@op
Similar thoughts race through my mind a few years back before the train of extremism and politically motivated murders robbed the headlines of anything healthy or sensible.

In response, several answers come to mind-chief, is the erosion of faith and trust in the system- political, judicial and economic. The absence of remediation and avenues to obtain redress or to effect a change in the status quo, probably has contributed to this fatalistic approach to the reading of life and the interpretations of death.

Even at the best of times, there has long been a budded trait in the condition of the Nigerian and his interaction with his space-neighbors, colleagues, distant compatriots etc. That condition has been described in many places as a cold disconnect with anything not remotely within the domain of the Nigerian. It has to be a close relative before any measure of empathy or sympathy can be wrunged from a Nigerian; a personal estimation of proximity to some lost or promised benefit/opportunity before some concern can be exacted; a cold searing butcher before his humanity is jolted. Some have attributed this to the absence of a clearly defined mission statement and community, others as a consequence of the unearned wealth, which immediately followed a civil strife, with still unanswered questions.

The various juntas did very little to remind the Nigerian of his humanity. Rather, a cocktail of Bar-Beach executions, summary abductions and imprisonments, the impacts of extreme decrees- retroactive and the unsaid- and, a well-nourished culture of corruption, materialism and exhibitionism- all have helped in no small way to the general condition.

Many here will remember the cement armada inspired kidnappings, the infamous execution of those youths, under a retroactive drug offence decree- unprecedented in the history of Nigeria, the endless bloody coups and assassinations, state sponsored killer squads, extreme economic policies, the incursions by the Maitasinine sects and, the rise of a veto wielding hegemony and political class-the list is endless, and all these are in the recent past.

Any hopes to recovering our humanity? Yes; it certainly will begin with the individual and a new social orientation-ironically, the only organ or cell that can propel that change is the family.

Nairaland never fails to shock these days. To have fellows here, gloating and clinking champagnes at this senior’s misfortune is worse than complicity and sadism. As much as internet liberty makes for expressive representation and community, Nairaland shamefully cuts a sick gale of that thrust.

The point is moot and has been expressed by a minority here-How does this crime embody the desire, by the Nigerian, for equity and responsible leadership? Will this not alienate further and ensure our relocation from civilization? I shudder to think these views are a reflection of the current pulse in Nigeria; if it is, then current briefs in Somalia will pale, in comparison, to what forebodes, when breakdown is complete.

@op
This thread reminds me of a similar debate a few years back on how impartial mainstream media can get. After so much huff and puff, it did not take long to come to this conclusion: Humans are naturally selfish and interest motivated-slice it anyway you want, you will observe that truth-so it is with media outfits. Proprietors rarely set up outfits with infinite altruistic interests at heart-the common good, a fair estate etc; we know that regardless of how we seek to desire all these, every action ensures its very negation.

The Lagos-Ibadan axis press derives very much from the schooling that has been championed from time, through extant political language, about how differently things are occurring and can be done. The Northern press delivers an agenda, routinely drummed, that ensures primacy of the interests of the ruling estate and class. The Southern caucus weighs severally on how its people can forge a common front to redress the despoliation and historic neglect of its peoples and land.

All of these are familiar and, can’t be divorced from the realities on ground. The style might be different- disinformation, intensity, propaganda, acerbic criticism, religious or culturally spiced handles-but they all arrive at the same goal of voicing or defining the leaning temper at any time.

Little can be said about the place of truth, even with spirited filtering, in all the noise from the media. It definitely would be well within your domain, both for your sanity and good, to verify and obtain a balanced story before joining any media inspired wagon.

To have met some rich folk- I mean the top 1%ers- and, had warm audience should be sufficient for that occasion-it rarely comes frequently, save, for ensuring business or political alliances.

I really don’t see any affluent blokes or lasses amongst your ex(s) and estranged friends; at best, just a few social climbers struggling to escape the filth and, anything that reminds them of it.

Certainly with this, coming just moments after the bounty on its leaders was made public, one can’t help but conclude the sect is reaching for the straws and, an extreme clutch by this action.

