope that is helpful. Best of luck to you both!

phantom:

the youngest consultants earn about 3500 dollars, the states pay even less, thats a wonderful salary abi?your idiotic lawmakers have no problem earning much more than their american counterparts but do not think doctors deserve the same treatment.

Amen to that! My husband has just a few years to go in medical school to be a surgeon. Once he is finished I have a feeling we will be leaving Nigeria. He can earn more money abroad and have better working conditions. I applaud all the doctors who stay, because they are truly doing it to make a difference in their homeland.

Being American I have never heard of doctors going on strike before. My husband had to explain to me what is going on and why they are striking. Doctors in Lagos are fighting for things that in the west is a given benefit. I pray the strike is resolved quickly and both parties are satisfied.

Oh my heart goes out to you and your wife. I am so very very sorry for your loss. I'm not qualified to give opinion on how long to wait, I have not had a baby yet. I'm sure the mothers here will give you excellent advice.

Absolutely not! I buy toothbrushes in packs and always pack more than one spare for travel. Should never ever ever need to share. Sharing spit is one thing, but sharing plaque and food particles is taking the sharing too far!

jennykadry:

Stay and work on your marriage. You cannot afford to leave your home especially if kids are involved. Who will marry a woman with kids anyway? "It is better to be one man's slave than a slave to everybody" . Look at the big picture and stop judging based on sentiments. Try and work on your husband and make him happy. If he doesn't want you to get a job , please quit looking for a job and channel your energy on making your marriage work. As long as he provides for you, he has a right to tell you to stop looking for a job. If he verbally abuses  i.e calls you a witch, ingrate, ashawo e.t.c please don't get mad at him afterall men are big babies and you know what? they are allowed to call their wives names, any man that does not call his wife "names" isn't a good husband.It is expected of a man to do as he so pleases.

Lol, you nailed it. I know it shouldn't be funny, but in every domestic abuse thread, several women say exactly that.

In my house will be BIGGEST WAHALA Africa has ever seen.

Glad it worked out for you! Congratulations! :-)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  And self confidence is sexy. If you don't think you are hot, who else will?

No no no no! My man does not play that! There is nothing an ex boyfriend can give me that is worth messing up my happy home.

Congratulations!!

pauli coco:

@adamsrib I didn't ask you to be my english teacher I need some advice on what to do?

Sorry, but I gave up trying to understand what you were saying after four sentences. Best of luck to you though, whatever the problem is.

Why! All! The! Exclamation! Points?!

If I roll up on my husband like a man trying to box, then I would fully expect him to handle the situation as a man who is being challenged, and fight back.  The minute I challenge or attack him on a physical level, I have stopped being his woman and have become his enemy.

The same goes for him, if he attacks me, he has stopped being my husband and will be dealt with like any other person who is threatening me.

My Dad taught me that when a man walks away from me, TO LET HIM GO! Don't go running after him, let him calm down, and let him approach you. Ladies please learn this. Allow him to get away from you if he is trying to escape. He is doing this to keep the situation from escalating. Be smart and let him
leave. I've seen a man lose it because he was trying to leave and she wouldn't let him. Dude just snapped and it was not pretty.

Being a woman does not give me the right to attack someone and expect no repercussions. If I were to attack someone on the street, I would face consequences.  I would expect that person to defend them self against me. Shouldn't the same apply in my home?

Physical fighting, slapping, hitting, or whatever that can cause physical harm does not belong in relationships unless it's consensual. (Some couples actually like beating up each other and dare anyone to intervene. Yeah its sick, but what can you do?)

Bottom line, Make love, not war!

Never lower yourself to someone elses standards. If they want open marriage they should talk about it. Otherwise she should divorce him and move on. Staying married and bringing another person into that situation by cheating, is going to backfire in ways she can't imagine.

Mrs.Chima:

Just know this sweety, THE VERY WOMEN AND MEN THAT CONDONING THE MAN BEATING HIS WIFE would not accept the very action upon them.  You just have to take the logical with the illogical.  

According to their JUSTIFICATION, because the woman IS MARRIED that give the husband the right to beat her.  Please remember who you commenting with because NOT EVERYBODY WRAPPED TOO TIGHT both men and women.   That is SAD.  

Must remember that.  It is easy said then done.   GOOD LUCK WITH THEM.  I have better things to do than waste time with people who will not allow the same thing to happen to them.  That is pathetic.  

I feel you Mrs Chima. If there is anything I've learned on NL, it is know when to leave lol. I'm right behind you.

Shy-One:

He didn't confront the man because he didn't marry the man - and his own wife allowed it and encouraged additional behavior by chasing the man around.  So he did just what he should have done - he confronted "Who owed him" - his wife owed him "proper behavior" - that is cut and dried.

He didn't wait to get home - because she didn't wait to do what she did behind closed doors - she did it publically for ALL TO SEE - he shouldn't have hit her - but he definitely should have disciplined her publically - more so verbally not physically.

I just don't agree with that.  The men have already displayed lack of respect for her, you then take it a step further and slap her in public? Two wrongs don't make a right. Now the men at work will feel they can do whatever they want to her with no repercussions from her or her husband.  She is in deep poo!

Meldrick:

With the bolded part, you sure won't do that especially when you are guilty.