Anyways, not so much on the complicity of some security officers, in all this, than is it on a predictable fear on the possibility of the scope of revenge missions to hit Jaji and, surrounding communities soon-trusting aggrieved gallant officers to inflict blitzkrieg on the innocent and unsuspecting.

Surely, this wasn’t an affair obtained in a two second quickie, let alone an investigation concluded in hours. Any blinder would know how well scripted all of this is-congressional hearing, a few days ahead; key staff-AG, Secretary of State, all in a race to turn in their exit notes, then this?

At least better than coming in a bag and suicide note-with a run for conspiracy theorists to feed on.

No general consensus exists on the validity of tests as fail-proof measures of intelligence and productivity; besides, the closing line makes for admission of failings on the part of the examiners regarding the context, tools and differentials deployed. Again, anyone familiar with the probability density/distribution function, understands what constitutes mean, variance and deviation response of quantities in the excursion of the graph.

Like I often tell blokes here, the whining and permanent attribution, to a racial slur in almost every comment only validates and, sometimes humanizes them. If to every western landmark, a mirror or some effort exists in the domain of colored people, they may then take you seriously-or tilt the instruments of measurement to reflect the challenge in subsequent reports-notice how South Africa ranked slightly higher than most countries- you need not query why.

@op
If you think any of the victims or protagonists will learn or muse over this and, similar convenient alliances, then I guess you are new to the Nigerian. You need not hold your breath; some event will overtake this, or a political theory advanced, if it already is not in motion, or worse, some denials made, about the former romance gone sour.

Both the victim and apologist will continue the disposable, short-memoried and plundered journey as Nigerian, until they are robbed of all alternatives and fall back options.

And this made news? Setting aside the veracity or otherwise of the report-celebrities are not exempt from their persuasions and desires, any more, than you would, with the proletariat, saddled with the burden of self-preservation or sustenance. Perhaps, being permanently in public scrutiny does place some pressure and undue expectations on your skin-still, that caste is least to be regarded as bastions of general direction finding or compass.

In all, relationships are defined in varied ways by the parties involved and, whatever propelling concerns that enable such definitions are entirely the responsibility of these parties.

@op
Your brother, still, has got some growing to do. Probably, after being disused, shoved and passed around, he will soon come to understand that with humans-male or female, paid fealty is unsustainable, advertises insecurities and, masks relational inadequacies. You can make that maturation faster-make him earn his pay and put his stupidity on trial.

@ sauer

In so far as achievement or success is concerned, I am still persuaded that tangible and verifiable claims remain positive markers-anyways, whatever domains, the individual fancies as attention and risk worthy. And, as rider, very little remains to be learnt, with regards to the physiology of the human, one subject that has proved elusive or tendentious is behavioral patterns and definitions-apparently, room still remains for enthusiasts.

@op
Much as one is irked to discomfort of the "nerd" label and the derivatives of such ascription, let me offer posers why this may appear to be the case. Take the instance of a post-doc research fellow immersed with the formulation or refinement of protocols and procedures, or, the geek, overtaken by the imperative to obtain flawless scripts and codes for a process or system. These individuals, by virtue of their indulgence have become strained, on the concept, education and assurance of viable and verifiable returns from the investment of time in their fields- a grant, an award, a better process, more recognition and self-fulfillment-in so far as compliance with their respective conventions and principles are concerned. Apropos, these constitute, for many, justifiable ends in themselves and means to other ends.

Now encounter the uncharted terrain that the cultivation of amorous “relationships” demands or expects-chance, uncertainty, vagaries that define the human- a source of simultaneous attraction and repulsion, unverifiable complements on the nature or presence of that exercise. Anyone given to the comfort or habituation in the definite would be apprehensive or less excited at the thought of travelling a route filled much unpredictability, with little promise on ROI. Yes, escapism, it may be called, but if you recall that of all primal motivations, self-preservation ranks preponderant, then such preferences can be understood.

@op,
Yes, love within the notion of transcendental intimations, inspired by the media and various genre of romance literature, is miragy. At best, in its early moments, it is enabled by the charade of choreographed responses to the interest, raging hormones and pheromones, but it’s non-sustainable, as stress lines would become apparent with time and, will be overtaken by practical demands on complementarity, tolerance or forbearance-not many can survive this hurdle, as was your experience.

It would do well to appreciate that the “love” of oneself, well enough to inspire sufficient bastions in our everyday engagements, should project into the other of our commitment yet reluctance, industry yet indolence and, the nudging reality that every human’s primal motivation- in whatever exercise-is self-preservation, in whatsoever interpretations each may have of it, and takes various forms in the associations we cultivate with each other. Do embrace this reality and be circumspect in the bonds you seek to weave in life.

@op, it really must have been a long wait out there, in the cold most probably, and as second best or worst, with so much unaccounted for. There is a life out there to live and with persons that could-and should long have had with, you on a pedestal and with gracious esteem-just quit muring and find better company.

Sadly, truth resides in the premise by the op, when a dispassionate evaluation -that is cutting aside the emotive and sexist bend- of what goes by the modern garb of “relationships” as claimed by partners, in relation to age long prostitution is undertaken. In so far as the definition of prostitution is surmised-the offering sexual intercourse for pay-with pay broadened to include objects of worth or value-money, gifts, favors-etc., acts professional or pretentious, whose article of faith are within the context of the definition, can be aptly assigned that label.

Regardless of whatever guise or excuse that is pronounced or suggested, any element of reward or the expectation of appeasement for the act of intercourse, places none of the associations above the other on any scale- moral, religious or the ethical.

The challenge remains to reclaim the mandate of mutuality and values in the formation of genuine relationships as necessary ingredients to building healthier societies-that burden still stares us in the face.

A most comprising article and, one likely to earn dismissal by a people, for all it seems, pathetically conditioned to reel in religious, ethnic tomfoolery and savage fanaticism- it will be news when history fulfills its course.

@OP
Much of a peoples bearing and lurch make for the determination and delivery of “foreign policy statements” that run contrary to, or are in alignment with their declaration, either as an assemblage of nations or in furtherance of imperialist interests. Truth be told, the project called Nigeria had proved onerous from the start, even with regional configurations and interests, to the lie that is bandied as a federation, as today’s political actors are quick to purvey.

It may not be all lost, if a people rise to that challenge, but alas, that path would demand a deep interrogation and the awakening to the sacrifices that must be borne in the path to statehood- a route not many are inclined to take. That will be the surprise and gift observers will ink and, history will note, on sober reflection, how this contraption was sustained, with the complacency of a docile followership and a rapacious elite and, the savage fallouts and spillovers such paths are doomed to take.

Mistakes hovered, then, on a blind accommodation of all shades of acquaintances-probably, a trusting spirit enthused this frailty; now, it’s a bettered education on the intrinsic psychology of man, which essentially is self-preservation first and then self again.

@pro01
No better said. Truth really is self-deceit and duplicity, ranks considerably high in the shadowy columns of cyberspace. In one breath, some premise is presented as whole and devoid of conditions or strings and, in another stroke, a supplication is made to recruit the original conditions for its nurture and sustenance and then, the hogwash; probably, feed from fiction and the theaters make for this constant contradiction. The reality that presents in “relationships” and associations is the constant presence or assurance of security- whether in delayed or expected sufficiency by the parties involved, or the immediate.

The challenge, I believe, should be to curb the degradation of “relationships” to the marketplace price haggle scenario, or better, have a new meaning or word come to define it.

In the end, life’s worth will be told by the depth and quality of imprints we leave behind-his was exemplary.

It’s really humorous to read and hear illogic like this. Now, extend the scenario and argument further and, pray tell how appearing presentable at events, interviews and other engagements, conduces to one bearing the cost of hosting and organizing them. To be adjudged lovely is entirely at anyone’s behest or call and, is weighed to exact a measure of appreciation or praise, both by self and the other party, with possible extensions in the tenure of interest beyond the moment.

No better convincing impression exists than being oneself and making bold admissions and gratitude for the roles we all play in the making and sustenance of associations.