I'm a grown woman, if I'm wrong a simple I'm sorry and it won't happen again should do the trick. Nothing I do will EVER warrant me being abused as punishment.

r231:

hmmmmm. . . . .  .why would i get mad with the guy that touched her when i don't know the guy from nowhere

and besides the woman should know how to carry herself while hanging with friends cus she is married

so things are different

Sorry but that is lame. In public a husband and a wife should have each others back. I would think his very first instinct would be to confront the man. If he had any questions for her it should have waited until they were at home.

I really feel sorry for that woman. She gets no respect at work or at home!

Mrs.Chima:

So your rational logic is IF A MAN TAPPED ANOTHER WOMAN ON THE ARSE, HE bleeped HER?

I swear this some sad poo.  

Where HAVE I JUSTIFIED THE WOMAN'S ACTION?  Did you read ANY OF MY MOFO POSTS?  No you didn't.  Because you would have seen comments degrading the woman.  But nooooooooo too busy getting caught up with the WOMEN BEATER COMMENT.  

I love your warrior spirit Mrs Chima! What I think Zim Drill is saying is that the wife is not demanding respect from the men around her. MOST men are going to respect a woman if she carries herself in such a way that he knows there will be consequences if he crosses the line.

I do not agree with the husband on beating her, but again she has failed to set boundaries. Sometimes men only respect strength.  The minute he threw the first punch she should have been on him like fleas on a dog. Grab the skillet, pot, broom, mop, whatever you can and inflict as much damage as you possible is my motto. My husband knows if he ever raises a hand to hit me, he better kill me on the first one, because if he doesn't, Armageddon will look like a picnic.

They are both wrong. But the common denominator in both situations is the woman not making it known that there are consequences for disrespecting her.

My dear Abydee, this thread has been like a rollercoaster ride!
I understand the cultural difference. My Fiance is Nigerian and I'm American. I am in the process of getting ready to move to Nigeria permanently. We contemplated him moving to US but he makes a very good living and as he says he will be able to support me and our future children with ease.

The process of us discussing where to build our home showed me how important him being able to provide for his family is tied to his heart and soul. His entire identity as a man is about him providing and taking care of his family.

I believe that your husband is being very hard on himself about not being able to provide the way he wants to for his family. He is not only a man, he is a Nigerian man. They are nothing like the men of the west who have been coddled and demasculated. My Nigerian man doesn't wake up in the morning expecting the world to be at his beck and call. He puts on his battle gear and heads to war every day. Nigerian men are proud and jealous men who will take care of home no matter what.

It sounds to me that your husband has given up or is depressed. I think he wants to make you happy but he is so wrapped up in his head that he honestly doesn't realize that you are unhappy. That internal drive to provide is very strong and until he meets his own expectations as a man, he will not be able to give you what you so desperately want and need.

This is work he must do on his own. It is very painful to see someone we love go through trials and tribulations. Especially when your needs are not being met. But until he sorts this out for himself, I fear you are going to have to make do on your own.

You must continue to walk your own path of development and growth. I hope he chooses to be there for you at some point, but if not that is okay. You will do what women have been doing for centuries, by making the best of your situation.

Empower yourself and remind yourself that you can not control him, you alone control your reactions and responses to what he does and says.

When my Fiance has a bad day, the thing he appreciates most is my silence. I may have 50 things I need to discuss with him, but if I push to have my needs taken care of right then, I will surely end up disappointed and hurt. I have learned that when he is ready (which really doesn't take long) he will reach out for me, and I've promised him to never be more than a reach away. :-)

Let him know you are there always, and trust him and his potential to love you, as you desire. He chose to make you his wife for a reason. Trust him. Trust his love for you. Trust and know in your heart that this is temporary. Claim victory over this situation and don't dwell on it anymore. You will still feel it but you don't allow yourself to stay in that place. Cry, shout, scream throw a pillow do what you need to do and let it out, and then you do something that makes you happy. May God continue to bless you and your family.

My prayers are with you and yours.

Men are not complicated. His actions will usually show you what's in his heart. Good luck.

I won the lottery. lol Just kidding.

Anytime my Fiance refers to me as his wife makes me grin and smile for hours. Oh how I love that man! Whew!!! :-)

Kick my own butt for dating him in the first place.

Intelligence

Orton1_0:

^
For the record, i never said you were white, and secondly, i called you a kid cos only kids trash talk the way you did.
Lady, no one is here to huff and buff nor scare or bully anybody so pls take note.k.
But I still stand my ground, no one made you Judge over us, and never say nothing about what you know nothing about.

Sidenote: I apologize for my mode of approach earlier on and sorry we gotdaf on the wrong foot.k.
Catch you later A.rib dear am outta here.

If I came across as judgmental I apologize. That was not my intent. Later.

I know that when men are stressed especially about money it tends to affect their sex drive. If you have suspicions you must talk to him about it. Try not to talk in anger because that may cause him to get defensive which you don't want. Also pray and ask the Lord to show you what is going on. If his intent is to use, or abuse your trust in any way God will reveal it to you. Claim the promise of "No weapon formed against me shall prosper." Good luck my sister.

Not white and not a kid. Nice try. You must get really tired of women telling you that.

Africa is my home. Just because I was born and raised in America does not make it my home. You and your backward thinking friends don't scare me. You can huff and puff, and throw your tantrums all you want. Its just a facade for having absolutely nothing interesting or worthwhile to say.

I'm not Nigerian, I'm American.