All things are not without a measure of indulgence and exaction-from the simple exchange in casual bodily signs to the emotional, spiritual and commercial; none is without the expense of energy and its material representation, money. Regardless of how we like to delude ourselves, the eternal course of nature and order is built on the platform of exchanges –investments, rewards or sanctions-and, that current runs deep, sometimes subtle and fierce, as our interactions and conditions travel.

@ slimyem
The thrust of my submission is clear enough, which simply is this: in the bid to chide the OP, we have inadvertently played to his ADHD and traffic bait.

P.S
You only fortify or arm a group or notion from willful persecution-the remedy would be to dismiss or educate.

In response to the query, it is apt to consider such factors as system specification, degree of exposure to malware from use or intentional application, access to online or offline updates and license or upgrade options and, ease of use and side functionalities like Firewall, Tuneup, etc.,. If your system is in the low-end bracket, it is best you opt for anti-malware applications that take less handles and, put your system in a drag, while still providing fair enough protection against malware-Avira, Norton and Trend Micro Anti-Malware applications fare well here. On the other hand where your system is in the mid-range to high-range and can sufficiently handle multiple threads, then Bit-Defender or McAfee could earn your interest with extended tools like Tune-Up utilities. Again, if online access to updates is impossible, then offline updates is imperative for continued protection against malware, then AVG ranks high in this regard, asides the fact that it is free. If you are out for the most robust functionalities like firewall and Tune-up utilities, with ease of access to licenses and upgrades then, Kaspersky Labs and Avast could engage your interest, with the former presenting the most sturdy firewall and protection and control against malware-my take from experience. If you frequently deal with .rar files and other compression formats and, are sufficiently exposed to deliberate risks, hence the need for control on alert flags due to the applications or nature of your workspace, then Kaspersky would earn your admiration.

In all, each has its own strength and weakness and, the evaluation of any would be to consider them on the basis of expectations and user peculiarities.

Please mod, I am constrained to comment, despite initial resistance to the contrary, on the redirection to this thread from the chauvinistic link on the homepage. The tag and homepage treatment would-if it has not- provide fodder and soothing for the ADHD, that this currently presents,-given the bracket and tenor of his submission- despite original noble intentions asides eliciting traffic. In addition, the barrage and wanton salvoes to both the username and forbearers has further elevated its status, if the current skewed evaluation of humor and celebrity is anything to go by, and won the affection and interest of a segment of the e-community and, by some serious extension, provided armour for misogynists and male chauvinists alike-the persecution of a people or order only strengthens or arms their resistance and resolve. That army is not deserving of our promotion-the appropriate response would have been to ignore or educate, rather than fall for the cheap bait.

Women just need a continual reassurance or presence of security-the entire spectrum and benefits that can accrue. Girls, on the other hand, only, are with the tide and, have tastes and desires fashioned after the suggestions and intimations of peers and the rave- with time, they will return to the former.

At the core, is the collapse of our values, the rule of law, and our collective complicity from sheer impotence at community self-regulation or active involvement in the vice. No society can survive for long on the leash of goodwill and mere commentaries-that rebirth must begin with everyone-again, well said Sir.

Beyond the stereotype charge, could we in all honesty have earned any better casts? If any, our still honored citizenship outside our shores, despite the failed reality, should inspire in us some relief and gratitude.

We never fail to disappoint and embarrass ourselves.

While one shudders at the obtuse condemnations that trailed that call by Ekweremadu, for the legalization of prostitution-both from logic and base considerations- one is constrained to imagine that this debate resides only for the consumption and engagement of the distracted and fickle. At a moment when, worse moral conditions, both in range and impact, perpetuated by the political class and with active conniving impotence from the mob and crew, still, is in ascendant, then it bears to reason that crass misplacement of priorities, as customary, may have informed the attention.  With an economy and security still prostrate and upturned, under the watchful eye of rabble-rousers, and a clueless and jaundiced cabinet, one wonders if a traveling troupe of clowns and the eejit, won’t pass for better company than the lot that sits as government-we must do away with these distractions.

, and, so this was what female liberation and empowerment was turned to achieve, an age of the pseudos and vacuous. So much was expended, sacrificed and invested- energy from rallies, optimism and politesse-how we got it all wrong,